With golden child sibling, it's been mostly a painful relationship as she's so blind to the ignoring / neglect I get vs her enmeshed relationship with my mum. My folks are getting more needier with her now in their old age, and I know it frustrates her. She defaults to my mother's opinion / beliefs on things in her own life in a way that is so foreign and weird to me. "I could never do X, mum would kill me" kind of thing. "Mum said this, mom would love that" and she's well into her 30s now. She also says "MY mom" when she's in conversation with me, her sister, regularly which I find quite telling. She talks to my mom constantly, sees her multiple times a week, goes to her for advice etc. I can go months without hearing from the same mother.
As I get older I can appreciate that her relationship with them is equally emotionally neglectful and she's not a happy woman, is a serial monogamist that can't be alone for 5 minutes and is probably BPD. She's struggled to maintain relationships and goes from idolising people to discarding them. I've fallen into this pattern with her and been cut out by her for months at a time for arbitrary reasons. Like my mother she's never at fault, others are jealous of her or inferior to her if things go wrong in relationships, there's little self reflection.
I know she's been doing therapy in recent years so am hopeful someday she'll see things as they are and not as she's been brainwashed to see them. I've given up on talking about our childhood with her though as the triangulation, gossiping and smear campaigns are bad for my health.
As I get older I can appreciate that her relationship with them is equally emotionally neglectful and she's not a happy woman, is a serial monogamist that can't be alone for 5 minutes and is probably BPD. She's struggled to maintain relationships and goes from idolising people to discarding them. I've fallen into this pattern with her and been cut out by her for months at a time for arbitrary reasons. Like my mother she's never at fault, others are jealous of her or inferior to her if things go wrong in relationships, there's little self reflection.
I know she's been doing therapy in recent years so am hopeful someday she'll see things as they are and not as she's been brainwashed to see them. I've given up on talking about our childhood with her though as the triangulation, gossiping and smear campaigns are bad for my health.