My partner cheated

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

Tom spoke about it on a show ( it's on Google too) he slept with over 250 behind his wife's back but would never leave her he was devoted to her and said she's most important person in his life ...look at Wayne Rooney and his shenanigans he could have set up home with any of they tarts he was with but he won't leave Colleen so she must be his true love even though he has done that to her

I just don’t understand why, honestly if this or anything even similar happened again I’d leave x

 

[KayleighA]

Screw him! The disgusting pig. After everything he has done he is more concerned with telling his Mum and where/ how he might live than the unbelievable hurt he has caused you. Despicable.

Look after yourself sweetheart. I know it feels like a fault on your part but it isn’t. This is all him. Let yourself lean on your family and friends. If the truth embarrasses him then so be it xx

 

[Joon]

You never think the pain will go but it does eventually get out there make new friends and move on. The best thing is you look back at the person and think why did I stay so long, its a blessing in disguise..

 

[CoffeeMamma]

I confronted him when his alarm went this morning about the Viagra so before I saw your post. You are right he did try to deny it but I deliberately held the info back about the condoms so I knew he was lying. He eventually admitted it, a girl he met on his boys golf holiday last month, they arranged to meet this weekend so the 'golf weekend' with his mates was made up. I was and still am remarkably calm considering he tried to weasel his way out of it at first. At least he hasn't tried to turn it on me in any way (I would have lost it). I've sent him to work, fortunately I have a day off to consider what on earth I should do. I'm shattered and lost, we've been together so long. Keep the advice and good thoughts coming

I’ve got no advice. Just an internet hug and straighten your crown and keep your chin up

 

[Ro98]

So sorry you're going through this, what a truly evil man. Please please take care of yourself

I haven't experienced cheating to this level myself but I have been a child who watched their mum behave the way your partner is (although they stayed together in the end, PLEASE DON'T do this! My dad has 0 trust for my mum, they only did it for the kids which is wrong on all levels although I know he had good intentions.)
I truly believe the thing that helped my dad the most was writing notes to me everyday, it was the time he most told me how much he loved me & how lucky he was to have me. Maybe try this with your son? Leave him notes on his bed/on the sofa/at dinner time for him? It'll help your brain remember these positive moments amongst all the sadness and hurt.
Your son will remember you as the best person in his life, you are not a joke- you're a human with emotions and a lot of love that has been thrown back in your face. Channel that love into yourself now, sending hugs

 

[ChubClubThug]

Pretty grim truth be told. He's staying in a hotel for a few nights, clearly not ready to own up to family what he's done. I broke down when he left.

Finally found a way into one of his email accounts and history so I know where they stayed on Saturday but not much else. Does look like it is very recent. He finally said sorry. He does appear concerned about what happens if it is definitely over, I've said not my problem, he should have thought about that really shouldn't he?

He's only sorry he got caught. He's taken your kindness for weakness. Sod him. For him to go to the effort of getting viagra, to go to a hotel with another woman?? Jesus christ I'd want his head on a spike I bet she's not the first. You are worth a million of this man, don't let him break you down

 

[And_that's_okay!]

I honestly can’t do this my anxiety is through the roof I’ve not got any of my tablets until tomorrow he’s filling my head with all this crap this morning saying we could work on things then he’s through at her flat having a takeaway while I’m at home managing a few bits of toast without being sick my life’s a joke I’m a joke and I just need all this to go away and I need to do this every single day on of work and having my son to look after

You CAN do this. He's a fucking twat. He doesn't deserve you. Do you really want to be with a horrid cretin like that anyway? She can have him. I hope she shits in his mouth

 

[Mummy 123]

Hope this will help you I've just come out of a relationship of 28 years I've been accused of having an affair and he thinks his son isn't his I'm taking a lie detector test and paying for a DNA test to prove his son is he's life is shit sometimes but we some how have to scrap ourselves up of the floor for our kids he on the other hand has fucked off and left me with our 2 kids my youngest has austim we are all in this together please keep strong x

 

[Mel Donte]

I found out today that my ex was seeing her current girlfriend before we broke up. It's a strange feeling. I thought I was done with mourning that relationship. What really gets me is that she was pushing non-monogamy HARD for about four months before we broke up. Now it looks like she was just trying to make her affair "legitimate".

 

[Telly Fanatic]

This is off topic but tattle this last 2 days had helped keep me sane my partner off 11 years cheated on me with someone at work and left yesterday after me giving him a second chance 6 months ago for the same thing (I know I’m an idiot) and he threw it back in my face but he’s wanting to make it work but is still txting & calling the girl he slept with and stayed at hers as he’s nowhere to go… I’m broken can’t eat or sleep and I’m trying to keep going for my son but he’s only 6 and too young to understand and his dad was hardly there so he’s not asked much yet but when and how can I make this better? I’ve hardly any family and I’m back at work tomorrow and I can’t stop crying can any of you lovely people offer me some advice?

Stay strong and try and act normal for your son's sake and you are better of without him please don't take him back and in a few week you will hopefully feel better about things and you will get someone else in future when the times right ..xx

And chat in here with us it's a good wee community

 

[ChubClubThug]

I’m just outside Glasgow my dad and his wife have been up everyday gutting my house getting his stuff packed and they even got me a new bed

he’s phoning me on Friday to make arrangements for my son on Saturday and set up the standing order so he can send over money weekly I just feel like I’ve done nothing but love him and im the one struggling and he’s away living his best life it’s a complete kick in the teeth

Reality will kick in for him soon and he won't be living his best life. That's when you need to stay strong. I'm glad you've got support. It's not your fault he's turned out to be a rubbish partner. He's not worthy, let him be someone else's problem because they will soon receive the same treatment from him

 

[Greysanatomyfan]

Update update update guys I’ve got a date next week with a very hot and lovely paramedic! Ahhh I’m nervous but excited there’s definitely better out there no more begging for the bare minimum we deserve the world

Update I got ghosted off the paramedic as soon as I mentioned I use crutches he cut contact… 3rd guy that’s done that maybe i should just be single forever clearly not good enough to be with anyone

I’d rather them be honest than just ignore me

 

[SwishSwing]

I found out today that my ex was seeing her current girlfriend before we broke up. It's a strange feeling. I thought I was done with mourning that relationship. What really gets me is that she was pushing non-monogamy HARD for about four months before we broke up. Now it looks like she was just trying to make her affair "legitimate".

Years ago an ex started dating "a friend" of mine a few months after we split. They dated for longer than he and I did, was rubbish but these things happened. About a year into their relationship I found out that not only had they started dating sooner than they'd told me but thst they'd been seeing each other for months behind my back too. And not only that but ALL of our other "friends" knew the whole time. It was HORRIBLE. I was no longer bothered by this point but it still stung.

People are, quite frankly, the worst.

I'm sorry you had to go through thst too. But you'll get through it again, I promise. Just know you're a better person than both of them! Sending love.

 

[ChubClubThug]

I've tried getting into emails but don't know password. He only has WhatsApp so can't get into that. I honestly don't know, he says first time but then again he must be very unlucky to be caught out first time. What gets me is I was so sure he was not that type of guy but his behaviour was so off the last month I knew something wasn't right. I've managed to sleep for an hour, going to try get some more so hopefully I can think straight. I've only told my boss so far as I wanted to change working arrangements later this week. I can't bear to tell my best friends yet

I'd reset it so he can't get in there, balls to him. How old is he? As awful as it is, he's probably got secret accounts on many platforms to go undetected. Men like him tell their women they don't have snapchat, facebook, twitter, Instagram etc. Then they're all over it, you'd be surprised. If he's capable of cheating, he's capable of anything.


The absolute cheek of him just leaving this stuff in his bag! He knew you trusted him by the sounds of it, and he took advantage. I really feel for you it becomes really stressful if you've got joint mortgage/tenancy, bills together. I hope you've got someone you can trust to help you on this. Be careful who you tell in the first instance. Well done for keeping calm, I'd have put a golf club around his head and his car I think

 

[ChubClubThug]

I confronted him when his alarm went this morning about the Viagra so before I saw your post. You are right he did try to deny it but I deliberately held the info back about the condoms so I knew he was lying. He eventually admitted it, a girl he met on his boys golf holiday last month, they arranged to meet this weekend so the 'golf weekend' with his mates was made up. I was and still am remarkably calm considering he tried to weasel his way out of it at first. At least he hasn't tried to turn it on me in any way (I would have lost it). I've sent him to work, fortunately I have a day off to consider what on earth I should do. I'm shattered and lost, we've been together so long. Keep the advice and good thoughts coming

Sadly She's probably not the first. You said your love life has been off track, yet he can make all this effort for another woman He's too practised at this. It takes effort to go get viagra and condoms I'd say he's done it before.

You're in shock. It's going to come down on you like a ton of bricks so brace yourself. Try and get into his emails and socials etc. You'll find a lot there I suspect. The more evidence you can find the stronger you'll be in your thoughts. Have you got anyone you can turn to for support?

 

[knivesnflowers]

never been in a relationship myself so can't really offer any advice but you're so much better off without him!! get yourself some fave snacks in and do a face mask / have a nice bath. put an easy watch or chick flick on and make a proper fuck you playlist you can scream your head off to as well. just find any way to look after yourself emotionally, either distractions or confront it and let it all out, it'll probably be a mix of both.

find someone you can confide in without judgement too, if that's his mother then so be it! not your fault if she finds out from you, but maybe that's just me being super petty ...

 

[And_that's_okay!]

I’m sat here crying at all of your lovely messages I’m broken now and I keep telling myself let yourself be free otherwise I’ll be here again down the line the hardest part is feeling like I’ve let myself and my son down and to top it off it’s my mum’s birthday today she passed away 6 years ago and he didn’t even realise that when he walked out yesterday… I can’t even sleep in my room I’ve slept on the couch well if you can call 3 hours sleep

You absolutely have not let anyone down. Your brain is in a state of heightened emotion. It's not thinking straight and is lying too you. They're just thoughts in response to what's happened. Don't believe the thoughts, they're not true. It's a cliché but you need time. Do whatever you need to do right now to look after yourself. Indulge in some chocolate, sweets, ice-cream. Watch a comedy. Ring a helpline if you need to vent and get this off your chest.

My advice is block him. Even in the short term. Can someone mediate? A friend or family member?

I'm so sorry about your mum.

You could try some grounding and self-soothing techniques. There are an abundance of videos on YouTube.

Also, please try and speak to yourself in a compassionate voice (versus berating yourself). What would you say to a friend if they were going through this (because I know for a fact you wouldn't say 'you've let your son down' to them).

I have a son a similar age. You can do this!!! Life is going to be okay.

 

[heidilouxx]

This is off topic but tattle this last 2 days had helped keep me sane my partner off 11 years cheated on me with someone at work and left yesterday after me giving him a second chance 6 months ago for the same thing (I know I’m an idiot) and he threw it back in my face but he’s wanting to make it work but is still txting & calling the girl he slept with and stayed at hers as he’s nowhere to go… I’m broken can’t eat or sleep and I’m trying to keep going for my son but he’s only 6 and too young to understand and his dad was hardly there so he’s not asked much yet but when and how can I make this better? I’ve hardly any family and I’m back at work tomorrow and I can’t stop crying can any of you lovely people offer me some advice?

Oh darling im so sorry to hear this what you’re going through is awful but by the sounds of it you were way too good for him and you deserve so much better. Take time to heal & all your son wants is to see his mummy happy. Hold your head up high & know that he’s not worth any more of your time or effort. Get lots of sleep, watch some trash tv, take some time off work & focus on yourself xxxx

 

[Wowitsme]

Lol what I mean is he can't even use the 'oh no sex life' excuse literally no excuse there for him to try fall back on to.

People cheat for many reasons not just due to sex life. Personally I would never stay with a cheater and I certainly wouldn’t marry them.

have you to spoke to him about the reasons why he cheated?

 

[Frenchie]

This is off topic but tattle this last 2 days had helped keep me sane my partner off 11 years cheated on me with someone at work and left yesterday after me giving him a second chance 6 months ago for the same thing (I know I’m an idiot) and he threw it back in my face but he’s wanting to make it work but is still txting & calling the girl he slept with and stayed at hers as he’s nowhere to go… I’m broken can’t eat or sleep and I’m trying to keep going for my son but he’s only 6 and too young to understand and his dad was hardly there so he’s not asked much yet but when and how can I make this better? I’ve hardly any family and I’m back at work tomorrow and I can’t stop crying can any of you lovely people offer me some advice?

It won’t feel like it now but it will get better, I’m always here for you if you need a chat x