We don't expect help but thatkfully my in laws love their grandchildren and want to spend time with them. However they do help out with childcare onec or twice a week as there are no options for me at my shift times. I also exoe t to help look after my grandchildren too but i come a family that all look out for each other.
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Exactly this. My mum has always said to me even from the moment I fell pregnant not to worry about childcare. My grandparents helped my mum out when she was a single parent to enable her to work. It’s all based on their circumstances and the fact my mum absolutely loves spending time with my little girl. I’ll do the same when I can for my little one if she ever wants to have children, because that’s what I will want to do.
Her going to my parents isn’t a burden on them and they aren’t suffering. They’re spending some decent, quality time with their granddaughter which sadly not a lot of grandparents seem to be able to say nowadays.
I know I’m incredibly lucky to have that support but like you, that’s how our family has always been. Just because others haven’t experienced the same doesn’t mean I should have never had children.
My parents would have helped me too if they had become grandparents. We don't go out often at all but if we do my sister or in laws will babysit. We don't ask often as I don't like to ask but I also look after my sisters son when I can. He gets to see his cousins, I see my nephew, its all good. I work part time so I dont have to ask for much childcare.
I don’t expect help but it’s positive for everyone when grandparents and other family want to be involved and show that through their actions. Children benefit a lot from having active and caring grandparents in their life in my experience. My dad completely ignored/forgot one of my daughters birthdays this year and it has pissed me off to no end, in a way it helps that my kids barely know him because they didn’t even notice. They know their step granddad better than their actual granddad but I’m fortunate that apart from one person the rest of the grandparents are incredibly involved and ask to have them overnight regularly. It’s quite rare we ask them to have them ourselves and we are very lucky for that.
I actually didn’t let my kids go stay over night or even stay with them for the day until they were over a year old so I definitely didn’t expect them to help or anything. Both sets of grandparents still worked at the time so I gave up work to stay home as we couldn’t afford the childcare fees.
It is a real shame when grandparents actively choose not to be involved with their grandchildren. You don’t necessarily even have to take them over night or anything to be involved, just show up regularly so the kids can actually form a bond with you. I cherish the memories I have of the time I spent with my grandparents growing up and I’m so glad my children get to experience that too because one thing they will miss out on is having cousins so it kinda makes up for that in my eyes.
I actually didn’t let my kids go stay over night or even stay with them for the day until they were over a year old so I definitely didn’t expect them to help or anything. Both sets of grandparents still worked at the time so I gave up work to stay home as we couldn’t afford the childcare fees.
It is a real shame when grandparents actively choose not to be involved with their grandchildren. You don’t necessarily even have to take them over night or anything to be involved, just show up regularly so the kids can actually form a bond with you. I cherish the memories I have of the time I spent with my grandparents growing up and I’m so glad my children get to experience that too because one thing they will miss out on is having cousins so it kinda makes up for that in my eyes.
I’m 37 and my husband is 44.
we don’t have children for a few reasons., my husband is paralysed and the chances of convincing is very slim, IVF is a option but I’m so scarefd needles it wouldn’t work and also child birth scares me to death lol we said if it happened naturally great But don’t want to force it. Husband has on going health problems so have to factor
That into it too.
wr can’t afford to have children, on benefits as it is and people will judge us etc
We love the freedom
We’d have to move from our little 1 bedroom flat in a great village and we’ve just had a adapted kitchen fitted after years of fighting for it.
We have a niece n nephew who we see a lot and older ones too, and a great nephew.
I love babies and it was always in my life plan, but then I met my husband and my life path changed.
we had a cat and she was our baby But sadly passed away and it broke our hearts,
we don’t have children for a few reasons., my husband is paralysed and the chances of convincing is very slim, IVF is a option but I’m so scarefd needles it wouldn’t work and also child birth scares me to death lol we said if it happened naturally great But don’t want to force it. Husband has on going health problems so have to factor
That into it too.
wr can’t afford to have children, on benefits as it is and people will judge us etc
We love the freedom
We’d have to move from our little 1 bedroom flat in a great village and we’ve just had a adapted kitchen fitted after years of fighting for it.
We have a niece n nephew who we see a lot and older ones too, and a great nephew.
I love babies and it was always in my life plan, but then I met my husband and my life path changed.
we had a cat and she was our baby But sadly passed away and it broke our hearts,
I can see you have a load of responses so I’ll keep mine brief. I have 3 kids and 1 dog. With hindsight I would have 3 dogs and 1 kid. I would have always wondered ‘what if’ if I hadn’t have had children I think, so I don’t regret the decision to have children in that sense, but the dog is just as rewarding and a lot less bleeping effort tbh 
This is the response I needed! From someone with 2 dogs and no kids....I can see you have a load of responses so I’ll keep mine brief. I have 3 kids and 1 dog. With hindsight I would have 3 dogs and 1 kid. I would have always wondered ‘what if’ if I hadn’t have had children I think, so I don’t regret the decision to have children in that sense, but the dog is just as rewarding and a lot less bleeping effort tbh
I'm 36 and have 4 boys ranging from 1 to 14. I was not naturally maternal as I didn't really have any experience with babies in the family, all my cousins are around my age. BUT I knew deep down I wanted to be a mum and have my own family.
It did not happen right away and was quite careless in my teenage years, I never used contraception at all and for years assumed I was infertile - which really damaged my mental health. I was with my ex husband for around 18 months before I managed to conceive. (So women who are struggling to, there is hope, I seemed to conceive when I forgot about conceiving).
I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE being a mum, there is nothing more enriching than watching little people you've created grow. And that is the biggest pro.
Pros -
*You are never lonely. Even if you need the crapper there will be little feet following you.
*Kids really do have a soothing, calming presence, I felt somewhat whole after having children.
*Carrying on your genetic code.
*The sense of humour. I find 4-5 the funniest age, the little personalities shine through and it is hilarious finding little traits of yourself or partner in them.
*The love is like nothing you will ever experience. People often say their pets are like children. Sorry but NO. Pets cannot replace this love.
*Routine.
Cons -
*Telly will never be the same, cartoons, cartoons, cartoons.
*If you like a tidy show home, that will be gone there will always be homely mess.
*Constant rotation of various things, school runs, bottles, arse changes - you will be acustomed to various types of poo, meal making, etc.
*Holidays will become a different experience but this can also be a pro
It did not happen right away and was quite careless in my teenage years, I never used contraception at all and for years assumed I was infertile - which really damaged my mental health. I was with my ex husband for around 18 months before I managed to conceive. (So women who are struggling to, there is hope, I seemed to conceive when I forgot about conceiving).
I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE being a mum, there is nothing more enriching than watching little people you've created grow. And that is the biggest pro.
Pros -
*You are never lonely. Even if you need the crapper there will be little feet following you.
*Kids really do have a soothing, calming presence, I felt somewhat whole after having children.
*Carrying on your genetic code.
*The sense of humour. I find 4-5 the funniest age, the little personalities shine through and it is hilarious finding little traits of yourself or partner in them.
*The love is like nothing you will ever experience. People often say their pets are like children. Sorry but NO. Pets cannot replace this love.
*Routine.
Cons -
*Telly will never be the same, cartoons, cartoons, cartoons.
*If you like a tidy show home, that will be gone there will always be homely mess.
*Constant rotation of various things, school runs, bottles, arse changes - you will be acustomed to various types of poo, meal making, etc.
*Holidays will become a different experience but this can also be a pro
I haven’t been online for a couple of days but wow so many responses! It’s so interesting to see everyone else’s points of view. I am so awkward around kids, I never know what to say to them or act around them sometimes, I just don’t feel maternal at all. But it’s not completely off the table for me, I’m just happy as I am for now I think!
I am still like this with other people’s kids
the awkward silences, not knowing what to say. I have nieces and nephews and while I’m so fond of them it’s not like the feeling you have for your own children. That awkwardness just isn’t there with your own children. I thought I wasn’t maternal but like a previous poster has said I just feel whole since becoming a mum. I didn’t even really want kids before I had them.I am also aware that we are biologically conditioned to have this response, the deep love, the protectiveness. Not all, of course, but we are sort of programmed to feel all the things we do when it comes to our children. Continuation of the species and keeping our young alive.
I’m 22 next month and I have 0 interest in having kids and have done for years. Loads of people I went to school with are now mum’s and I could never imagine myself with my own
I agree I can be quite awkward round other peoples kids. But as above it certainly isn't there when it comes to your own, as you will know them in their entirety from when they are small.
The teenage years are the hardest, can make you riddled with anxiety. My oldest son is 14 so go figure.
And I am not sure if it is mentioned but the changes to my body was a bit of a con, but a worthwhile con! Obviously it feels different down there, weight becomes slightly harder to shift and many of us mums get left with an "apron" which no amount of workouts can shift.
The teenage years are the hardest, can make you riddled with anxiety. My oldest son is 14 so go figure.
And I am not sure if it is mentioned but the changes to my body was a bit of a con, but a worthwhile con! Obviously it feels different down there, weight becomes slightly harder to shift and many of us mums get left with an "apron" which no amount of workouts can shift.
I also am feeling this uncertainty and it's consuming my thoughts a lot now. Through my twenties I felt 100% that I did not want children, I felt so certain and hated being asked about it and being told "oh you'll feel differently someday!" ... but as I got into my late twenties I felt more open about it, and started to warm to the idea. My fiancé is the same, sometimes he speaks like he is open to the idea, sometimes not. So I hope we both end up on the same page.
I'm now 30, and I feel like I want a baby, but I also feel a bit worried about it too as it's such a big decision and there's obviously no going back. I'm an over-thinker and I worry already about different things, like what if I miss my pre-child life? I even think way ahead and worry about them being a teenager and maybe being difficult (though I wasn't a troublesome teen, apparently my fiancé was)! I have two nieces (7 and 10) and I love them to bits, but whenever me and my mum have them, I'm always exhausted afterwards and it's nice giving them back
I wouldn't want to feel that way with my own.
On the other hand, I keep thinking about looking after a precious little baby of my own. I feel like I have so much love and affection to give. I daydream a lot about a baby and doing all the mummy things, although I know I'm probably only thinking of the lovely, easy things. I don't want to regret not having one. And my mum and dad would absolutely love for me to have one too (although I know that's definitely not a reason to have one, I also love the thought of that too and them being grandparents, and my child having a relationship with them).
I'm also feeling the pressure that at my age I really need to make up my mind soon, like the clock is ticking now
and with the current situation and the world being the way it is, it doesn't seem to be a good time right now/for the foreseeable either... I don't know 
I'm now 30, and I feel like I want a baby, but I also feel a bit worried about it too as it's such a big decision and there's obviously no going back. I'm an over-thinker and I worry already about different things, like what if I miss my pre-child life? I even think way ahead and worry about them being a teenager and maybe being difficult (though I wasn't a troublesome teen, apparently my fiancé was)! I have two nieces (7 and 10) and I love them to bits, but whenever me and my mum have them, I'm always exhausted afterwards and it's nice giving them back
I wouldn't want to feel that way with my own. On the other hand, I keep thinking about looking after a precious little baby of my own. I feel like I have so much love and affection to give. I daydream a lot about a baby and doing all the mummy things, although I know I'm probably only thinking of the lovely, easy things. I don't want to regret not having one. And my mum and dad would absolutely love for me to have one too (although I know that's definitely not a reason to have one, I also love the thought of that too and them being grandparents, and my child having a relationship with them).
I'm also feeling the pressure that at my age I really need to make up my mind soon, like the clock is ticking now
and with the current situation and the world being the way it is, it doesn't seem to be a good time right now/for the foreseeable either... I don't know For us the jump from 2-3 was the easiest jump.
Was it? How old were you when you had your third and what are the age gaps? Mine would potentially be 4 & 7 and I would be 32 when I start trying again x
30 is still quite young for kids, obviously the later you leave it the more risks there are but I know quite a few people who have had kids in their 40’s. Having a baby will never stop your life, you can still do all the things you love doing but you’ll need to reduce them majorly as a baby is very time consuming.
I think everyone that’s getting older or has been in a relationship for a long time will keep being asked when they’re having kids as it’s whats “normal” or expected. Don’t feel pressured because of the things other people say, you always need to do what’s right for you.
con’s -
- time consuming
- you can’t do what you want when you want
- it’s not as easy to have a “break”
- sleepless nights
- they can be very challenging!
- they can be expensive
- you always have to put being a mum first before anything.
pro’s -
- you get to watch someone grow
- it’s like having a “mini-me”, they’re just a better version of yourself
- you can experience all their “first times” with them
- having a baby makes you more considerate towards others and less selfish
- they’re cute and when you need to cuddle someone they love being held so you can always use them!
- their happiness is your happiness
- you will never be able to create something as beautiful as a child if you don’t have one
- fun!
I have one daughter who is 10/11 months and I also have 5 nieces and one nephew. Two of my nieces are young like my daughter and they play very well together, it’s nice watching them all grow up together. I feel the happiest I’ve ever felt when I’m with my daughter. The small things that used to annoy me now doesn’t because all my attention is on her. I’ve become less argumentative with other people, I don’t hold so many grudges and I’m just happier within myself. With a child you can get postpartum depression but you also get this happiness and love that no one else has ever made you feel before. My daughter doesn’t compare to anyone else I’ve met. I don’t think anyone would regret having their child and if you do regret having them you can always look into adoption.. there are so many people who would love to have children! Even one of your family members might be open to adopting. For the first time in my life I enjoy waking up, I enjoy starting my day knowing I get to spend my time with someone who means everything to me.
I’ve never felt pressured to have children as I’m only 26 and in the process of buying a house (coronavirus has slowed things down!) but I also have a long term illness and I wanted to spend as much time possible with my child as I can. If you are happy with your life now then I recommend you waiting to have children. You always need to put yourself first. If you don’t end up having children then want one later in life (when you can’t) you could look into fostering?
I don’t think you’d ever regret having your child but you may regret the time you had them as they can “pause” your life. Have you spoken to your partner about what they want? That may help with your decision.
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For me, it’s just something I know and have known since before I hit puberty. No children ever. I’m 30 now and still feel this deep within myself.
Also, lol, from the moment I got my first period I was having nightmares about getting pregnant I still have them occasionally now!
Someone at work a few months ago asked me “when was I going to get pregnant?” And I was so stunned all I could say was “why would I want to get pregnant?” It felt like a trick question to me. It should be covered under some kind of legislation not to ask women about the situation with their uterus.
Also, lol, from the moment I got my first period I was having nightmares about getting pregnant
I still have them occasionally now! Someone at work a few months ago asked me “when was I going to get pregnant?” And I was so stunned all I could say was “why would I want to get pregnant?” It felt like a trick question to me. It should be covered under some kind of legislation not to ask women about the situation with their uterus.
It’s so uncomfortable isn’t it! I remember my partner’s sister said to us a while back, “well you’ll be able to get a bigger house when you start a family.” Hold on a moment, who said we were “starting a family”? Don’t just presume!For me, it’s just something I know and have known since before I hit puberty. No children ever. I’m 30 now and still feel this deep within myself.
Also, lol, from the moment I got my first period I was having nightmares about getting pregnant
Someone at work a few months ago asked me “when was I going to get pregnant?” And I was so stunned all I could say was “why would I want to get pregnant?” It felt like a trick question to me. It should be covered under some kind of legislation not to ask women about the situation with their uterus.
I also used to have a friend that had a child at 19 in a dead end relationship and she would get really nasty when I said I didn’t want a child, I couldn’t work out if she was jealous because she was unhappy (she constantly talked about how unhappy she was) or whether it was something else, it was so strange!
I’ve also had people at work try and convince me to have a child, one woman sat and listened to all my cons and tried to put a good spin on them!
It’s funny because I would never dream of asking someone when they are having a child!
I think asking women when they are having children is awful. I used to get asked it all the time in my previous job. Its a personal question that shouldn’t be asked. What if that person can’t have children, has fertility issues, has had a miscarriage, or just simply doesn’t want them!
Completely agree! Why people think it’s anyone else’s business is beyond me! I’m dreading when my partner and I get married because I know we will be flooded with “is she pregnant yet” “when are you having a baby?” People are so insensitive!