Micro Cheating / Cyber Cheating / Corn Addition

[ChubClubThug]

I've just found out my partner has been following a load of naked women on Instagram. He repeatedly stated he "doesn't do social media", so I never bothered looking for him on there. Saw notifications when I was borrowing his phone.

Now my mind is going into overdrive, thinking if he is interacting with these women, if he goes on only fans etc.

We are due to get married later this year.

I feel sick.

This isn't a great sign is it. Why lie about being on social media if there is nothing to hide? Apart from naked women of course...

I'd be asking to see his phone and then I'd go through it with a fine tooth comb. If he refuses I think you've got your answers. Does he allow you access to bank statements? His PayPal? Apple pay or anything similar?

If he's on iphone go on the apple store to see what apps he's been downloading. If he's got instagram, he's probably got a Facebook somewhere

Find out which email address he used for the instagram and find out what other media he's on. Common ones for micro cheating are;

Facebook
Twitter
Snapchat
Reddit
Instagram
TikTok
Google pictures/chat

If you can get access to his emails, go on to only fans, put his email into the log in and click password reminder. If anything comes through he's on there.

There's loads of apps like cash app, WhatsApp, telegram etc. They use for this sort of thing. Also websites like Ashely Madison, Adult Friend Finder, Red Tube etc. Soda cam. Adult work, Adult Seek

This may sound extreme to some people but I think you need to be sure before you go ahead and marry someone who's hiding things from you. It may just be petty things, but always trust your gut. This is sadly so common these days

 

[babylemonade]

Hi everyone, thought I'd come here and give an update and to try and get this thread going again.

So if you've read through my previous posts, you'll see what I've been dealing with in the last year or so now.

After the last incident, I stayed with my bf but still had my doubts about what he was up to whenever we were apart.

Last week I went to visit him and on the second night I was there, I thought I saw something suspicious on his phone. He went for a shower so I decided to check the messaging app (Telegram) to see if I was right. He took his phone with him but I looked on his laptop since he has the app on there as well.

I didn't find what I was looking for but what I did find was much worse.

He had tons of porn saved, tiktoks and worst of all I saw he was looking up my old housemate who was a horrible witch and he always swore was "rotten".

I've been absolutely devastated since, I confronted him that night about it and he didn't have much to say apart from "I don't know" or I "wouldnt understand"

He also was downloading porn on his birthday weekend camping trip that I wasn't invited too cause it was a guys only trip.

I feel like an absolute fool and you probably won't be surprised to hear I'm still with him.
I want to leave but I just can't I'm not ready yet even after all this betrayal

I can't really talk to anyone about this, my close friend is fed up of listening and not surprised at all when I tell her.

 

[Sabbie]

Ask him to get treatment for his addiction if you want to stay with him. Otherwise you know the answer. The situation isn't going to get any better or any easier. I feel for you.

 

[ChubClubThug]

Hi everyone, thought I'd come here and give an update and to try and get this thread going again.

So if you've read through my previous posts, you'll see what I've been dealing with in the last year or so now.

After the last incident, I stayed with my bf but still had my doubts about what he was up to whenever we were apart.

Last week I went to visit him and on the second night I was there, I thought I saw something suspicious on his phone. He went for a shower so I decided to check the messaging app (Telegram) to see if I was right. He took his phone with him but I looked on his laptop since he has the app on there as well.

I didn't find what I was looking for but what I did find was much worse.

He had tons of porn saved, tiktoks and worst of all I saw he was looking up my old housemate who was a horrible witch and he always swore was "rotten".

I've been absolutely devastated since, I confronted him that night about it and he didn't have much to say apart from "I don't know" or I "wouldnt understand"

He also was downloading porn on his birthday weekend camping trip that I wasn't invited too cause it was a guys only trip.

I feel like an absolute fool and you probably won't be surprised to hear I'm still with him.
I want to leave but I just can't I'm not ready yet even after all this betrayal

I can't really talk to anyone about this, my close friend is fed up of listening and not surprised at all when I tell her.

Do you believe him that it was a "guys only camping trip"? Is there proof of this? Why did he ban his girlfriend on his birthday? That's odd.

Telegram is a cesspit app. It's the no.1 app for buying drugs and cheating... there's sex groups, hook up threads, it tells you who is near by. It should be banned.

He took his phone to shower? Massive red flag. I would also be very concerned about the ex housemate. He says he didn't like her and she was horrible to you? Were they sleeping together?

It sounds like he's got a major porn and sex addiction. Unless he's willing to change (which it sounds like he isn't) sorry to tell you, you've got no chance of sorting this out. His responses are like those of a naughty teenager.

 

[Sunflower91]

Hi everyone, thought I'd come here and give an update and to try and get this thread going again.

So if you've read through my previous posts, you'll see what I've been dealing with in the last year or so now.

After the last incident, I stayed with my bf but still had my doubts about what he was up to whenever we were apart.

Last week I went to visit him and on the second night I was there, I thought I saw something suspicious on his phone. He went for a shower so I decided to check the messaging app (Telegram) to see if I was right. He took his phone with him but I looked on his laptop since he has the app on there as well.

I didn't find what I was looking for but what I did find was much worse.

He had tons of porn saved, tiktoks and worst of all I saw he was looking up my old housemate who was a horrible witch and he always swore was "rotten".

I've been absolutely devastated since, I confronted him that night about it and he didn't have much to say apart from "I don't know" or I "wouldnt understand"

He also was downloading porn on his birthday weekend camping trip that I wasn't invited too cause it was a guys only trip.

I feel like an absolute fool and you probably won't be surprised to hear I'm still with him.
I want to leave but I just can't I'm not ready yet even after all this betrayal

I can't really talk to anyone about this, my close friend is fed up of listening and not surprised at all when I tell her.

I can only speak from my experiences but I found that my ex would also look up people he said he didn’t like, people they were “just friends”, as well as his exes. I once even found a folder with pictures he’d saved to his computer and it was clear it was more than snooping/having a nosey. I think for him porn didn’t always play into his fantasies and he wanted something more real.

When you confront him about it, other than saying those things how else does he behave? Does he say anything about you looking at his phone or talk about whether you trust him or not?

 

[babylemonade]

Do you believe him that it was a "guys only camping trip"? Is there proof of this? Why did he ban his girlfriend on his birthday? That's odd.

Telegram is a cesspit app. It's the no.1 app for buying drugs and cheating... there's sex groups, hook up threads, it tells you who is near by. It should be banned.

He took his phone to shower? Massive red flag. I would also be very concerned about the ex housemate. He says he didn't like her and she was horrible to you? Were they sleeping together?

It sounds like he's got a major porn and sex addiction. Unless he's willing to change (which it sounds like he isn't) sorry to tell you, you've got no chance of sorting this out. His responses are like those of a naughty teenager.

It was a lads only camping trip, I couldn't have gone even if I was invited as it was hours away from where I live and I have no transport. I know that him and his friends were camping so I don't doubt that.

We generally use telegram to message each other, we don't really use whatsapp that's just always the way it's been for us.

We both take our phones to the shower as well, even though I have nothing to hide.

I am super upset about the ex housemate situation. She was very horrible to us, is a terrible person in general and he's sworn to me nothing has ever happened between them in the flat when I wasn't around. They don't talk to each other either. I can ask her to confirm all this but I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. I told him I have a right mind to tell her to block him on everything. But part of me is afraid she would love to hear that.
---

I can only speak from my experiences but I found that my ex would also look up people he said he didn’t like, people they were “just friends”, as well as his exes. I once even found a folder with pictures he’d saved to his computer and it was clear it was more than snooping/having a nosey. I think for him porn didn’t always play into his fantasies and he wanted something more real.

When you confront him about it, other than saying those things how else does he behave? Does he say anything about you looking at his phone or talk about whether you trust him or not?

He says he's depressed, he knows I've looked through his phone and laptop and I can tell he's clearly embarrassed as he should be. He knows my trust is broken and my respect for him is gone. He says he loves me and he does want to fix things between us. Whether he can or not is another story. We've had many a talk about this and I told him if he is serious about me and having a future together he has to get better and delete all that crap etc. Usually when we're together it's fine, but we're long distance.
He really doesn't want me to leave him. I don't think he's a bad person. I told him that I would support him however I can but if I catch him again we're 100% over. If he ruins this last chance I've given him then that's on him. I don't deserve to feel like this.

 

[Sabbie]

He's an addict, and unless he faces the fact and gets treatment he will do this over and over to you and any other woman he can find who will put up with it.

 

[ChubClubThug]

It was a lads only camping trip, I couldn't have gone even if I was invited as it was hours away from where I live and I have no transport. I know that him and his friends were camping so I don't doubt that.

We generally use telegram to message each other, we don't really use whatsapp that's just always the way it's been for us.

We both take our phones to the shower as well, even though I have nothing to hide.

I am super upset about the ex housemate situation. She was very horrible to us, is a terrible person in general and he's sworn to me nothing has ever happened between them in the flat when I wasn't around. They don't talk to each other either. I can ask her to confirm all this but I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. I told him I have a right mind to tell her to block him on everything. But part of me is afraid she would love to hear that.
---


He says he's depressed, he knows I've looked through his phone and laptop and I can tell he's clearly embarrassed as he should be. He knows my trust is broken and my respect for him is gone. He says he loves me and he does want to fix things between us. Whether he can or not is another story. We've had many a talk about this and I told him if he is serious about me and having a future together he has to get better and delete all that crap etc. Usually when we're together it's fine, but we're long distance.
He really doesn't want me to leave him. I don't think he's a bad person. I told him that I would support him however I can but if I catch him again we're 100% over. If he ruins this last chance I've given him then that's on him. I don't deserve to feel like this.

He is an addict. Addicts lie. Don't trust him. If you're not tied by marriage, a mortgage or kids I strongly advise you to run for the hills.

Turn up one day when he's not expecting you, pretend to be out of town, then arrive at his door. See how pleased he is to see you.

 

[Rebeclou]

It’s so sad how common this is. I’m in a similar situation at the moment and I really thought it would never happen to us. I’m with my partner 6+ years and we’re meant to be getting married soon. We have always spoken about trust and he has spoken passionately about how he hates when men cheat and that he would never do it to me. He goes to an event with his friends every year and he goes out without me all the time. I never had any doubts because he filled me with confidence. We were out together a few weeks ago and when we got home he was a bit drunk and wasn’t talking to me. I noticed he was snap chatting someone. When he fell asleep I checked his phone and couldn’t find Snapchat on it. He had hidden it so I had to go on safari and search for it to login. When I logged in there were snaps sent to a girl I didn’t know. I checked and they were friends since the weekend he had been at the event. When I confronted him he said he was just friends with her that they had similar interests and he didn’t want to tell me because I wouldn’t understand. He told me she was in the house with his friend( who also has a long term girlfriend) they were staying in briefly one night. I had a gut feeling that it was more than that. I asked to see his phone again and I was looking at how to download his data and I told him I wanted to see the messages to put my mind at ease. He freaked out, pulled the phone off me and left.
Later on I threatened to tell his friends girlfriend that the girl was in the house with her boyfriend and he told me he would kill himself if I did as he would have nobody left. I ignored this because he was threatened this before and said I needed to find out the truth because I hadn’t heard it yet. He told me that she said she thought he was good looking and he said she was so nice and a lovely person. She asked him to meet up and he said no that can never happen I have a long term girlfriend. ( I believed this at first because I text the girl on Snapchat asking if she knew he had a girlfriend and she said it was one of the first things he told her and not to worry it was nothing like that). I don’t believe either of them and I think he cheated, in my eyes he was already cheated with the texting. The date he added her and was talking to her was when my grandad was dying and I was spending all my time with him. I’m finding it hard to process it all because he had made me believe he would never betray my trust. He is now begging for another chance, telling me he will start therapy. He said the only reason he kept talking to her was because he loved the attention and he was flattered by it. He has told me he won’t drink anymore because he met her when he was drunk. He said he will get therapy for a long time before he expects me to take him back. At the moment only my close family know because I’m finding it too overwhelming and can’t bare to tell anyone else yet so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[ChubClubThug]

It’s so sad how common this is. I’m in a similar situation at the moment and I really thought it would never happen to us. I’m with my partner 6+ years and we’re meant to be getting married soon. We have always spoken about trust and he has spoken passionately about how he hates when men cheat and that he would never do it to me. He goes to an event with his friends every year and he goes out without me all the time. I never had any doubts because he filled me with confidence. We were out together a few weeks ago and when we got home he was a bit drunk and wasn’t talking to me. I noticed he was snap chatting someone. When he fell asleep I checked his phone and couldn’t find Snapchat on it. He had hidden it so I had to go on safari and search for it to login. When I logged in there were snaps sent to a girl I didn’t know. I checked and they were friends since the weekend he had been at the event. When I confronted him he said he was just friends with her that they had similar interests and he didn’t want to tell me because I wouldn’t understand. He told me she was in the house with his friend( who also has a long term girlfriend) they were staying in briefly one night. I had a gut feeling that it was more than that. I asked to see his phone again and I was looking at how to download his data and I told him I wanted to see the messages to put my mind at ease. He freaked out, pulled the phone off me and left.
Later on I threatened to tell his friends girlfriend that the girl was in the house with her boyfriend and he told me he would kill himself if I did as he would have nobody left. I ignored this because he was threatened this before and said I needed to find out the truth because I hadn’t heard it yet. He told me that she said she thought he was good looking and he said she was so nice and a lovely person. She asked him to meet up and he said no that can never happen I have a long term girlfriend. ( I believed this at first because I text the girl on Snapchat asking if she knew he had a girlfriend and she said it was one of the first things he told her and not to worry it was nothing like that). I don’t believe either of them and I think he cheated, in my eyes he was already cheated with the texting. The date he added her and was talking to her was when my grandad was dying and I was spending all my time with him. I’m finding it hard to process it all because he had made me believe he would never betray my trust. He is now begging for another chance, telling me he will start therapy. He said the only reason he kept talking to her was because he loved the attention and he was flattered by it. He has told me he won’t drink anymore because he met her when he was drunk. He said he will get therapy for a long time before he expects me to take him back. At the moment only my close family know because I’m finding it too overwhelming and can’t bare to tell anyone else yet so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

If they were just friends he wouldn't mind you reading the messages now would he. You don't really need anyone to tell you he's a cheat do you his reaction tells you everything you need to know.

Please please please DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN. This is probably just the beginning of what you will find out about him. He planned to take that girl back to the house, and sorry to say he probably slept with her. Why would he need to start therapy if he's not a cheat? He's gaslighting you. Men who pretend they're so against cheating are normally the ones doing it the most. Telling you he'd kill himself if you basically held him accountable for his own actions is the lowest of the low. That's true manipulation. And a really evil thing to say. Cheats and porn addicts don't give a tit about your feelings, they only care when they get caught. If he can disrespect you when you're at a low point with your grandad, he's honestly not worth it.

You can get in his snapchat and change the password and lock him out of it to download the data. It's quite easy to do if you can get hold of his phone, if you feel that is what you need to do. He's probably cheating on every platform/social media page he has access to.

This won't be out of the blue. I bet there's been other red flags along the way, and your family has probably noticed

 

[Rebeclou]

I know my gut is telling me this it’s just so hard I’m kicking myself that I told him I wanted to read the messages because he has deleted his Snapchat account so I’ll never know. I could text the girl because I have her Facebook but I’m not sure if that will only drive me crazy. We have a mortgage and a dog together and it’s just so hard to walk away but I know I have to do it.
You’re right there are so many more issues with him and this has only opened my eyes to it. He was so paranoid and I couldn’t even talk to another man without it causing a fight. He has been emotionally abusing me with a while now and I’ve been blind to it
---
I just tried to sign into his Snapchat and it says it’s deactivated so I might be able to reactivate it. How do I download the data if I get into his account?

 

[ChubClubThug]

I know my gut is telling me this it’s just so hard I’m kicking myself that I told him I wanted to read the messages because he has deleted his Snapchat account so I’ll never know. I could text the girl because I have her Facebook but I’m not sure if that will only drive me crazy. We have a mortgage and a dog together and it’s just so hard to walk away but I know I have to do it.
You’re right there are so many more issues with him and this has only opened my eyes to it. He was so paranoid and I couldn’t even talk to another man without it causing a fight. He has been emotionally abusing me with a while now and I’ve been blind to it
---
I just tried to sign into his Snapchat and it says it’s deactivated so I might be able to reactivate it. How do I download the data if I get into his account?

You can get the account back within a certain time frame if you act asap. You will have to then go into the settings and the option to download it all will be there. Google a tutorial to guide you. There is some really good ones on Tiktok if you have it. He's been up to all kinds of tit if he's deleted it all before you get a chance to look through it. The file with the data will be sent to his email though, so you will need access to that. What a slimy git. I'm so sorry

That's normally a sign of a cheat, they accuse you of wanting other men because they're doing it themselves! It's also a sign that they're cheating when they pick faults with you, cause arguments for no reasons. I'd be looking for dating apps in his email too. He's probably on it all. Facebook data is a really good one if you can get hold of his account. Again, you'll need access to his email.

If you've got no kids with him, take this as a sign to run for the hills. No house is worth being lumbered with a man like that. He won't get therapy or change. Weak men like that will just get more sly sadly. Sounds like he has a lot of issues going on, but you're not his mum you owe him nothing if he's not loyal to you

 

[babylemonade]

back again with another update!!

so I'm still with my bf, in August it will have been 2 years since the first incident and in June it will be 1 year since the last.

have things gotten better?

really hard to say. I've had countless discussions with him, and he's unfollowed over 1,200 people on instagram but still has plenty more to go.

I told him the other day if he doesn't have it finally sorted put before the next time he comes to see me, then don't bother coming.

I'm still thinking about the things I've seen and how it made me feel everyday. some days are better than others but for the most part I'm still suffering over this still with no one to talk to about it.

I've been trying and failing to lose weight, buying new clothes and making more of an effort to look after myself and my appearance for myself not him, but I still feel super low and disgusted with how I look and I can't stop comparing myself to pretty girls online and irl.

I know this thread has been pretty dead but just wanted to vent again x

 

[ChubClubThug]

back again with another update!!

so I'm still with my bf, in August it will have been 2 years since the first incident and in June it will be 1 year since the last.

have things gotten better?

really hard to say. I've had countless discussions with him, and he's unfollowed over 1,200 people on instagram but still has plenty more to go.

I told him the other day if he doesn't have it finally sorted put before the next time he comes to see me, then don't bother coming.

I'm still thinking about the things I've seen and how it made me feel everyday. some days are better than others but for the most part I'm still suffering over this still with no one to talk to about it.

I've been trying and failing to lose weight, buying new clothes and making more of an effort to look after myself and my appearance for myself not him, but I still feel super low and disgusted with how I look and I can't stop comparing myself to pretty girls online and irl.

I know this thread has been pretty dead but just wanted to vent again x

Sorry to hear you're still having a crap time. You have to ask yourself is he really worth this continuous cycle of hurt. He still hasn't really changed in 2yrs by the sounds of it from your post You deserve to feel beautiful and loved and secure. It sounds like he's not really willing to meet you half way

 

[babylemonade]

Sorry to hear you're still having a crap time. You have to ask yourself is he really worth this continuous cycle of hurt. He still hasn't really changed in 2yrs by the sounds of it from your post You deserve to feel beautiful and loved and secure. It sounds like he's not really willing to meet you half way

Thank you I appreciate that.

I'm kind of over it at this stage, I really think most men are the same and sort of have a better the devil you know mindset? If we were to break up I don't see myself getting into another relationship.

I don't think he's changed much no, just excuse after excuse and no motivation to change or make anything better. I'm still reeling from the betrayal and he thinking I should stop bringing it up.

I'd rather be unhappy single than spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't respect me so yeah, I've kinda checked out from him and the relationship.

 

[Mamacita]

Thank you I appreciate that.

I'm kind of over it at this stage, I really think most men are the same and sort of have a better the devil you know mindset? If we were to break up I don't see myself getting into another relationship.

I don't think he's changed much no, just excuse after excuse and no motivation to change or make anything better. I'm still reeling from the betrayal and he thinking I should stop bringing it up.

I'd rather be unhappy single than spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't respect me so yeah, I've kinda checked out from him and the relationship.

They're not all the same. There are plenty tit ones but there are ones that respect their partners

 

[PartTimeNoseyWitch]

Thank you I appreciate that.

I'm kind of over it at this stage, I really think most men are the same and sort of have a better the devil you know mindset? If we were to break up I don't see myself getting into another relationship.

I don't think he's changed much no, just excuse after excuse and no motivation to change or make anything better. I'm still reeling from the betrayal and he thinking I should stop bringing it up.

I'd rather be unhappy single than spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't respect me so yeah, I've kinda checked out from him and the relationship.

Not all men are the same and you won’t be unhappy single (well not after the first part of adjusting anyways). There will be a guy out there who is thrilled to be with you so duck your silly guy off and focus on yourself. Dress up, treat yourself, look after yourself, work on your self-esteem and realise that you can do better than him. We are all guilty of wasting time on losers and only hindsight makes us wonder why we did it… You deserve better

 

[codered]

Hi everyone. This is such a hard and personal topic that is soooo not spoken about enough.
I’ve been with my husband for 8 years. After 6 months he appeared to have ED, which I then found out was because of porn.
I said to him I really don’t want that in my life or relationship, please stop.

I thought he had stopped until after we had our first child and he turned up at the hospital after nipping out to get a few bits as I’d had a section. He brought me my iPad and it was on private browser mode. I had used it 24 hours previous and knew I’d never put it on that mode so it was obviously.

Very long story short but it has plagued our relationship:
- searched through people on Facebook to find pictures of girls he liked for porn ( still don’t get this one)
- using YouTube such as videos people are taking of girls walking around on nights out
- using instagram, YouTube and Reddit for porn
- in the first year of our relationship he downloaded an anonymous sex chat app but still can’t explain to me why
- no signs of him messaging other women but he did deactivate Snapchat and said he had used that for porn and deleted it to remove the temptation as he was trying to get better
- he has even used depop for porn (I’m not joking)

I threatened to leave him in march last year. He promised to recover. Discovered more again in July. Promised to recover…discovered again in February.

I feel awful, I do love him so much but I have lost all of my self esteem. He has been quite manipulative at times and quite mean in the past. He is getting better but I just find I’m struggling to cope with my life. We have two young children. Really just don’t know what to do. Sometimes I just wish I didn’t care others and wonder how other women would see this situation. I don’t really have anyone to talk to!

 

[Sabbie]

Huge hugs to you @codered. If your husband is not will seeking any help with his addiction, he will not be able to ‘cure’ himself of it. It sounds like he is in deep and needs to find help. Some people use AA type groups for sex addiction, or some people get a therapist. I would highly suggest both if he really wants to get a hold of this and dedicate himself to you and your family. There are also AA type groups for people married to addicts if you feel you need to reach out for support.

 

[Rodneytrotter]

Hi everyone. This is such a hard and personal topic that is soooo not spoken about enough.
I’ve been with my husband for 8 years. After 6 months he appeared to have ED, which I then found out was because of porn.
I said to him I really don’t want that in my life or relationship, please stop.

I thought he had stopped until after we had our first child and he turned up at the hospital after nipping out to get a few bits as I’d had a section. He brought me my iPad and it was on private browser mode. I had used it 24 hours previous and knew I’d never put it on that mode so it was obviously.

Very long story short but it has plagued our relationship:
- searched through people on Facebook to find pictures of girls he liked for porn ( still don’t get this one)
- using YouTube such as videos people are taking of girls walking around on nights out
- using instagram, YouTube and Reddit for porn
- in the first year of our relationship he downloaded an anonymous sex chat app but still can’t explain to me why
- no signs of him messaging other women but he did deactivate Snapchat and said he had used that for porn and deleted it to remove the temptation as he was trying to get better
- he has even used depop for porn (I’m not joking)

I threatened to leave him in march last year. He promised to recover. Discovered more again in July. Promised to recover…discovered again in February.

I feel awful, I do love him so much but I have lost all of my self esteem. He has been quite manipulative at times and quite mean in the past. He is getting better but I just find I’m struggling to cope with my life. We have two young children. Really just don’t know what to do. Sometimes I just wish I didn’t care others and wonder how other women would see this situation. I don’t really have anyone to talk to!

My advice would be for you to leave him and for YOU to have therapy to come to terms with having a partner who has done this to you and left you with such low self esteem. I think even if he quit now you would always be wondering and checking what he's been up to as he has destroyed your trust.

ETA I'm so.sorry he has done this, you deserve better.