Men are trash

[thunderfook]

I’m going to piss people off but why come into a thread entitled “Men are trash” to say they’re not?!
Of course we’re not talking about every single guy but sorry, most guys are and that’s who we’re talking about here. Not your boyfriend/husband etc - it’s always attached women who want to stick up for them too.

We know NOT ALL men are trash.

with you here. We all have fathers, brothers, cousins, friends etc who are good men, but this thread is our way of venting about those men that aren’t. It’s like saying ‘nothing ever goes right for me’ or ‘I’m having the worst day ever’, neither of these statements are completely true, but in the majority it seems they are. Might I suggest those nay sayers stop taking everything so literally and leave us people, who are currently having a hard time with most men, alone to vent in peace.

 

[Hope96]

Probably doesn’t help now for you and @Hope96 - but that saying that all things pass is true. The sadness will pass, life carries on, good things will happen to you. In a few years time you will be hard pressed to remember their features in any great detail. As I say, doesn’t help you now, you are still grieving, but it will get better. And remember you are enough, so no more trash talking yourself and doing yourself down. Onwards

Thank you, I really needed to read this today because I've spent most of the day crying at my desk (thankfully working from home) and feeling like I'm not good enough. I guess I wish I could feel better at the click of a finger but it doesn't work like that does it sadly.

 

[DeathToCovid]

Day 2 and I’m really bad today, tried to cheer myself up with a Starbucks this morning and it was a Starbucks that me and him used to go for Saturday brunch. I couldn’t stop crying in the queue, im now sat on the tube crying like a twat. Looking in the mirror after my shower earlier and I just can’t bare to see myself. Ugh, I just can’t see how I’m going to get through today

 

[sleepflowers]

I wrote a comment on a facebook group saying how lazy men are for constantly using the 'sexy librarian' trope to make comments to me, and I got an alert that my comment was removed for 'hate speech'

 

[isabellalovescats]

I recently rejoined dating apps after almost a month and a half of my last breakup. The apps are SO overwhelming and anxiety-inducing. I didn't realize that. I get anxious that I am not responding to people on time so I stay away from checking them and when I check, I see messages so I get anxious, etc. It is such a vicious cycle.
Anyways, I decided to check Hinge today and a grown-ass man literally messaged me and said that he feels like he could fit me in his pocket. I understand the phrase is meant to be cute. But I just felt so icky - I am not a teenager. I am 25. And I mean I wouldn't mind if someone I already know and like says something like this but it being the first message I got. I am just so turned off from the apps.

 

[isabellalovescats]

My psychologist told me yesterday that she didn’t push me to start doing things because she knew that I needed to grieve and get angry and all that takes time. Her comment came after over a month from my breakup and I was finally able to shower and brush my teeth and was not ideating everyday anymore. My heart still aches for closure and I am fuming how someone I trusted with my everything could blindside and leave me all alone suddenly. I keep wondering if it’s because I gained weight or I stopped wearing full makeup towards the end of our relationship. And I can resonate with some of you lovely folks saying you don’t believe in relationships or love anymore because I don’t either. I don’t understand why love was not in the cards for me especially because I really wanted it and gave my best to him.
@Hope96 wish I could hug you and we can cry together and eat a lot of ice cream.

 

[thunderfook]

I block all my exes on social media so that it deters me from looking them up when I feel the urge. When things are really rough and feelings are intense, I delete/deactivate my social media and delete all the apps from my phone (that is where I am at right now). The only ex I am friends with is one from high school so over a decade ago. And we are at the point where we are such good friends and it’s been so long since we dated (we were 14 anyways so it didn’t count). Rule of thumb is to remember what @thunderfook says - they chose to leave our lives.

Social media is sooo damaging to self esteem, I don’t have room in my life to berate myself for not matching up. I have nothing now, no FB, Insta, not even LinkedIn. The other thing that I secretly love is that my ex is such a (self confessed) nosey stalker and it would really annoy him that he can’t find me!

 

[LittleMy]

Who shat in your cornflakes?

People can comment wherever they want. You can always scroll by too y’know.

 

[thunderfook]

I have to agree. I’ve met my fair share of swamp rats, sure, but there are some pretty amazing guys out there. Plenty of horrible females around too.

Men are different as friends vs. love interests. Women too I guess, but take sex out of the equation and yes there are many nice guys.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

My first serious relationship was a disaster and it’s only now many years later I see that it was controlling and coercive. I was 16 when we met and he was 24 and I’d experienced something terrible a few years earlier which made me very vulnerable. I didn’t allow him to treat me badly - looking back now and knowing more about it him, I was perfect for him but I couldn’t see what was happening at the time. That relationship also had a negative impact on me that stayed with me for quite a while.

My husband is a gem, in many ways he’s perfect for me. He’s not without his issues but he won’t seek help even though it affects me too. But I don’t worry about him cheating, he’s honest and this is by far the most secure relationship I’ve ever had. He came into my life a few months before my dad died. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but they’re alike in many ways so I think my dad put him in my path.

 

[isabellalovescats]

I went on two good dates with someone and he said he’d love to see me again soon but I haven’t heard from him at all. I’m a little bit tender about it because if you don’t want to see me again, then just tell me. I won’t be offended. Now it’s just weird because I’m sat here wondering if I did anything wrong to deserve being possibly ghosted. That’s not a nice feeling.
Currently at a bus stop next to the grocery store where my ex and I used to shop together all the time. I’m not okay. It’s been a month and a half since being dumped out of the blue and I thought I was okay enough to meet new people (not necessarily to jump into anything, I’m far from ready for that) and when I do go out on dates, I have a decent time albeit being a bit awkward. But I feel guilty for going out for a walk or even to get a quick coffee with a man who’s not him. I now know for sure he had other women lined up ready to go when he dumped me and he refused to talk to me even over the phone (got dumped via email by a 35-year old man lmao). But still, I feel so guilty and disgusted with myself for just texting another man.
I don’t feel worthy. I don’t really like myself at the moment. I don’t think anyone wants me for a relationship. I was fine with just casual sex for years but I just really want somebody to love now and it’s not happening and when I thought it was happening, he was actually just using me to boost his ego. I am deeply sad. I had an anxiety attack about it all (men and their shitty behaviors) since around 7 pm yesterday and it’s almost noon here now and the waves are still coming.

 

[calmyourritas]

My boyfriend is doing my head in and I have nowhere else to vent about it so How can the person who makes you feel happiest also somehow make you feel your saddest

I know what you mean. Sometimes he makes me want to scream.

 

[watermelon sugar]

I don't think all men are trash. My fella isnt trash and I hope I raise my son well enough for him to not be trash either. I just think the phrase 'men are trash' fits well when a guy has fucked your friend round but not all men are trash - there a decent guy out their for everyone.

My ex boyfriend was a gaslighting, horrible, evil, manipulator but I still don't think all men are trash

 

[Bogwoppit]

Totally agree, men are absolute trash, married a complete & utter wanker, treated me like shit over the years, physically & mentally abused me, but I stayed because I was told i would never find anyone else, he was the best I would get, nobody would want me, suppose in a way he was right, he fucked off with someone young enough be his daughter & yep I’m on my own with nobody!

 

[isabellalovescats]

Many people in this world suffer from mental health issues, most of them don't abuse their partners.

THIS. This is very important. Decent people with mental health issues don't abuse their partners. Thank you for bringing this up. <3

Day 2 and I’m really bad today, tried to cheer myself up with a Starbucks this morning and it was a Starbucks that me and him used to go for Saturday brunch. I couldn’t stop crying in the queue, im now sat on the tube crying like a twat. Looking in the mirror after my shower earlier and I just can’t bare to see myself. Ugh, I just can’t see how I’m going to get through today

Sending so much love your way. You are not a twat at all, far from it. I was bursting into tears in public for a good month after my breakup. I stopped crying in public this week, thank goodness. But I am now sat crying in my room listening to Everytime by Britney. Heartbreak is very hard.

 

[thunderfook]

Hey all
So I’m in a predicament
I’ve been married 9y abs I’m desperately unhappy
We’ve just moved house and I don’t want to uproot kids
I don’t have any family so can’t go anywhere
I’m just so sad and I hate my life right now
He treats me like shit - no consideration for my feeling, my life, my struggles and my health. It’s all about him. He is a true narc. I dread seeing him coming home. He hasn’t spoke to me all evening and knows I’m really upset as it’s my late mums anniversary tomorrow. He is a pig.

I’ve read through your threads, but thought I’d respond to your first one. What you are dealing with is domestic abuse and coercive and controlling behaviour (walking on eggshells, threats of self harm etc). This is a crime and the police take it very seriously. If you feel you are in any danger whatsoever, or if he threatens self harm call the police.

You may also consider going to your local police station and ask for general advice on your current situation. Tell them of any incidences where he has been verbally abusive, lost his temper, threatened violence (whether to himself or anyone else), especially if your children have witnessed this. In fact start keeping a diary of every incident on your phone (making sure he cannot read or delete it). I don’t know where you live, but there are a whole load of support services available and many can help you to leave if money is an issue. Again your local police can tell you or you can search online. I really don’t want to frighten you, but I can’t tell you how many domestic abuse cases start off small and escalate very quickly.

Be strong and do what you need to do to protect you and your children. Oh and one last thing, I really don’t want to tell you what to do but please don’t have another baby with this man. Not only will it not resolve your problems, but it will make it ten times harder to leave of you need to. We are all here for you so you are not alone.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Ahh.. They’re not all bad.
Most of my closest friends are men and they have been amazing over the years.

 

[thunderfook]

So sorry to everyone struggling right now, I broke up with my boyfriend this morning, we had things we just couldn’t get through, whilst not a bad guy I can’t help but need to vent. I feel so sad right now and I’m at that stage where I’m gutted and having those - I’ll never find someone else I’m too fat ugly and mad kind of thoughts, and the he will find someone so much better than me etc etc missing all the nice stuff. Usual I guess. Fucking painful

Sucks so bad I know. It’s ok to vent, cry, scream into a pillow. Whatever you need to process it. Another cliche, but exercise your azz off, it will make you feel so much better about yourself physically and mentally. I swear without it, I wouldn’t be here after my experiences post-divorce.

 

[Bellaboo83]

I really feel for some of you guys. Its been 5 years since I got my heart broken. I was an absolute mess. I had to take some time off work. I spent all day in bed, crying, not eating, not sleeping, just begging him to give us another chance. I lost lots of weight. My stepdad threatened to force feed me if I didn't start eating. Every single thing reminded me of him and everywhere I went held some kind of memory. He moved on pretty quick, told me he was going on a date with a girl he used to see before we got together and it completely destroyed me. I removed him from all social media. And just allowed myself to go through the motions. I was sat in a bar with my friend and just burst into tears. I just saw no light at the end of the tunnel.

The only thing I will say that helped is time. Time is a great healer. It didn't happen overnight. It took months. Over time I wasn't crying as often, I was starting to smile and laugh again. I got myself into a really good place and he came along wanting to try again but by then I was much stronger. We weren't meant for one another.

Fast forward to now, I am in a happy, healthy 3yr relationship with someone who treats me with respect and actually cares and loves me. We live together and have a little cat! Life is good.

So I know it might not feel like it now, but Better days are ahead and it won't always feel so shit. I am proof of that.

Be kind to yourselves. your heart will mend xo

Thank you so much for posting this I've read it 3 times. When you're going through it it's hard to envisage a happy future is possible, it really helps me hearing about people who have gone on to find happiness after heartbreak.

 

[Clementine]

Who shat in your cornflakes?

Men, that’s the point of the thread.