As a child I never wore underwear. My mum wouldn’t buy it for me. When I had my first period she had to buy pants for me. She was so angry about it. At age 14 when I used to go to the local youth club with my friends, I was wearing my school uniform. I used to lie and say it was because I got in late so didn’t have time to change. The truth was I owned one skirt and a pair of very tight jeans one blouse and a jumper. My parents wouldn’t buy me or my brother clothing. My gran knit us jumpers and cardigans. My mother worked as a barmaid. She used to get glammed up for her shifts. New clothes ever week almost, clouds of perfume, layers of make up. She would never let me wear any of her clothes. When I was 10 we went to visit one of my aunties who had a new hobby of dressmakin. She made me a beautiful pink spotted empire line dress that flared out when you span around. I wore it immediately. I felt like a Princess in it. We were going down some stairs in a department store later that day. I must have been smiling or fluffing out my new dress. My mum grabbed me roughly, her teeth were clenched together in a snarl and she said something very mean to me which I won’t repeat here. The next morning I couldn’t find my dress. It was gone. At first I thought someone had washed it. But it was gone, never saw it again. Even now, I wear the same clothing over and over again. A couple of weeks ago I got attacked by a man in out town centre. Ambulance staff had to cut my clothing off me. Police took some of it away for dna testing. The jumper I was wearing I had worn for seven years, almost everyday. I really miss it. I have a daughter. I don’t understand how my mum could have treated me that way. I would walk through fire fir mine.
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I’m so sorry you went through that.
There are similarities to my mother there. She went clothes shopping for herself at least twice a week but we’d get clothes for birthday or Xmas. As soon as I had a part time job I had to buy my own school uniform and shoes.
I could always tell if I looked nice as an adult because my mother would screw up her face.
I can relate also
My mother on the phone questioning me and making comments about why some people aren’t able to come to my child’s party. It’s like she loves the drama and wants me to feel bad and like I’ve got no mates. She does this all the time, so annoying.
They love any chance to be negative don't they
I hope your little one has a great party xxI've just been reading the unpopular thread on here, made me remember about a cat we had when we were young, she had kittens, I loved them , used to push them around the garden in my pram, there was one I really cared for, begged my mum to keep it, it was a definite no, a few weeks later the mother cat got killed on the road, and I found out the kitten I loved went to a well known bad family in the village.
@Rodneytrotter not being nosey, but just wanted to know you're ok?
@Rodneytrotter not being nosey, but just wanted to know you're ok?
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I've just been reading about that case with that poor young boy Arther, breaks my heart, I wasn't physically abused, apart from a stick on the back of my legs, the worst one for me was being made to watch my (late 
brother) having the belt, my 'dad' made a big thing of taking his belt off, pinning my brother on the bed and hitting him, I'll never forget that.
brother) having the belt, my 'dad' made a big thing of taking his belt off, pinning my brother on the bed and hitting him, I'll never forget that.
I won't type a long message but the pain of having a parent who is so cruel to you never gets any easier. As a 25 year old I still expect my dad to treat me like a human being but I get verbal abuse hurled at me every day. The physical abuse may have stopped but the emotional anguish he causes hasn't. 
It saddens me because all I have wanted is to be accepted and loved by him.
It saddens me because all I have wanted is to be accepted and loved by him.
It is true, your last quote is quote on. It’s why people stay with abuse for so long, they just want to be loved and keep hoping that person will changeI won't type a long message but the pain of having a parent who is so cruel to you never gets any easier. As a 25 year old I still expect my dad to treat me like a human being but I get verbal abuse hurled at me every day. The physical abuse may have stopped but the emotional anguish he causes hasn't.
Oh, I really get you, sounds awful but I always wanted my dad more than my mum, but my dad was the narc, and my mum enabled him, it's taken me years to realise it, and to have no contact, but they both have screwed me up, and I hate myself for still letting them get to me, they're old now and tbh, I really wouldn't care if they died tomorrow, the biggest regret in my life was trusting my younger brother, Ive never hated someone as much as him.I won't type a long message but the pain of having a parent who is so cruel to you never gets any easier. As a 25 year old I still expect my dad to treat me like a human being but I get verbal abuse hurled at me every day. The physical abuse may have stopped but the emotional anguish he causes hasn't.
My Mum was so jealous of me during my teenage years, and especially jealous of my relationship with my Dad. I was treated like I was the “ other woman “ he was having an affair with! Years later when I divorced my awful ex husband ( who, by the way, she went behind my back and still spoke to him knowing how badly he had treated me ) I would call her up in tears telling her how awful he was to me. To which she said she couldn’t cope with me calling her, and that I needed to find my own friends to talk to about it instead of her. So I did. She would then get really jealous of me seeing them and talking to them about my problems. Again, she acted like I was having an affair of something with her jealous rages!
They are very weird with jealousy. The reason I haven't spoken to her in 6 years is because she couldn't cope with me fussing over my dad when he became sick. She said I wasn't welcome at the house anymore but refused to give me a reason. I know it's because she couldn't stand to see me care about my dad. I saw the fury in her eyes. My brother said the same...that he knows not to talk to him too much as she gets jealous. As for friends they were always hand picked to meet her approval. Its made me somewhat socially awkward and don't enjoy friends like others do.
They are the centre of their own universe, so anyone or anything that takes attention away from them, out comes the green eyed jealous monster.
Can I just ask somethng ?
A few things happened when I was younger. Do these constitute abuse or not?
being told my my mum I’m fat
My mum telling my dad about me “tell her I dislike her”
My dad kicking me in the face when I was 13
My mum giving me a black eye when I was 17 then telling me there was no point calling the police as it was a domestic and they wouldn’t be in
Routinely being slapped around the head by my dad
my mum could be nice too and my dad when he felt like it so it makes me wonder what is “abuse” and what is just bad parenting.No one’s perfect, right ?
A few things happened when I was younger. Do these constitute abuse or not?
being told my my mum I’m fat
My mum telling my dad about me “tell her I dislike her”
My dad kicking me in the face when I was 13
My mum giving me a black eye when I was 17 then telling me there was no point calling the police as it was a domestic and they wouldn’t be in
Routinely being slapped around the head by my dad
my mum could be nice too and my dad when he felt like it so it makes me wonder what is “abuse” and what is just bad parenting.No one’s perfect, right ?
Would you allow a random person off of the street to do those things to you? No, it would be assault. Makes no difference that it was a parent, other than it’s heartbreaking as a parent should love and protect. I’m so sorry xx
Thanks. It’s really helpful for someone to help categorise it. Lots of people have it way worse though. I’d never do any of these things to my daughter. I tell her I love her 57 times a day !
I’ve been dealing with some stuff the last few weeks and kinda want to let it out as I’m not really allowed to tell anyone in my real life.
So essentially I have a lot of emotional trauma from my mother which has been brought on originally by my dad (keep reading to find out how). I did have a pretty good childhood, lots of friends etc but I think I always felt this emotional disconnection from my mum and dad. It was never a very nurturing household, always stress and tension and I was very good at picking up on it. And as I got into my teen years I developed severe social anxiety after being bullied in high school and everything just got worse for me. My parents didn’t understand what was going on and were very harsh and unsupportive. Eventually when I was around 19-20 years old I found out I had anxiety and I started therapy etc. Things got better for me but my relationship with my mum especially just kept deteriorating and she started to go through the menopause and she was just horrible! Her verbal aggression just got worse and worse and I found it so hard to connect to her on any level and we were always arguing and could never see eye to eye on anything. I eventually moved out (also because I found I was starting to mirror my mums attitude) and now live with my partner (I’m in my early 30s now) but the emotional trauma is still there and she won’t ever admit to causing me such trauma and will always play the victim and blame me. Our relationship has got better though. However I recently found out my dad has had a gambling addiction for over 35 years and now everything is adding up! I kinda new my dad had issues before I was born but as far as I was made aware, my parents went to marriage counselling and that was that. But now I know my mum has kept the truth from me for literally years and now her behaviour and attitude make sense but I can’t help but feel angry about it? I feel angry that I’m suffering from emotional trauma which has affected me in so many different areas of my life because my mum was dealing with my dads addiction and no one knew about it let alone me so I feel I bared the brunt of her anger and frustration and emotional disconnection? And I’m also angry my mum has had to deal with this for so many years and never really experienced happiness because of it. I wish she divorced my dad years ago. I’m just so torn, conflicted and stressed
So essentially I have a lot of emotional trauma from my mother which has been brought on originally by my dad (keep reading to find out how). I did have a pretty good childhood, lots of friends etc but I think I always felt this emotional disconnection from my mum and dad. It was never a very nurturing household, always stress and tension and I was very good at picking up on it. And as I got into my teen years I developed severe social anxiety after being bullied in high school and everything just got worse for me. My parents didn’t understand what was going on and were very harsh and unsupportive. Eventually when I was around 19-20 years old I found out I had anxiety and I started therapy etc. Things got better for me but my relationship with my mum especially just kept deteriorating and she started to go through the menopause and she was just horrible! Her verbal aggression just got worse and worse and I found it so hard to connect to her on any level and we were always arguing and could never see eye to eye on anything. I eventually moved out (also because I found I was starting to mirror my mums attitude) and now live with my partner (I’m in my early 30s now) but the emotional trauma is still there and she won’t ever admit to causing me such trauma and will always play the victim and blame me. Our relationship has got better though. However I recently found out my dad has had a gambling addiction for over 35 years and now everything is adding up! I kinda new my dad had issues before I was born but as far as I was made aware, my parents went to marriage counselling and that was that. But now I know my mum has kept the truth from me for literally years and now her behaviour and attitude make sense but I can’t help but feel angry about it? I feel angry that I’m suffering from emotional trauma which has affected me in so many different areas of my life because my mum was dealing with my dads addiction and no one knew about it let alone me so I feel I bared the brunt of her anger and frustration and emotional disconnection? And I’m also angry my mum has had to deal with this for so many years and never really experienced happiness because of it. I wish she divorced my dad years ago. I’m just so torn, conflicted and stressed
For those of you who perhaps cut ties with toxic family members (or your whole family), do you ever feel guilty (especially with COVID etc)?
I have to say, even though I have very specific reasons as to why I am no longer in touch with my family (I could go on and on), I sometimes feel guilty for cutting them off. We had been no contact for years, then they attempted to reach out to me at the end of 2019 to ask me for money on my birthday (without even asking why I cut ties or anything - they didn't send me any wishes for years during no-contact, and suddenly that particular year, they sent wishes and asked for money in the same message). That said, they asked me for money I didn't have myself and when I said I didn't have the money (literally, I had roommates and less than $1K in my savings accounts), they called me names and one of my siblings took it upon himself/herself to send me a really nasty message.
However, sometimes I feel guilty I didn't get in touch during the initial stages of COVID, but then again, when I think reasonably, if they truly cared, they would have tried to mend the relationship before asking for money right away after 4 years of no-contact. They put me through college, which I am grateful for, but the whole time, they said I wasn't deserving of their money being spent on me and blamed any financial woes on me. By the time I finished college, I was emotionally drained from them saying my college education was "crap" and how they should have never sent me to college. Instead of being proud of me being the first female in my entire family to attend college, they kept making me feel bad about it and belittling me the whole 4 years. I can appreciate that sending a kid to college is expensive, but 4 years after my graduation, they were still experiencing issues and that point, we had been no-contact for the whole 4 years. I'm pretty adamant they didn't borrow any money to put me through college because they were making good money at the time. When I went no-contact, they had just bought an expensive car for one of my siblings and MacBook's for my other siblings, so they certainly weren't struggling. I saw my siblings on social media with the latest iPhones etc, so it is to wonder.
I have to say, even though I have very specific reasons as to why I am no longer in touch with my family (I could go on and on), I sometimes feel guilty for cutting them off. We had been no contact for years, then they attempted to reach out to me at the end of 2019 to ask me for money on my birthday (without even asking why I cut ties or anything - they didn't send me any wishes for years during no-contact, and suddenly that particular year, they sent wishes and asked for money in the same message). That said, they asked me for money I didn't have myself and when I said I didn't have the money (literally, I had roommates and less than $1K in my savings accounts), they called me names and one of my siblings took it upon himself/herself to send me a really nasty message.
However, sometimes I feel guilty I didn't get in touch during the initial stages of COVID, but then again, when I think reasonably, if they truly cared, they would have tried to mend the relationship before asking for money right away after 4 years of no-contact. They put me through college, which I am grateful for, but the whole time, they said I wasn't deserving of their money being spent on me and blamed any financial woes on me. By the time I finished college, I was emotionally drained from them saying my college education was "crap" and how they should have never sent me to college. Instead of being proud of me being the first female in my entire family to attend college, they kept making me feel bad about it and belittling me the whole 4 years. I can appreciate that sending a kid to college is expensive, but 4 years after my graduation, they were still experiencing issues and that point, we had been no-contact for the whole 4 years. I'm pretty adamant they didn't borrow any money to put me through college because they were making good money at the time. When I went no-contact, they had just bought an expensive car for one of my siblings and MacBook's for my other siblings, so they certainly weren't struggling. I saw my siblings on social media with the latest iPhones etc, so it is to wonder.
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Nope not at all. A few years back my mother was very ill in hospital, last rites and family home from overseas. A well meaning aunt was trying to get me to visit but I said no. Anyway I did go to the hospital to drop that aunt in a few bits of clothing etc. We’d arranged I would leave them at the nurses station. As soon as I walked into the ward I heard someone screaming horrible, racist language. Who else but my mother
she didn’t sound near death at all. It immediately brought me back to being a child and the way she used to scream at us. So I bolted. She’s still alive and well mores the pity but I certainly don’t have any desire or duty to see her. And I don’t feel one bit guilty about it.
What happens to narc parents and golden child after you are no contact for a long time? Do they turn on each other or do they continue to hate the scapegoat ?
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