Lockdown has changed my relationship

[alwayslurkin]

It went good thank you, I can move in on the 29th. I’m excited but a bit nervous at the same time, I’ve never lived on my own before.

That's amazing news!

It is an adjustment, but it's liberating. You'll reach a point where you realise how capable you truly are, and it's just a brilliant feeling imo

 

[Peakyblinders]

I'm not sure, weve spoken a few times about it and said things need to change. Then nothing changes. We speak again. And round and round we go. He was going to move into a hotel at the start of january for a month to see if we felt any differently after that, then of course lockdown 3.0 happened and that wasnt possible.

same here it just feels going round in circles and he doesn’t take me seriously

it's so sad if you think he's no longer attracted to you, that's a huge deal. talk to him about it. that's one main thing that gives me hope, that he is still crazy about me in that way. if we didn't have that, i definitely wouldn't stay :/

I have and he’s said he is but he doesn’t compliment me anymore and barely wants to have sex. Not being big headed but I’d like to think I’m quite attractive and he used to be mad about me but now he either isn’t or he’s just got too comfortable

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

I don’t know what to do about my partner. Over lockdown he has become very isolated from everyone and now it’s almost like he can’t bring himself to see anybody. He doesn’t even like leaving the house to go for a walk. He doesn’t keep in touch with any friends and I can’t persuade him to join me in anything that involves leaving the house or other people. It’s like some sort of weird lockdown induced agoraphobia! If I mention it I get told to drop it and to stop nagging him I just wish for once he would want to plan something with me, if I suggest things I get shot down.

Would he go with you somewhere with you in a car like a drive thru coffee or some food? Set off with small things.
I have actually heard a few people say of family members that have developed a bit of a phobia about leaving the house.

 

[Peakyblinders]

is it possible that he doesn't feel good about himself?

hmmm not sure. He’s quite a confident guy but possibly. I won’t ever know because wheneveri ask him he says “I don’t know” to everything

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

I hope the flat viewing goes well tbh counselling was the best thing I did for myself a few years ago, and I'm tempted to go back but I want to do it face to face

It's going well thanks... An adjustment living alone, but I'm trying to be gentle with myself. I've actually been on a few dates because why not not looking for anything serious rn but I've never done the "dating" thing and it's fun

Aah that’s amazing, exactly why not? It’s nice to be able to let your hair down and have a bit of fun.

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

I’m so sorry to read how unhappy some of you have been and how difficult things have been for you. To those of you that have made big decisions to end relationships/fly solo I’m really happy for you that you’ve managed to do what’s best for you!

A lot of your posts could have been written by me! Pre-pandemic my boyfriend had a really healthy social life (heavily centred around him working in the city). I work away so we only used to see each other once a week max (we didn’t live together before).
Now that we do live together and social lives have been non existent and I’ve been away less and less our whole relationship has changed.
I’m someone that loves my own company and really needs my own space whereas he’s the complete opposite.
I know I love him and our life together as when I’m away I’m always excited to come home to him but at the same time I find myself really resenting the fact he’s always around.
I’ve also had zero interest in sex really whereas he seems to want it all. The. Time. Which is something else I’m worrying about. The times where I do feel like having sex by the time it gets to it he’s usually done something to annoy me or I’ve gone off it again and I’m starting to worry that I’m just not attracted to him anymore.
We don’t have kids or anything (just a dog) so I’m not scared of starting again I’m just worried I’d be making the wrong decision based on things happening in a pandemic and not “real life” if you know what I mean.
We’ve recently been seriously talking about getting engaged/married and whilst I want to be with him forever I’m so worried about how I’m feeling at the moment that I’m not sure it’s the right thing.

I’ve spoken to him about the sex thing and he’s been very understanding and I’ve also mentioned the fact I like being on my own every now and again and his suggestion is that I go and stay with my parents for a few days. But at the same time I don’t want to break the rules and I also think that’s only a short term solution.
I just want our old lives back.

Sorry I feel like I just needed to offload to people that have been having similar feelings.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I’m probably not the person to be giving advice given my current situation, however it does sound like time apart might be helpful for you. At the very least you’ll get some time to yourself.

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

I can’t live with the person my partner has become I honestly sometimes just sit in my car dreading going into the house. I’m sure he is depressed but there’s nothing I can do or say that changes it. I also feel I have no one to talk to about any problems I might have, he doesn’t listen - he is so distracted all the time. He still barely leaves the house. We are supposed to be going to Bath to stay with 2 of our friends next weekend and it has been planned ever since the roadmap was announced - we haven’t seen them since last year and used to be very close. I can’t even stomach the thought of spending that much time with him, pretending everything is ok. My gut is saying if I feel like this I should end it, but selfishly I just can’t bring myself to. Where would I go? I can’t afford a place on my own and I’d feel like a failure. I’m also terrified that I’d change my mind. I just want my boyfriend back, not this person who I don’t even recognise anymore

Would he talk to a doctor? Could you go on your own to Bath it might help clear your head some time apart?

 

[ASAnigel]

You don't want to make a decision regarding marriage based on how you are feeling because of a pandemic, too

If you are serious about staying with him, can you manage the next two-three months of this before the lockdown eases? If your stomach is churning and your gut says no, I'd say get out. If you are just desperate for it to hurry up and get here already, I'd stay.

Purely my opinion and obviously I don't know either of you personally, so take what I say with a pinch of salt

Thank you so much for your reply!
I definitely think that the world returning to some sort of normal will help massively, and definitely not dreading it just looking forward to that happening!
My only worry is it doesn’t look like he’s going to be going back to an office any time soon - his company moved offices and it would be a 2 hour commute each way for him now which he’s said he’s not prepared to do so I’m just a bit worried it’s going to stay like this!
But then again hopefully his social life will improve again and if I’m busier with work that should help too!

I think if he was going to be going back to working in an office in the near future I’d be less worried!

 

[Peakyblinders]

So everyone who has posted on here about being unhappy.... what do you think you’re going to do?

 

[ASAnigel]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I’m probably not the person to be giving advice given my current situation, however it does sound like time apart might be helpful for you. At the very least you’ll get some time to yourself.

Thank you so much for your reply. I hope you’re doing well or at the very least feeling positive about your future!

I think you’re probably right as I do definitely see a difference in my irritability when I’ve been working vs when I’ve been stuck at home.
I just feel under a lot of pressure to make a decision about my future with him - I don’t know why, maybe it’s the talk of marriage etc. But I don’t want to make that kind of decision based on how I’m feeling because of a pandemic.

 

[bolimepipi]

I am going to contradict my previous post... I broke up with my partner on Monday night.

Awkward AF as we live together but what can you do I feel relieved it is a weight off my shoulders now

how are you managing considering you live together?
sending hugs hope you're okay 🤍

 

[bexgreen1983]

Sending you love . Does he know how you’re feeling?

we literally never get a chance to talk as either kids around or he’s asleep..

 

[Thismamacan]

So everyone who has posted on here about being unhappy.... what do you think you’re going to do?

I'm not sure, weve spoken a few times about it and said things need to change. Then nothing changes. We speak again. And round and round we go. He was going to move into a hotel at the start of january for a month to see if we felt any differently after that, then of course lockdown 3.0 happened and that wasnt possible.

 

[bolimepipi]

same here it just feels going round in circles and he doesn’t take me seriously



I have and he’s said he is but he doesn’t compliment me anymore and barely wants to have sex. Not being big headed but I’d like to think I’m quite attractive and he used to be mad about me but now he either isn’t or he’s just got too comfortable

is it possible that he doesn't feel good about himself?

 

[alwayslurkin]

This sentence aged well, we’re getting divorced . I feel strange I thought I’d be and probably should be heartbroken and crying into my cornflakes but I actually feel happy, it feels like something has lifted.

I think as much as the time apart for us papered over the cracks, it also made me realise that I could be happy on my own and that we’re different people to the ones we were six years ago.

sending you virtual love. I'm glad you've worked out what is right for the both of you even if it is a divorce

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

How did the viewing go?

It went good thank you, I can move in on the 29th. I’m excited but a bit nervous at the same time, I’ve never lived on my own before.

 

[alwayslurkin]

That’s amazing I’m so happy for you.

Thank you!

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

He wouldn’t He doesn’t even go to the doctor when he is physically ill. I think a lot of men are like that aren’t they! I could go, but although it’s our couple friends I don’t feel right going just by myself - I know it would be fine but I do feel they are my boyfriends mates first (he knew the guy before we met, and then we’ve always been friends as a 4). So if they had to take sides they are his. If that makes sense.

I get what you mean it’s hard when they’ve been your partners friends first. Maybe spending time with them will perk him up a bit.

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

I can’t comment on lockdown as my husband has been working and we had other issues that have improved due to external factors.

But when my husbands depression was bad he shut me out, wouldn’t talk about issues and our sex life died. Could it be a bigger issue and he’s struggling and doesn’t know how to express it. Your both spending so much time together and seeing things that maybe you wouldn’t normally see and that can make you lose interest in the other person. It’s easy to get stagnant right now.

I have wondered if he’s depressed with being on furlough but he won’t open up he never has, he always says I’ll be ok and thats the end of the conversation.

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

Fed up beyond belief… me and my husband just argue all the time over stupid things, don’t have s#x, most of the time he falls asleep putting kids to bed and I’m on my own in evenings. Honestly I’m at my wits end and I just don’t know what to do. I’m so miserable

Sending you love . Does he know how you’re feeling?