Mother in law experiences? Share them! 🤣

My OH uses me as a shield with his mother . I refuse to do it now..My friends partner does it too. Bunch of tossers.

openbook1 said:

This isn't a complaint about my MIL but more a question of am I being an asshole...?

My husband's mom is coming to visit, she lives really far away so I have only met her a handful of times and do not know her well. When she visits, my husband is not taking time off work (WFH). So basically his mom will be sitting around the house all day. He says he doesn't have enough vacation time... well, technically he does but wants to keep it for Christmas. And because he will be working from home he doesn't think it is a big deal but he will be in the office all day as he is busy.

Is it weird that I feel awkward about that? I mean, I guess I could go for walks with her and stuff but I am extremely introverted and like my own space so this just seems...intense to me. My husband said he doesn't expect me to entertain his mom, etc, and that I can just go about my day as normal. I don't currently work and am quite insecure about that and worry she will judge me. Lol. My husband and I got into an argument because I asked what she is going to do and he said she will be happy to just sit around and relax...but I feel obligated to host her.

We are not really people that have a lot of visitors even pre-Covid. It probably sounds so strange but this whole situation fills me with anxiety. I should add that cause of Covid restrictions, I literally have not socialised with anyone outside of the house for a year so I think that makes it seem even more overwhelming!!

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I’d be the same as you. Especially after being cooped up for nearly 18 months. It would be different if she was staying in the area & you could meet up for lunch & walks but to have her there fulltime would be a bit much for a lot of people. How long is she staying? Could you work out a list of places to go that will keep you both busy? Have you family nearby or friends that might join you or even take her off your hands some of the time? All I can advise now is that you tell your OH you expect him to take a proper lunch break to spend with you both & that the evening is your time. Get yourself out for a stroll alone & maybe watch Netflix in bed

I've been lurking on this thread for a while but never posted. I no longer have a MIL but the one I had was so good to me. She wasn't invasive at all but she was kind of involved in our relationship, kind of because we made it that way I guess. We used to go out for lunch at least once a month, texted regularly and talked about almost everything.. My relationship with my mother is strained so having her treat me how she did was nice.

I realised how naive I was to think she wouldn't put her son before me and I've also realised what mothers are actually like now so I'm glad for that but oh how the tables turned when my boyfriend of 5 years got a girlfriend after 2 weeks and my mil had reassured me over and over that she didn't want to accept somebody else and how nobody would ever replace me.. one month later, his new girlfriend is staying in their family home I'm not angry about it anymore but I hope the new girl is not as naive as I was and knows that she will be spat out at any point too.

My man has a stepmum as well as a mum. I adore his stepmum even though she's so snooty and opinionated Him mum is ok....but I cannot stand her husband. He is so fat, lazy and entitled. She treats her husband like he's a child, waits on him hand and foot, he hasn't worked since he met her, and they got together through an affair. Maybe that affects my opinion of her because i adore his dad, he is so kind, gentle and has a great sense of humour!

We went to stay with his mum a couple weeks ago and she was going on and on about her husband being in this fuc**ing choir and how great he is at singing (i've heard him and his singing style isn't to my taste!) then she said that he was good at whistling and had many a whistling solo on this album the choir has release - or maybe it was a performance, i can't remember the details! I burst out laughing and said "I can't stand whistling!" - i really can't stand it, it goes right through me. and she went silent and gave me a stare of death

The next morning she marched into the bedroom we were staying in and said "OH! is SHE still sleeping? Do you want to come for a walk then [insert my mans name]? It was 7am and I considered it a holiday so saw nothing wrong with having a little later start to the day! Then she sent him a birthday card that said "see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil" or something to that effect. I found it so random so i asked him why she would send such a card for his birthday? He said it was a common phrase and saw nothing wrong with it? Am I being paranoid when i think it was some sort of subtle dig at me for saying I hate whistling?

Oh, and his mum and stepdad have now booked their holiday at the same time as ours, to the same hotel! It might not happen because of coronavirus but F*** me! I despise the stepdad so much I don't want to be around him in an all inclusive for 10 days!

Blonde123 said:

I am so jealous!!! enjoy it while it lasts.

Mine has finally left after a round of goodbye kisses. Then a round of goodbye hugs. Then she goes to the loo. Then another round of kisses. Another round of hugs. Puts her shoes on. Then another round of kisses (no wonder covid was spread so easily!). Then reverses off the drive and sits infront of the house waving widely like a lunatic. I ended up just shutting the door. Such a fucking ordeal.

Today she was banging on about how she wanted to do a party at her house for my son but couldn’t because of an event which would have traffic near her house. Think she was trying to get an invite over to my house for me to do a party. No chance love, you’d set up camp for the day and I wouldn’t be able to get rid of you and your horrible husband.

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Hahahah literally my MIL! Says they’re leaving soon, you can bet they stop another hour before they actually leave

The pandemic has been a perfect excuse for my MIL to not bother with us or the grandkids. I can't remember the last time they went inside her house. I'd probably say 2019. Even when you were allowed inside, she had them stood on the doorstep, rain, dark, snow. You name it. Even Christmas day, they were left at the door. They are only allowed to visit if picking up the kids birthday card & money.
Now, if that was my mum I simply would not go. I thought maybe she is being extra covid safe, but she simply does not want to tidy up her house.
I wouldn't say she knows the children. Only what she see's on Facebook. Never offers to have them. Or invite them round or even come to us. It frustrates me so much and upsets me for the kids sake.

My MIL let herself into my house and came into my bedroom whilst I was poorly (and also half naked) and hurled a load of complaints at me about how inconvenient it was that I was ill as she is so busy. When I pointed out I hadn’t asked for any help she called me ungrateful and accused me of faking my illness.

I perhaps told her to get the fuck out of my sight and I don’t think I over reacted! H agrees she is in the wrong but won’t confront her about it which is really upsetting me

Eww, my first ex MIL was like Jekyll & Hyde depending on whether you were useful to her that day or not… my ex shared his car with his brother at one point when he was 20 odd and his brother was 17. She used to make my ex ask for permission from his brother to use the car, but not the other way around… he always conveniently needed it whenever we had plans. I lived far away so I missed out on seeing my ex loads because of it and I’m convinced that’s why she did it… we used to butt heads sometimes. She let us buy a puppy and keep him at her house but caused so much aggravation about it from day one that we actually ended up giving the dog to his Dad (who’d left her). When we eventually moved in together she was completely unproblematic strangely enough, and would help me with my chores when she came over.

I haven’t met my current MIL yet because she lives in LA. She’s a Scientologist… I have no idea what to expect LOL

Peaches_xox said:

I’m almost convinced no fella has a normal mum!! I really feel for you on the labour and stitches I had the same and everybody’s all over the baby like a rash and nobody cares about you and you just want to recover but it does settle especially once you start going out and making your own plans!
If she’s still all over you a couple of weeks I would deffo ask her why she was so weird in pregnancy!

ahh thank you mine has finally gone home now

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Omg you must be over the moon!!!! Finally!!!!!xx

maytoseptember said:

She wants to be called Maman?!

Is she actually French, or just nuts?

Tell her if she wants to use French words she can be Grand-Mere, y’know, which actually means grandmother.

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I think she's actually just nuts!! She has no connection to France or the French language whatsoever!!!
There's not a chance in hell I'm referring to her as that though!! Lol!!xx

Upintheair83 said:

So iv posted on this thread before about how my MIL wasn't interested in my pregnancy, and I said I bet when he's here she will be all over him......well I gave birth last week and of course I was right. Massive eye roll.
Sick to death of her. She just blows hot and cold and quite honestly she gives me whip lash. She's decided now she's interested but I'm sorry,I can't forgive and forget. She didn't give a shit before or even ask how baby was,in fact she never even made reference to him.
And now to top it all off she wants to be called Man man or something and not nan!! But it means mother in French and I'm fuming about it. Iv told my partner I'm not happy about it. But I just can't stand her anymore she's made such an atmosphere between us throughout the pregnancy. I know thay makes me just as bad as her but I just can't bring myself to forget how she was.
Another thing that annoys me is she said she would leave us alone for a few days aftwr he was born and yet she keeps inviting herself round. Can't be doing with her at all, wish she would bugger off.

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Congratulations @Upintheair Don’t worry it definitely doesn’t make you as bad as her. I was exactly the same with my MIL and I’ve never been the same with her since, the damage is done and that’s the price they pay for being knobs in the first place. Set your stall out now and get those boundaries up. Maman, absolute delusions of grandeur these bloody MIL’s. Good on you for putting your foot down

Oh wow I’ve never known their was a MIL thread - I could write for hours I won’t though! Just wanted to say this thread has made me realise I’m not alone with MIL trouble - I thought it was just something joked about

I don’t know what it is in MIL’s that completely overstep the boundaries once you are pregnant/give birth to THEIR grandchild (forget it being your child, being their grandchild is more important). I had a great relationship with mine until I got pregnant and now I literally have no relationship. I tolerate her for my husband and children but that is in very small doses.

Day 1 of 7 with mil here and I want to runaway tbh. She’s not said one word to me. The atmosphere is horrible. I’ve never felt so uncomfortable in my own home.

SonicTheSpikeyThing said:

Day 1 of 7 with mil here and I want to runaway tbh. She’s not said one word to me. The atmosphere is horrible. I’ve never felt so uncomfortable in my own home.

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How dare she treat you like that in your own home! What is her problem? What does your husband say?

I found that when my son was a newborn that's when my MIL was all over me like a rash. None stop phone calls and facetimes. She used to ask to facetime at 12am piss off love. Last person i wanna see when I'm doing a night feed is my bloody MIL!! She's backed off a bit now, still does the random weird stuff like calling herself 'Mama' to him we're trying for another and she keeps saying 'I hope it's a girl.' I'm not even pregnant yet. God help me if i ever have a girl, she only had 2 boys and always wanted one. I imagine she'd be even worse

Spider12 said:

Congratulations @Upintheair Don’t worry it definitely doesn’t make you as bad as her. I was exactly the same with my MIL and I’ve never been the same with her since, the damage is done and that’s the price they pay for being knobs in the first place. Set your stall out now and get those boundaries up. Maman, absolute delusions of grandeur these bloody MIL’s. Good on you for putting your foot down

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Thanks so much for taking the time to comment, as I have been wondering whether I have been over sensitive because of hormones but I agree with what you say- they should be like that in the first place! Il never forget how she made me feel during my pregnancy. I know maman! And she couldn't even ask about for the whole 9 months i carried him!!
Il defo be the same as you that's for sure, the damage really has already been done and her true colours been shown. Xx

watermelon sugar said:

I found that when my son was a newborn that's when my MIL was all over me like a rash. None stop phone calls and facetimes. She used to ask to facetime at 12am piss off love. Last person i wanna see when I'm doing a night feed is my bloody MIL!! She's backed off a bit now, still does the random weird stuff like calling herself 'Mama' to him we're trying for another and she keeps saying 'I hope it's a girl.' I'm not even pregnant yet. God help me if i ever have a girl, she only had 2 boys and always wanted one. I imagine she'd be even worse

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Facetime at 12am??!!??? Omg that's beyond ridiculous!!!! And mama??! who does she think she is??

My mother in law stole our pregnancy announcement at the weekend! We have endured baby loss and 3 rounds of IVF to conceive this little baby.

My husband went to her home and told her (she got all excited and asking about me, not entirely sure why as I haven’t spoken to her in years, I could write for hours about all the crap she put me through!) 30 minutes later she has invited his niece to a lunch which was only supposed to be my husband and herself.

As my husband was trying to convince his niece that we are indeed having a baby, his mother is sat there filming the whole thing. She then swiftly sent it to my husbands sister (his only sibling) over whatsap which meant that his sister found out whilst she was at work via whatsbloodyap!

I cut my mil off years ago and feel really bad for my husband that his own mother stole a precious announcement from him.

I can’t even understand her reasoning! She said she was just SO EXCITED and didn’t think it would be a problem

I suppose I just can’t believe that his mum hijacked our pregnancy announcement after knowing that our journey to become parents has been a long and incredibly tough one

TheDuchess said:

My mother in law stole our pregnancy announcement at the weekend! We have endured baby loss and 3 rounds of IVF to conceive this little baby.

My husband went to her home and told her (she got all excited and asking about me, not entirely sure why as I haven’t spoken to her in years, I could write for hours about all the crap she put me through!) 30 minutes later she has invited his niece to a lunch which was only supposed to be my husband and herself.

As my husband was trying to convince his niece that we are indeed having a baby, his mother is sat there filming the whole thing. She then swiftly sent it to my husbands sister (his only sibling) over whatsap which meant that his sister found out whilst she was at work via whatsbloodyap!

I cut my mil off years ago and feel really bad for my husband that his own mother stole a precious announcement from him.

I can’t even understand her reasoning! She said she was just SO EXCITED and didn’t think it would be a problem

I suppose I just can’t believe that his mum hijacked our pregnancy announcement after knowing that our journey to become parents has been a long and incredibly tough one

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She’s a selfish bitch

TheDuchess said:

My mother in law stole our pregnancy announcement at the weekend! We have endured baby loss and 3 rounds of IVF to conceive this little baby.

My husband went to her home and told her (she got all excited and asking about me, not entirely sure why as I haven’t spoken to her in years, I could write for hours about all the crap she put me through!) 30 minutes later she has invited his niece to a lunch which was only supposed to be my husband and herself.

As my husband was trying to convince his niece that we are indeed having a baby, his mother is sat there filming the whole thing. She then swiftly sent it to my husbands sister (his only sibling) over whatsap which meant that his sister found out whilst she was at work via whatsbloodyap!

I cut my mil off years ago and feel really bad for my husband that his own mother stole a precious announcement from him.

I can’t even understand her reasoning! She said she was just SO EXCITED and didn’t think it would be a problem

I suppose I just can’t believe that his mum hijacked our pregnancy announcement after knowing that our journey to become parents has been a long and incredibly tough one

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Make sure she’s the last to know when your baby is born, and that she finds out through someone else not you or your husband

I don’t know what’s more shocking or upsetting: the stories of awful mother in laws or the responses from the son’s who don’t see a problem!