My boyf and I went away, got engaged and then decided to put a deposit on a new house so I've not been on social media that much, but I've just watched Lydia's latest vlog. The click bait title 'I was wrong' got me.
- She's in a fleece AND a dressing gown. Standard. She highlights her fake tan man tash.
- She's going to decide today if she'll put the deposit down on the greenhouse. You really need to up your begging game Lydia. JK. Not possible.
- She's sat in the study to be. It's going to be green. She admits she didn't like all the green when she first moved in. It's going to be a similar colour as it was. I'm trying to make sense of this. It just takes me a moment to process so much stupid information all at once.
- She's going for a 4 hour 'hike' with Cawwee. She has 4 layers on already and is bringing a windbreaker, another fleece, gloves and a woolly hat. She has a survival pocket too. It's literally been 15-16 degrees in London RN so Im surmising not too dissimilar where she is. She's bringing no less than 6 beauty products for the walk. She puts Lano up her nose. I guess that's one way to reduce the inhaling of your own body odour Lydia. And we all said you were lacking in creativity. Our bad.
- She's making Ali bring a change of outfit as she's meeting him and his friends for dinner afterwards. She says she doesn't care if she's all sweaty after the hike. Thank you Lydia for making me understand that there are some really dumb people in this world.
- She's stopping off for hula hoops first as Cawwee's friend eats all her hula hoops. She's bringing warm wine too. IDIOT. I'm not being rude Lydia. You're just really insignificant.
- She shows the fallen leaves in the lightwell then gloats that some of her followers raised she was having a go at Ali for sweeping. She wasn't moaning at him for the sake of moaning. Why. Can't. You. Sweep. It. Yourself. Lydia? Legit question. And don't tell me you don't have your own brush. All witches have one in their paraphernalia. When karma comes back to punch you in the face, I want to be there in case it needs help.
- She's just had another acupuncture session, but has decided she needs to go to acupuncture twice a week now. Along with the massage once a week. And reflexology. I know a really productive calming technique. Take a deep breath Lydia and then hold it for about twenty minutes.
- She thinks people think they're so healthy going for hikes. They stop off at the pub before they start. Then they're legit sat on the side of a main road drinking wine. A wedding car drives past and they cheers them. Lydia, you're like school in the summer. No class.
- She's lost her mask from Nars which said Climax. I'm surprised she even knows this word with her fappily flawless marriage.
- Cawwee's scared of greyhounds. Lydia was telling her to leave the pub, but it was her turn to pay. Cawwee ran out of the pub like a big girl. Cawwee's an utter twatiscle.
- She needs a nature wee in between wine pitstops. I mean Mother Nature is Mother Nature. On that note though, Lydia you are literally the human version of period cramps.
- It's the next day, she's going to be productive, it's 3pm though so I call bullshit on that one Lydia. She's going to Depop. That's Depop Dee redundant then. She made Ali get her a McDonalds. You're that annoying you'd literally make a happy meal cry Lydia.
- She says your favourite mole is back after her non-makeup gardening weekend. She says it's ok to not feel your best. She would like to be the #1 role model, but if she's not feeling top mole it's the reality of watching a real person. Sometimes she acknowledges you just have to go all moley. She got so much more done not having to do her makeup each day. Sames girl. My best friend accidentally let slip my boyf was going to propose so I'd been been doing full make up and hair every morning.
I. Do. Not. Under. Any. Circumstances. Refer. To. Myself. As. A. Furry. Creative. But rest assured she tells your favourite mole is back in the building. Why does she speak about herself in third animal? Why though? Your face is fine Lydia, a bit lumpy but fine, but you really should put a bag over that personality.
- Lumi is sat on the LV blanket. Not a problem until she advises she used to have their sofas at the old house wrapped in plastic as Lumi was a 'little pissy pants'. The guy at the vets looking after Lumi wasn't her biggest fan apparently. He said she's a bit highly strung like her mum. The other Bengal at the vets was more friendly. Apple. Tree. I'll say no more.
- She asks Lumi if she'll make a good mum or good mole. She highlights she'll be one of those mums that force other mums for their children to play together as her child will be an angel and the other child will have issues. You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.
- She's livid as Cawwee's friend has texted her to say he's eating her hola hoops. She's also livid as Ali is on the golf course with his dad where you can't have phones and she's run out of soil after one plant. She braves the shed, but has a mild heart attack at the smell of spiders. She literally gives herself a full on cheer squad pep talk before stepping inside then comes straight out. She says Ali is sleeping on the sofa as he didn't text back. You have miles to go Lydia before you even reach a mediocre standard of girl boss or even human.
- She says if you want to do gardening do it how you want. Don't let those who tell you what you should be doing. She's gonna make mistakes and kill something on the way. She fangs there's lots of opinions on the internet. Please keep talking Lydia. I only yawn when I'm super fascinated.
- She's goes babeeeee will you check if my new book is in the post box. Because a tired slothy sloth cannot possibly check herself. I am not saying that you are inept Lydia, just that you are constantly unlucky when you try thinking.
- What she's really been good at is taking care of her hair apparently. LOL. She's not afraid to use more product than is needed. You are similar to Rapunzel I guess, but instead of letting your hair down, you just let down everybody you know.