Missing Blogger Esther Dingley

[Johara]

I agree that it seems highly likely that she hiked up there that day in order to meet somebody. Your observations seem very spot on to me.

Johara,

Do you think he met her in a panicky state and it all got out of hand. Perhaps she didn't say the right thing which triggered an explosive action? Perhaps she wasn't able to give him the reassurance he needed. I find it hard to contemplate that he went up there with premeditated intent to do something terrible...

Peggy that's a very interesting question.

I think it was premeditated.

How did they make enough to live on? If housesitting, then that wouldn’t be expensive if they went through somewhere like Trusted Housesitters. They’d need money for food and petrol etc.

Very key to all this.

1. She's trapped due to financial codependence.
Bet he manages the finances.

2. It's also a potential motive. I'd prefer to say Co motive as fear of abandonment is a big one too.

Thou shalt not leave me.

How did they make enough to live on? If housesitting, then that wouldn’t be expensive if they went through somewhere like Trusted Housesitters. They’d need money for food and petrol etc.

They rented out an apartment in the UK. Plus some revenue from books.

They had incurred a lot of debt in 2013 by buying 3 buy to let properties.

They sold it all & bought the van.

I agree that it seems highly likely that she hiked up there that day in order to meet somebody. Your observations seem very spot on to me.

Johara,

Do you think he met her in a panicky state and it all got out of hand. Perhaps she didn't say the right thing which triggered an explosive action? Perhaps she wasn't able to give him the reassurance he needed. I find it hard to contemplate that he went up there with premeditated intent to do something terrible...

Peggy,

He had to have premeditated it.

Here is why.

He had to have left his phone at Arreau before setting out.

Otherwise the police would have said 1st day Gotcha.

That's the logistical reason.

The psychological reason is that rage & fear were triggered prior to the event. Most likely by her posts on 16th and 12th November.

Rage due to fear of abandonment.
Loss of control.

She was starting to clear her head. She wrote that. See screenshots.

Years ago I encountered a man with a personality disorder. He was a foreign journalist and flew to see me with romantic /trapping intent. There's nothing romantic about these men's intentions.

I know firsthand why she wrote what she did in those FB posts.

Fear alternates with sympathy/emotional blackmail.

You can't think straight.

They whisk you away from family and friends/support network.

They tend to control the finances. Etc.

She needed "rest and quiet". She was "scared".

She did NOT confide too much to her parents. Pride. Hope. Shame. Guilt due to emotional blackmail. They may have heard a tiny bit.

 

[PeggyHenry]

Yes - I see what you mean. It did have to be premeditated

My bowel incontinence journey: growing through adversity | ERIC

I was reading this earlier and shows how he learnt from early on to plan, be meticulous, solve problems..

 

[Bumbear]

Interesting wording on his justification message 'my only goal is to help them do what they need to do as quickly as possible'.

Shouldn't his only goal be to find his girlfriend safe and sound?

Unless he knows a little more than everyone else, about where she is right now.

 

[Johara]

Oscar Pistorius. Reeva Steenkamp. Deja vu.

I have a friend who heads a huge company today. She looks like a model, is very clever and competent.

Sharp as a whistle, excellent at dealing with people and sussing them out.

You would not believe me that she showed me photos of clumps of her hair pulled out of her scalp & her face with bruises.

I would never have believed it. Except she showed me photos.

Today all is well. She laid the restraining order, got counselling, married happily.

It happens to people you'd never believe it did.

It wasn't her IQ or her strength that failed her. It was the "poor injured boy inside". Maternal instinct.

I only got emotional torture in my encounter luckily. He is a black belt. And my encounter lasted months not years. Both his adopted parents died within months of each other so he had to fly to his country and arrange funerals. I got a mental breather.

The solo hike was ED's breather.

Interesting wording on his justification message 'my only goal is to help them do what they need to do as quickly as possible'.

Shouldn't his only goal be to find his girlfriend safe and sound?

Unless he knows a little more than everyone else, about where she is right now.

Great catch!
Indeed.

Yes - I see what you mean. It did have to be premeditated

My bowel incontinence journey: growing through adversity | ERIC

I was reading this earlier and shows how he learnt from early on to plan, be meticulous, solve problems..

Yes. He had to learn to plan from a young age.

Just like Oscar...

 

[PeggyHenry]

I also remember reading fairly recently that Esther had repeatedly extended this latest solo venture by a number of small hiking expeditions (I've tried to locate this report but can't) - but it made me think - she doesn't want to go back yet - she's not ready.

Does anyone here have any thoughts re the mystery person seen sleeping in van? I dont think this was a forensics man.

 

[Johara]

I also remember reading fairly recently that Esther had repeatedly extended this latest solo venture by a number of small hiking expeditions (I've tried to locate this report but can't) - but it made me think - she doesn't want to go back yet - she's not ready.

Does anyone here have any thoughts re the mystery person seen sleeping in van? I dont think this was a forensics man.

Apparently the Spanish police confirmed it was their guy.

Yes. She didn't want to return.

The longer you are away the stronger you get mentally.

These PDs are highly manipulative.

When you see a grown man sobbing that you might leave him...

And he's suffered from a birth defect or was an orphan etc and he was so sweet and caring when you first met... so nice...

These are the things that make intelligent women stay. Their feelings conquer their intelligence. Guilt trips.

ED was intelligent, competent, caring.

But in June he published a book telling the world about loathing, animosity etc in their relationship.

He lifted the lid publicly. It must have shocked and humiliated her.

Usually PDs act so nice towards partners publicly. That helps the facade continue. The victims stay quiet out of loyalty & fear.

So when a PD exposes that things are toxic this is highly unusual. This helps the victim glimpse freedom.

The public facade aids victim denial and is the prison. Pop that and all else crumbles.

Interesting wording on his justification message 'my only goal is to help them do what they need to do as quickly as possible'.

Shouldn't his only goal be to find his girlfriend safe and sound?

Unless he knows a little more than everyone else, about where she is right now.

And notice since 2 December (BBC clip posted some pages back) he has repeatedly said "She's not up there".

It's illogical to think she definitely isn't up there.

She could be elsewhere but the point is he began steering our attention away from the mountain as early as 2 December.

And he keeps saying it still.

Motive? Go waste time searching towns and cities.

Interesting wording on his justification message 'my only goal is to help them do what they need to do as quickly as possible'.

Shouldn't his only goal be to find his girlfriend safe and sound?

Unless he knows a little more than everyone else, about where she is right now.

 

[Maggiemoo32]

Do we know if she had any of the dogs with her? I know that have 6 or 7 dogs.

 

[Johara]

Do we know if she had any of the dogs with her? I know that have 6 or 7 dogs.

No dogs with her. They were with DC 40-60 minutes away in Arreau.

5 I think. Leela the one they adopted in Spain had puppies.

------------

Different topic - timing & risk

Very interesting.

I didn't know that the most experienced hikers do not go as high in the mountains as she did... that this is considered a v dangerous time of year to go when she did & as high as she did.

French police said:
"You must understand that at this time of the year, the weather makes it hard for us to completely check every area.

"It won’t be until the weather is better, ... that we will be able to say that we have covered all grounds of where she was supposedly missing.’’

‘’even the most experienced hikers that are born and bred in that area don’t go as high as she did at this time of the year. She has put herself in great danger by attempting something like this."

https://www.connexionfrance.com/French-news/Missing-hiker-French-police-reject-UK-press-speculation

If my boyfriend despite being a very experienced hiker, encouraged me to go hiking solo at possibly the most dangerous time of year I would question his care.

Her FB posts state that she pushed her physical limits to continue hiking on several days & would never have done so without his "support".

I wonder if she knew even those born there don't go hiking in November?? Because it's so dangerous.

Planning:

Timing -
Unstable weather each year in November curtailing search feasibility. November has a track record.

People -
Very few around. Even the locals avoid hiking where she was hiking ito height.

Well planned.

 

[Rhona]

Johara although I can see how you have come to your opinions I have to say I don’t agree with a lot of them. For one I have just looked at a post on the E&D page about a family wedding which appears to show both D’s parents & wider family including 3 brothers.

 

[Johara]

Johara although I can see how you have come to your opinions I have to say I don’t agree with a lot of them. For one I have just looked at a post on the E&D page about a family wedding which appears to show both D’s parents & wider family including 3 brothers.

That's fine. We don't all see things the same way.

How does the wedding pic affect things?

 

[Rhona]

That's fine. We don't all see things the same way.

How does the wedding pic affect things?

You said it was interesting that there was no mention of his mother, implying IMO that she had abandoned him. She seemed to be live and well at the wedding all be it a few years ago

 

[Johara]

You said it was interesting that there was no mention of his mother, implying IMO that she had abandoned him. She seemed to be live and well at the wedding all be it a few years ago

Do you know it is his mum?

Could it be a step mum?

I just noted that in the media his dad went public & said I'm here for you son. No mention of his mum.

Usually a mother would be the first to show support publicly.

 

[Rhona]

Do you know it is his mum?

Could it be a step mum?

I just noted that in the media his dad went public & said I'm here for you son. No mention of his mum.

Usually a mother would be the first to show support publicly.

I assumed she could be deceased since both are very elderly

 

[Johara]

I assumed she could be deceased since both are very elderly

Just odd she never featured supportively in the media if she is alive.

Yes - I see what you mean. It did have to be premeditated

My bowel incontinence journey: growing through adversity | ERIC

I was reading this earlier and shows how he learnt from early on to plan, be meticulous, solve problems..

Peggy,

I just read this more carefully now.

Firstly one feels great sympathy for him as a child. Impossible not to. What a nightmare.

But unfortunately the skills and scenarios he describes learning and enjoying are pertinent to this case.

"deflect attention away from myself, move from my chair while shielding it from the crowd, generate a reason to leave the room, what is the best route to a quiet toilet....etc. I also became very good at accepting that a perfect outcome was often not possible and learned to quickly judge which were the best compromises if I still wanted to achieve my goal, namely to keep my accident hidden."

1. Deflecting attention away
2. Hiding things
3. Needing control to be the centre of attention for positive reasons.

"Provided I was in an environment I felt I had enough control over I became happy to be the centre of attention for positive reasons."

The other thing that struck me was the mother giving enemas.

I have no idea what it's like to be so dependent on an adult as a child. Especially for such an intimate thing.

I think I might resent that adult? Even if logically it was not their fault.

None of can remember having our nappies changed because that ends at a time prior to our becoming autonomous. Luckily.

Imagine being 4 or older and having a daily enema? I can't imagine all the negative feelings a child might have.

 

[Stan]

After reading through this thread I did a bit of research and found they had a YouTube channel. This video is quite chilling considering what has happened. I hope she’s ok.

This made me uncomfortable as it seemed the entire saga about some poor missing guy was turned around on to them

 

[Johara]

This made me uncomfortable as it seemed the entire saga about some poor missing guy was turned around on to them

You mean DC's focus was not about the tragedy of the missing guy but how the search affected him & ED?

Good point.

I missed that. I was too busy watching his dominant behaviour & ED being so subdued.

Playing it again in the intro DC almost knocks her over accidentally with his elbow. It seems this is why she stands behind him.

He claims a lot of space around him.

When in control he's quite a cock-a-doodle-do personality.

It's just a description that sprang to mind. Almost Alpha.

 

[Stan]

You mean DC's focus was not about the tragedy of the missing guy but how the search affected him & ED?

Good point.

I missed that. I was too busy watching his dominant behaviour & ED being so subdued.

Playing it again in the intro DC almost knocks her over accidentally with his elbow. It seems this is why she stands behind him.

He claims a lot of space around him.

When in control he's quite a cock-a-doodle-do personality.

It's just a description that sprang to mind. Almost Alpha.

Yes. I just found it quite strange to want to comment publicly about yourself in response to a person being missing and people searching and I thought it was strange that he commented the search dogs were really cute. These people are searching for someone missing who could have had a horrid accident. Yet the dogs were cute and you’re so humbled ???

 

[PeggyHenry]

I just watched it with the sound turned off. Not once did he look at Esther during the entire video, whereas her eyes are frequently checking on him.
Even towards the end, when she has a chance to speak for a short while - he shifts towards her but doesn't quite manage to look at her.

Just odd she never featured supportively in the media if she is alive.


Peggy,

I just read this more carefully now.

Firstly one feels great sympathy for him as a child. Impossible not to. What a nightmare.

But unfortunately the skills and scenarios he describes learning and enjoying are pertinent to this case.

"deflect attention away from myself, move from my chair while shielding it from the crowd, generate a reason to leave the room, what is the best route to a quiet toilet....etc. I also became very good at accepting that a perfect outcome was often not possible and learned to quickly judge which were the best compromises if I still wanted to achieve my goal, namely to keep my accident hidden."

1. Deflecting attention away
2. Hiding things
3. Needing control to be the centre of attention for positive reasons.

"Provided I was in an environment I felt I had enough control over I became happy to be the centre of attention for positive reasons."

The other thing that struck me was the mother giving enemas.

I have no idea what it's like to be so dependent on an adult as a child. Especially for such an intimate thing.

I think I might resent that adult? Even if logically it was not their fault.

None of can remember having our nappies changed because that ends at a time prior to our becoming autonomous. Luckily.

Imagine being 4 or older and having a daily enema? I can't imagine all the negative feelings a child might have.

Yes - it is an experience at a young age which may have a big bearing on your whole life. A real need to control all situations.
Never being able to truly relax and always having to be planning ahead in quite some detail.
He is able to (commendably) speak openly about it now and give support to others with a similar condition - but that need to control a situation may be second nature now.

 

[Johara]

Yes. I just found it quite strange to want to comment publicly about yourself in response to a person being missing and people searching and I thought it was strange that he commented the search dogs were really cute. These people are searching for someone missing who could have had a horrid accident. Yet the dogs were cute and you’re so humbled ???

Spot on.

Low empathy.

I just watched it with the sound turned off. Not once did he look at Esther during the entire video, whereas her eyes are frequently checking on him.
Even towards the end, when she has a chance to speak for a short while - he shifts towards her but doesn't quite manage to look at her.



Yes - it is an experience at a young age which may have a big bearing on your whole life. A real need to control all situations.
Never being able to truly relax and always having to be planning ahead in quite some detail.
He is able to (commendably) speak openly about it now and give support to others with a similar condition - but that need to control a situation may be second nature now.

And at the end she speaks too long for his patience so he cuts her off and says "Anyway....".

Her self esteem must have been chipped at daily.

I just watched it with the sound turned off. Not once did he look at Esther during the entire video, whereas her eyes are frequently checking on him.
Even towards the end, when she has a chance to speak for a short while - he shifts towards her but doesn't quite manage to look at her.



Yes - it is an experience at a young age which may have a big bearing on your whole life. A real need to control all situations.
Never being able to truly relax and always having to be planning ahead in quite some detail.
He is able to (commendably) speak openly about it now and give support to others with a similar condition - but that need to control a situation may be second nature now.

I think another reason that video disturbs us is that his personality in other public videos is more cordial, affable.

The excitement of making a video about a mountain search party with helicopters that came to see them seems to have made his guard drop and we see an impatient, insensitive, dominant character.

His social persona is well crafted. When he's excited it drops.

 

[Johara]

I've mentioned this before & it's another reason I think he travelled to her.

On 21 Nov ED tagged DC in a post showing the views into nearby France - over Luchon.

She wrote, "Maybe I can see you!!”.

It was the day before she vanished.

It's an odd thing to say as the view she posted did not stretch to Arreau.

I think the reason she may have kept quiet on social media that he was en route to her is due to his house sitting obligations.

He may have used that an an excuse for her not to mention it.