Mumsnet #40 I sit on my throne of potatoes and I laugh

[Florentine]

Blurp

how to get out of a fancy car without showing my knickers though

Ahh, how the other half live.
I went to the sort of school where you were only likely to get in a fancy car by showing your knickers first.

 

[Sunlifeover50]

Someone last week said she’d never send her child to the “warzone” that is a state school. I mean how do you sympathise really??

If I see another “We drive a 15 year old car, don’t eat out and have one camping holiday a year. It’s the sacrifices we made to give our DC the best education” post I think I’ll combust. Maybe little Percy would have had a happier childhood stuffing his face on an AI holiday every year, going for a pizza express Pollo Ad Astra once a month and cruising in dads leased Range Rover with his “drug dealing” mates off the estate instead of sitting in a tent in Tenby with last weeks scraps of chicken and lentils in a Tupperware box.

 

[Galinda]

We've lost sight of what a real graduation looks like

 

[Serene Serena]

I can't believe they actually put that much thought into things like this
View attachment 2993585

I read that and I swear to god, I thought it was a parody. When I need a new work mug (which I do, frequently, because I drop them and break them on a regular basis due to my undiagnosed ADHD, dyspraxia and being a very clumsy person) I go to the local charity shop and buy 5 for a quid. My current work mug has 'to dearest Grandad love from Kevin' on it.

 

[50degreesnorth]

I take care to wax and bleach my arsehole and then attach myself like an anemone for zero slippage. Also have my 10m swimming badge so quietly confident.

 

[EffingDust]

I like one of the responders in the financial abuse thread telling the OP to 'pull your socks up'. Haven't heard or read that one in a while!

Should be mumsnets tagline.

Socks: pulled, Heads: wobbled, Ducks: rowed, Foreskins: parcelled.

 

[Audaciter]

Have you all seen the S&B thread about if you're genuinely happy with your body what's your weight/height/IQ/favourite Spice Girl? You'll enjoy it.

If you’re happy and you know it, share your weight
If you’re happy and you know it, share your weight
If you’re happy and you know it, and you really want to show it
If you’re happy and you know it, share your weight

You’re a fatty and you know it, be ashamed
You’re a fatty and you know it, be ashamed
You’re a fatty and you know it, how dare you fucking show it
You’re a fatty and you know it, be ashamed…

 

[cat_follower]

Todays’ Fat People Crime: wearing pyjamas at home. Imagine feeling comfortable all day, those feckless bastards. Personally I wear a hair shirt under a girdle on the school run, lest I forget that to exist is to suffer.

 

[Affiliatemebaby]

Another gem from the afternoon tea discussion.

 

[Amoo]

That Michael Moseley thread. Like they're all his next of kin

They'll all be hugging their doctors extra tightly tonight.

 

[EleanorAbernathy]

They're even arguing about how pretentious they are on the Michael Mosley threads! Look at this nobhead!

 

[CrimsonCountess]

Well this is completely normal isn't it

 

[ZanzibarDreaming]

JFC someone has written a “poem” (I use the term advisedly)


Gunnersforthecup · Today 10:36

Michael Mosely, rest in peace.
Now the desperate search can cease.
God bless you and your loved ones too.
With thanks, we will remember you.

 

[LilyPond]

The new go-to is ‘I’ve no skin in the game’ someone said it once, now they’re all saying it.

No foreskin in the game

 

[kendallroysdownfall]

The miserable dust eating cunts.

Thread title?

 

[cat_follower]

‘having to gently part my lips’

shut the fuck up I hate you

 

[Northernscumpet]

I'm sorry but no. That's definitely some fantasist, no doctor is remotely aroused when they're having a rummage round in your torn up flaps. Not to mention it's all pretty stretchy, pretty sure you're not tearing it apart with a waxing strip (I could be wrong here, I've never tried waxing my flaps)...a slip when shaving would have been a more believable story of gruesome but arousing mingury.

 

[dressinggownofdoom]

There’s a poster on there wanting to LTB because she heard DH whispering under his breath that she’s a cunt after an argument. Surely muttering insults under your breath and giving your beloved two fingers when they turn their back is one of the small joys of marriage?

 

[50sGirl]

Oh I do feel sorry for those of you whose 4 year olds had a nursery graduation.
My son, Septimus Tarquin III, actually had a REAL graduation from Cambridge at just turned 4. (he’s an August baby so youngest in his year). He then did a Masters in quantum physics in just a year and graduated just after his 5th birthday. He had the highest mark on his dissertation in his year.
I put his intelligence down to no television and no sugar ever. If he wants a treat he asks for celery with a little bit of salt (naughty I know but sometimes it’s nice to indulge him).
If you let them “graduate” from nursery they will have no ambition to get into Oxbridge and before you know it they will be shooting up at the back of Fortnum & Mason!

 

[CrimsonCountess]

Thread title thanks to @cat_follower. One of my favourites so far

Recently we’ve learned that under no circumstances can you have a banana on Biwi’s bootcamp but you can have a semen parcel as it’s low carb