My partner cheated

[ChubClubThug]

When you lose someone who's been in your life for so long it will literally feel like a death. I'm so glad the house is yours. He will find out pretty rapidly that the grass IS NOT GREENER! You can do this. Stay strong it's never ever too late to start again. You could even take in a professional female lodger. There's always options. He sounds like a total fool. Let mummy deal with him, the absolute loser!

 

[PixieMum]

I've tried getting into emails but don't know password. He only has WhatsApp so can't get into that. I honestly don't know, he says first time but then again he must be very unlucky to be caught out first time. What gets me is I was so sure he was not that type of guy but his behaviour was so off the last month I knew something wasn't right. I've managed to sleep for an hour, going to try get some more so hopefully I can think straight. I've only told my boss so far as I wanted to change working arrangements later this week. I can't bear to tell my best friends yet

 

[CoffeeMamma]

I've tried getting into emails but don't know password. He only has WhatsApp so can't get into that. I honestly don't know, he says first time but then again he must be very unlucky to be caught out first time. What gets me is I was so sure he was not that type of guy but his behaviour was so off the last month I knew something wasn't right. I've managed to sleep for an hour, going to try get some more so hopefully I can think straight. I've only told my boss so far as I wanted to change working arrangements later this week. I can't bear to tell my best friends yet

You don’t have to tell anyone until you’re ready and you’ve decided how you feel. Friends are great for wine and burning his shirts but they might not look at him the same way and struggle to accept your choices. Which are yours and no one else’s this is going to feel shit for so many reasons for a while but make sure you’re sleeping when you can and drinking water/tea/juice especially if you’re not eating. Also try to go outside and get some air, it’s soothing for your soul (unless you’re currently in NYC)

 

[Cooper123]

This is off topic but tattle this last 2 days had helped keep me sane my partner off 11 years cheated on me with someone at work and left yesterday after me giving him a second chance 6 months ago for the same thing (I know I’m an idiot) and he threw it back in my face but he’s wanting to make it work but is still txting & calling the girl he slept with and stayed at hers as he’s nowhere to go… I’m broken can’t eat or sleep and I’m trying to keep going for my son but he’s only 6 and too young to understand and his dad was hardly there so he’s not asked much yet but when and how can I make this better? I’ve hardly any family and I’m back at work tomorrow and I can’t stop crying can any of you lovely people offer me some advice?

I'm so sorry for what you're going through,I can't even begin to imagine must be so much harder when you've a kid in the mix. I don't know what I would do in that situation, I would want things to work, but given he's done this before I wouldn't want to risk getting hurt again. You will get stronger, your son will keep you going. Another thing, know your worth. You deserve better than someone who treats you like that. I really hope you're OK, just take it one day at a time. Sending hugs

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

You’re so much better off without him 🩷 each moment that hurts now is one moment closer to getting through it all x

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

I’m doing much better thank you getting my house done up so that’s keeping me busy.. my ex has tried to come back he showed up at 2am but he got sent packing there’s better out there and I deserve to be happy

They ALWAYS come back. The grass isn't always greener. My ex only decided he wanted to actually be with me when he saw someone else was interested. You are better without him in your life. I am glad you are doing well and keeping busy xx

 

[Ya-Mar]

Living well is the best revenge. My therapist always says men move on dead quick and regret it later, women grieve and heal, then succeed later. So basically you’re nailing it even if you don’t feel like it


Woohoo!! You GO girl

This is so true my ex cheated and less than year after our 18.5 year relationship ended he was living with the new partner and her 2 kids.

Meanwhile I’ve had counselling and worked on myself and 18 months in I’m enjoying my new single life.

Hey guys thank you for your lovely messages it’s been a week I’m not going to lie it’s been hard there’s been arguments tears meltdowns you name it but we have an agreement in place for our son that if his “girlfriend” is there at all contact stops and he needs to see my son at his parents… he’s paying £50 a week and his phone bill every month but I’m seriously struggling to get over the fact he walked out and is staying with an absolute munter he’s known 4 weeks… I’m being generous when I say this he’ll never get better than me cause who he’s with is nothing more than a place to stay

Ooo they never go for better only easier

 

[Jeronimo]

Update I got ghosted off the paramedic as soon as I mentioned I use crutches he cut contact… 3rd guy that’s done that maybe i should just be single forever clearly not good enough to be with anyone

I’d rather them be honest than just ignore me

A paramedic as well at that….shocking

 

[Lucyxxxx]

People cheat for many reasons not just due to sex life. Personally I would never stay with a cheater and I certainly wouldn’t marry them.

have you to spoke to him about the reasons why he cheated?

Yeah I have and he doesn't seem to want to give me a reason just ' I don't know ' and ' I'm sorry '. Not good enough is it really. What was the point in doing it?

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

I confronted him when his alarm went this morning about the Viagra so before I saw your post. You are right he did try to deny it but I deliberately held the info back about the condoms so I knew he was lying. He eventually admitted it, a girl he met on his boys golf holiday last month, they arranged to meet this weekend so the 'golf weekend' with his mates was made up. I was and still am remarkably calm considering he tried to weasel his way out of it at first. At least he hasn't tried to turn it on me in any way (I would have lost it). I've sent him to work, fortunately I have a day off to consider what on earth I should do. I'm shattered and lost, we've been together so long. Keep the advice and good thoughts coming

I know the feeling of the bottom of your world collapsing, all I can say is take your time, minute by minute focus on you. If you can manage it eat something you love even if it’s a bit of chocolate. It does get easier. I’m 2 1/2 years past it.

 

[CoffeeMamma]

I’m so sorry please don’t worry even try your local council im with HA and was thinking of moving closer to family but he said if I done that he’d move in here but I’d be taking everything with me - here’s me worrying about the sky as it’s in his name and I can’t downgrade it don’t know how I’m going to manage I don’t even know how to be on my own after so long the house is quite and lonely when my sons in bed x

Ring them up and tell them he’s left They were lovely to my fella when he did that with his ex (we were mates for ages before we got together so I saw all that) and my advice for the evenings is- a new hobby, or something you did as a kid and loved. Like colouring in, or crafts, or reading, making pom poms… literally something for YOU that has fuck all to do with him. Because you are a queen, so you straighten that crown and hold that head high because you deserve the world.

No I haven't really got anywhere to go, looking at places to rent but everything is so expensive and I'm on minimum wage while he earns about 60k a year I'm also not on the mortgage so that's a shitter. However bad we've been treated it's hard to imagine a life/home without them isn't it. I suppose we just need to find 'us' again instead of being mum, partner ect x

Contact the local council, they will help you, especially if you have a child. Even if the initial placement isn’t ideal, it’s easier to swap properties once you’re in one and you likely don’t need a deposit (or like, a week’s rent rather than a month). You are also a queen who deserves better

 

[Tunacanoe]

Same thing happened me with my ex he cheated and house was solely in my name I got a certain satisfaction from him being sent back to his mothers box room . Of course hes concerned about it being fully over not because hes sorry about what hes done but because he had a certain level of comfort hes now realised he has lost!

 

[Greysanatomyfan]

Hope you’re all okay… it doesn’t seem like it but it does get better be kind to yourself give yourself time to cry scream do whatever you need to do… one day at a time and if you need a rant we’re all here

 

[Ro98]

Oh this makes me so sad. As a daughter of someone who cheated (my mum) it has affected all of my relationships, because if your own parent can betray you & lie what can someone else do? I will never forgive her but for my own sanity have put it aside, and my parents stayed together (god knows how but lots of resentment & 0 trust there.) So you are both doing the right thing getting rid - that’s not a life you want always wondering who they’re texting, who they’re out with, are they really at work today etc.
I hope you ladies are taking care of yourselves. What absolute pigs. Karma will come back for them.

 

[CoffeeMamma]

Pretty grim truth be told. He's staying in a hotel for a few nights, clearly not ready to own up to family what he's done. I broke down when he left.

Finally found a way into one of his email accounts and history so I know where they stayed on Saturday but not much else. Does look like it is very recent. He finally said sorry. He does appear concerned about what happens if it is definitely over, I've said not my problem, he should have thought about that really shouldn't he?

It’s really not your problem, if he didn’t think about the consequences of his actions!! Take care of yourself tonight. Nice cool bath/shower, starfish in the bed. Cold glass of something (I’m a lime cordial sort of girl ). Put your comfort show on x

 

[MRSgs]

A break up buddy sounds exactly what I need right now 🥹.. that’s horrible have you got anywhere to go? Hope you’re okay we’ll get through this 1 day at a time

No I haven't really got anywhere to go, looking at places to rent but everything is so expensive and I'm on minimum wage while he earns about 60k a year I'm also not on the mortgage so that's a shitter. However bad we've been treated it's hard to imagine a life/home without them isn't it. I suppose we just need to find 'us' again instead of being mum, partner ect x

 

[taleoftittletat]

Hey guys thank you for your lovely messages it’s been a week I’m not going to lie it’s been hard there’s been arguments tears meltdowns you name it but we have an agreement in place for our son that if his “girlfriend” is there at all contact stops and he needs to see my son at his parents… he’s paying £50 a week and his phone bill every month but I’m seriously struggling to get over the fact he walked out and is staying with an absolute munter he’s known 4 weeks… I’m being generous when I say this he’ll never get better than me cause who he’s with is nothing more than a place to stay

They always are horrendous and that’s exactly what she is a place to stay. They deserve each other. Keep your head up, you’re doing amazing xx

 

[PixieMum]

I know sometimes we don't like to know the truth but it will eat away at you, can you get strong and confront him, not in an aggressive way but calmly..I know you said you you are scared to be on your own but I doubt you could live with this, knowing what you have found. If he has cheated then perhaps it's better to have found out now than getting married and finding out afterwards. All the very best.

Thank you for your advice. I've already decided I will confront him later today and I will do so as calmly as I can. I've not slept and feel awful but you are right I can't even begin to ignore this.

 

[Rockin' Robin]

On the upside my dad bless him bought me a new bed memory foam mattress and mattress topper and it’s even better than the bed we had that’s going to the tip… upgrade for me

The best is yet to come.

 

[CoffeeMamma]

I’m doing much better thank you getting my house done up so that’s keeping me busy.. my ex has tried to come back he showed up at 2am but he got sent packing there’s better out there and I deserve to be happy

Hell yes you do