Mumsnet #38 imagine spending £100 on a notebook and writing 'bleach arsehole' in it

[orangehead]

My mum still labours under the misapprehension that pasta is “healthy”. If I’ve told her once, I’ve told her a thousand times…

Is she size American?

 

[Lazarus]

Ironically, by the time it starts thinning out and being theoretically less like to leave you feeling like a freshly plucked chicken out of the boiling water bath, hormonal changes mean that a) the skin is more delicate and b) you're significantly less likely to want to bother with anything that benefits from less foliage anymore.

Bastarding peri.

I’m in my mid-40’s, have been having a full Hollywood wax (everything off) around every 5 weeks since my early 20’s.
it hurts as much now as it did then; there’s as much regrowth now as there was at the start.

 

[MangoMiss]

I cannot stop laughing at autocarrot.

Three days later and I STILL can't stop laughing at it

 

[bread-pitt]

I’m sure the one who won’t take the dying dog to the vet because she’s worried her ex-boyfriend will hit on her is made up. There’s something not right there. Especially as she says in another thread she walks “a lot”, in fact she walks so much she thinks her neighbors will report her for falsely claiming disability payments.

 

[Millie2023]

Ugh they are all just going to lap up this story aren’t they

Maybe he is cheating…..
…with the cleaner

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

Yes, but their advertising is 'inclusive' so mostly extremely fat women and ugly men modelling them. A lot of customers have been put off by their NSFW collection as well, which includes badges that say Blow Job Queen and Cum Slut and men wearing the tights like a body suit, with a knot at the top, and other fetishes Apart from that though, lovely tights.

Better Tights are actually - well, Better. They don't go baggy like Snag do and I think the knit is higher quality.

 

[gashlycrumbtiny]

The ones that amuse me are the cleaner complaints ones. Mumsnetters on six figure salaries, managing teams but can't have a reasonable frank conversation with their cleaner. They missed a skirting board so I'm going to text them to say don't come anymore. Everyone agrees that the scum bag cleaner needs to go!
"Iris. There's a cobweb on the bannister. Would you be able to get the duster out and remove it please?"
"Yes Mrs Levinson. No problem"
The end.

Oh my God, delurking to say Mrs Levinson really is the ultimate Mumsnetter isn’t she? Passive aggressive sneering bitch, lies about being wealthy with a successful DH. She should be their mascot.

 

[yessenia_d]

To be size Japan, you need to be brainwashed from school

View attachment 2919057

There are also some cancers that are specifically linked to the Japanese diet also, but none of these fuckers ever seem to mention it.

Japan seems to be the new France for MN.

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Back in the 90s, when it was all about exciting vinegars, a friend went to a dinner party at which the host was making a salad that was meant to be dressed with raspberry vinegar. She’d had none so had substituted it with raspberry yoghurt.

God - that's brought back memories!

I used to love raspberry vinegar - it was fecking wonderful drizzled over vanilla ice cream.

I haven't thought about it for years and I want some now.

<wonders if the stuff in the beetroot jar would do>

 

[orangehead]

Thanks. How the fuck has it got to 4 threads. I'm guessing the fangirls have given everyone names and have cast actors for the film?

On the last thread they were discussing actors!!

 

[Brandshinynew]

Yeh. I remember the time I got a uterine polyp because my colleague kept wanking in the gents.
---
I have a specific question about camelus bactrianus - is it Becky mumsnet I should PM?

She appears to be the in-house expert.

 

[ShopTilYouSlop]

I don't see what's to stop anyone just reregistering under a new email if they want to; God knows they have enough PBPs coming back to make up troll threads! But if you think you're happier off out of it, then all to the good. I have very little respect for their moderation; the things they delete and the things they let stand! And they banned someone om here the other day for jokey, clearly satirical posts... I could see why they might have contacted her to say "oh knock it off, will ya" (although she was being bloody funny!) but they just went straight to a ban, which is really OTT. Meanwhile, racists and antisemites and MRAs remain welcome.

My worry is that I'm registered with them under a real email with my real name and with their history of data breaches....

 

[Cheddar Chalpupa]

I'd be absolutely furious about it anyway, but why the actual fuck have they put it bang in front of the window instead a few feet forward where there is no window. I was sat here thinking that I would climb out of my window and stick a raw chicken in there at the weekend so they get maggots (Which is probably why they blocked the window, maybe that's happened in the past!)

Edit - I'd also sit by the window and narrate their comings and goings "the fat blonde fella has gone in there, yet again"

Edit again - and I'd bang on it when I knew someone was in there.

On seconds thoughts there is a lot of fun to be had (just a shame the pay off is a fucking vile smell permeating your bedroom!)

 

[definitelynotvlad]

What’s wrong with pasta??

 

[HotDawg]

Twatwaffle is going on my list. It'll be alongside such hybrid words as: clusterfuck, spunkbucket and omnishambles.

Cheers @HotDawg

May I also introduce another couple of personal favourites…… twatopottomus and wankpuffin?

 

[Freda Fandango]

The parking thread was a bit of an anticlimax.
They will all have to find something else to do now.

Yeh it went on for dozens of pages of folk refreshing and drinking wine.

Op full of cheeky fucker and how she was going to deal with her. In real life she said zilch. The disappointment was palpable.

Meanwhile in halftit thread OP vanished this morning and they are still trailing each others hair out.

 

[ShopTilYouSlop]

For a place with so many teeny tinies, they sure have some large breasts. on that recent fake thread where the boyfriend invited people to the house who were not wearing “comfies” and the girlfriend of the friend had the audacity to be wearing a low-cut top, a whole slew of replies “I’m a G/H/K/L cup, but…”. I don’t think anyone was smaller than an F. I’m at an airport right now and looking around this departure area, even in Size Walmart Land, I don’t see anyone with such large breasts. I think they are mythical as the 6’4 husbands. But most of them have always had a casual relationship with the truth.

Oh that one was such a crock of shite. I think OP disappeared after she shared the fake text message and literally nobody believed it after that.

Real HHs do exist, though. The cup sizes can sound dramatic but they often aren't as startling in reality as you might think, especially if the back is narrow.

 

[nobotoxta]

Here we go. I haven't loked at any replies, although am tempted to discuss my paltry nhs wage and husbands state pension.

 

[Sunlifeover50]

Have we spoken about the neighbours builders, on scaffolding outside the OPs bedroom window yet? It’s absolutely disgusting and one person has said it’s absolutely fine because everyone has to poo. I mean who in the right mind would think that’s ok???

 

[bread-pitt]

Sizing must be different in the UK. I’m a DD and that’s seen as massive here. I went to the optician last week for new glasses and I couldn’t get my chin onto the rest of the thing you look through because my chest was too large. The optician moved it to the furthest setting and then sighed and she said “I don’t know what else to do. This wasn’t designed for someone with such large breasts”. And we both joked it was obviously designed by a man.