Liz Jones - You Magazine Columnist

[emm]

Bitter she sure is. But Garnier Fructis is IRL David Scrace's IRL ex-partner. And it's utterly disgusting of her to use her so-called column to take swipes at real people who have done nothing to her at all (except exist). And who have no means of redress. The way Liz writes about shop assistants, purported love rivals, women with children, overweight women - women in general is vile.

I have read a lot about people who have had things like severe eating disorders/addictions from a young age, and apparently it is pretty common that without proper help they just kind of stay at the period their problems started (obviously not always but it does happen). For me it seems like she has done this, a lot of what she posts/writes about just sounds like something from an immature teenager at high school and she never seems to grow or learn from anything

 

[Miss Anne Thrope]

She's such a walking set of contradictions, isn't she? Liz spent decades writing extensively about how she was a virgin until age 32, and how much she didn't like S-E-X. After the tortuous, failed romance with David, she transformed into the Martini Girl - any time, any place, anywhere (except for Premier Inns, of course)! It's kind of hard to believe, really.

 

[BrideHouse]

I can’t believe she still has a column! The last time I remember reading it she’d just got this horse tattoo.

 

[IndigoViolet]

I’ve found things she writes about other women to be plain bitchy. She hasn’t got anything nice to say about anyone.

 

[annabelle_bronstein]

Nirpal is such a fraud.

Just because he was younger and earned less when he met Liz doesn't mean that he was "exploited".
It could also be that he leeched onto her as she had more money, paid for him, let him move into her nice home rent-free and looked after him, probably gave him writing tips.
Maybe he exploited her? didn't he also cheat on her - she always talks about how he "found himself" in another woman's vagina?

I also don't buy that all young women marrying older and richer men are being exploited. Most of them know what they are doing and why.

I don’t think either of them have exactly covered themselves with glory in the way they’ve written about their marriage since divorcing it’s all ‘content’ I guess..

 

[shushablay]

Also: why is it worn out?

She also mentioned that it was dry clean only..like euuggh dry clean only underwear, she would only be able to wear it once then off to the cleaners..shudder imagine having to deal with that as part of your job, cleaning liz jones knickers

 

[annabelle_bronstein]

Wow, today’s pitiful offering is one of the nastiest most bitter thing I’ve ever read. ‘Yeah she might have got all the blokes, but on balance I have ‘won’ - yeah you keep telling yourself that Liz

 

[annabelle_bronstein]

Podcast (I listen so you don't have to): Liz was "trolled" on Twitter over an old article she wrote when Amy Winehouse was alive, the headline of which called her "Amy Declinehouse." A friend of Amy quoted it in a documentary and then Liz supposedly was piled on. Liz said she does not write the headlines. She reads out the article in question from her "archive." The article called Amy self-obsessed, accused her family and record company of not trying to help her, and attempted to amateurishly psychoanalyse her. Liz implied Amy may have been autistic or had narcissistic personality disorder, and talks about bright but selfish young women who "think they deserve an interesting life." Many deeply personal, potentially embarrassing details are given about Liz's sister and sister-in-law both suffering with alcoholism; and a friend's daughter who was addicted to heroin.

Liz says she has always identified with Amy because they both had eating disorders, and Amy writing "Back to Black" about her break-up is just like Liz writing about Nirpal and David. She repeats that she didn't write the offending headline. Liz says her article was deeply sympathetic to Amy yet none of the "trolls" actually read it - in this case it's a good thing they didn't! As usual Nic kisses Liz's Myla-clad arse. Liz compares herself to Emma Raducanu and (again) Meghan Markle. She sneers at Nic's cultural ignorance and "boring" reading material. Nic states that she doesn't always understand when something presented for entertainment isn't real (such as Leigh Francis' Keith Lemon character.) Liz calls Kate Humble "bourgeois" and, in all seriousness, compares her to Hitler for raising lambs to eat. The REAL minimalist is Liz, because she had to sell everything!

Finally, we get onto the week's column. Liz received a call from her "ex-ex" the Fake Rock Star, who had stormed out on her after her birthday dinner. Liz thinks phone calls are sooooo 1980s and no one uses the phone any more. The "ex-ex" announced he had a new girlfriend. He's still Liz's ex then, isn't he. He says his girlfriend is 26 years old, Liz hates young women but only because they use their smartphones too much and don't know who the Beatles were. He wanted Liz to hear it from him before she saw it in the press, her oh so witty retort to this was "I thought Melody Maker had shut down?" Liz calls him her "cast-off." She predicts the relationship won't last because he "mansplains" and is rude to waitresses, which Liz would never, ever do. She points out Nirpal was 26 when they started dating and says that now Nirpal talks about her as if she were Harvey Weinstein. It's not QUITE the same thing, is it, Liz?

So much to unpack. But as testament to her awfulness i can’t actually be bothered

 

[Lizzymint]

The thing is Liz DOES seem to get a fair amount of male attention despite being in her 60s. But, yeah, since the "Rock Star" was never real it seems she's essentially invented a fictional love triangle for herself: "what would a man that age in that position do? Run off with someone young enough to be his granddaughter!"

Does she though , or is it all in her head / imagined for her column

 

[Won’t you have a cup]

She once complained that, when booking into a Premier Inn, there was nobody to carry her bags upstairs. That must be made up!

I read her book actually: not the ’How a single girl got married’ shameless attempt at Bridget Jones bandwagon jumping, but the one called ‘Girl least likely to’ or something, about her childhood and youth. That, I suspect, was an attempt to jump on the ‘misery memoir’ bandwagon. Anyway it was boo hoo all the way until she ends up in her twenties, an anorexic fusspot living on hazelnut yogurt and self-pity. It was exhausting to read.

 

[Winepig]

There is no way Liz Jones is a size 8 .

I’ve oscillated between an 8 and a 14 for years …. I also managed a stage clothing shop for years & can call a woman’s size 9 times out of 10 just by looking at them .I’m rarely wrong , even taking into account different shapes & sizes .

shes a 12

 

[Miss Anne Thrope]

There may be only one thread here, but that's partly because digitalspy stopped updating her thread and people migrated to FB and over here. There were 4 massive threads on Jiz's moonbattery on DS. Lots of insightful people discussing her articles on Somali, that poor girl Joanna Yeates, her neighbours in Somerset, her neighbour in Yorkshire and much, much more. The sheer scale of her awfulness is incredible when you think about all the stuff she's written. Ooh, I left out the sperm stealing! And her posing for a photo next to her mother (open-mouthed, in bed with dementia). My goodness.

 

[House of Tea]

She must bore herself, so repetitive. The reality is she is in her 60s. There comes a time when you must make peace with yourself and love the life you have. She probably wears full briefs from M & S, loves a fleece, letting her chin hair grow. But she can’t admit to it because that is not want the editors expect her to deliver, content wise. Nobody is buying anymore that she is a sexy, youthful catch. She just isn’t, there is nothing wrong with that, but her column needs either to evolve to a more rounded, this is what it is like for a woman in late middle age, single, with an interesting career, but who has made tons of mistakes along the way. Or it should be dropped completely. This type of column has had its day.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

In Which Liz Has Yet Another New Man Apparently (or: Not Another Podcast Recap)

Liz and Nic went to the new Bond movie. Liz whinges endlessly about how there wasn't enough scenery porn, she hates Billie Eilish, the fashion wasn't good enough. They hate the idea of a female Bond and both perv over Daniel Craig. Liz refers to a man's "front bottom" ... I don't think a man is likely to have that unless he is transgender? They discuss what may be a major spoiler for the movie. Liz talks about the many occasions where she's interviewed Rachel Weisz, now Daniel Craig's wife. She describes Weisz as "prickly", and Nic says that's a good thing as she finds nice, kind people "insipid." That'll be why she likes Liz so much, then. Liz bitches about Meghan Markle being self-absorbed - there's a nice irony in that given that Liz has frequently compared herself to Meghan!! She says she interviewed Kenneth Branagh in his early career as a drama student and when she recently saw him at a premiere he looked like "an old, old man." He's 60; not that old, and still younger than you, Liz!

Liz says Nic still hasn't got her a birthday present. She brought you trousers AND carrot cake, and you told her to piss off; I wouldn't expect any more, Liz. Onto the week's column! Liz again bitches about the Zara trousers, and her friend Isabel giving her Crocs. She calls someone on Twitter "numb-nuts" (yes, really!) for saying the suit she wore to her wedding looked like a tracksuit. Saying that people who post on Twitter have "too much time on their hands" and wouldn't have time to post if they had collies. Why are you on Twitter so much, Liz? WTF does it have to do with you how others choose to spend time? But the real point is that Liz has a new man in his life! With a "giant child." He has promised not to "ghost" or block Liz, and she is happy that he hasn't seen her Louboutin "shoe boots" before. She has been stalking him on Google Maps but doesn't like the idea that he might have been Googling her and seen pictures of her before her facelift.

Liz is still "team Meghan" she says, despite earlier calling her self-absorbed. Liz hates the dress the Duchess of Cambridge wore to the Bond premiere as Kate was trying to upstage the actors, apparently. She would expect Nic to think sequins are acceptable because Nic is from Leytonstone; but Kate, being from the Home Counties, should know better! Kate's dress was seemingly paying homage to the dress Princess Diana wore at the premiere of A View to a Kill which I'm sure Liz would've fawned over.

 

[Ninjagram]

She seems very fixated on the idea that everyone remembers her as "the girl with the midnight storm hair". And claims to always have her hair done at the most exclusive London salons when it very evidently comes out of a box. For one of her Mail features they sent her to try out a salon where the stylist gave her a much more flattering dark chestnut colour with some lowlights - naturally, Liz didn't keep it

I saw her at the old Harrods salon. She was rude to all. Her colour was free but she wouldn’t pay for a blow dry so checked out with wet hair

 

[annabelle_bronstein]

She announced that was cancelled because of COVID. Don't worry though, she has another novel coming out: The Tortoise, a "sexy, spicy thriller" about a woman taking revenge on her ex. Which I'm sure is not at all "inspired" by Liz's relationships with Nirpal and/or David Scrace

Does the main protagonist end up being strangled with a Myla thong??

 

[MrFMercury]

I think she went for something cartoonish looking on purpose. I also suspect she told as many people as possible that she was really thin but had to do that for work. A more interesting take would have been to pad her out all over to about a size 18 or 20, a size a lot of us are. Then she might have gotten an insight into what it's like to feel invisable and judged at the same time. But I don't think Liz would have been able to cope with that. People might not have realised she is super skinny and wearing a fat suit! They might have thought she was actually just that size, like so many people and there is no way she could have lived with it. So no, make her look like a female Nutty Professor instead. That'll teach her empathy....

 

[ThePelican]

It is probably someone minor, like out of The Wurzels or Barron Knights if they exist at all. Look them up if you are too young!

She's implied for many years that the "rock star" was a major name from the '80s, and has painted a pretty recognisable picture of him, to the point where the real guy - the one she based the fantasy on - issued a cease-and-desist order.

 

[Origen]

She appalled me when she gave her elderly cats away to David after using them as column fodder for years.. they all died in quick succession. Even worse.. the one she kept was enviscerated by a collie. Horrific pet owner.
All this talk about the awful bits of men and their dirtiness etc.. I often wondered whether she was a Lesbian in denial? There was an interview years ago which discussed this?

 

[Sloggingaway]

God I’ve not read her column for ages
The last time I recall she was bleating in about how she hated the countryside and hated the neighbours and everyone within a 30 miles radius or was it the other way round, did they all hate her?
She literally used to moan about anything