New baby and post birth advice #49 IT WAS JUST A NORMAL SIZE SH*T

[Pastabeilbys]

Hey ladies! Been lurking on the TTC thread a while after 2 miscarriages and 5 years of trying! I can now say i am currently laid breastfeeding my 2 week old little boy wooo! I got there. Anyway now i can be part of this group i have
Forever dreamed of i wanted to say hi. I feel a bit overwhelmed with it all (but forever grateful) and noticed my heart racing, feeling hot sweaty, feet feel on fire and general anxious feeling. Is this normal baby blues? Does this subside? Should i wait to see if it does before seeking help, i dont want it to form part of a more concerning issue ie PND but keeping an eye.

 

[themuffinwoman]

Currently sat in bed with a cuppa watching avengers next to mini muffin. just wanted to say this thread has been a lifesaver over the last few weeks. I don’t really have many friends and am not massively confident in myself, so thank you everyone for your advice and reassurance

 

[nefariousnellie]

Thanks for all the replies to my post! I know I’m tired because I forgot I’d even posted that here we managed the day okay, the visitors were her grandparents and she hasn’t met them yet so couldn’t rearrange. Luckily I got a lot of sleep last night as my other half had her downstairs so I could sleep upstairs. We had a shitty time after she was born where she was unwell and was in hospital for a couple of weeks, she’s only 3 weeks old and we only recently got to bring her home. All that after a flipping awful and traumatic birth too, some times I wonder how I’ve even gotten through it tbh.

Tomorrow we have no plans at all so I’m really going to try and sleep when she’s asleep and I know my other half is keen to get her out for a walk in the sling so more sleep/relax time. Just tonight to get through!

Sorry for the ramble, I feel like no one really gets it with a newborn especially one who has been hospitalised. Aside from my partner I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it all who understands.

 

[calmyourritas]

My mum is upset with me because I didn’t ask her to look after baby skates
I have a nail appointment next week and I’m just going to take him with me, I’ve been going to the salon for years and they’re all excited to meet him and are absolutely fine with me bringing him in, but my mum was really offended that I didn’t ask her to look after him.
I’m not ready to leave him with anyone. Each to their own but he’s 11 weeks old and I want him with me all of the time. My mum also has a big dog who we’ve only had baby around once, and I don’t like the thought of her having to try and handle them both. Also, hate the thought of him crying and me not being there. No one else other than me and Mr skates have ever fed him or changed his nappy and I’m also not ready for anyone else to do that either.

I’m tempted to just cancel the appointment if it’s going to cause issues.

Tell her to fuck off and that she needs to grow a pair

 

[fairylights2000]

Buying baby clothes is starting to feel like a GCSE maths problem. If baby lights was 4kg at birth, at almost 7 months wears 9-12 and 12-18 month sizes, what size Christmas jumper should I buy him??

 

[Dianne]

In my opinion maternity leave means I look after the baby/kids while my husband is at work and that’s it. All remaining hours in the day are a joint effort.

 

[Nosysamsie]

Finally admitted tonight to my husband that PPA is kicking my arse. I've tried so hard to use techniques I have previously but I have noticed that little lady being poorly has really tipped me over the edge. I've had about 2 hours broken sleep in the past 3 days because I have spent hours watching little miss breathe.
I really do not want to end up back on medication, mainly because I am so sensitive to side effects, but I think I'm gonna need to try something to prevent getting myself into the state I am now.

No point to this post other than to get my thoughts out of my head to others that may be able to help & support.

 

[WordsFromReuben]

So I graduated from the pregnancy thread to the baby thread last week with the birth of baby boy number 1

Pushed him most the way out then had a helping hand with Ventouse delivery and an episiotomy as his heart rate went through the roof.

I’ve been using my spray bottle and spritz for bits and ice packs but today a week on my stitches feel very sore, they look clean and tidy, is this them starting to dissolve do you think?

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

I'm in shock this morning - baby bandit was agitated last night and finally settled to sleep at 10pm....and didn't wake up until 7am?!!!! His first night sleeping through!! I'm not assuming it'll happen regularly, I'm just so happy it happened once because he got 9 hours and I got 7 and a half hours, the most sleep I've had since he arrived!!! I missed doing my night pump because I usually do it after his night feed but whatever, who cares, ACTUAL SLEEP!!!

 

[Nayalove96]

Had one of those days today where I am massively overwhelmed, baby love has not stopped whinging, won’t let me put him down you know the feeling! Until an old lady stopped me on the train to say ‘you’re doing an amazing job’ 🥹🥹🥹 defiantly needed to hear that today!

 

[Tifastrife]

Horrific morning here. I was cutting baby Tifa’s nails and he moved just as a I clipped his pinky and it nicked the skin. I felt awful but put pressure on thinking it would be ok but it just wouldn’t stop bleeding. We had to take him to A and E and they eventually managed to get it to stop with some special kind of gauze. I cannot describe the guilt and how much I hate myself. I know these things happen but I’m just so upset. He’s fine now, absolutely unphased but has the most over the top ridiculous dressing on to stop him putting the finger in his mouth to let it heal.

 

[themuffinwoman]

Don’t really know if this is the right place to put this but I’m so annoyed about work. Everyone told me up till now everything is fine. Just found out today it isn’t! And old men are making misogynistic comments about me being on mat leave. It makes me so sad my little girl has to grow up in a world like this.

 

[Nosysamsie]

I've just had to take myself away for the most selfish half hour of my life since little lady was born. I just needed some time where I wasn't needed for a cuddle, or to sing a nursery rhyme, or to play with a baby. I just said "here" to hubby and walked away for a shower.
Today has been an overwhelming anxiety kinda day, my hearts been palpating like crazy, I feel sick & intrusive thoughts have been driving me insane (I convinced myself I couldn't have a shower this morning because I might fall in the shower and noone would be around to look after little lady). I still need to ring the HV for support, I just need to work myself to actually do it. I say today's the day, then find something else that needs doing. Or I have a good day and kid myself I don't need support.

 

[Spencerskates]

Baby Skates slept from 11:30-5:45 without waking for a feed. Not quite ‘sleeping through’ but I’ll take it!!

 

[nefariousnellie]

I am struggling with in laws, our girl is first grandchild and my in laws have always been a bit full on but it's so much worse now. Our girl was in hospital after she was born for a couple of weeks, she has a condition which means she needs major surgery in a couple of months time and it felt like all they wanted to know was when they could see her, and now they want to know how often they can see her now we're home. They want to come over every other week. I said to my other half that I can't really commit to that right now as I've no idea what our lives look like with a newborn and a sick one at that. Anyway he made a right mess talking to them about it and now they think I've said they can't see her often so now I'm the bad guy because my other half threw me under the bus as soon as he got wind that he'd upset them.

It's just stressful trying to think about them and what they want when I am trying to focus on my baby. They've also pushed us on teaching them how to manage her additional care needs and it's like no! She's our child and this is just part of her day to day care, we don't need their help with this. It's their pushiness that bothers me and I don't think they see how it comes across sometimes.

I feel like no one gets how stressful this is when I feel like they're trying to muscle in on raising her, she's only 4 weeks old and I am still figuring out how to navigate everything. And tbh now my other half will be back at work full time my priority is making sure we get plenty of time just the 3 of us especially as weekends will be precious and remarkably we do have lives outside of our in laws.

Tired of no one understanding where I am coming from or telling me to just accept it for a happy life with the in laws.

 

[Nosysamsie]

Some positivity from me for a change...
Little miss has perfected her back to belly roll (at 17 weeks old!!!) I did not expect her to do it so young (I know it's a 4-9 month skill, but fully expected it be later on).
She's so proud of herself, but by heck am I an emotional wreck. My tiny baba seems to be vanishing so quickly.
Now we just need for her to grasp she can go belly to back, but I am 100% not ready for it

 

[nefariousnellie]

My partner is really doing my head in, he’s stumbling around and saying he’s so tired, but he slept between 12 - 3 and 4 - 6:30 and then 9:00 - 10:30 (helping to do feeds whilst I pumped) and I’ve only slept for 3 hours around that as little one would not be put down to sleep so was on me all night long. I get that hes tired but so am I but I still have to get things done and be with it!
He’s also made himself a nice coffee and not even offered me one so that’s great.

he’s a great partner and I wouldn’t change him but when he’s tired it’s like it’s the end of the world or something
Just needed to rant here but I’m sure I’m not the only one!

 

[Nosysamsie]

Anyone else have an amazing partner, who does more than their fair share considering he also works full time, but still feel like the load is too much to carry?

I feel like I can’t complain because he’s so amazing but I’m still the default parent. It’s me who has to make big choices like nurseries and look into this, it’s me who sorts all of his clothes and has to check he’s got enough of the next size etc.

It makes me feel like a rubbish Mum because I get so much help and support but it still feels like too much for me at times.

My hubby is swings and roundabouts with how supportive he is. Most days he is fab & it's obvious how much he loves and cares for his little girl & me. But it's always down to me to suggest what little one needs. So she'll become whiny & it's me who has to suggest what she wants. Or it's me who has to suggest that he takes her. Or I have to get the play stuff out for them both to initiate he does it. He's 100% when he does it but I find it exhausting having to constantly be thinking (if that makes sense).

I'm sure I read once you get the capacity to make a certain number of decisions in a day, so when you hit your limit it then becomes overwhelming and difficult. I want to say its called decision fatigue. I'm pretty sure that's what's happening when I feel like I'm struggling. Because as a mum I am the default parent, so I'm making a choice for me & my little one & normally hubby too.

 

[Tifastrife]

The one rare occasion my other half does bedtime and baby took a long time to settle and he (my OH) has been in a bad mood the rest of the evening. We usually watch something together before bed but he’s sat on his Xbox ignoring me so I’ve gone to bed close to tears. I can’t sleep cause of the horrible feeling in the air but I also know trying to talk to him right now will just make it worse. Absolutely pathetic that he can’t put baby to bed without being an arsehole after if he doesn’t go down perfectly

 

[Nosysamsie]

After 3 hours sleep because of anxiety I have finally built up the courage to contact the health visitor to get support. Just waiting on them contacting me back now. I'm hoping this is the start of a way forward as I am broken. I'll put my thoughts behind a spoiler as it could be trigger.

Spoiler: Possible trigger

I had anxiety before, but it was due to self preservation. Id be anxious about going places and doing things alone. This time its intrusive thoughts that are really making things difficult. Like little lady hasnt done a poo in 3 days, she could get a bowel obstruction, or i cant shower when i am home alone because if something happens theres noone to care for the little one. Its spoiling time with my baby, and i feel so lost & alone, but the idea of seeing people is also exhausting because i feel i have to pretend to fit their ideals. Stupidly i worry im doing something wrong because i feel i have an easy baby, and everyone tells me its difficult to have a baby. I am hoping that there is something that can help relieve this feeling so i can enjoy maternity leave more.