MOD & FOD #22 A draughty pile of pricks #ifyouknowyouknow

[Pocahontas]

‘Just found a box of old photos’
Translation: I’ve spent the day feverishly rooting through boxes in the loft for endearingly amusing photos of me in my youth.
‘Oh, Simon, you suit being a blonde’
Bargain basement Eminem

 

[HowardMoon]

I think it’s safe to say his stories are now solely for us Tattlers now

Dance Monkey, dance!

 

[Dogmuck]

I do have kids but they are all around fOd's age, so onto the scrap heap for me. I can't stand his condescending spiel like he is a 'special' person because of his kids. All of the insta clowns crowing on abut mum/dad life, you got this mama, only mamas understand crap pisses me off no end. Not everyone wants to or can reproduce you idiot FoD. Go choke on your worm tablets on your next mini break.
probs posted this in the wrong place....whatever. Wankers like him (and there are lots) make me see red.

this. Everything you say resonates with me. My kids are older (not as old as FOD) but why has motherhood/fatherhood turned into such a game show? Are people really that basic that they need memes affirmations and hashtags to prove their worth? #hardestjobintheworld - love try doing a 12 hour shift down a pit. There’s no denying parenthood has its trials but Jesus wept so many people can’t have kids and would cut their right arm off to experience those trials. Stop making it into some kind of massive drama, guess what you’re not the first person in the world to have a kid!

 

[Libertine]

Lydia from BountyMargate has an excellent eye for colour and a knack for sourcing interesting items. Clemmie... not so much, no matter how much F&B she throws about.

I don’t understand why you would proudly announce you ripped out a built in cupboard that looks solid timber (possibly Victorian and original to the house?) and no doubt threw it in a skip, and replaced it with a janky, mass produced metal cupboard.

Why buy an older home if you want to rip out features and cover up original floorboards?



And while I don’t mind the wallpaper for maybe a library or study, they have taken a striking and handsome room and turned it into an incoherent, #Instacliche mess.

 

[Dogmuck]

Jesus Chroist Almoighty (said in Irish obvs) on the cross himself would be proud of the Catholicism in your post @Dogmuck

Pleeeeeeease do a parody prayer!!!!!

As requested

Hail Clemmie full of Graze (.com#Ad)
The hoard you got free
Dressed are you in M&S linen
And messed is the fruit case Slymon Chesus!
Holy Clemmie, lover of FOD
Pay for the twinners now
Brand at the hour of its death
AMEN

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

How do you think Marnie will feel when she reads that article? Because let’s face it, she will eventually, nothing disappears on the internet. Knowing she was unwanted and an appointment made to end the pregnancy?!
I’m sure lots of people have been in that situation and made a choice to continue with the pregnancy and now love their child to death and can’t believe they ever considered otherwise - but you’d never ever tell that child they were unwanted right?!

My mother is a real narcissistic bitch who loves to tell my lot that they where unplanned (true) and that I booked in for an abortion every time (untrue)
she‘ll tell anyone who cares to listen and they tend to believe her
(not my problem-they don’t know the true story and they really don’t know me)
what made me laugh is the time she started with her bleating away (yet again) that they where unplanned and my son (aged 19) smiled and said
’unplanned is one thing nanna-unwanted and unloved is another-and mum has proved time and time again she very much wanted us and deeply loves us’
she refused to speak to him for about six weeks after that
he couldn’t have timed it better-all her friends and sisters heard him…

 

[Libertine]

I love the way he thinks using a mirror found in the attic of their old house cancels out all the slash and burn they did on the perfectly lovely fixtures and fittings that were already there in the Ramsgate 'pile'.

I love that they believe they are creating an eclectic mix of old and new.



While I’m on a roll, am I the only person who thinks the bedside tables look like those tables you wheel over the bed in hospital?

 

[WhittlingIhopMonkey]

Jesus hats off to the man, he really went there for the sake of his art - skid-marked jocks around his ankles, the whole shebang.

And can I just say , Im really glad he managed to get Willies and bums in to this post. I feel like he doesnt really mention them very much and if theres one thing intelligent mature adults find hilarious its Willies. And bums. This is top notch stuff.

 

[Dogmuck]

Buying condoms at 16?! If that's true I bet it was for a dare

#ShoveOffMate

Like he was getting laid at 16...not a fuxking chance! If he did buy condoms (And I very much doubt it) as a lad...it was for “whacky” water bombs at the regatta with his Dick Van Dyke blazer! Twat

 

[HowardMoon]

HOW is this man not even mid 30s yet?! HOW????

 

[caitlinbullen]

I like the room

Close the door on your way out

 

[skronkywildcat]

credit: https://www.bustle.com/articles/159...g-the-approval-of-others-feel-super-confident

 

[houseofhoop]

Simon is such a dick if he thinks he is outnumbered with four daughters plus one wife.
My dad had eight daughters (and a wife) He’s not written a book, he hasn’t got an Instagram account, and he doesn’t do stupid fucking dances in fairy lights. No one gives a shit Simon. You are not the first, and you certainly won’t be the last to have lots of daughters. Stop thinking you’re so special

 

[papersnow GHOST]

Oh, I just spied another #reno post on his grid and came straight here. Like that salad would have used the words “industrial but still delicate”. FFS most of these reno posts have Alice written all over them. And he’s clearly been feeling the pressure from Tattlers re the declaring ads- “so it’s super clear for you”. Urgh. And lastly- 2 months work?! Bounty’s room was perfect- they just threw more gifted shit at it and made it worse. (Rant over).

 

[SaladDressing]

Can't sleep properly so came here for another read back as miss loads due to work.

Simon/Slymon/Lord Salad.... seriously, turn the fucking WiFi off. Get rid of the laptops. Ditch the smartphone. Buy a (#AD ) Nokia 3310. It has snake on it. Snake is a game where a make believe slithering worm type thing greedily gobbles up anything in its face whilst making annoying noises in an attempt to get so huge and fill the screen it's on with nothing but itself.
I rest my case

 

[HowardMoon]

This is brilliant is this a Tattler?

‘Do your kids know about money and stuff or do they just go into shops and smile and expect to be given stuff?’ HAAAA!

 

[Dogmuck]

Then you have the just unfollow if you don't like it. I don't follow any of these wankers, I just look at them to keep my blood pressure sky high.

Same same


Thread title suggestion
MOD & FOD # 23 roses are red, violets are blue, I’m not picking my Burton jeans off the floor, I want anal

 

[GreyWolf]

Simon’s answer to his question is :

Stand by her.

He just won’t. He will use her, mock her, throw her under a bus, but he will absolutely not treat her with respect. Which every time he chucks his clothes in the floor absolutely knowing it drives her nuts is a prime example off. Horrible little man who loves himself.

He thinks he’s so fucking cool. It’s painful.

Chasing the dragon is smoking heroin, off foil.
You don’t smoke heroin in a bong.

TWAT

 

[cordes]

Praps he needs to put this in the frame instead of that crappy i'm a hip hop hoppity twat poster.

 

[cordes]

The thing that annoys me *so* much about this is the greed. The entitlement. The arrogance. The smugness.

I’ve just done some stuff at home and we bought those light switches in white from B&P and they’re chuffing expensive for a light switch. We went round and round on whether we should spend so much on something so small and had to compromise on other things in order to have them. But we bought them, with our very own hard earned cash. It makes me really despise these companies now for throwing the freebies at twats like this. There’s not a chance on earth I’d recommend B&P to anyone now and I certainly won’t buy from them again.

I keep seeing a friend of mine liking his posts and she thinks he’s great ‘so funny, so relatable’ and I’m like WTAF.

Anyhoo. Complaint submitted!