Right. Let’s get to it.
Big event on the last thread was the Turtle method sports day. This involved Ryan begging people to come to and do an egg and spoon race while drinking low calorie, no alcohol beer. HOW COULD ANYONE RESIST. Actually it wasn’t too bad a turn out, even though a lot of people there were possibly just there to see how small LoopyLou is in the flesh (about the height of a Sylvanian Family rabbit circra ‘92, with the wardrobe to match)
We were absolutely spoilt by an unrivalled banquet of culinary delights on the last thread. Louise made 6 chicken pies for no reason, boasted about taking classes at a fancy cooking school but doesn’t know how to brown mince, and puréed sweet potato into oblivion to slop on top of a cottage pie. Actual footage of anyone consuming these dishes MIA.
Obviously Ryan is still cremating sausages, making prawn salad without any prawns and singing the praises of Sainsbury’s basic chicken goujons. Leo appears to survive on blueberries and petit Filous.
BIG NEWS that Zara has got a spot on Strictly. This sent Louise into a spiral, she didn’t publicly congratulate and instead dressed in loose clothing to roll around the floor and cry to her therapist. She then took to her bed stricken with selective mutism and a pink eye. She knows everyone is getting sick Of the trauma bullshit so is trying to eek as much drama as she can from a common cold until she gets her next haemorrhage/period.
Ryan celebrated his birthday and it was very low key and budget so they could all appreciate being alive and the little things. At Soho Farmhouse.
Ryan now not only looks like a lizard on steroids but is behaving like one too, leaping up on steel girders in the kitchen. It’s blatantly obvious that he’s not had a shag in a very long time and before long will be trying to hump unsuspecting dog walker’s legs in the local park.
Poor Leo is apparently super advanced and can play football and tennis and hold a conversation, off camera of course. Louise has been absolutely hands on of late in stimulating his development, putting her feet up and marvelling at him watching TV, or, as she refers to it, ‘exploring the world’.
Turtle retreat coming up and at this rate they’ll have to pay people to attend. Louise is doing all she can to promote her brand in the form of wearing leggings but posting that she CBA with keeping fit.
Couple of pics to demonstrate Lou’s amazing cooking skills too.
... NAAAAT' - Get a real F'ing job or go do something! Is she sure she has depression or is it just boredom as she doesn't actually seem to do anything other than 'cook' and post BS attention seeking tit on insta about how hard her life is! Try actually paying for holidays & clothes rather than begging for freebies!
