Myka Stauffer - The mother who gave up her internationally adopted Chinese son

[Hibiscus]

This is one of the things that disgusted most about the whole sorry saga, the fact that they adopt a child with additional needs who requires a lot of focus and attention on him but they almost immediately have a biological child, what a dumb and selfish thing to do, no wonder they couldn’t cope

This is the thing that gets me, too. It's incomprehensible. I don't understand what their rush was with it all--she basically has said that she went this route (Chinese, special needs, Huxley) simply because it fit in with their "timing." So like....she couldn't possibly wait to adopt, so it would seem she jumped at the very first opening, and then immediately became pregnant again. Looking back, that pregnancy must have been the result of her disappointment because she wasn't getting what she'd hoped for out of Huxley. Either that or they're just profoundly, PROFOUNDLY stupid.

She also said that "growing up it was my dream to have 3 biological children and an adopted child", and it sounds like she even had the wonky names all picked out and everything. So all of this is nothing but the product of literally a child's mind. The reality did not match with her childish fantasies, so she swapped him with a bio baby.

 

[whatamess123]

I can't believe this. He just wasn't "instagrammable" enough. Most of These vloggers want "perfect" children and want to portray a "perfect" Family. Anyone causing issues for her Content is a Problem. She probably just thought it would be cute to have an adopted child, but didn't realize that not every child is "perfect". It's sickening. It's not a purchase you just return. I really hate how they all want this perfect Family life, instead of being real with their Followers about the hard Things, the difficult paths etc.

I`ve not watched this family much ,but knew from my daughter what they were like.Now ,she was subbed to them ,and liked their family ,but was totally shocked and heartbroken when she heard/read the news.
Also ,if life was proving difficult with this little guy ,the first thing to go should have been their youtube channel!! When i was adopted ,you had a year for the birth mum/parents to change their minds.My mum`s told me many times how she and my dad discussed upping sticks and moving ,should they be told they couldn`t keep me.Once they took me home i was theirs.We have a very special bond ,and i`ve been truly blessed. .I hope this little boy goes on to experience true love and nurturing from his new family.x

 

[Noseybatch]

Wishing him all the love and affection he deserves with his new family. And wish no luck upon the Stauffers disgusting humans.

 

[Msbullwnkl]

Myka and James Stauffer Made 'Difficult Decision' in Order to Give Son 'Best Treatment': Lawyers

"Over time, the team of medical professionals advised our clients it might be best for Huxley to be placed with another family," the couple's lawyers tell PEOPLE exclusively

people.com

 

[Alansbigplate]

I saw a clip of her complaining to camera that they couldn’t show him much on vlogs because he’s constantly having meltdowns. Poor kid is sitting there in a stand at some kind of carnival or something busy and not melting down at all. And another where she’s berating him while he cries. Yet another where she’s telling him not to bite his teacher and the poor love puts his arms out to get some pressure/squeezes and smiles when his sister does it but she does it too & tells him not to think this means he’s not to listen that he shouldn’t bite. Horrible woman

 

[Bizziebody]

It's in all the UK mainstream media now..

Australia too.

 

[Msbullwnkl]

Australia too.

Starting to show up in the US.

 

[Bizziebody]

Well, looks like more and more “news” outlets are letting the world know what a horrible person she/they are. Really hope they won’t get any Ads anymorr

They should be banned from You Tube, Instagram and any other social media they make money off. Absolutely disgusting, perhaps they should have put more effort into looking into how much effort they would need to put in with this adoption before they embarked on this path.
They shouldn't even be allowed to foster/adopt a pet now.

 

[CringesFringes]

With respect, if you are not the parent of an autistic child yourself you have little idea of the day to day care involved with looking after an autistic pre schooler. It is very likely that your SiL is on her knees with exhaustion.

I can understand. My husband's aunt had Down Syndrome. My mother in law took care of her like her own sister. She took care of her for almost 35 years. She dies peacefully at the age of 57. I have seen worse side of being a 57 year old DS patient, and one who takes care has to suffer all kinds of mental and physical exhaustion. People suggested to put her in special needs remand house, but we thought it as a punishment to DS old woman.
But that doesn't mean one should ignore and get rid off. Like Myka did

 

[peacelily7]

i'm autistic. this tit is scary.

it's been all over the autistic community in both public and private groups. being so close to the death of Alejandro Ripley, and the abuse of teenage autistic siblings in queensland australia, it's a really hard thing to come to terms with. the fact that not only do these things happen, but that people are excusing it and justifying it with the 'autism is hard to parent' narrative. we aren't animals. we aren't objects. Huxley is a human being regardless of his verbal speech, stims, meltdowns. he deserved to be treated like a human being. the fact that this isn't abnormal anymore, that these discussions about autistic people are always so centred around how hard it is for the parents, hurts our community. especially on twitter, the conversation is still dominated by parents of autistic children. the world only sees how much of a burden we are. don't get me wrong, there are some great allies amongst those parents, but those are mostly individuals who make a point to LISTEN to the autistic experience, and the voices of autistic adults. the fact that people are JUSTIFYING this woman's right to just... dispose of... her autistic child... is awful. so many of us in biological families are made to feel like a burden. this takes it to a whole other level. we aren't pets. we aren't objects.

from what i can gather, she seemed to take personal offence to the fact that Huxley didn't display affection in the same ways as her neurotypical, bio children. of course he didn't ! that doesn't mean he is somehow incapable of love and attachment, and wouldn't be traumatised from being taken from his family of several years. autistic people show love differently. sometimes we don't show it on neurotypical terms at all but that doesn't mean we don't love, by any means. it seriously makes me question how much research this woman did at all into neurodiversity and how to parent... these kind of assumptions cause trauma.

 

[SoHereForTheGoss]

I had never come across this family before today, as angry as it makes me, it’s the best thing for Huxley that he is away from these crazy people!!

I watched their video talking about this and if they said ‘privacy’ once more . They literally made a fortune selling this boys life, a sad, sad situation.

 

[whatamess123]

Myka and James Stauffer Made 'Difficult Decision' in Order to Give Son 'Best Treatment': Lawyers

"Over time, the team of medical professionals advised our clients it might be best for Huxley to be placed with another family," the couple's lawyers tell PEOPLE exclusively

people.com

So distraught their story`s ending up in every cheap rag you can find.I seriously hope they aren`t getting paid ,by anyone.If they feel "that saddened" by the decision they made ,why are they making vlogs still ,and getting themselves onto every supermarket shelf?Trying to salvage their social media "fame" and money more like.How low can you stoop really?

 

[LittleMy]

They make me sick.

 

[CringesFringes]

So distraught their story`s ending up in every cheap rag you can find.I seriously hope they aren`t getting paid ,by anyone.If they feel "that saddened" by the decision they made ,why are they making vlogs still ,and getting themselves onto every supermarket shelf?Trying to salvage their social media "fame" and money more like.How low can you stoop really?

Wow!! I want to see what kind of situation was in her house that made "medical professionals" to advise relocate Hux instead of starting a therapy to help him. Did Hux hit her kids? If yes, then you are a failed parent. Because you have absolutely ZERO communication with a small autistic kid who doesn't understand what is right and what is wrong. Did you try professional services who deals with autism? I am sure she didn't, she just wanted a prized adopted kid, which sadly according to her Huxley was not.

 

[allthatnutters23]

At 2 you have no idea how a child will wind up on the spectrum. Not sure about 4 but hey both my kids are asd and one was nonverbal at 2 and now they want to remove it for adhd alone- he doesn't get or need services knock on wood. My younger spoke early and is verbal but non commun icational still at 5. I'm trying not to give up on him and trying to pray he will be functioning enough to lead a happy independent life but it is scary. Neither one of them is up for "rehoming." She seems like the type who feels high functioning asd is possible with being a good enough mommy so she was going to "save him." That poor kid and those poor kids who are still with that monster. Can you imagine your mom and dad just dumping a sibling off? Jesus christ i am worried for all of her kids.

 

[CringesFringes]

At 2 you have no idea how a child will wind up on the spectrum. Not sure about 4 but hey both my kids are asd and one was nonverbal at 2 and now they want to remove it for adhd alone- he doesn't get or need services knock on wood. My younger spoke early and is verbal but non commun icational still at 5. I'm trying not to give up on him and trying to pray he will be functioning enough to lead a happy independent life but it is scary. Neither one of them is up for "rehoming." She seems like the type who feels high functioning asd is possible with being a good enough mommy so she was going to "save him." That poor kid and those poor kids who are still with that monster. Can you imagine your mom and dad just dumping a sibling off? Jesus christ i am worried for all of her kids.

Because you are a good parent. Communication is the key, no matter what child is going through. I wish Myka had a little capacity to bloody communicate instead of baby voices and dissing.

 

[shapaklyak55]

Sad just way too sad

 

[chocolate choux]

At 2 you have no idea how a child will wind up on the spectrum. Not sure about 4 but hey both my kids are asd and one was nonverbal at 2 and now they want to remove it for adhd alone- he doesn't get or need services knock on wood. My younger spoke early and is verbal but non commun icational still at 5. I'm trying not to give up on him and trying to pray he will be functioning enough to lead a happy independent life but it is scary. Neither one of them is up for "rehoming." She seems like the type who feels high functioning asd is possible with being a good enough mommy so she was going to "save him." That poor kid and those poor kids who are still with that monster. Can you imagine your mom and dad just dumping a sibling off? Jesus christ i am worried for all of her kids.

(OT but you sound like an amazing mum, those kids are getting the best)

This is an excellent point. They tried to claim that he had more needs than expected (can’t imagine anything more severe than “brain damage”) but they shouldn’t have even had expectations. Like you said, it can go either way at 2 and beyond. Adopting a special needs child should require thinking ‘worst case scenario’ as you need to be prepared because there are no guarantees

Also, when an adoption is completed that kid is yours, same as if it was your own flesh and blood. Huxley was their son and should have been treated as such, not rehomed like a naughty dog. Again, expectations should have been set aside like with a biological child. Most people expect to have a child without additional needs and some get thrown a curveball, often not even during pregnancy but when the child is several months/years old. The majority of those parents muddle through. The Stauffers intentionally sought and pursued a special needs child and still gave up on him

What happened to them being “open to almost every special needs in the book”? Did God “soften” their hearts only to harden them again when Huxley started to become more difficult?

 

[FlipFlop0706]

I can’t stop thinking about Huxley. I wonder who initiated the whole “this child is too much hard work- shall we give him up?” The spiel about outside therapies advising that “he needed more” seems sketchy as surely any decent autism therapy would advise on the best plan forward in terms of support be it more intense therapies,a change in therapies, more care/respite if they were genuinely struggling to cope with him

b) They clearly have the money to get a carer/autism professional to help care for Huxley. I used to work as a 1-1 carer for a little boy with autism as he was a danger to himself and others in terms of his behaviour. I worked with both his parents and other professionals to develop both his sensory and communication needs as as time went on his instances of challenging behaviour lessened due to routine and developing his awareness of his own needs. Myka and Jim simply didn’t or didn’t want to have the time/persistence/education needed to work with Huxley.

Also, I vaguely recall them using a training (I’m shuddering using that word) system with Huxley that uses video to develop language. It called Gemiini. I’ve just watched a video on the Gemiini site and in it it says that some kids hate the Gemiini programme due to their preference to retreat into their own worlds and Gemiini “forces them to engage with our world”. Does this sound like a respectful therapy to any of you?

Huxley is probably mentally functioning at a lower age than his actual age. So his attention span will naturally be lower. Forcing him to be involved in a therapy that he is mentally too young for is useless and highly questionable.

Sorry for the ramble- I’m so fired up on this as I’m heartbroken for Huxley having to deal with another change

 

[Shaza78]

I can’t stop thinking about Huxley. I wonder who initiated the whole “this child is too much hard work- shall we give him up?” The spiel about outside therapies advising that “he needed more” seems sketchy as surely any decent autism therapy would advise on the best plan forward in terms of support be it more intense therapies,a change in therapies, more care/respite if they were genuinely struggling to cope with him

b) They clearly have the money to get a carer/autism professional to help care for Huxley. I used to work as a 1-1 carer for a little boy with autism as he was a danger to himself and others in terms of his behaviour. I worked with both his parents and other professionals to develop both his sensory and communication needs as as time went on his instances of challenging behaviour lessened due to routine and developing his awareness of his own needs. Myka and Jim simply didn’t or didn’t want to have the time/persistence/education needed to work with Huxley.

Also, I vaguely recall them using a training (I’m shuddering using that word) system with Huxley that uses video to develop language. It called Gemiini. I’ve just watched a video on the Gemiini site and in it it says that some kids hate the Gemiini programme due to their preference to retreat into their own worlds and Gemiini “forces them to engage with our world”. Does this sound like a respectful therapy to any of you?

Huxley is probably mentally functioning at a lower age than his actual age. So his attention span will naturally be lower. Forcing him to be involved in a therapy that he is mentally too young for is useless and cruel.

Sorry for the ramble- I’m so fired up on this as I’m heartbroken for Huxley having to deal with another change

I have a 6 year old autistic son, and everything you have said I agree with. This whole situation makes me feel sick to my stomach. He clearly wasn’t YouTube worthy wasn’t doing cute things that would take in views. Pathetic disgusting family