Neighbour’s annoying kid - help!

New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Order Thread by Most Liked Posts
D

DevaVictrix

Well that’s your thoughts and these are mine.
 
M

Mycuppatea

I'd say to take action and "train" the parents who are the ones responsible for their child. Just gird your loins and every time he appears on your property, take him home and complain. It will take persistence and get to be really annoying but I think unless you try something like this, you will be dealing with this child's behaviour for as long as you live there. My neighbours are utter assholes who have bullied and assaulted my children over their childhoods and my husband won't confront them or let me confront them and honestly, inappropriate behaviour just gets accepted as normal if it isn't properly addressed.
 
Reactions: 3
N

newtoyou

Thanks guys for your comments.

Just to be clear - his parents have never tried to justify his behaviour by using his conditions. I only know about his diagnosis because it came up in an unrelated convo with them. And yes as @Death2unicorns guessed, there are other major factors with trauma.

If he ever plays up when they're there eg going on other people's properties, they properly shout at him straight away and make him apologise. But he doesnt do it often when they're there because he's occupied. It's when he's alone (and I guess bored) that the problem occurs.

My feeling is that he's often just so much to deal with that they send him outside. Eg when they have bbqs, he'll just want to copy them and join in and poke at the fire. No matter how many times they shout at him to stop, he'll continue. To the point where they have to send him out of the garden.
 
Reactions: 2
M

Mycuppatea

This is a bit heavy but I've been rereading and thinking about it and feel like I should say that this sounds more serious than just a "naughty kid". It sounds like a child who needs help.

My kids are adopted and have trauma but I know that their needs are my business to meet and if I can't meet their needs (including their need to be safe and not exposed to risk) I need to get support from family or post-adoption team.

He shouldn't be alone because he is what 9 now and his behaviour shows lack of boundaries that put him at horrible risk of injury or abuse. I would never allow my kids to wander the neighbourhood when they were younger - not so much to spare the neighbours but for their own protection.

Children with trauma in their past often need lots more scaffolding and safeguarding, and if the parents are overwhelmed and either letting him do whatever he wants or shouting at him, they need more support from their social workers who absolutely would want to know that the family need more input. It sounds like this is not just a "stuff got out of hand in lockdown for a few days" but an ongoing, longstanding situation of a year+ where they aren't able to cope so let him wander. This is not safe. It sounds like they're desperate and have accepted bonkers behaviour of letting him roam because they can't manage him. That really is not a safe, normal or appropriate way to handle things.

Honestly I would consider calling social services. Not to grass them up but to get them support which they might not even fully realise they need if they're heads down in the trenches with multiple children with multiple needs. Whether he's adopted or not, the social workers wont be interested in removing him but in ensuring his safety. A child of his age with his issues is not safe being allowed to wander into people's property and go up to strangers. You're obviously nice and caring. The next person to move in might be a paedophile or he could end up locked in a car or knocked off his bike.
 
Reactions: 17

LittleMy

Sounds a lot like a lack of impulse control. My son with autism is the same, it’s very difficult because you feel like you’re talking to a brick wall. Their brains don’t always process things as quickly or easily as ours do. That’s why I suggested the parents need to be supervising him at all times, or get help if they are struggling to manage his needs/behaviour alongside that of their other child(ren). I just don’t think it’s helpful to label him a brat.

Also to add with regards to another poster’s comment that so many children having diagnoses these days, you have to remember that these conditions such as ADHD, autism, etc are far more understood nowadays than they were back when we were all younger. These needs are being recognised as something more than just unruly behaviour, and therefore more people who would’ve normally fallen between the cracks are being diagnosed. Also, if children are receiving a proper diagnosis from a specialist team, you cannot argue that they’re being labelled just for the sake of it, that just doesn’t happen. The diagnosis process is very long and complicated for many of these conditions.
 
Reactions: 8
N

newtoyou

Thanks for your input, appreciate the advice

As I said, I'm not a parent so I'm not sure if it's deemed ok to let an child of that age play outside alone. I do sometimes see kids of a similar age riding around unsupervised but no one as often as him.

I'm pretty sure they're already involved with the social services. He attends therapy and they've talked about other meetings they've had which implied he's being assessed for various things. I know him speaking to strangers has been picked up in the meetings.

It's def not just a lockdown thing, it's just more frequent at the moment because we're all at home.

But yes it's very worrying considering he's asked to see inside my house before (I've always said no).
 
Reactions: 1

Flipping Hell !

No you do not sound mean at all ,I really feel for you ,but you are going to have to talk to the parents and change your voice to a "Im not playing voice" when they tell the boy to stop it ,this must be a nightmare !! Stay strong
 
Reactions: 2
M

Mycuppatea

Yeah, I think some parents do let their kids play out - I'm very cautious because of my children's history and living in a very rough area. Having additional needs and especially being an early trauma survivor changes things, I think, because the street smarts aren't necessarily there. My eldest is 17 and copes well with life but if something unexpected happens he regresses to acting much younger and gets in trouble.

The thing is people can have social services involvement but those workers wont necessarily know everything unless third parties report things. Letting your child engage repeatedly over an extended period in risky behaviour because you get frustrated and let them go off, as you've described, is just really concerning to me. This child is not being kept safe. If him talking to strangers has come up in meetings, I doubt the professionals advise allowing a nine year old with additional needs to continue being left unsupervised in public places. There needs to be a better plan in place. That's not your responsibility but I wonder if the right people really know that the family are struggling to this extent.
 
Reactions: 3
N

newtoyou

So I finally bit the bullet and told his parents. I’ve been away for a couple of weeks to help out with some emergency family care and I’d only been back an hour before I caught him throwing food in my garden. When I told him off he rang my door bell and I lost my patience and went over to speak to his parents.
She said it was the second time someone had complained about the doorbell thing and told him off. Said it was his condition and that I should just tell him off if he’s doing stuff like that.

Thing is, as neighbours, why is it our responsibility to tell him off constantly? People are working from home and shouldn’t have someone ringing their bell! Or picking up rotting food from out lawns! It annoyed me that the onus was put on me, rather than her coming up with a solution ie supervising him when he’s outside!
 
Reactions: 4

shortgirl

This might be a little bit far fetched, but can you build a fence around the front of your house with a locked gate to stop him from getting in?
 
Reactions: 1
D

Death2unicorns

It’s definitely not your responsibility to discipline or supervise someone else’s child, I feel for the parents as it must be very very tough dealing with behavioural issues like that but it’s unfair to ask you to tell him off, the next time you have a conversation about it you could always say you don’t feel comfortable telling off someone else’s child, not sure if you have kids yourself but if you don’t you could say that you don’t have kids yourself so you are not really sure how to deal with this type of stuff,

Can you just ignore him, I.e don’t come to the door at all when he’s ringing the bell, don’t engage with him etc maybe eventually he’ll stop because it’s not getting him any kind of outcome
 
Reactions: 2
R

Raininvain

Fences can run into thousands of pounds really easily. Surely its for the parents to be putting up a fence/netting etc.Why should OP have to fork out?
I'd ring social services, it sounds like a child protection issue to me. He is very vulnerable and is at risk of getting beaten up if he does this to the wrong person.I'd totally ignore him . Its not for you to be getting involved.
 
Reactions: 5
M

Mycuppatea

You need to stop engaging with all the "just discipline him for us" stuff from the parents because this has been ongoing for too long, it isn't your job and nobody is keeping a vulnerable child safe.

Just call social services.

They do not stage dawn raids over this and I know you said the family has social services involved but I doubt they're saying that they're outsourcing parenting to random neighbours and letting him roam the neighbourhood when they can't control him at home. He is in danger.
 
Reactions: 11
N

newtoyou

shortgirl said:
This might be a little bit far fetched, but can you build a fence around the front of your house with a locked gate to stop him from getting in?
Click to expand...
Unfortunately not cos I share a driveway with my other neighbours and to access the front door you have to go down the drive. Dont get me wrong I have thought about it! And I do want a hedge around my lawn.

Death2unicorns said:
Can you just ignore him, I.e don’t come to the door at all when he’s ringing the bell, don’t engage with him etc maybe eventually he’ll stop because it’s not getting him any kind of outcome
Click to expand...
Me and others on the street have all tried that. The only benefit of telling him off is that he wont do it for the rest of the day, whereas ignoring him means he'll keep pressing it that day.
 
Reactions: 1
R

Raininvain

I'd phone the Police and Social Services, let them deal with it. You have a right not to be harassed in your own home.Also social services do have teams who work with challenging children to keep them in the home when parents are struggling.Dont think theres nothing that can be done. Its bad enough it being with you but if he does this to someone very elderly or with mental health problems it might really frighten them.
 
Reactions: 2

Jelly Bean

This is probably a long shot but do you have anyone you could ask to come over to answer the door next time he rings? Or be in the garden? Preferably an older stern looking/sounding person? It sounds harsh but if the boy was a bit intimidated and frightened it might put him off?
I'm sorry this is dragging on for you. I wish his parents were as concerned about his welfare.
 
Reactions: 1
N

newtoyou

No one that is close enough. He doesnt seem to be scared of anyone which is worrying. Thanks for the sympathy <3
 
Reactions: 3

shortgirl

This is a little bit harsh but next time he rings your doorbell tell him there’s a monster that lives in your house that doesn’t like children and if he rings the doorbell again or comes into your garden then the monster will eat him then if he rings it again go on YouTube and play a monster sound effect really loudly from your phone through the letterbox to scare him away
 
Reactions: 10
T

Tor88

Pretty sure this could be seen as antisocial behaviour or harassment no matter how young he is. We had problem neighbours when I was younger, name calling, bullying, throwing stones, standing in our front garden and refusing to leave and the even smashed a small window. In the end we had enough for the police to give one an abso as he had previous with others in the area and another had a very strict warning. Also the PCSO’s in the area kept a close eye. If you don’t want to go to the policy maybe contacting the PCSO’s to have a word would help.
 
Reactions: 3
You must log in or register to reply here.
Menu
Log in
Register