Hi Tattlers
So it's been a productive morning already. I've just been out on one of my thrice daily walks in my garden to check up on my husband's work. He keeps eye rolling at me whenever I mention MY beds. I told him to look after his eyes as they're the only balls he has. I've also had my morning decaf coffee, just as I like myself - dark, bitter and too hot for everyone else. This must be why my husband goes all limp dick around me. He obviously feels inadequate in comparison. On that note, did you see that my Karen Millen edit was a sellout in under an hour? Awesome does end in ME. Coincidence? I think not. I did demand they give me 871 spares in case charcoal dares to get on my Lydia Millen cashmere again. I'm going to have to make my husband light the fire from herein. I'm not really a fan of all this manual labour. Plus, Cawwee said be careful near the fire. Plastic burns. So, all in all, 3 pieces from the edit were sold to actual real customers to complete the sellout. Cawwweeeee......where's my game-changing designer of the year award???
I see you've noted that my bespoke dream collaboration with Toni Thornton is not yet a sellout. Interesting story. Now my turn. Once upon a time, I did not care. The end. But can you believe it's not been an actual sellout in under an hour? Everything I put my name to is a success. Toni best bring it or the bespoke art she keeps making me will be shoved up in the attic with the rest of the crap that I can't Depop. She might look like the typical girl next door. That's if you live next door to a whore house. Or maybe my followers are too cheap to fork out 300 notes. Wait, this is fucking Glóby all over again. Now, I'm not saying all my sheep are cheap whores, but if some of them went to a sperm bank their spit would definitely be accepted.
As you would have seen in my latest vlog, I was looking for things to sell on Depop from my wardrobe. But I thought why stop there. I am a creator after all. So, I saw a necklace on a shoot, that I thought just had to be mine. I shine bright like a diamond, so is it any wonder I got distracted by my own reflection and forgot to take it off. I got Cawwee to email Boodles in the hope that they would be like, hun, just keep it, you deserve it. I do. But did they? Like hell they did. Caweee says I should stop playing hard to get when I'm already so hard to want. I wish you would all stop comparing me to FROW too. I could remove 90% of her beauty with a Kleenex. I don't even watch her content anymore, her effort ruins my happy vibes. I don't have the energy to pretend to like her anymore. Sitting though that launch dinner was enough to endure. She got to KEEP her jewellery. She's such a bitch, she could have puppies. Oh, wait!
Anyway, I'd love to stop and chat some more, but I hate you all. Well except that one stumbling sheep who infiltrated my thread, but she's three gallons of crazy in a two gallon bucket, and even I don't have time for that mess. Although I'd just get my husband to clean it up. The hard work wasn't going to stop today, but then I realised self-care is hard work in itself. I'm aware I'm highly strung. My therapist told me I should take anger management classes. I told her she should take shut the fuck up classes. Cheers to the weekend Tattlers. I say this from my care cup. It's empty.
Love Lydia, Your Favourite Slothy Moley Mole Moo Moo xx