I wrote in the advice section on here a while ago about my partner and his situation with a kid he has, at the time I felt very jaded about things and wanted other opinions; boy did I get them
but here goes. She was a one night stand, said she was on the pill and didn’t want anymore kids because she was already a single parent. Obvs she changed her mind when she saw the lines on a pregnancy test. He said from the start, get an abortion he doesn’t want anything to do with her, they’ve never even been out the house together let alone a meaningful relationship, he doesn’t respect her etc. She said she would do it all herself.
When the child was born she found his family on social media and told them. His family said he needed to get involved because he’s playing into the stereotype of Black men not looking after their kids (I disagree entirely and find that statement oppressive and reductive considering the circumstances). Anyways, he did get involved and saw the child once a week at the start, his house was not appropriate for a child at all and he also house shared with other men. After a few months the Mum started saying he needed to have the child overnight (knowing the house is inappropriate and other men live there) to which he replied he can’t. The child is female so for me it would be red flags letting a stranger albeit not by blood have my child overnight let alone strange men under the same roof. She then said he can’t see her again. So he didn’t for about 2 years.
Then she randomly got in contact and he started seeing her once every couple of weeks, just trying to do the right thing in society’s eyes. Since then she’s asked for things like lifts to places and went mad at him because she found out he had spoken to a guy who she’s had a falling out with and also tried to get him to go to her neighbours to sort out a dispute. He’s declined anything she’s asked for, pays his maintenance and kept up with visits though, he said to her he has no interest in what she wants, needs, has fallings out with. She had a tantrum and said things like he has no respect for her as the mother of his child and he should do x,y and z.
It’s now ended with him telling her pretty much what he told her at the start, he doesn’t have respect for her, he hates her and she isn’t even fit to be a mother. I’ve had a lot of conversations with him about this and from the start said we could be involved and step up but he didn’t want to. The reason being, it’s impossible to co-parent with her because she’s such a lazy
woman and for every bit of good we do, it’ll be destroyed by her and she’ll likely end up just like her mother. He didn’t want the child in the first place as sad as that sounds and he said he tried to feel differently about things but he just can’t because he will always resent the situation being forced on him. He also doesn’t want the child full time to try and do things himself; it’s unlikely a judge would grant that and being perfectly honest, I don’t either, I’ve been careful for nearly 20 years and been through an abortion because if I were to have a child, I want the best for them. Maybe one day when the mother no longer needs to be involved some kind of relationship can take place.
This is the reality of what people like Lauryn cause. You cannot force parenthood on anyone, man or woman, I think it’s slightly different for women who may have had a child they didn’t really want because they grow it and bond with them but it’s still never a guarantee. Although it’s
tit that women are the ones who either have to go through an abortion or birth, you really need to think about that before you have sex unprotected because ultimately we’re the ones with the most to lose, not to mention the children who suffer if you cannot cope with doing it alone.
