My partner cheated

[Lucyxxxx]

Glad I found this thread. Found out last week my so called partner who I'm meant to be due to marry next year decided has a baby on the side (baby daddy number 7 for her, most the kids are in care, house is a revolving door knocking shop, looks like she died 6 months ago and someone's dug up her corpse). He is saying he doesn't care and all he wants us me, the kids and our pets. I went no contact and that lasted all of a few days. I already knew before that he had cheated on me with this dog when I was pregnant with our disabled baby but this is permanent evidence of what he did to me. Worst thing is asides from being unable to keep his nob to himself he's our protector, provider, we have each other in tears laughing on a daily basis, we think the same, can read each others thoughts, I've got good punani and love to fuck, he had no reason to this. I've told him I just don't see how I can move or get past this.

 

[Greysanatomyfan]

I honestly can’t do this my anxiety is through the roof I’ve not got any of my tablets until tomorrow he’s filling my head with all this crap this morning saying we could work on things then he’s through at her flat having a takeaway while I’m at home managing a few bits of toast without being sick my life’s a joke I’m a joke and I just need all this to go away and I need to do this every single day on of work and having my son to look after

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Tom spoke about it on a show ( it's on Google too) he slept with over 250 behind his wife's back but would never leave her he was devoted to her and said she's most important person in his life ...look at Wayne Rooney and his shenanigans he could have set up home with any of they tarts he was with but he won't leave Colleen so she must be his true love even though he has done that to her

I’m not sure whether it’s down to her being his “true love”. I think some men (and women) just enjoy having flings and affairs, it gives them a sense of power and a sense of control. The fact she hasn’t left him after all he’s done probably boosts his ego. He probably wants to also save face and doesn’t want to be the man that left his wife and children. The public will forgive his affairs if she does, but they might not take the same stance if he leaves his wife and kids for some tart.

Honestly if a man ever cheats multiple times and doesn’t leave, it’s not about love, it’s about power.

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

Some of you may remember me from the heartbreak thread, I have posted about this before but two years ago my husband had an affair, it lasted 4 weeks he knew her in real life but “bonded” over a specific game and they’d play together which lead to snapchats, nightly calls and FaceTimes, meeting her twice and staying the night with her and obviously they had sex. I knew something was off I just couldn’t understand what. I could use his phone anytime and he mine, had each others faces for id. Anyway one night he was asleep and he left his phone out and I reasoned with myself I’d check the phone, find nothing and then go to sleep. And wow how wrong was I. My blood went cold and I can still feel the pain as the pieces started to fall in to place. Anyway we gave things another go moved on from it and it hit me this morning (idk why now) he planned to meet someone for sex and went through with it and still came home to me like nothing happened, twice he did this. I’m sorry I’m rambling and I realise I sound stupid but I don’t know how to explain how it’s suddenly so clear? How do you do something to someone you love what the fuck?

 

[Telly Fanatic]

I no this will be hard but I think the best thing is to get back in your own bed , and you haven't let yourself or your son down it's not your fault what has happened.. and happy heavenly birthday to your mum x

 

[SophSpinsSillyStories]

So sorry you’re going through this. I know it feels like your world has fallen apart right now, but trust me - you will recover from this in time.
My ex led a double life for 18 months, he gaslighted me when I suspected something but came clean when the woman he was sleeping with threatened to tell me on Christmas Day. We owned a house, had shared friends… it was just a mess. I tried to work through it but it was sending me crazy. I found out what he’d told me was only just the start of it and ended up on anti depressants as I went down rabbit hole after rabbit hole trying to find the truth. In the end my brother told me that I would hold it against him for the rest of my life and would ‘pull it out of my arse’ in every argument. And he was right, I would have.
I told his mum myself, kicked him out, bought him out of the house and rebuilt my life. Years later I met a wonderful man and had two amazing kids. My life is exponentially better than it ever was.

You will get there. Surround yourself with people who will make you laugh, listen to you cry, join in when you bitch about him and eventually it will stop hurting.

sending lots of love! X

 

[PixieMum]

Resurrecting this thread as I can't sleep. I've been with my fiance for about 20 years and something's been off for a few weeks. He is just back from a golf weekend with his mates and I don't know why I did it but I looked in his wallet and bag when he went to bed. His wallet had Viagra (one used) which he appears to have got from pharmacy last week. His bag had a couple of boxes of condoms (one half empty). I am completely beside myself I don't know what to do. Our sex life isn't too great admittedly (I have quite a low drive) but we're so close as a couple (or so I thought). I know I need to confront him and kick him to the kerb but I'm scared about being on my own. Anyone out there got some advice?

 

[PixieMum]

He's mid 40s. We've no kids (fertility issues). I dunno a part of me thinks maybe he left things in bags on purpose, maybe he wants out but couldn't tell me.

I'll be ok as house is mine following inheritance, he's not on the deeds so more fool him. That at least is something although quite how I'll manage bills just myself goodness knows, I'll cross that bridge in time.

I managed to sleep some more this afternoon, he'll be home from work soon and I'm telling him he's out as I need space. He'll probably have to stay with his mum, that will be an interesting conversation, she will be furious with him as he was definitely not raised that way.

I can't believe this is happening. Thanks again everyone, I'm so touched with your messages of support, Tattlers are amazing x

 

[Greysanatomyfan]

Just take one day at a time, one hour even. You'll get through tonight. I've just put kids to bed and I'm getting in the bath, it helps clear my head for an hour. You're not a joke! Never ever think that. Your good nature has just been taken advantage of, same as mine has. Let him have his takeaway (never know he might get food poisoning ) he's obviously not happy or content in himself and I can imagine the feeling of having 2 women wanting him is a big ego trip he's obviously quite needy. What area do you live in? I'm Kent x

I’m just outside Glasgow my dad and his wife have been up everyday gutting my house getting his stuff packed and they even got me a new bed

he’s phoning me on Friday to make arrangements for my son on Saturday and set up the standing order so he can send over money weekly I just feel like I’ve done nothing but love him and im the one struggling and he’s away living his best life it’s a complete kick in the teeth

 

[gummy-bear]

What an absolute grotbag he sounds like! Having the nerve to cheat twice and now living with her? Why is he not with a mate, family etc? Total lack of respect, it’s revolting.

I was dumped in 2013 and it was hideous. I was told on a night out by a random she had slept with him and I was beyond heartbroken. Couldn’t eat, sleep, feel happy. I felt like I was out of body and living a bad dream, would find myself relating everything back to him and the rose tinted glasses were out in full force.

All I can say is take it day by day. You’ll be surprised at how much better you feel in 2 weeks, then one month and then before you know it will be a year. Block him on social media so you don’t stalk him, only speak to him about your son- there is now no need for any further communications. He has done the worst thing possible in a relationship and so it is time to let go.

Try and focus on yourself when you start to feel a bit better. Maybe you’ll get into running, cooking, new hobbies - you might even feel like dating and meeting new people. But don’t rush into anything - cry and feel sad for now, it’s totally normal.

My story ended with me meeting a new guy two years later who I ended up marrying. He’s better in so many ways. I actually weirdly bumped into my ex a few weeks ago for the first time and it was such closure, I couldn’t believe id ever felt the way I did towards him. I promise you that you’ll feel better one day but allow yourself to heal.

Good luck

What an absolute grotbag he sounds like! Having the nerve to cheat twice and now living with her? Why is he not with a mate, family etc? Total lack of respect, it’s revolting.

I was dumped in 2013 and it was hideous. I was told on a night out by a random she had slept with him and I was beyond heartbroken. Couldn’t eat, sleep, feel happy. I felt like I was out of body and living a bad dream, would find myself relating everything back to him and the rose tinted glasses were out in full force.

All I can say is take it day by day. You’ll be surprised at how much better you feel in 2 weeks, then one month and then before you know it will be a year. Block him on social media so you don’t stalk him, only speak to him about your son- there is now no need for any further communications. He has done the worst thing possible in a relationship and so it is time to let go.

Try and focus on yourself when you start to feel a bit better. Maybe you’ll get into running, cooking, new hobbies - you might even feel like dating and meeting new people. But don’t rush into anything - cry and feel sad for now, it’s totally normal.

My story ended with me meeting a new guy two years later who I ended up marrying. He’s better in so many ways. I actually weirdly bumped into my ex a few weeks ago for the first time and it was such closure, I couldn’t believe id ever felt the way I did towards him. I promise you that you’ll feel better one day but allow yourself to heal.

Good luck

And just to add- I found journaling such a release when I was going through hell. I made lists and lists of all the reasons he was terrible for me - things like how I could never relax when he went out because I was always scared he would be out being inappropriate with other girls. I also would write a lot about what I wanted in the future and my general thoughts. It sounds crazy and I eventually threw it away when things were getting better for me but genuinely it saved me!

 

[PixieMum]

How are you doing @PixieMum x

Pretty grim truth be told. He's staying in a hotel for a few nights, clearly not ready to own up to family what he's done. I broke down when he left.

Finally found a way into one of his email accounts and history so I know where they stayed on Saturday but not much else. Does look like it is very recent. He finally said sorry. He does appear concerned about what happens if it is definitely over, I've said not my problem, he should have thought about that really shouldn't he?

 

[If i told you …]

So sorry that you are going through this. It's one of the worst things that you have to endure and can feel like a huge challenge. My advice is to trust your instincts and protect yourself. If he hasn't left his keys get the locks changed asap and close any joint accounts or credit cards. You need to be one step ahead now. Gather his things up tomorrow like official documents passport, driving licence etc and either post them to him or take them to his mothers.
Write down a list of things he needs removed from like council tax, insurance, will and make a date to do them in the next week or so. When the dust has settled a bit.
You will have time to grieve and collect yourself but for now it's all about protecting what is yours.
Good luck going forward and trust people when they say to you that it will be for the best in the long run and that you will be happy again x

 

[Lalla]

I’m sat here crying at all of your lovely messages I’m broken now and I keep telling myself let yourself be free otherwise I’ll be here again down the line the hardest part is feeling like I’ve let myself and my son down and to top it off it’s my mum’s birthday today she passed away 6 years ago and he didn’t even realise that when he walked out yesterday… I can’t even sleep in my room I’ve slept on the couch well if you can call 3 hours sleep

Hope you're doing ok today.

I've been there - I gave my Ex a second chance and whilst he didn't start shagging anyone else again (so he said, and tbh I do believe him) 3 years on he started messaging the grotbag he was unfaithful with previously. His defence was that she's got a boyfriend (this didn't wash with me as I know she's a swinger who goes to sex clubs and all sorts; plus she's such a horrible unpleasant person who harassed both of us last time - why would he even want to speak to her, ever?). I ended it anyway.

The first time I had loads of doubts as to whether I'd done the right thing, but I don't this time. It's 4 months on now and I still miss him loads but I'm not crying any more and my life is kind of back to normal albeit a significant part of my life is missing. We didn't live together but we did spend a lot of time together and I thought I'd be with him for the rest of my life - I'd already planned the next 20 years. And now it all feels a bit like limbo.

But sending you lots of strength. You have done the right thing. The first few weeks will be tough, lean on any friends and family you have around you until it gets easier xx

 

[daisychains_]

I honestly can’t do this my anxiety is through the roof I’ve not got any of my tablets until tomorrow he’s filling my head with all this crap this morning saying we could work on things then he’s through at her flat having a takeaway while I’m at home managing a few bits of toast without being sick my life’s a joke I’m a joke and I just need all this to go away and I need to do this every single day on of work and having my son to look after

I am so, so sorry that you're going through this Please know that you are not a joke, and your life is also not a joke. The "joke" is this sorry excuse for a man doing this to you and then emotionally blackmailing you at the same time. He cannot have his cake and eat it, which at the moment is what he is doing. My advice would be to block him, do not respond to any communication at all - I know that's easier said than done but it's the only way you'll be able to start building yourself back up again. I promise you, even though this feels like the end of the world now, it WILL get easier and one day you'll look back on this and wonder why you ever felt so upset. He's messed you around and treated you awfully, you're better off without him. Sending lots of love xx

 

[ChubClubThug]

I’m sat here crying at all of your lovely messages I’m broken now and I keep telling myself let yourself be free otherwise I’ll be here again down the line the hardest part is feeling like I’ve let myself and my son down and to top it off it’s my mum’s birthday today she passed away 6 years ago and he didn’t even realise that when he walked out yesterday… I can’t even sleep in my room I’ve slept on the couch well if you can call 3 hours sleep

Your ex has let YOU down and your son down. You gave him a chance when he didn't deserve one and he still screwed you over. That makes you a better person than he will ever be. I know it sounds stupid but have you got tiktok? There are some absolutely brilliant accounts on there that give advice about cheaters and how to deal with them and recovering from emotional trauma. You can save the videos and watch them when you need to. Because that's exactly what you're experiencing right now - trauma and probably PTSD. It's deffo a thing when a long relationship ends.

Your first priority is to get some sleep. Then you can think about what you want and how you can get it. I know how you feel, I also lost mum 6 years ago in 2016. It is horrible having to be without your mum when you need her most. Think about what she'd say if she was here. She'd tell you to fuck him off and never look back no doubt. The only think you can thank him for is your son, nothing else. You can do this

 

[Telly Fanatic]

I see this is a new thread , we will support you x

 

[PixieMum]

Before you confront him can you get hold of his phone/email? Check his bank statements, emails, social media, phone records. Because when confronted, they normally flat out deny it, despite the evidence you've already got that seems pretty concrete. Did he even go with his mates? Can you get proof of that before you confront him?

I'm so sorry, this is truly one of the most horrible things that can happen to someone.

I confronted him when his alarm went this morning about the Viagra so before I saw your post. You are right he did try to deny it but I deliberately held the info back about the condoms so I knew he was lying. He eventually admitted it, a girl he met on his boys golf holiday last month, they arranged to meet this weekend so the 'golf weekend' with his mates was made up. I was and still am remarkably calm considering he tried to weasel his way out of it at first. At least he hasn't tried to turn it on me in any way (I would have lost it). I've sent him to work, fortunately I have a day off to consider what on earth I should do. I'm shattered and lost, we've been together so long. Keep the advice and good thoughts coming

 

[Greysanatomyfan]

Do you need a break up buddy?! Although my partner hasn't cheated (at least I don't think) he's decided after 5 years he no longer loves or wants me. He is selling the house ect, what a bloody mess! I hope you're OK, it's horrible isn't it. We will be OK

A break up buddy sounds exactly what I need right now 🥹.. that’s horrible have you got anywhere to go? Hope you’re okay we’ll get through this 1 day at a time

 

[CoffeeMamma]

I honestly can’t do this my anxiety is through the roof I’ve not got any of my tablets until tomorrow he’s filling my head with all this crap this morning saying we could work on things then he’s through at her flat having a takeaway while I’m at home managing a few bits of toast without being sick my life’s a joke I’m a joke and I just need all this to go away and I need to do this every single day on of work and having my son to look after

Block the bastard he just wants you to be on demand, absolute oxygen thief. I hope his takeaway gives him the shits and he stands on Lego. Disconnect him unless it’s about your son, use a third party if you have to (mam/dad, my fella used her granny). Have a Bath, wash your hair, snuggle in your comfiest PJs with something hot and watch Bake Off, or something lovely and wholesome. Go to bed and stick on Radio 4 or something for noise, and try get some rest - it’s good for you. Tomorrow is a new day and you can get through that too

Hope this will help you I've just come out of a relationship of 28 years I've been accused of having an affair and he thinks his son isn't his I'm taking a lie detector test and paying for a DNA test to prove his son is he's life is shit sometimes but we some how have to scrap ourselves up of the floor for our kids he on the other hand has fucked off and left me with our 2 kids my youngest has austim we are all in this together please keep strong x

You are also a queen, take a crown xx

 

[Cat33]

Thank you, I’m currently trying to buy him out of the house. It’s all a mess. I thought we were forever and had my whole future planned with him. It’s so hard at the moment thinking of a new future without him but I know I am better off without him, once a cheat always a cheat.