New baby and post birth advice #2

[Hairraiser]

That’s exactly the reason women don’t tell people about it or don’t speak up about how their feeling because they are scared it’ll be dismissed or nobody will listen. It’s heartbreaking to hear I’ve been struggling to with my mental health from I had my baby nearly 5 months ago, I had a long, difficult labour and a really tough recovery period and finally went to my GP the other day as I’d had enough of it and was finding it hard to function and do day to day basic things and look after my baby. Im on medication now and my HV knows now too and referring me for birth trauma counselling and also going to a private councillor for depression and anxiety. The hardest part was telling people, I hope you get the help you need and keep on at drs etc until they listen to you, you shouldn’t have to keep on at them but sometimes it’s the only way to get anywhere!

Im glad you’ve finally reached out. It takes a really strong person to admit when they’re struggling, I feel better for it already even just telling my husband! I’m still waiting to hear back from the hospital about birth reflections…hopefully I hear back soon cause I’m desperate to know what went wrong

This response fucks me off more than anything!!! I hate how women’s feelings and experiences are totally downplayed. I had the same response from family after my traumatic birth ‘he’s here now and that’s all that matters!’ Yeah it’s great the baby is fine but have a thought for the mother who’s actually going to remember and cope with all of the tit they went through.

Awful isn’t it? You feel more frustrated because your feelings are not valid & that you should miraculously be ok.
the first few weeks after baby was born everyone was so helpful, with the physical stuff, but when I was bawling my eyes out daily & struggling with my hormone changes no one really bothered to ask if I was ok?Once I thought my hormones had balanced out I started to get tearful again, low in mood & felt really worthless! I even started to question wether my son was actually mine, and was I actually pregnant, cause following my dreadful C-section, being put to sleep, I didn’t actually meet him for 2 days as I was so sick after. I keep irrationally thinking that someone has just found him randomly and given him to me and said he’s my son. I even question wether they mixed the wrong eggs & sperm in the lab cause I don’t see any resemblance to myself in him at all…

(Wow, writing that down I feel like I’ve gone abit cookoo, but it’s genuinely how I’ve been thinking recently, it’s so horrible)

 

[Definitelyme]

Im glad you’ve finally reached out. It takes a really strong person to admit when they’re struggling, I feel better for it already even just telling my husband! I’m still waiting to hear back from the hospital about birth reflections…hopefully I hear back soon cause I’m desperate to know what went wrong


Awful isn’t it? You feel more frustrated because your feelings are not valid & that you should miraculously be ok.
the first few weeks after baby was born everyone was so helpful, with the physical stuff, but when I was bawling my eyes out daily & struggling with my hormone changes no one really bothered to ask if I was ok?Once I thought my hormones had balanced out I started to get tearful again, low in mood & felt really worthless! I even started to question wether my son was actually mine, and was I actually pregnant, cause following my dreadful C-section, being put to sleep, I didn’t actually meet him for 2 days as I was so sick after. I keep irrationally thinking that someone has just found him randomly and given him to me and said he’s my son. I even question wether they mixed the wrong eggs & sperm in the lab cause I don’t see any resemblance to myself in him at all…

(Wow, writing that down I feel like I’ve gone abit cookoo, but it’s genuinely how I’ve been thinking recently, it’s so horrible)

I can absolutely understand why you have those thoughts, not meeting him for so long must have been horrendous, and not having that moment of seeing him be born and brought to you I guess it means you didn’t get that instinctive “that’s my baby” moment. That’s something you’ve been denied, and it obviously has has a huge impact on you I don’t think it sounds mad at all, you don’t sound horrible, you sound like a mum who has been through a huge trauma and is coming to terms with everything that entails, whilst also navigating motherhood.

Ladies, your stories are awful. What it boils down to is essentially people are saying your baby is ok, and that’s all that matters - your struggles don’t matter. And that is horrendous.

 

[Hbirdette]

Hello to anyone that’s awake right now we’re staying at my brothers this weekend. I’ve just fed little one and he’s laying in his crib chatting away, I’m pretty sure the whole house is awake, I just find it funny

 

[LilyRose1234]

Baby has gone from sleeping relatively well in her crib and Moses basket to screaming the second she is put down to sleep, whether it’s day or night she’s still feeding 16/17 times a day and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong

 

[Definitelyme]

Baby has gone from sleeping relatively well in her crib and Moses basket to screaming the second she is put down to sleep, whether it’s day or night she’s still feeding 16/17 times a day and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong

You aren’t doing anything wrong! Newborns need to feed lots because of their tiny tummies, but also for comfort and to help them soothe to sleep.that is 100% normal newborn behaviour. As is not wanting to be put down. she wants to be snuggly and cosy in your arms because she loves you
have you read up on the fourth trimester? I know it seems hard, and overwhelming, and like it’s too much at tomes, and that your baby is the only one who does this, but it’s normal for a newborn, and I promise it gets easier. Meanwhile, by listening to what she wants, and responding to her cues you are showing her that you are there for her, and that she is safe in this big new world.

Understanding the 4th Trimester: What to Expect for Your Baby and You

Wondering how we ended up with a 4th trimester? Learn more about what it means, what you can expect, and tips for ease the transition for your and your newborn.

www.healthline.com

 

[WhatABore]

Baby has gone from sleeping relatively well in her crib and Moses basket to screaming the second she is put down to sleep, whether it’s day or night she’s still feeding 16/17 times a day and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong

You're not doing anything wrong at all.
I can't remember how old your baby is but my daughter fed sooo much.
She was screaming for a bottle every hour sometimes, including during the night.
We had a cheaper version of a next to me cot thing and she'd scream in that, so we tried a moses basket and was much better. She did the same anytime she was in her pram as well!
When they're in their moses basket ect, and they can't see you right infront of them, babies think you've gone completely.
Which a lot of the time is the issue they want you there close and in there eyes, you're not there at all

 

[LilyRose1234]

Thanks @Definitelyme and @WhatABore Sounds stupid but I thought we’d escaped the fourth trimester because she’s been so good at sleeping on her own and the last few nights she will only sleep on me, not even next to me co-sleeping but literally on my chest and I worry she’ll get into a habit and I’ll end up with a toddler who’ll only sleep on me I worry as well that I’m not feeding her properly and she’s not getting enough fatty milk because I’m switching boobs too soon and that’s why she wants feeding so much. Think I just had a bit of an exhausted breakdown this morning

 

[Chickenandgravy]

Thanks @Definitelyme and @WhatABore Sounds stupid but I thought we’d escaped the fourth trimester because she’s been so good at sleeping on her own and the last few nights she will only sleep on me, not even next to me co-sleeping but literally on my chest and I worry she’ll get into a habit and I’ll end up with a toddler who’ll only sleep on me I worry as well that I’m not feeding her properly and she’s not getting enough fatty milk because I’m switching boobs too soon and that’s why she wants feeding so much. Think I just had a bit of an exhausted breakdown this morning

If it's any consolation you're not alone, we've been the same but since we got home from hospital I got one of those pureflo nests and she seemed to settle better in that, though it takes up half the bed

 

[LilyRose1234]

If it's any consolation you're not alone, we've been the same but since we got home from hospital I got one of those pureflo nests and she seemed to settle better in that, though it takes up half the bed

I’m glad it’s not just me (but also sorry you’re going through the same!). It’s tough isn’t it, but I know it won’t be forever and I’ll miss the endless cuddles when she’s more independent I caved and bought a sleepyhead which she loved initially (and started sleeping 4-5 hours in!) but has now gone off

 

[Definitelyme]

Thanks @Definitelyme and @WhatABore Sounds stupid but I thought we’d escaped the fourth trimester because she’s been so good at sleeping on her own and the last few nights she will only sleep on me, not even next to me co-sleeping but literally on my chest and I worry she’ll get into a habit and I’ll end up with a toddler who’ll only sleep on me I worry as well that I’m not feeding her properly and she’s not getting enough fatty milk because I’m switching boobs too soon and that’s why she wants feeding so much. Think I just had a bit of an exhausted breakdown this morning

I’ll leave a link below for you, but many lactation specialists no longer subscribe to the foremilk/hindmilk and how you have to get them the hindmilk to be fatty and more nutritious. Keep feeding from each boob until baby is satisfied, then offer the next if you want. All milk is good milk, and she’ll be getting lots of fat and protein to keep her full. But her tummy is so tiny it just needs topping up often. If she is gaining weight and having lots of wet and dirty nappies then that’s the best way of knowing she is feeding well. Frequency of feeding doesn’t mean anything at all

The sleep stuff is hard. Our generation is so used to hearing “they have to sleep alone, they have to sleep all night, you’ll make a rod for your ow back”
Bull. tit.
Babies are not designed to sleep alone. Look at animals in nature, they either stay with their young all the time, or they have a litter of babies who stay together and sleep. Yes, plenty of people have a baby who will, but my experience talking to other mums is that actually so many more babies DON’T want to sleep alone! People just don’t say it as they are afraid others will think they are “spoiling” baby, or they have a “bad” baby (have you been asked “is she a good baby?” That really means is she seen and not heard! Only ever pleasant!)

Also growth spurts account for a lot! And one thing I learnt over the years is that when you think you’ve got it sorted, a baby will change everything up and you’re back at square one. They go through phases like we go through knickers

 

[Jojoo]

Putting a Muslim that smells of you over the cot sheet can help them settle, I have one down my top during the day and I pop it in the cot at night

 

[Hellofromtheotherside]

Been admitted back into hospital, baby girl is throwing up and it's bright green and yellow they want to keep her in and scan her belly

 

[Hbirdette]

Been admitted back into hospital, baby girl is throwing up and it's bright green and yellow they want to keep her in and scan her belly

Oh no bless her, how scary Are you having to go on a paediatric unit? Keep us updated. Sending lots of love

 

[Squiggle]

Been admitted back into hospital, baby girl is throwing up and it's bright green and yellow they want to keep her in and scan her belly

Thinking of you! You'll be in safe hands I'm sure

 

[Hbirdette]

Anyone who has experienced teething baby’s before... do they become a bit more sicky?

he’s teething and when he was very young he would bring up milk after his feeds but hasn’t done it for a while and since he’s been teething he’s been bringing Milk up after every feed. Even if he’s had a real good burp, up to an hour later it comes out of no where. I don’t mind and he doesn’t seem phased but just wondered if it was linked?

 

[Definitelyme]

Sending love @Hellofromtheotherside xx

Anyone who has experienced teething baby’s before... do they become a bit more sicky?

he’s teething and when he was very young he would bring up milk after his feeds but hasn’t done it for a while and since he’s been teething he’s been bringing Milk up after every feed. Even if he’s had a real good burp, up to an hour later it comes out of no where. I don’t mind and he doesn’t seem phased but just wondered if it was linked?

I’ve never experienced that, sounds messy for you.Mine haven’t ever been bothered by teething though (although we’re also a good bit older when they got teeth 9months+, my 3rd was 13mont

 

[Hellofromtheotherside]

Oh no bless her, how scary Are you having to go on a paediatric unit? Keep us updated. Sending lots of love

Yep on the paediatric unit - she has a nice big cot bed I'm on a chair bloody starving!!!

 

[OIM]

Anyone who has experienced teething baby’s before... do they become a bit more sicky?

he’s teething and when he was very young he would bring up milk after his feeds but hasn’t done it for a while and since he’s been teething he’s been bringing Milk up after every feed. Even if he’s had a real good burp, up to an hour later it comes out of no where. I don’t mind and he doesn’t seem phased but just wondered if it was linked?

Yes my first used to be sick more but it was like clearer than newborn sick and she used to get runny and mucassy nappies when getting teeth. I think it’s where they are making and swalllowing so much more saliva.

Yep on the paediatric unit - she has a nice big cot bed I'm on a chair bloody starving!!!

You poor thing. Have they told you what they think might be wrong? It must be so scary. Sending lots of love!

Sorry to be a sleep bore but those with babies around 5/6 months how much are they waking and feeding in the night?
I was spoilt as my first daughter slept through from around 4 months and never again woke for a feed. But we are still having to feed this one twice in the night. The problem is she shares a room with the toddler so I can’t leave her crying!

 

[Definitelyme]

Yes my first used to be sick more but it was like clearer than newborn sick and she used to get runny and mucassy nappies when getting teeth. I think it’s where they are making and swalllowing so much more saliva.


You poor thing. Have they told you what they think might be wrong? It must be so scary. Sending lots of love!

Sorry to be a sleep bore but those with babies around 5/6 months how much are they waking and feeding in the night?
I was spoilt as my first daughter slept through from around 4 months and never again woke for a feed. But we are still having to feed this one twice in the night. The problem is she shares a room with the toddler so I can’t leave her crying!

At that age all my older one would have fed 3+ times a night

 

[Upintheair83]

Has anyone had their post partum bleeding get abit heavier? I'm around 2 weeks post partum and it seems to have ramped up again. I had an episiotomy and the midwife checked the stitches were ok two days ago and they were but the bleeding seems to have got worse!!! Xxxx