WAIT A SECOND.I was asking myself that as well! I mean it's just laying there - what other sizes does she need?!
Yes, she’s got a very large cutting board which she could blatantly see wouldn’t fit whilst in the bloody shop! It’s so thick that Ali will need one of the ‘bespoke’ step ladders to get any form of cutting angle! She’s frickin nuts and let’s her get away with it!WAIT A SECOND.
Ok, I’m in North America so I know butcher’s blocks as this:
View attachment 555807
She got a cutting board and is now saying it doesn’t fit?!? IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO. It’s for functional, not to fit your counter. Is she going to re-do the countertops now and make them wood?
She talked about it in summer last year, she had seen it in one of her magazines and so here we are...I don’t know if she wants to replace part of the island with it or what, but here is the picture from that vlog when she said of course “I think I need a butchers block” (why? Because it was in a magazine, that’s why.WAIT A SECOND.
Ok, I’m in North America so I know butcher’s blocks as this:
View attachment 555807
She got a cutting board and is now saying it doesn’t fit?!? IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO. It’s for functional, not to fit your counter. Is she going to re-do the countertops now and make them wood?
Well said! It was me who said about bringing experts.I think she went down the Hermés rabbit hole due to Nicky-gate. To give the finger to the "haters", to prove her wealth and connections despite the drama surrounding her (at the time: bananas and buying bots, etc.).
I don't think she really likes the Hermés bags. They're huge and clunky compared to the bags she's loved for years. I think she loved the Dior and Chloe bags she regularly carried far more. But in true form for an insecure yet vainglorious personality, she pivoted to the exclusive Hermés bags/belts in order to elevate herself in the audience's eyes. She was so desperate to succeed at it that she went the preloved route, and then fanged when people balked at her insistence that the saggy Birkin was new. Likely the reason she didn't "unbox" the Kelly. She didn't want to get schooled yet again on the definition of "preloved". No way was she offered a black/palladium Kelly after buying one fucking belt at the boutique. Bitch please!
She is such an empty vessel in every sense. Her blood family doesn't bring her joy, or her nieces/nephews (one of which is a newborn FFS!), nor does her marriage. Not even her pets. All she cares about it is how she is perceived by the world at large. It's why she practically gives herself visible cramps, visibly clenching, posing on tip toes, leg extended a la Beckham. Victoria Beckham used to give me the same vibes, but it's undeniable that she loves her family and is actually quite good at designing clothing. Lydia on the other hand cannot bring anything to successful fruition. Everything she attempts is lackluster. Such as announcing launches in her grubby dressing gown having just rolled out of bed, looking like a slob. The GLOBY launch failing spectacularly. The new branding of old shit, that didn't even work. Even her Millen pound house is a disappointment.
If it wasn't so alarming, it would be fascinating. Like someone else mentioned, she brings experts in for stupid shit like planting flowers and "dressing rooms", but doesn't bother to work on her own grammar. Spell check is free you stupid shit!
She bangs on about bespoke tailored clothing in the same vlog that she's pushing Nasty Gal polyester tat. The same week she admits Ali cooks everything, she releases an #ad claiming to be cooking everything herself due to some new Tupperware contraption. She cannot be trusted. I don't think she has the reach she used to have. Think about it. The recent #ads have been detergents and Tupperware. Karma? God knows.
BTW Lydia, you do not have high arches. You wish you had delicate feet with high arches (LIKE VICTORIA DOES!!). It's not the same thing. You have flat, wide feet, and this isn't your fault. What IS your fault is your claiming you have anatomy you do not have. And here's a handy tip, a nice rich red, plum, or even bright pink toe polish would make your feet look less hobbit-ish. Pale nude toe polish makes your feet look even flatter and wider. Trust me. You're welcome.
#putbackthekitchendooryouabsoluteknob
So happy to see you back I NEVER knew you lived in North America - I always imagined you lived in France (because of your name), Anyway just saying hello again...Butcher’s blocks hey? Whatever next..?WAIT A SECOND.
Ok, I’m in North America so I know butcher’s blocks as this:
View attachment 555807
She got a cutting board and is now saying it doesn’t fit?!? IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO. It’s for functional, not to fit your counter. Is she going to re-do the countertops now and make them wood?
Top notch one would say ahahaha ..bravoOUR BONNETS AND FROCKS GARDEN PARTY
Chapter 3.
Everyone stares aghast as the distant donkey and trap is overtaken at top speed by Lady Dalrymple’s coach. Clearly it must be being drawn by racehorses judging by the speed at which it is going! The carriage screeches past the little donkey and trap on two wheels and the driver and the donkey are almost forced into a ditch as the horses tear down the drive at a breakneck gallop. The coach driver eventually brings the coach to a screeching standstill at the end of the driveway. Yes, gentle reader, the Gentleman driving the coach himself really was driving that fast!. The Gentleman reaches for his top hat and makes haste to tidy himself before handing the horses and carriage over to the waiting groom. He tries to compose himself before he enters the garden to meet all the guests who have now been gathered for a long time. Sir Stefano has arrived and he is nursing a great indisposition. Last night he was out carousing in London with The Prince Regent and Beau Brummell and he is unable to remember quite how many flagons of wine were drunk. Earlier this week he had received an personal invitation from Jane Austen to attend today which he was not sure he could reply to. However, his feelings of obligation have today outweighed his ardent need for the recovery of his liver. He was at school with Miss Austen’s brother and is well known to the family. He is to stay over night at Chawton House. Jane’s sister Cassandra has embroidered him a fine waistcoat and he is anxious to have sight of it. Presently though, he is disappointed to find himself still at the stage where he is talking out loud - to himself...
Sir Stefano - There is to be a tiny party here tonight. I hate tiny parties - they force one into constant exertion...
He looks longingly over to the lake where he notices that already some of the Gentlemen who will be Gentlemen are already fishing. He longs to join them but knows he must first pay his respects and try to engage his brain in the art of small talk. He sighs. Deeply.
Meanwhile, the eagle-eyed amongst us will notice that the little donkey and trap has almost made it to the end of the long driveway. It definitely is a poor relation if the appearance of the trap driver is anything to go by. Ah, yes it is Miss Oops who has made the three day journey from Bath with many a stop along the way to ensure the comfort of her rescue donkey Jenny. Jenny wears a jaunty old straw beach hat and a sanguine expression. Miss Oops on the other hand wear a frock covered in axle grease since the trap has offered her little in the way of good service on the journey here. She lost her bonnet somewhere along the Bath Road and her little bun looks enormously messy. Nevertheless she is a bundle of high expectation since she has heard that her one true love, Sir Gary Barlow has agreed to attend this garden party. He is a singer; a purveyor of love songs. She has loved him for many years from afar. This distance is known only to her since Sir Gary Barlow knows nothing of her existence. She cannot hope to gain anything more than the opportunity be be in his presence today. For he is the best of men. Once she has settled Jenny in the stable she notices that in the distance she can see a carriage fit for a star. Can it be..? Could it be..? Miss Oops stands clutching her reticule to her bosom beneath a beautiful Catalpa tree which casts dappled shade over her. She prays that somehow she may today look un-plain. Her heart beats. Her cheeks flush. She begins to feel overcome as the carriage draws ever nearer. She can see a finely dressed Gentleman seated on the back seat of the carriage. The Gentleman wears a silk top hat and a fine silk waistcoat and a beautifully tied lawn cotton cravat. He slowly turns his face to look straight at her and...she sees...she sees...Mr Ken Barlow! Gentle reader, allow me to repeat that - Mr Ken Barlow. Miss Oops stares straight ahead. She is catatonic. She is glued to the spot bearing a look of crestfallen disappointment. She is rescued by her two friends Miss Canthus and Mrs Milking-Bennet. Gently they guide her to the dog kennels behind the stables where they know she will hastily recover in the company of some beloved dogs.
Mrs Milking-Bennet - Far be it for a woman of my breeding and status to complain but heads will roll for this! Mark my words - heads will roll! When I find out which imbecile in Production has made this heinous, hapless, humongous error I will show him my hinged Parisien parasol. He will not like it. Oh no - he will not. I will make it my business to make him rue his stupidity for the rest of his misbegotten life. This could kill her! Never in all of my life have I come across such a woeful Production team. Never! I will put in my formal complaint. If one does not complain how is one be pitied?
Miss Canthus - Production do not know their Eleagnus from their elbow Of that we may all be sure. Here Miss Oops - a pomander of freshly picked lavender. Breathe...breathe - let the wonderful fragrance revive you.
Miss Oops - He has not come dear ladies. He has not come. Must I forever suffer the desertion of favour from Fate?
Mrs Milking-Bennet - Come my dear - friendship is certainly the kindest balm for the pangs of disappointed love. Mr Archer Darcy - do not even think of going fishing. I will need you to wait on my every whim when we have sorted Miss Oops out with these dogs!
Mr Archer Darcy waits for Mrs Milking-Bennet to glance back at her friend before running like the wind to join the Gentlemen who have now all been very pleased to go fishing.
All the ladies who remain in the garden have naturally picked their delicate way towards the Maypole - for it is May Day. To be fond of dancing was a certain step to falling in love and yet our resourceful ladies have decided it is incumbent on them to make the best of it and take up a ribbon. Since the Gentlemen have deserted them - naturally, they decide to pay homage to the beautiful day - for in Spring all lady’s fancies turn to horticulture. They dance around the maypole as they sing;
We’re here in the country - oh isn’t it grand
Breathing fresh air and admiring the land
Isn’t it marvellous - isn’t it bliss?
Having a party in grounds such as this
We’re each of us grateful and couldn’t want more
Than roses around every window and door
Columbine, heart’s-ease plus foxgloves and phlox
With formalised plants of ligustrum and box
Every row serried in fullest of order
With lavender edgings to perfume each border
The garden transforms to a great work of art
And June will see much of the flowering start
Isn’t it fun dears and isnt it jolly?
Creating a lime walk and maybe a folly
Arches and arbours with burgeoning blooms
Fountains cascading, parterres, water flumes
Violets and chamomile, parsley and thyme
Rosemary, honesty, sage and woodbine
Iris, forget-me-nots, dewed alchemilla
All underplanted with snowdrops and scilla
This garden is lovely - no hint of decay
What a glorious choice to be out here all day
So find us a spade and our gardening boots
The weeds will be vanquished pulled out by the roots
We’re here in the country - oh isn‘t it grand?
Breathing fresh air and admiring the land
Isn’t it marvellous isn’t it bliss?
Having a party in grounds such as this
The maypole ribbons have intertwined right down to the bottom and the ladies all fall to he floor. The church clock strikes four and Mrs Milking-Bennet has decided it is time for the Gentlemen to return. They have neglected their duties for long enough...
Mrs Milking-Bennet - Ladies, I beg you - follow me. We will go together and bring back the Gentlemen. It has pleased them to neglect their duties to us for too long. We are like delicate hot-house flowers and we need to be administered unto constantly and consistently. I dropped my handkerchief earlier and had to pick it up myself! I have never heard of such a thing!
The ladies look at each other and decide to follow Mrs Milking-Bennet. They come to the edge of the lake and notice all the gentlemen are in their shirtsleeves and all have removed their cravats. They appear absorbed completely in their fishing whist listening to Sir Stefano reading them a comical Poem.
Sir Stefano - Gentlemen; I would like to recite for you my poem about a dream I had about Mr Darcy. It’s called Coarse Fishing. A-hem...
Today I walked with Darcy and I read to him a sonnet
We were down besides the river which had dragonflies upon it
And there my dear friend bade me stay - to sit a while and nod
I did - and I was mesmerised as he showed me his new rod
It was sixteen feet and rising and it’s really not surprising
That my eyes were out on stalks just like a pike
When he showed me how to use it - I said ‘Sir - do not abuse it
For that’s just the size of rod I really like
He lay there in his languor tying knots onto his flies
I watched him use his sculpted hands to shade his piercing eyes
He ran his skilful fingers through his glossy strands of hair
As I stood to attention trying not to gasp for air
He slept awhile beneath my gaze upon the mossy bank
Eventually as he awoke my soaring spirits sank
I could have watched forever - drinking every detail in
I offered him some ale then drowned my spawning thoughts with gin
He spoke to me quite openly - I grimaced and tut-tutted
When he told me of his lovely wife - I like the fish was gutted
Oh Mr Darcy can’t you see? I love you yes I do
And if you’d give me half a chance I think you’d love me too
The day too soon was ended - it was all a dream - a stunt
Imagine if we could have floated downstream in a punt
Yet I keep my dream here safe within - my heart still all a quiver
When I recall my perfect dream with Darcy - by the river
When the raucous laughter of the Gentlemen dies down Sir Stefano goes again...
And now Gentlemen a Poem about Mr Wickham...
I want to dip my wick in Wickham
Oh Mister Wickham turn those burning eyes on me
I want to dip my wick - Oh Mr Wickham be a brick...
Mrs Milking Bennet - (shrieking to drown out Sir Stefano) MR ARCHER DARCY! MR ARCHER DARCY!! MR ARCHER DARCY!!!
Her beseeching and most urgent call is SO loud that ALL the Gentlemen jump out of their skins and fall into the lake in a state of surprised shock at the same time. After a matter of moments each Gentleman resurfaces from underwater. Imagine now gentle reader the sight of ALL the Mr Darcys, Mr Knightly, Colonel Brandon, Captain Wentworth et al coming up for air at the same time. Their wet, white shirts are stuck to their rippling bodies and and they are now striding purposefully towards you. Yes. You! Just imagine it...Their steadfast gaze fixed upon YOU as they draw closer and closer and closer...
I will leave you with that thought gentle reader, until our May Day Garden Party next year...
Now that is exactly my style .. clean sleek and elegant .... easy cleaning too!! GorgeousAn advert came up on my FB for a bathroom company. With all Lydia’s ‘money’, surely she could have gotten something better than bog standard half tile half paint
I was wondering where I got the idea that her name is actually Elizabeth because, as you say, Austen never told us. Then, it hit me. Many moons ago, I read Curtis Sittenfeld’s Eligible - which was a reworking of Pride and Prejudice, and I think she gave Mrs. Milking-Bennet the name Elizabeth.I don’t think Austen ever told us Mrs Bennet‘s Christian name. Elizabeth - Lizzie was her daughter who married Darcy . I like you with the name Elizabeth it suits youElizabeth Milking-Bennet. Yes - it’s perfect. Such a shame you were so indisposed on May Day. Do your family not know you are required here at all times? (In case of emergency). Tch - Honestly - have they no compassion?x
I'm sure I can persuade Rishi to visit your tent for a quick fortune telling. Oh and my mistake about N-Dubz I must have got crossed wires with the relaying of convos from their Manager and Rishi.What do I think? Well - I will tell you that I am massively impressed at the length of your post M’Lod. I love , love, love everything and Dishy Rishi is so kind to lend his name and kudos to foster freebies for us in this way. I don’t know how we can repay him! But if he wants to come and have his fortune told in my tent I would be happy - very happy.
Just the one discrepancy at the end...Everyone knows NDubz got to where they did because L was in their video. Had it not been for that Dappy would have stayed on benefits in his bedroom. So lets give credit where its due. NDubz owe everything to the one appearance of L.
So not only is she so stupid that she didn't even bother measuring the fucking block or space so that it did fit (wasting money again), now she wants to cut the perfectly good marble island top (spend more money) and find ANOTHER fucking block to fit into it (spending even more money)I just saw it as well...Seriously?! The dream again?!?! I thought Josie and Charlie just told them about those and it already became her dream? She's so fucking draining, I can't
Would you like your little Cavapoo to join us at Downtonbury? We are providing Sniffer Dog and Boundary Protection at this event and will be training the dogs and then having a big party to thank them. We have lots of older dogs that will protect him from danger at all times. Let me know and we can add him to the list.I have a little dog (cavapoo) a couple months older than Porter and I wouldn’t dream of having him off the lead on a road, regardless of how remote it is. He always sticks by my ankle even off the lead but it just takes one car going to fast and spooking them and you just never know what could happen. He’s so far away from her and hard to spot even in that video, how could a car spot him and have reasonable time and distance to stop/avoid him, purely for the sake of a ‘cute’ vid for the gram. I really just want to rescue him off her, he’d at least be allowed in more than one room in my house!!
The ones Ali uses to clean the counterThe ( shockingly expensive ) knives have to lay somewhere for their photo.
Do you want to sign up your two Pomeranians to Downtonbury Security? We can enlist them if you wish and they can join one of our security teams.Lydia Millen is an irresponsible pet owner – period.
Precisely, I have two Pomeranians, and I know better than to ever leave them outside alone (or off their leashes in wide-open spaces). Their size, like Porter, gives them a disadvantage outdoors.
They are literally the same size as the prey that many predators in all environments hunt. Small dogs like Porter could easily be swept up by an eagle, hawk, another dog, and other animals in the country. And smaller dogs tend to bark a lot, alerting other predators to their position.
How does this dimwitted buffoon NOT understand this?
It's no wonder why poor Lynx met the business end of Farmer Joe's rifle –– Lydiot is a mindless and irresponsible pet owner.
Lydiot had better wise up or, yet again, she'll learn the hard way. Porter deserves better.
Er - about the visit to my Fortune Teller’s Tent, M’Lod - it doesn’t have to be quick...I mean, as you walk through the vaulted halls of power in The House of Commons M’Lod, I think this is a matter you may want to write a white paper about.I'm sure I can persuade Rishi to visit your tent for a quick fortune telling. Oh and my mistake about N-Dubz I must have got crossed wires with the relaying of convos from their Manager and Rishi.
Sooo funnyBlocks
I bought myself two butcher’s blocks
I strapped them to my feet
I look three inches taller now
To everyone I meet...
But she will find her beds are too far apart so she will have to get beeeespoke arches. Yawn.Not preempting much, but.......
I actually think all she did want was a new floor, I think it was the designer pushed her into redoing the whole place.She has totally ruined that kitchen, it used to be so beautiful when they first moved in, when it was a country-esque creamy white colour, all she needed to do, imo, was the floor and wooden worktops. Why the hell has she done that?!
Agree! Let’s face it - she’s never even shown us the back of an outfit. Not once.Well said! It was me who said about bringing experts.
I don't like Lidl, never have, and try not to watch her. As for reading any of her poorly constructed, error strewn writing, I'd rather stick pins in my eyes. I suppose I find her an interesting case study and, of course, I love the discussions here.
What constantly baffles me is how she operates. I could understand if she put a lot of effort into 'paid for' work and not so much into other areas but she doesn't put effort into anything. She is presented with content opportunities by brands and engineers opportunities herself but fails to run with them.
Examples can be seen everywhere....
GHD event at the Shard. Did we see anything of interest about London, the location, the building (apart from the view), the room, the product? No.
Puppy. Did we hear about the process of buying a pup, how to choose a breed, a breeder, what to watch out for? Did we hear how to care for them, vet check ups, food, sleeping arrangements, grooming, safety? No.
Interior decoration. Did we understand how to choose a designer, the design process, honing your own style, choosing colours for different aspects, adding texture, materials? No.
Fashion. Has she ever discussed body shapes, styles for differential shapes, fabrics, capsule wardrobes, developing your style? No.
Gardening. Do we know the basic requirements, soil type, aspect, equipment, tools, seed and plant choice? No.
Brands. Do we know how to pronounce names, brand heritage, leather types, fabrics? No.
If I felt she put in some effort and really took us with her on these ventures I would have more respect. If she worked hard and educated herself I would warm to her. I've been on this thread long enough to know that feelings have changed towards her. She's not honest, hard working or likeable. In fact she's positively unpleasant and lazy a lot of the time.
I'm not sure where she is going but something has to change and I'm not sure she is capable of making that change.
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