AN UPDATE FROM THE BEACH HOUSE
Man Cave Night - Chapter I
As morning dawned on Thursday, January 26th there was a buzz of excitement in the air, tonight was the night we had all been waiting for - The Second Annual Great Australian Oceanfront Holiday of Dreams Man Cave Night.
Finally we would have the rare opportunity to spend valuable time with the men we chose as our crushes.
@Oops... the very earliest of risers, had already made the mimosas, iced coffees and pots of English Breakfast tea whilst also ensuring the freshly baked Cros Onts, that had been delivered earlier, were keeping warm in the oven.
As usual, @Namima, @happyforest and I set out for our quiet sunrise walk along the white sandy beach, but @Margo Polo, who was supposed to join us, seemed to be missing and we couldn’t help wondering aloud if she’d snuck out in the middle of the night in an attempt to locate the safe house where our man crushes were being guarded.
@Milking Keynes, who was up early too, had thoughtfully pan fried nineteen batches of brioche French toast and placed jars of homemade jams and marmalade along the large trestle table in the dining area.
Some of the other guests had begun to stir from their peaceful night’s sleep and they made their way into the kitchen.
Our trusty Captain, @Miscanthus, with the help of @Geranium, @Hi there and @Julia123 assembled platters of fresh fruit - sliced apples and pears, orange segments, cubed watermelon and cantaloupe, strawberries, blueberries, grapes and figs along with a selection of the finest Australian cheeses, small tubs of quince paste and a variety of breads.
Miscanthus had also picked some of my favourite native daisies and arranged them in vases around The Beach in House, and @MichiganGal opened all the doors and windows to let the soothing sea air in, which made the net curtains dance in the breeze.
Our butler, Alistair, had made the long journey to Australia to spend some time away from home and help out around The Beach House since there were so many guests this year. He was British, clean cut, fairly easy on the eye, and seemed to be a nice enough person but he was not to be trusted with food preparation under any circumstances. I did look for a butler who came with a Royal Warrant - alas butlers are extremely difficult to come by these days, so Alistair would have to suffice.
Little Alistair arrived wearing a bizarre ginger coloured cashmere dressing gown and matching slippers, however, it took less than ten minutes to convince him that a t-shirt and a pair of shorts would be better suited to the climate and he’d also look far less ridiculous.
Upon returning from our walk, Namima, Happy Forest and I noticed a rather dishevelled looking Margo Polo suspiciously creeping up the front steps, but before we could ask where she had been, Oops appeared in the doorway to let me know that the Cros Onts couldn’t stay in the oven any longer, so it was time to wake the rest of the guests.
I quietly tiptoed out onto the verandah and gave @becky bloomwood, @Sofie, @Maisie doats and @nightmareonbondstreet (who had all moved their mattresses outside on the very first night) a gentle nudge and they sleepily followed me inside.
Just then Master Midnight came loudly crashing in through the back door (he’d spent the previous night at Freddy Next Door’s) and startled everyone else awake. He said good morning to everyone, gave me a kiss on the forehead, mumbled something about “The Crazy White Nightie Brigade” and much to my surprise, informed me that he’d be joining us for breakfast before he headed for the shower.
@Wophie decided we needed some music to accompany our breakfast, which is why a compilation of Taylor Swift’s greatest hits could be heard from the next town over.
You’re my my my my … LOVER!
We sat down at the long trestle table together and, unlike a certain someone who inhales their food like a starving hyena without waiting for anyone else, we took our time savouring this mouth watering breakfast, and the wonderful company we were in, happily talking amongst ourselves and making plans that would hopefully keep us occupied until 8:00pm.
WHAT A PERFECT START TO THE DAY!
As Oops, Milking Keynes, Hi There, Geranium and Julia had put so much effort into making such a beautiful breakfast, @Ms.Chanandler Bong, @Sofatsolazy1, @Jessica.d and @rosieposie16 offered to help me out with the monumental task of washing and drying all the dishes then putting them away.
After breakfast everybody showered and got changed into the most pahfekt loose bamboo cotton dresses. The weather forecast indicated it was going to be a warm 32°c so we didn’t want to wear anything too tight or clingy … in fact, we had all sized up to make sure we were as comfortable as possible.
As predicted, it was far too hot for @Catlady1234 to wear every single piece of her expensive jewellery all day every day, so most of it was locked away in the safe. However, she could not be persuaded to part with her blinding 4 carat diamond earrings and two diamond rings that I can only assume she sold a kidney for.
Geranium stretched out on the porch swing and finished reading the leather bound copy of Agatha Christie’s ‘Peril At End House’.
Being our resident advisor for all things beauty related, @K18 had given us some fabulous tips for the best ways in which to keep our hair healthy and our skin glowing.
@Peppypoopar, who was being an absolute trooper given she doesn’t do well at all in the heat, relaxed underneath the air conditioner and entertained us with her photo editing skills - this left us on the floor hyperventilating in fits of laughter.
It was still relatively mild outside at 10:30am, so our very bendy Miscanthus tied her long swishy hair up into a ponytail and set up the yoga mats that she’d brought with her on the dry sand for the guests who wanted to improve their flexibility - @coconochanel, @Labradork, @muffintop13, @Upintheair83, @lifestooshort, @MissKW, @TheMushroom, @CuriousCreature, @The.world.has.gone.mad., @Queenofsaigon, @Theyoungones, @Lola.Petra @Maybeme and @Britabroad very much enjoyed the impromptu class and when the time came to roll up their mats they were completely relaxed.
Master Midnight and Freddy Next Door were feeling generous (I suspect this was because they thought they would have The Beach House to themselves later - HA!) so they took the liberty of hiring some paddle boards from the surf shop for the guests who didn’t take part in the yoga class and wanted to do something a little more adventurous … @Alleykat, @Faisgaffe, @Themoomoo, @grannypinks, @Don't Drink the Kool Aid, @Graciewoo, @Yungone @vaca74, @Rachy24881, @MadameS, @0707.annemarie and @MissPiggy44 loved the kindly gifted paddle boarding lesson, and despite the fact that everyone spent more time in the water than on their boards, they all agreed it was a very entertaining way to spend the morning.
@Hunevoque2 kept her promise and was happily providing French lessons to those who were interested - @katiesmith81, @CallMeHollywood, @uhhuhyeahok, @helenmoorhouse, @Kaylovescosmetics and @dins were practicing saying “Nuit de la Grotte de l’Homme” which I hope is the French translation for Man Cave Night.
Student Doctor @Angeoudemon came prepared for an emergency. In a leather bag (that was definitely not Hermès) she’d packed approximately one hundred vials of different types of anti-venoms in case of spider or snake bites, and everything required to administer the life saving medications, thankfully they’d not been needed thus far.
As lunchtime approached Oops, Milking Keynes, Namima, Geranium, Happy Forest and myself began bustling away in the kitchen once again - plates of finger sandwiches, bowls of pasta salad, traditional garden salad, rocket and pear salad and potato salad, platters of Turkish bread with tzatziki, hummus, beetroot and taramasalata dips, and a huge charcuterie board were served buffet style so guests could help themselves. Ice cold mimosas, Aperol Spritzes, Negronis, Pimms, a selection of fresh juices and jugs of water were lined up on the kitchen island - some guests sat at the trestle table to eat their lunch, while others headed onto the verandah and made use of the outdoor dining setting.
It was just after 2:00pm, we had all eaten way too much food, and most of us were more than slightly tipsy thanks to the potency of Oops’ cocktails.
With the day heating up and knowing we had a late night ahead of us, the general consensus was that an afternoon nap would be a great idea.
Stay tuned for Chapter II
I'm getting ready to hit my second ever thread title! Ooooh the giggles..!Wonderful! What a lovely start to our holiday! Thank you to our hostess with the mostest @MissMidnight
How fabulous to have breakfast and then do yoga to the sound of the sea!
What a parfekt yoga class! I was so pleased to see new member @Britabroad here and long time lurker @Theyoungones joining in. Our @Labradork was first to arrive and was keen to work on her flexibility *cough* for the evening's events, @muffintop13 said it really helped her feel calm and relaxed and @lifestooshort said she was living life to the full as she tackled the Warrier 2 pose! According to @Maybeme a leisurely yoga class beats being in the gym at 6am, four times a week!
I'm not sure every member of my class was taking the yoga as seriously though...
There was some tittering at the back when we were in Happy Baby pose and I could hear @TheMushroom laughing that she now had some ideas for her second thread title! Things got really silly when @Lola.Petra said that seeing us all in Downward Dog pose made her miss her dog and our @coconochanel had us all laughing with her funny comments. Thank goodness @MissKW didn't have a mouthful of coffee as she has a habit of spitting it out when she laughs!
As usual our @Upintheair83 was thinking of others and wishing some of our old friends such as Elle Belle and Stefano were with us. Our @CuriousCreature said we should have asked Ali to join in as she's desperate to get close enough to measure his height!
After the yoga @Queenofsaigon commented that a holiday with friends is so much better than paying thousands to a life coach, while @The.world.has.gone.mad. and I agreed that this holiday certainly beats the camping holidays of our childhoods!
I'm looking forward to the next class. Ommm........
How was is business affected? I’ve missed that bit…..Lydia when you diminished your innocent brother’s business with Savoygate did you check on him?
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When you elevate people won’t rise with you because they haven’t done the work.
For once you’re spot on Lydia! Frow, Josie, Suzie, and even Leonora have done the work, are true friends, and are riding super fast.
Lydia-Flipping the script on not being involved in influencer events?!? Um there are women significantly older being invited to fashion week and brand events. Heart Evangelista eclipses you on EVERY level. She’s got a beautifully classic fashion sensibility without looking like an Amazon grandma. And she’s three years older than you. You wish you had her life. Instead you’re an underpaid Shea Whitney.
He was called out in one of the outfits by full name with the name of his business listed alongside her disaster of a situation. It was like when someone commits a crime and their innocent family member is called out alongside them in the news even though that family member was not at all involved in the crime.How was is business affected? I’ve missed that bit…..
Pretty sure Shea Whitney’s doing just fine, though, unlike Lidl.Lydia when you diminished your innocent brother’s business with Savoygate did you check on him?
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When you elevate people won’t rise with you because they haven’t done the work.
For once you’re spot on Lydia! Frow, Josie, Suzie, and even Leonora have done the work, are true friends, and are riding super fast.
Lydia-Flipping the script on not being involved in influencer events?!? Um there are women significantly older being invited to fashion week and brand events. Heart Evangelista eclipses you on EVERY level. She’s got a beautifully classic fashion sensibility without looking like an Amazon grandma. And she’s three years older than you. You wish you had her life. Instead you’re an underpaid Shea Whitney.
Yep hence the underpaid. Lydia doesn’t have Shea’s paycheck in the least (because she’s so freaking unlikeable, inconsistent, and uninfluential (not a word haha)).Pretty sure Shea Whitney’s doing just fine, though, unlike Lidl.
I have always thought she looks soooo much better with no fake tan and no makeup, or very minimum makeup.Seriously, Lydia looks nice on those morning photos, filters be damned. She might have looked liked that if she didn’t have too much surgery to look more manly than Ali
Smug face of a narc enabler.The only thing Lydia has paid for is the rent on Jaquelines Mayfair office and perhaps this weird photoshoot she has had done for her website.
Is it normal for a life coach to have these photos on their website? She looks like a reject from the Real housewives of Cheshire. Doesn't exactly scream let me help you sort your life out, appears more pay me money so I can buy botox, box dye and spray tans.
The first photo is the least genuine smile I have ever seen, she is either perched on a cactus or is suffering from some gastrointestinal problems perhaps even both.
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Her "PA" is her step mum's niece.Hang on - she's got a different PA again?! How? Why? She doesn't need a "team" of 3 people running around after her!
(Sorry if this has already been discussed, I'm perpetually behind)
Sometimes, okay, 95% of the time, old furniture is just that.Pieces from one of her family’s homes. Trying to make her family seem like Victorian industrialists again.
JEEEEZZZZZ... she looks as rough as a badgers arseJust a few absolute classics from Getty Images here. I particularly enjoy just how bad her makeup is and the contrast between her orange face and white hairline. I included the last two just for anyone who hasn’t seen what her original-ish face looked like.
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Looks like something you buy out of oak furniture land but this one hasn’t been well cared for.Her "PA" is her step mum's niece.
If I'm not mistaken, Lyds hired Satin in November / December 2022. She was the step-cousin who had cooked a Persian dish for Lyds when they returned from Hamburg (?).
Guess Lyds can brag she has a chef as well as a PA ...
Such aclose team.
Almost likefamily
However.
Lydia only followed Satin on IG last week
As I said, "close".
Guaranteed Satin's IG notifications have already been placed on mute.
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Sometimes, okay, 95% of the time, old furniture is just that.
Old furniture.
Not an antique.
Antique furniture is over 100 years. And has to meet further criteria to be considered antique.
There's no way that furniture is antique.
Vintage, maybe.
Antique nuh uh.
And if it is "antique", which, it's not, why are you storing your beloved family heirlooms "from one of the family properties" in an open shed (doors weren't fitted) surrounded by junk and not in your basement ?
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How cute, she has put all her LV accessories together to create a little background. Reminds me of OG YouTube videos when vloggers would make a background out of their shopping bags and boxes on shelves with the odd LV piece purposely placed.The LV Agenda posing in the background ....
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Girrlllllll, if you were just a lit-til busy, that agenda would be on your desk, being USED !!! Written in, dates marked. Anything.
Not standing upright in your empty closet, clearing dust.
She will likely be selling the new tanning body serum that Amelia has already shown but our Elsie always has to arrive late to the party.The St Tropez can on the counter. Then grabbing the can to "hide" it from her subscribers.
Expect an AD in the next few weeks.
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