New baby and post birth advice #46

[DiscoBiscuit]

I met with a friend earlier today who has gave birth a couple of weeks ago and went to a baby massage group. My little one decided she was gonna be awake the whole time we were there & throughout having a drink after (about 2 hours), which is normal for her at that time of day. But I've been left feeling like I'm letting her down because my friend couldn't believe I wasn't following wake windows.
My little girl wasn't ratty, she was smiling and cooing away. She had her feed, changed her, did the massage class & then a cuddle after. As soon as we got in the car she was asleep. I've tried to follow baby's cues since she's been born, and she's happy, healthy and sleeps like a dream especially overnight (I'm super lucky and she's slept through now for 2 weeks!!!).
Is it bad to not follow wake windows? Or is it OK to be completely baby led?

Bollocks to wake windows. They're tiny humans, not robots.

If your friend is only a couple of weeks into parenting then she's still plenty of time to learn that babies often do their own thing. Just smile and nod next time.

 

[Definitelyme]

Also just go by baby led
No point stressing over some silly wake windows, can easily tell when baby is tired now !

I have a stupid question, I’ve tried googling and it only talks about waking newborns and he’s 4months so I can’t find an answer.

Our current routine I’m waking up at 7.30am, baby is still fast asleep, I’ll make his bottle and wake him around 8am to feed him, should I stop waking him for this? He used to wake up and cry for it but I found the crying stressful while trying to make the bottle so I would get up early to get ahead of him, but now I’m the one waking him up. He currently sleeps from around 9 til midnight has a bottle and then sleeps from then until I wake him up.. I worry that if I didn’t wake him up we’d be down from 6 bottles a day to 5 which wouldn’t be good..
He always starts crying a bit as soon as I start changing his nappy before the feed and he always finishes the bottle, so he clearly wants it. Then he goes back to sleep for another 2 hours.

If it works for us it’s fine right?

Sounds like it’s working well, and knowing babies it will all change again soon enough anyway, so I’d stick with it while the going is good.

 

[loveanatter]

Also just go by baby led
No point stressing over some silly wake windows, can easily tell when baby is tired now !

I have a stupid question, I’ve tried googling and it only talks about waking newborns and he’s 4months so I can’t find an answer.

Our current routine I’m waking up at 7.30am, baby is still fast asleep, I’ll make his bottle and wake him around 8am to feed him, should I stop waking him for this? He used to wake up and cry for it but I found the crying stressful while trying to make the bottle so I would get up early to get ahead of him, but now I’m the one waking him up. He currently sleeps from around 9 til midnight has a bottle and then sleeps from then until I wake him up.. I worry that if I didn’t wake him up we’d be down from 6 bottles a day to 5 which wouldn’t be good..
He always starts crying a bit as soon as I start changing his nappy before the feed and he always finishes the bottle, so he clearly wants it. Then he goes back to sleep for another 2 hours.

If it works for us it’s fine right?

I think that sounds a really good routine! xx

 

[anything at all]

Thank you!
I am scared of the day it changes as it just works so well for us at the moment

 

[Tifastrife]

I met with a friend earlier today who has gave birth a couple of weeks ago and went to a baby massage group. My little one decided she was gonna be awake the whole time we were there & throughout having a drink after (about 2 hours), which is normal for her at that time of day. But I've been left feeling like I'm letting her down because my friend couldn't believe I wasn't following wake windows.
My little girl wasn't ratty, she was smiling and cooing away. She had her feed, changed her, did the massage class & then a cuddle after. As soon as we got in the car she was asleep. I've tried to follow baby's cues since she's been born, and she's happy, healthy and sleeps like a dream especially overnight (I'm super lucky and she's slept through now for 2 weeks!!!).
Is it bad to not follow wake windows? Or is it OK to be completely baby led?

I was stressing this too after a friend commented about my babies wake windows etc. I’ve always just gone by him, he tends to have a really long 2-3 hour stretch of being wide awake in the evening but he’s babbling and full of smiles. I was stressing but then the last three nights he’s slept 6-7 hours (touch wood don’t want to jinx it ) after the longer wake window. He’s happy and so are we so I’ve decided to stop worrying about it and continue following his lead
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Thank you!
I am scared of the day it changes as it just works so well for us at the moment

This!! Now I’ve had a taste of longer stretches of sleep I’m gonna have a breakdown when/if it changes

 

[Dianne]

I would absolutely recommend it! As they get older I think you get too consumed by it and causes stress! If she was happy then what’s the need for her to be asleep? X
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It’s awful isn’t it. A colleague of my husband, her husband got 6 months off (3 months full pay at 3 months at 50% pay). My baby isn’t 3 months yet and my husband has been away 2 x 7 days and is away a night every week - it’s made me think so much how different life could be!!
Too late for us as we’re done having children but that would be so nice wouldn’t it.

Yeah this is it. Doesn’t help that a family member and a friend both recently have had babies and their husbands get 6 months off!!! They don’t live in the UK obviously . I just get down at how dramatically different my mood is when I’m alone compared to when my husband or mum is with me. It’s the little things like being able to hand the baby over or being offered a cup of tea, someone chucking me a muslin square or doing a few nappy changes. I was crying so much today it almost tipped into a panic attack. We’ll see how tomorrow goes when my husband is at work… I’ll try to take on some of your advice.

 

[Tifastrife]

Yeah this is it. Doesn’t help that a family member and a friend both recently have had babies and their husbands get 6 months off!!! They don’t live in the UK obviously . I just get down at how dramatically different my mood is when I’m alone compared to when my husband or mum is with me. It’s the little things like being able to hand the baby over or being offered a cup of tea, someone chucking me a muslin square or doing a few nappy changes. I was crying so much today it almost tipped into a panic attack. We’ll see how tomorrow goes when my husband is at work… I’ll try to take on some of your advice.

It’s so difficult ! My partner doesn’t believe me that our boy screams bloody murder during the week when he’s hungry when my partners at work. I’m like yeh cos at the weekend I can soothe him while you make a bottle, not so easy in your own. Might go out for the day next weekend and give him a taste of what it’s really like

 

[Usernamecba]

Bollocks to wake windows.

New thread title?!

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Yeah this is it. Doesn’t help that a family member and a friend both recently have had babies and their husbands get 6 months off!!! They don’t live in the UK obviously . I just get down at how dramatically different my mood is when I’m alone compared to when my husband or mum is with me. It’s the little things like being able to hand the baby over or being offered a cup of tea, someone chucking me a muslin square or doing a few nappy changes. I was crying so much today it almost tipped into a panic attack. We’ll see how tomorrow goes when my husband is at work… I’ll try to take on some of your advice.

That comparison of your situation and theirs must be so difficult for you. I drove myself crazy on my first mat leave comparing my situation to others..

you’ve got so much on your plate right now,youngest is just 3 weeks, you’re still healing and you’ve got a 3 yr old to look after. All of this will change/get easier, you’re probably going through the very hardest stretch now. Maybe you can reflect on your day each evening and think of something you did that made you proud of what youre handling. You’ll look back and see how much and how well you coped with it all.

 

[imtakingabath]

I met with a friend earlier today who has gave birth a couple of weeks ago and went to a baby massage group. My little one decided she was gonna be awake the whole time we were there & throughout having a drink after (about 2 hours), which is normal for her at that time of day. But I've been left feeling like I'm letting her down because my friend couldn't believe I wasn't following wake windows.
My little girl wasn't ratty, she was smiling and cooing away. She had her feed, changed her, did the massage class & then a cuddle after. As soon as we got in the car she was asleep. I've tried to follow baby's cues since she's been born, and she's happy, healthy and sleeps like a dream especially overnight (I'm super lucky and she's slept through now for 2 weeks!!!).
Is it bad to not follow wake windows? Or is it OK to be completely baby led?

I just use wake windows as a very rough guideline as my baby goes from 0-60 (getting upset and tired) very quickly and sometimes I lose track of time, so i just keep an eye on how long he’s been awake by tracking and I find it helpful. If you’re both doing fine without them then I wouldn’t worry at all!

 

[themuffinwoman]

Thanks everyone for the reassurance before, it’s just really demoralising sometimes going out and having her scream. People say oh take the baby for a walk in the pram to get them to sleep and that just doesn’t seem to do it for us.

also our wake windows are more like wake conservatories- from 4pm to 8:30pm mini muffin slept maybe 30 mins and is now sleeping soundly in bed. Praying she makes it until at least 6am…

 

[Nosysamsie]

Thanks everyone for the reassurance before, it’s just really demoralising sometimes going out and having her scream. People say oh take the baby for a walk in the pram to get them to sleep and that just doesn’t seem to do it for us.

also our wake windows are more like wake conservatories- from 4pm to 8:30pm mini muffin slept maybe 30 mins and is now sleeping soundly in bed. Praying she makes it until at least 6am…

My little one screams when she's out too. She hates being in her carrycot but does love the car seat when she's been able to stay in that. I have avoided taking her out on my own because I get so anxious about doing so. So no advice on how to get out but solidarity.

Thanks for all the advice on wake windows. I'm so glad that baby led seems to be ideal. I definitely did not need one more thing to worry about.

 

[themuffinwoman]

My little one screams when she's out too. She hates being in her carrycot but does love the car seat when she's been able to stay in that. I have avoided taking her out on my own because I get so anxious about doing so. So no advice on how to get out but solidarity.

Thanks for all the advice on wake windows. I'm so glad that baby led seems to be ideal. I definitely did not need one more thing to worry about.

Exactly the same with us- she stays asleep when we put the car seat on the pushchair (it’s unfortunately stiff so to take it off you have to actually tip the car seat upside down which obvs isn’t possible when the baby is in it ).
I’ve learnt that if something works for you just go for it.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

Exactly the same with us- she stays asleep when we put the car seat on the pushchair (it’s unfortunately stiff so to take it off you have to actually tip the car seat upside down which obvs isn’t possible when the baby is in it ).
I’ve learnt that if something works for you just go for it.

I had the same problem with stiff car seat adaptors and someone on this thread said to get silicone spray and it has been a game changer!

 

[geegeex]

Thanks for your replies for my earlier post. My baby is 3 weeks and my older chid will be 3 in August. I just can’t believe how quickly I fall to bits when I’m on my own with them. I find the feeding, the crying, the constant baby sick, the c section recovery, the whinging, breastfeeding, nappy changing etc. so overwhelming. I can’t believe dads only get 2 weeks paternity leave then women just have to go it alone.

If it’s any consolation I’m in the same boat, 3 week old baby and my little boy is 3 next week. It’s relentless, exhausting and down right mentally draining, I fall to bits most days I’m alone and we don’t make it out the house. The child kicking off and the fussiness of a newborn is sometimes just too much. But just know you’re doing a great job and we’re all in the same boat. Anyone who says it’s easy is a liar in my opinion. But it will get better, take it day by day and just ride the wave. But reach out to professionals if you need extra support, I have and it’s helped a lot 🩷🩷

 

[I’mThankyou_]

New baby and post birth advice #47 Bollocks to wake windows

As you were 😊 As always, no judgement. KW of the week nominations always welcome.

tattle.life

New thread!