Mother in law experiences? Share them! 🤣

disneys · Jul 28, 2021

WELL , I have an update

she came for coffee at 4 today , she turned on the tears within seconds … the kettle hadn’t even boiled !! She was really apologetic for what she said but we think we have gotten to the root of why she’s been so strange … she’s lonely ! she doesn’t drive and has moved from a town where she could walk to see her friends and go out to lunch to living somewhere where she needs to get 2 buses to see them … seeing our son twice a week is literally only her social life at the moment so of course she’s going to be sad when he’s gone

it was all okay and quite amicable until we told her that we think it would be best if our son went to nursery from September to socialise with babies his own age as he’ll nearly enough 2 and a half and quite honestly I’d like some mummy friends

she then went ballistic again and said this was all a “scheme” ….. I remained calm throughout , explained we had to do what was best for our child and not her

I’m worried about her , I seriously think she needs to get some help because she’s not acting like a rational human being … FIL came too and he was so embarrassed by her behaviour ….. safe to say the custard creams didn’t get touched so I’m eating them in bed and sulking while husband is on kid duty to give me a breather

SIGH , so we’re kind of back to square one .. what do we do now ? Help please ! Hubby is at his wits end with her but I am SO grateful he can see that she is acting like a crazy person and hasn’t blamed me

TheDuchess · Jul 28, 2021

disneys said:
WELL , I have an update

she came for coffee at 4 today , she turned on the tears within seconds … the kettle hadn’t even boiled !! She was really apologetic for what she said but we think we have gotten to the root of why she’s been so strange … she’s lonely ! she doesn’t drive and has moved from a town where she could walk to see her friends and go out to lunch to living somewhere where she needs to get 2 buses to see them … seeing our son twice a week is literally only her social life at the moment so of course she’s going to be sad when he’s gone

it was all okay and quite amicable until we told her that we think it would be best if our son went to nursery from September to socialise with babies his own age as he’ll nearly enough 2 and a half and quite honestly I’d like some mummy friends

she then went ballistic again and said this was all a “scheme” ….. I remained calm throughout , explained we had to do what was best for our child and not her

I’m worried about her , I seriously think she needs to get some help because she’s not acting like a rational human being … FIL came too and he was so embarrassed by her behaviour ….. safe to say the custard creams didn’t get touched so I’m eating them in bed and sulking while husband is on kid duty to give me a breather

SIGH , so we’re kind of back to square one .. what do we do now ? Help please ! Hubby is at his wits end with her but I am SO grateful he can see that she is acting like a crazy person and hasn’t blamed me

Bloody hell, well done for keeping calm during her tears and tantrums

The good news is that your husband and FIL are both fully aware of what is going on and are on your side. That’s half the battle.

I would hope that your FIL will be having some choice words with her behaviour when they got home. He must have been mortified!

If your MIL is so upset at being so lonely is it possible that they could move closer to where they lived previously? I agree that she is not behaving in a rational manner. It’s almost like she is trying to hold your son hostage with her rather than be happy that he attend nursery and socialises with other toddlers. Attending nursery is a completely normal step for his age.

Did your husband or FIL say anything about her behaviour to her at this meeting? Did she fly off the handle with them or was it all directed towards yourself?

Well done for pointing out that you are both doing what is best for your son, not her. She just needs to put her big girl panties on and deal with it. To put up a fight calling it all a scheme is just pathetic. I think maybe cutting back on visits might be a good idea though as she may be using the lonely card to make sure she still gets plenty of access.

I think moving forward as hard and long a road as it might be, you need to batten down the hatches, remain a united front and don’t give her an inch. It’s not going to fun or easy but ultimately it will work out for the best for your family and sanity. It’s a crappy situation for you to be in especially as you have done absolutely nothing wrong and I feel for your husband as it’s not nice for the sons of these women to see that their mums have went off the deep end.

Don’t sulk in bed though Don’t let her ruin another evening.x

Crazycatlady18 · Jul 28, 2021

disneys said:
WELL , I have an update

she came for coffee at 4 today , she turned on the tears within seconds … the kettle hadn’t even boiled !! She was really apologetic for what she said but we think we have gotten to the root of why she’s been so strange … she’s lonely ! she doesn’t drive and has moved from a town where she could walk to see her friends and go out to lunch to living somewhere where she needs to get 2 buses to see them … seeing our son twice a week is literally only her social life at the moment so of course she’s going to be sad when he’s gone

it was all okay and quite amicable until we told her that we think it would be best if our son went to nursery from September to socialise with babies his own age as he’ll nearly enough 2 and a half and quite honestly I’d like some mummy friends

she then went ballistic again and said this was all a “scheme” ….. I remained calm throughout , explained we had to do what was best for our child and not her

I’m worried about her , I seriously think she needs to get some help because she’s not acting like a rational human being … FIL came too and he was so embarrassed by her behaviour ….. safe to say the custard creams didn’t get touched so I’m eating them in bed and sulking while husband is on kid duty to give me a breather

SIGH , so we’re kind of back to square one .. what do we do now ? Help please ! Hubby is at his wits end with her but I am SO grateful he can see that she is acting like a crazy person and hasn’t blamed me

Eurgh what a situation for you!!!
At the end of the day, it’s her choice not to drive, her friends could easily come to her too or FIL could take her out? Also assuming it was their choice to move she can’t use that against you either.
what happens when your child goes to school? Going to nursery will be no different, you need to give the child social skills and new experiences too and interaction with kids their age would be great for all that! It’s your child not hers and you do what’s best for your child.
she won’t like it but she has to respect it. Stand your ground. Hope things get better soon x

disneys · Jul 28, 2021

thanks ladies , mums and their sons (and grandsons apparently !) eh ? I hope I’m not like this when my son is grown up

husband thinks we should give her a few days to cool off , FIL has called to apologise for her behaviour but it’s really not him who should be apologising … !

ugh , it’s all a mess … we go on holiday a week on Sunday so I’m hoping once we’re back she’ll have cooled off slightly but it just pisses me off that she feels so entitled to my kid and then has the audacity to tell me that I’m “scheming” to keep him away from her when I literally just want to send him to nursery to socialise with other toddlers and to broaden his horizons , for the most part he’s a lockdown baby , none of my friends have children similar ages so I just want him to get out there and meet other children !

why are families so stressful !

TheDuchess · Jul 28, 2021

disneys said:
thanks ladies , mums and their sons (and grandsons apparently !) eh ? I hope I’m not like this when my son is grown up

husband thinks we should give her a few days to cool off , FIL has called to apologise for her behaviour but it’s really not him who should be apologising … !

ugh , it’s all a mess … we go on holiday a week on Sunday so I’m hoping once we’re back she’ll have cooled off slightly but it just pisses me off that she feels so entitled to my kid and then has the audacity to tell me that I’m “scheming” to keep him away from her when I literally just want to send him to nursery to socialise with other toddlers and to broaden his horizons , for the most part he’s a lockdown baby , none of my friends have children similar ages so I just want him to get out there and meet other children !

why are families so stressful !

It is a mess but remember it’s her that has made the mess not you. I’d like to think that all of us on this thread with monster in laws from hell will never end up like these women

Blimey your FIL must be mortified at what she has been doing. You never know she might come to her senses and call to apologise but don’t get your hopes up too high.

She really is bang out of order. She shouldn’t be feeling entitled, trying to call the shots or speaking to you like that. It is seriously odd.

Don’t let her ruin your family holiday, you deserve to spend time with your side of the family and get to enjoy seeing your son get closer to them as they have been apart because of the pandemic.

Is your mum aware of how your MIL is behaving?

Stay strong and if all else fails block her number whilst you are away

elchapo · Jul 28, 2021

disneys said:
WELL , I have an update

she came for coffee at 4 today , she turned on the tears within seconds … the kettle hadn’t even boiled !! She was really apologetic for what she said but we think we have gotten to the root of why she’s been so strange … she’s lonely ! she doesn’t drive and has moved from a town where she could walk to see her friends and go out to lunch to living somewhere where she needs to get 2 buses to see them … seeing our son twice a week is literally only her social life at the moment so of course she’s going to be sad when he’s gone

it was all okay and quite amicable until we told her that we think it would be best if our son went to nursery from September to socialise with babies his own age as he’ll nearly enough 2 and a half and quite honestly I’d like some mummy friends

she then went ballistic again and said this was all a “scheme” ….. I remained calm throughout , explained we had to do what was best for our child and not her

I’m worried about her , I seriously think she needs to get some help because she’s not acting like a rational human being … FIL came too and he was so embarrassed by her behaviour ….. safe to say the custard creams didn’t get touched so I’m eating them in bed and sulking while husband is on kid duty to give me a breather

SIGH , so we’re kind of back to square one .. what do we do now ? Help please ! Hubby is at his wits end with her but I am SO grateful he can see that she is acting like a crazy person and hasn’t blamed me

Honestly, fuck her off - see her when you need to, this incessant need for a routine with your son isn’t normal… sure, if she was a good MIL it would be beneficial and nice for him to see her often, but fuck that noise! She’s making your life hell so see her only when it is necessary.

My Dad went no contact with my Nanna when I was a kid because she was toxic trash and it’s done me no harm - luckily, my Grandma on the other hand was wonderful and I stayed at her house every weekend when my Mum and Dad went out… they don’t NEED to be around, so don’t think you’re being making a mistake by cutting her off for your own sanity xxx

klarakluckbag · Jul 28, 2021

disneys said:
thanks ladies , mums and their sons (and grandsons apparently !) eh ? I hope I’m not like this when my son is grown up

husband thinks we should give her a few days to cool off , FIL has called to apologise for her behaviour but it’s really not him who should be apologising … !

ugh , it’s all a mess … we go on holiday a week on Sunday so I’m hoping once we’re back she’ll have cooled off slightly but it just pisses me off that she feels so entitled to my kid and then has the audacity to tell me that I’m “scheming” to keep him away from her when I literally just want to send him to nursery to socialise with other toddlers and to broaden his horizons , for the most part he’s a lockdown baby , none of my friends have children similar ages so I just want him to get out there and meet other children !

why are families so stressful !

Why can't she get "two buses" to see her friends if she's that lonely? It's not like she has anything else to do when she's not looking after your son. My best friend lives 300 miles away, I can get two buses to go and see her but it's a 6 hour journey! (I still see her when I can though)

To be honest, your big mistake was letting MIL do the childcare duties so often. I know it's really handy when you get free childcare, but everything comes at a price, and you're now paying. She's got a bit too cosy with your baby, and she's having a hard time letting go. Still, that is her problem, she's perfectly entitled to feel sad that he's off to nursery, but I daresay you're a bit sad too, we all know it's a bittersweet experience, watching your babies grow up. She has absolutely no right to turn on you, and she does sound like she's not coping with her obsessive emotions too well. It's probably a good thing that you're going to be limiting your son's time with her, it's not going to be beneficial for his emotional development, if he's having to grow up with an overwrought, lonely and bitter granny, who knows what she would be saying to him when she's alone with him for hours at a time?

If you previously got along with her, it might be worth having a chat, just the two of you. Make it clear that her time with him is a privilege, not a right. That she needs to think about him, it's not about her. That you and your partner are the parents, and what you say, goes. Tell her that much as you appreciate him having a close and loving relationship with his grandparents (on both sides!) he needs to form bonds with people outside of the family, and with kids of his own age.

I do feel a bit sorry for her, but she needs to grow up! Her loneliness is not your son's problem, and it's not his role in life to fix it.

Rita Chevrolet · Jul 29, 2021

So if the silly woman does not drive then why the hell did they move so far away from everything she clearly misses so much? It does not make sense does it?
Either way your son deserves to have companionship of kids his own age rather than be an amusement for Granny to stop her feeling lonely, likewise what is grandad doing? Does he still work hence why his wife is lurching into meltdown every second she's alone?

Frankly if she feels the need to carry this on then your in-laws should be looking to move back to whence they came from then MIL can have all the stuff she clearly misses and leave you and her son alone to get on with your lives as a family. She is just being selfish and needy, trying to ladle the guilt onto everyone else for what she's brought onto herself by leaving her Comfort Zone

disneys · Jul 29, 2021

klarakluckbag said:
Why can't she get "two buses" to see her friends if she's that lonely? It's not like she has anything else to do when she's not looking after your son. My best friend lives 300 miles away, I can get two buses to go and see her but it's a 6 hour journey! (I still see her when I can though)

To be honest, your big mistake was letting MIL do the childcare duties so often. I know it's really handy when you get free childcare, but everything comes at a price, and you're now paying. She's got a bit too cosy with your baby, and she's having a hard time letting go. Still, that is her problem, she's perfectly entitled to feel sad that he's off to nursery, but I daresay you're a bit sad too, we all know it's a bittersweet experience, watching your babies grow up. She has absolutely no right to turn on you, and she does sound like she's not coping with her obsessive emotions too well. It's probably a good thing that you're going to be limiting your son's time with her, it's not going to be beneficial for his emotional development, if he's having to grow up with an overwrought, lonely and bitter granny, who knows what she would be saying to him when she's alone with him for hours at a time?

If you previously got along with her, it might be worth having a chat, just the two of you. Make it clear that her time with him is a privilege, not a right. That she needs to think about him, it's not about her. That you and your partner are the parents, and what you say, goes. Tell her that much as you appreciate him having a close and loving relationship with his grandparents (on both sides!) he needs to form bonds with people outside of the family, and with kids of his own age.

I do feel a bit sorry for her, but she needs to grow up! Her loneliness is not your son's problem, and it's not his role in life to fix it.

Youre absolutely bang on , she says she won’t take the bus because of Covid well if you’re that desperate , take a taxi or they could come and see you .. FIL is retired and drives so he could take her ! It’s a weak excuse tbh , and it was their decision to move closer to us … we were managing just fine !!

absolutely we’re paying for it now , it was just easy and available but honestly it is not worth the hassle !! I’m spending today sorting out a nursery placement for September for him , I never want a family member to feel so entitled to my child ever again !

Rita Chevrolet said:
So if the silly woman does not drive then why the hell did they move so far away from everything she clearly misses so much? It does not make sense does it?
Either way your son deserves to have companionship of kids his own age rather than be an amusement for Granny to stop her feeling lonely, likewise what is grandad doing? Does he still work hence why his wife is lurching into meltdown every second she's alone?

Frankly if she feels the need to carry this on then your in-laws should be looking to move back to whence they came from then MIL can have all the stuff she clearly misses and leave you and her son alone to get on with your lives as a family. She is just being selfish and needy, trying to ladle the guilt onto everyone else for what she's brought onto herself by leaving her Comfort Zone

he’s retired but he does do a lot - he’s very involved with the Bowles club in so is there a lot and also does a lot with the rotary club - he’s got a very active social life for a man of 69 !

he travels about a lot - if she really was lonely why wouldn’t she just hitch a lift into town with FIL ?? It’s very strange !!

she hasn’t worked since she was in her late thirties so I wonder whether she just feels like she doesn’t have a life purpose and looking after my son gave her one …

Rita Chevrolet · Jul 29, 2021

disneys said:
Youre absolutely bang on , she says she won’t take the bus because of Covid well if you’re that desperate , take a taxi or they could come and see you .. FIL is retired and drives so he could take her ! It’s a weak excuse tbh , and it was their decision to move closer to us … we were managing just fine !!

absolutely we’re paying for it now , it was just easy and available but honestly it is not worth the hassle !! I’m spending today sorting out a nursery placement for September for him , I never want a family member to feel so entitled to my child ever again !

The boy deserves have little friends who will be there as he transitions into proper school in a few years time; He is not Granny's Hobby!!

There is nothing to stop FIL driving her to town and leaving her there for the afternoon to meet with her friends, have lunch and then pick her up later so why isn't he doing that? Or she can join the plebs on the bus (where she'd probably meet people whilst chatting at the bus stop) - Covid is not a valid excuse. Hoiwever she has got to understand that her son, you and the little one do have lives of their own and are not put there for her convenience nor amusement and yes its lovely that she clearly adores her grandson she cannot enforce her will over that of his Mum & Dad. She's had her stint at that and now its your turn

Ellegee · Jul 29, 2021

disneys said:
Youre absolutely bang on , she says she won’t take the bus because of Covid well if you’re that desperate , take a taxi or they could come and see you .. FIL is retired and drives so he could take her ! It’s a weak excuse tbh , and it was their decision to move closer to us … we were managing just fine !!

absolutely we’re paying for it now , it was just easy and available but honestly it is not worth the hassle !! I’m spending today sorting out a nursery placement for September for him , I never want a family member to feel so entitled to my child ever again !

he’s retired but he does do a lot - he’s very involved with the Bowles club in so is there a lot and also does a lot with the rotary club - he’s got a very active social life for a man of 69 !

he travels about a lot - if she really was lonely why wouldn’t she just hitch a lift into town with FIL ?? It’s very strange !!

she hasn’t worked since she was in her late thirties so I wonder whether she just feels like she doesn’t have a life purpose and looking after my son gave her one …

i think Covid has had a bad effect on a lot of people especially the older generation. It has taken a massive toll on my own mother & it’s very upsetting to see. Hopefully with restrictions eased your MIL will start to feel a bit more confident about getting out & about. Maybe there are some groups in your area that she could join in time. Your FIL might be able to coax her into something & start dropping her to see friends.

Rita Chevrolet · Jul 29, 2021

Ellegee said:
i think Covid has had a bad effect on a lot of people especially the older generation. It has taken a massive toll on my own mother & it’s very upsetting to see. Hopefully with restrictions eased your MIL will start to feel a bit more confident about getting out & about. Maybe there are some groups in your area that she could join in time. Your FIL might be able to coax her into something & start dropping her to see friends.

My late MIL was incredibly snooty so she poured scorn onto joining any clubs or anything in case the other members were not acceptable company for her. However her social worker moreorless forcibly "escorted' her to the OAPS lunch club and that was it - she absolutely LOVED it and attended regularly until she died (also because of the really cheap food on offer because she resented having to pay for her meals).

MIL needs to find herself some friends locally or just get herself out and about because she's doing no favours for herself or anybody else like this

Blonde123 · Jul 29, 2021

disneys said:
Youre absolutely bang on , she says she won’t take the bus because of Covid well if you’re that desperate , take a taxi or they could come and see you .. FIL is retired and drives so he could take her ! It’s a weak excuse tbh , and it was their decision to move closer to us … we were managing just fine !!

absolutely we’re paying for it now , it was just easy and available but honestly it is not worth the hassle !! I’m spending today sorting out a nursery placement for September for him , I never want a family member to feel so entitled to my child ever again !

he’s retired but he does do a lot - he’s very involved with the Bowles club in so is there a lot and also does a lot with the rotary club - he’s got a very active social life for a man of 69 !

he travels about a lot - if she really was lonely why wouldn’t she just hitch a lift into town with FIL ?? It’s very strange !!

she hasn’t worked since she was in her late thirties so I wonder whether she just feels like she doesn’t have a life purpose and looking after my son gave her one …

Maybe she should get a dog to keep her company

disneys · Jul 29, 2021

Rita Chevrolet said:
My late MIL was incredibly snooty so she poured scorn onto joining any clubs or anything in case the other members were not acceptable company for her. However her social worker moreorless forcibly "escorted' her to the OAPS lunch club and that was it - she absolutely LOVED it and attended regularly until she died (also because of the really cheap food on offer because she resented having to pay for her meals).

MIL needs to find herself some friends locally or just get herself out and about because she's doing no favours for herself or anybody else like this

Agreed , I think I’m going to look up some local OAP activity groups today and see if we can pitch some to her … if she makes some friends and is still mental about seeing my son , then that’s definitely not the issue !

Blonde123 said:
Maybe she should get a dog to keep her company

That’s also not a bad idea , they had a dog when my husband was growing up so could see them going for this idea !

Octopies · Jul 30, 2021

I have posted here before about how obsessive my MIL has become since having my baby a few months ago, her first grandchild.
Now after reading some of the horror stories on here I want to take a minute to say I appreciate I am very privileged to have a MIL who gives a shit about their grandchild…
However, I am on mat leave and she keeps asking me to do things with her. I know this sounds really mean, but I don’t particularly want to. In the same way that my OH would never go and sit at my own mums house and have a cup of tea Why do I want to spend my mat leave with his overbearing mother who fussed incessantly over my child and winds me right up…? Am I being unreasonable to politely make my excuses or should I be making more of an effort ? she never gave a shit about me before or wanted to spend time with me so not like I am breaking any traditions by turning her down… she just wants to see the baby, which is fine, but I think OH needs to step up and take the baby to visit his parents, like I do with my own parents… tell me if I am being a bit mean…

SnowFairy88 · Jul 30, 2021

So after mine came into my bedroom uninvited to rant at me, and I told her to do one she now refuses to engage with me. I apologised for telling her to do one (even though she deserved it) and she’s ignored me every time. Silly old bint. She has a real problem accepting responsibility for anything and I’ve had enough of it now.

Any advice???

Tree_ · Jul 30, 2021

My in laws don't bother with us or the kids. Its lovely in a way as we don't see them and haven't for over a year and a half. They send money for xmas and bdays and that's about it. When we did see them it upset my partner as they so favoured their other grandchild to the point of nausea that it just upset him. I hope to not see them for another year lol. I don't feel the kids miss out. They have my parents and all the old people round my village that dote on them. Dropping in toys and pressing a fiver pocket money into my sons hand every few weeks. My kids are extremely cute and right characters so everyone knows them

Blonde123 · Jul 30, 2021

Octopies said:
I have posted here before about how obsessive my MIL has become since having my baby a few months ago, her first grandchild.
Now after reading some of the horror stories on here I want to take a minute to say I appreciate I am very privileged to have a MIL who gives a shit about their grandchild…
However, I am on mat leave and she keeps asking me to do things with her. I know this sounds really mean, but I don’t particularly want to. In the same way that my OH would never go and sit at my own mums house and have a cup of tea Why do I want to spend my mat leave with his overbearing mother who fussed incessantly over my child and winds me right up…? Am I being unreasonable to politely make my excuses or should I be making more of an effort ? she never gave a shit about me before or wanted to spend time with me so not like I am breaking any traditions by turning her down… she just wants to see the baby, which is fine, but I think OH needs to step up and take the baby to visit his parents, like I do with my own parents… tell me if I am being a bit mean…

I don’t think you’re mean it’s understandable. If I were you I’d probably arrange to go over hers for lunch once every couple of weeks. She can run around after you, feeding you and then you can leave when you want. Then I’d get your OH to step up and take the baby over every couple of weeks to give you a rest and keep the MIL happy. It’s should all be your responsibility to keep his mum happy!

SnowFairy88 said:
So after mine came into my bedroom uninvited to rant at me, and I told her to do one she now refuses to engage with me. I apologised for telling her to do one (even though she deserved it) and she’s ignored me every time. Silly old bint. She has a real problem accepting responsibility for anything and I’ve had enough of it now.

Any advice???

Act as if nothings happened… it’ll really wind her up. It’ll also show others how childish she’s being.

Upintheair83 · Jul 30, 2021

Octopies said:
I have posted here before about how obsessive my MIL has become since having my baby a few months ago, her first grandchild.
Now after reading some of the horror stories on here I want to take a minute to say I appreciate I am very privileged to have a MIL who gives a shit about their grandchild…
However, I am on mat leave and she keeps asking me to do things with her. I know this sounds really mean, but I don’t particularly want to. In the same way that my OH would never go and sit at my own mums house and have a cup of tea Why do I want to spend my mat leave with his overbearing mother who fussed incessantly over my child and winds me right up…? Am I being unreasonable to politely make my excuses or should I be making more of an effort ? she never gave a shit about me before or wanted to spend time with me so not like I am breaking any traditions by turning her down… she just wants to see the baby, which is fine, but I think OH needs to step up and take the baby to visit his parents, like I do with my own parents… tell me if I am being a bit mean…

No I agree with you hun, you just do what you want and jt should be up to the OH like you say to include her,not you. Time is precious with little ones and you need your time alone with your lovely baby. Xx

Blonde123 · Jul 30, 2021

Blonde123 said:
I don’t think you’re mean it’s understandable. If I were you I’d probably arrange to go over hers for lunch once every couple of weeks. She can run around after you, feeding you and then you can leave when you want. Then I’d get your OH to step up and take the baby over every couple of weeks to give you a rest and keep the MIL happy. It’s should all be your responsibility to keep his mum happy!

Act as if nothings happened… it’ll really wind her up. It’ll also show others how childish she’s being.

That should have read as *shouldn’t!

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