Kyle Pallo’s “RIP Tour at Halloween Horror Nights” vlog is a two-hour wet nap of self-importance, rain commentary, and soggy food reviews wrapped in the delusion of being a luxury experience.
The video opens with Kyle complaining about paying $32 to park and immediately letting us know it’s raining — a detail he revisits roughly every 45 seconds like a man narrating his own slow demise. He proudly explains the “RIP Tour” (which sounds like something you’d buy to avoid commoners), quoting every detail from the Universal website as if he’s reading aloud to a kindergarten class.
For a guy who spent up to $5,000 to skip lines, Kyle somehow manages to make it sound like he’s curing world hunger. His excitement over a plastic lanyard could power a small city. We then endure 20 minutes of him marveling at the rain again, shuffling around like a drenched hamster, before finally entering what he describes as a “scary holding area” — which turns out to be a beige conference room with snacks.
The man then proceeds to film every cracker, cookie, and vegan churro in 4K, while insisting “the food is really good” with the conviction of someone trying to convince himself he didn’t waste $5K for pizza fries and a “mini coffin cake.” He calls the desserts “weak,” but still eats six of them. Meanwhile, he refuses to buy a drink because “it’s not included,” reminding us that Kyle Pallo is truly the Robin Hood of vlogging — stealing from his viewers’ time to give nothing of value back.
At one point, Kyle fawns over his tour guide, Ben, as if he’s discovered Walt Disney reincarnated. Ben could’ve read the back of a cereal box and Kyle would’ve declared it “life-changing.” He’s also astonished that ponchos are now free, which he treats like a historical milestone: “Apparently that’s new this year!” Yes, Kyle — the rain industry has evolved.
Throughout the night, he keeps reminding viewers that he’s skipping lines, clearly intoxicated by the fantasy that people think he’s famous. In reality, the only ones impressed are the puddles collecting in his shoes. When he’s not repeating how “crazy” it is to walk through the exit, he’s showing us blurry shots of haunted houses while borrowing footage from another channel — which he plugs mid-vlog like an infomercial apology.
There’s also a bizarre section where he tours the Men in Black immigration office and acts like he’s infiltrated Area 51, gasping at dusty props while saying things like, “You can sit in the chairs!” He writes his name on a wall like a toddler signing a yearbook and calls it “a neat Easter egg.”
The video ends with a whimper: the big horror show gets canceled, Kyle pouts about it, and he wraps things up in a parking garage monologue that sounds like a hostage ransom video. “We’re pooped,” he declares, after doing nothing but walking, eating, and pretending to be a Universal insider.
In summary: Kyle Pallo spent thousands of dollars to flex a private tour, got soaked, filmed buffet food like it was the Last Supper, fanboyed over his tour guide, and ended the night alone, talking to his camera about rain. It’s less “Halloween Horror Nights” and more “A Man Slowly Drowns in His Own Mediocrity.”
I wasn’t close enough to him to gauge his height, but he does look tiny. In fact, when I saw him, he was standing on a curb filming LOL
!
