Mumsnet #34 beep beep witches!

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

This thread is something else. She’s loaning him some money and he’ll pay her back over 4 months. Poor kid!

£60 but he saves £30 of it so just £30 for all socialising AND all the clothes he wears. That's not achievable in this day and age.

Also, I have a child the same age. I buy all his clothes because I'm his mother and he's still at school. Although I don't do pocket money or "allowance" so maybe that's where I'm going wrong.

 

[YR80]

That use of ‘nerds’ I’ve not heard that used in years. She’d never fit in over here with language like that!

 

[Shimmering]

There's an absolutely horrendous thread on AIBU right now where OP has managed to get her son permanently excluded from school. It's called "to think doing the "right" thing has bitten us firmly on the bum". In a nutshell: son was smoking weed so she involved school, police and social services and now he's been permanently excluded at 14. He had been doing well in school.

She's getting torn to pieces in the replies.

The irony is, had she posted for advice before her horrendously OTT sledgehammer to crack a nut approach to parenting, she'd probably have had 50 odd pages browbeating her into taking exactly that approach!

This is the disconnect between the mad advice on MN, and the harsh reality of life.

 

[50degreesnorth]

One of the bams on the “the government have lost sight of what the French look like” state-mandated weight-loss thread has posted an example of what she feeds her family.

It’s an exhibit of where flavour went to die. No herbs, no spices, no seasoning - her husband will be out in the street on his hands and knees licking the tarmac the next time they grit the roads.

 

[Cheddar Chalpupa]

Actually there is one little sad side affect of vomming girl, my step dad is going in for a massive operation tomorrow (think removing a brain tumour) so now I'll not be able to see my mum today because I can't risk passing a bug on.

If you see a post about "grand daughter intentionally ruined Mother's Day by getting a stomach bug" or alternatively "should I leave DH for scheduling a massive operation on the day after Mothers Day" you'll know it's my Mum.

(Except she won't cos she's fucking lovely and even now we're all in our 40s she'd still be over the moon with a hand made card and nothing else)

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

Luckily I've not gone that insane yet. The one about the lady wanting to buy a handbag for £1.5k. It didn't take long for all the hilarious people to come along and say they would buy an Aldi bag for life and give the rest to charity. And then someone started arguing about trumpets. It all got a bit weird

Trumpets? Does she want to keep a trumpet in her handbag, because that would be fucking brilliant!
Imagine, you are on the bus and a man wants to sit next to you, you could pull out your trumpet and do your best Roy Castle at him, to send him away. Or they are in the supermarket and someone is rude to them (eg. says excuse me, could you pass me a pack of penne please) they could whip out the trumpet and parp away until the horrified person moves on

God I want a trumpet now

 

[Saltfish84]

Mumsnet is the only place where skinny, tiny little women who earn £250k for 3 working hours a week live.

I mean, look out of your window. 99% of the women you see will be more than a size 8 and be earning less than £80k -

But somehow MN is the anomaly? Pffft, more lies on there than Jack Monroe’s backstory.

 

[notanotherusername92]

They are absolutely giving hell to a mum who’s struggling to potty train - I remember why I felt so shit reading it when my kids were little

This one is brutal. All the talk of if she doesn’t train now the child will be in nappies for school in 18m.

I never understood why people tolerate months of wet beds, carrying around potties and millions of clothes changes, in the name of “training”

I’ve seen posts where mums have been getting up two or three times in the night to deal with wet beds, changing sheets, then having to do three loads of wet bedding every day.

Bloody hell just leave them in nappies until they’re dry. It isn’t a training issue it’s a hormonal issue and nothing you do will change the fact they can’t hold it until that hormone kicks in.

Then you have the smug superior mums who “trained” at 18m. Trained loosely interpreted as only 3 changes of clothes and two incidents of peeing in the street today.

 

[cat_follower]

For Mother’s Day my son gave me a cold by coughing directly into my mouth the other day. I’m pregnant and my baby chipped in by giving me the most ungodly heartburn known to man, which made me throw up AIBU to think this is toxic and also that they’re CFs of the highest order???

 

[Tuesdaysdoll14]

Well I’ll go against the grain.

1. You don’t get a medal from St Peter for policing (shit) jokes you don’t agree with.

2. Why the fuck didn’t you just block and move on?

I’m sorry you’ve been banned from MN, you sound right up their street.

ok I’ll bite? When is violence against women ever ok? When is suggesting that raping and murdering someone ok? That’s what I’m policing.

They posted a public video, I commented. It was public, fair enough a comment back is fine. Threatening murder and rape is not. I could’ve blocked and I have, but letting men get away with threatening behaviour I won’t. Doesn’t make me weak.

You sound right up his street, a fellow cunt.

 

[sistersofpercy]

Snakebite and black is also bad for that, speaking from experience!

My best mate as a teen (and still tbh) wasn’t much of a drinker, so she always drove and I had her share.
I loved me a ‘purple nasty’ (snakebite and black) or eight. One night we’d been to a rock club that was way out in the middle of nowhere and I knew I was going to be sick. I asked her to pull over, she said she wasn’t stopping there so just open the window and do it….

What neither of us considered was the car was an old mini traveller with wooden sides. As I spectacularly threw up bright purple vomit it went all along the side of the car, staining the pale woodwork with a hint of pink


It remained like that until she scrapped it some years later. She still jokes about it now.

 

[50degreesnorth]

That’s genius! I’d never thought of flipping on to my hands and knees and getting up that way. Obviously the wrong side of 50, I’m riddled with dementia, so will have forgotten your tip by the time meals on wheels arrive.

 

[VC10]

if you’re in town, Wrights chippy on cross street.

Mmmmm I want some chips now
---

This woman is either a mumsnetter or would make a perfect addition

I worked with a woman once- no word of a lie - had holidays left, right & centre then her Dad died- she recieved his jaguar xj6 , then her Mum developed dementia and she was into a care home like greased lightning , but " Luckily" - as my work colleague said - and I quote- " she didn't last long & died so her savings and Dad's pension covered those costs and we inherited the house and investments " 🫥

She was as tight as arseholes. If she had dropped a 10pence piece, it would have hit her on the back of her head as she bent down to pick it up.

 

[sistersofpercy]

My Mother’s Day is the worst.
They BOTH sent a card and I’m currently in the car with one of them, in France, on the way to…. Brace yourselves…. Disney.
Of course I’m looking chic (Rammstein shirt, black skinnies) and I felt much thinner and more refined the second we drove off the shuttle.

 

[veronica71]

I don't know if it's cos I'm an exhuasted cynical mother of 2 SEN kids who's barely had a day off in 10 years (violins out now please!) but the amount of moaning they do about their free childcare and what they give them to eat or drink is rage inducing at times! One currently about the little one being given milky tea by the grandparents in the evening - sounds a really sweet thing and memory for the kid to have but NO!

Mine could be fed on all the UPFs and plugged into screens for a chance of a break!

 

[Technobiff]

My mother's day so far has been painful.
Started off with a cooked breakfast as usual on a Sunday, followed by an appointment for my legs cupping ( I have lipodema in them ) which has me clinging to the ceiling.
Then once round the Asda and home.
The ' usband is cooking lunch as I'm currently laid on my the floor with my feet propped up on a footstool.
Had WhatsApp messages off the kids, one saying she's transferring some money for my painful procedure this morning as she thinks that will be more useful than flowers etc. I don't know what I did wrong to her, but I've noticed that every birthday and mother's day, she likes to inflict pain on me.
Last birthday, it was giving me the gift of having my eyebrows threaded!!
The fucking sadist!

 

[Serene Serena]

Jesus Christ, someone’s started a thread asking if the king is dead. Apparently, she couldn’t see another thread on it, probably because no-one else has read the crackpot TikTok account she got the ‘news’ from. It’s very unseemly how desperate they all are to be the first person to post about a royal being dead.

I'm going to start a thread saying I've heard a rumour (from a royal insider obviously) that Harry and Megan are poised to take over from Charles and Camilla because Will and Kate and their kids don't want the job, and they are going to live in a throuple with Rose Hanbury on a remote Scottish island.

 

[Technobiff]

Talking of baths and cranes, I've just remembered a long buried memory from forever ago when I first started work.
I was dicked to give an elderly, quite large lady a bath with epsom salts.
I duly hoisted her into the bath which had tall sides, so I had to hoist her high into the air then swing her over the side before lowering her.
All went well until I came to hoist her out again.
Just as the hoist was at its highest point, the hooks came away from the arm, causing her to drop from a height back into the bath full of water with an almighty sploosh, completely drowning me.
I banged the alarm and staff came running in to find me stood there dripping wet through and the old lady shrieking ' get me out, help, get me out '
I threw a towel over her to preserve her dignity while I went to another ward to beg another hoist.
The staff on the other ward looked at me like wtaf happened to you? Why are you soaking wet with your hair looking like a birds nest and your make up resembling an Alice Cooper tribute act?
Eventually we got the old lady out and two days later, she bloody died on me!!
The excitement was clearly too much for her!

 

[AllTheGinJoints]

I’m enjoying the Kategate conspiracy theories on Mumsnet. Several posters have it on good authority that Billy Idle has been shagging Rose Hanbury and Kate’s left him. Alternatively other posters with friends in the know are saying the operation went horribly wrong and Kate is dead and the Royal Family are desperately seeking a lookalike. Then there’s the people who work in the hospital and, despite breaching confidentiality, are claiming Kate has undergone a boob job, butt lift and cosmetic facial surgery.

So much interest in a bunch of rich folk nobody knows in person. Apart from the mumsnetter who is a close personal friend of Katie Cambridge, who tells us she’s had a psychotic breakdown and is sectioned in a secure mental health facility.

I read this and did wonder for a moment when Billy Idol had entered the fray

 

[orangehead]

I’m waiting for a thread on Mumsnet to be started along the lines of ‘I have 9 children and my husband did NOTHING for Mother’s Day but my friend has no children and two cats and her husband has got her a card, breakfast in bed, a diamond necklace and taken her out for lunch’ so they can hate;

Husbands
Mother’s Day
Women without children
Animals
Jewellery
Fuss
Princesses
Lunch out
Breakfast in bed
Food
Waste of money
Cost of living crises
Fat people

And more.