Speedy GonZootSuit
I feel like you need to make a collection of these recaps and publish them, they are class. Have me in stitches every time!Infuriated by an omelette...
‘Make it Rain’ declared Space Mountain as she returned to the gym for the 674th time in the last five years, (and) make it rain she did as she wiped the sweat from her brow and shoved her hand down her size Medium sports bra - dignified as always. 4.5k on the (treadmill) in 18 minutes, surely that is some sort of Wirral record? Local running clubs must be literally (begging) her to join their ranks (especially) as she’s gone from a 20 minute 2k to close to world record time in a matter of days. (What is her) secret they all cry - well, manipulating the display on the treadmill to make herself look like Mo Farah’s pacer is her usual (starting point) so I’d continue looking for a new super sprinter if I was you, Speedy GonZootSuit may still (need a few) more sessions..
(Another) day, another gym class but before that another ‘no filter’ picture in front of the mirror. Delamere Forest’s Size 6 Kate with the jawline an (architect) could use to draw blueprints was back for this picture and she would have almost gotten away with it if it (wasn’t) for those pesky (glitches in her waistline) in the mirror. Must try harder, Kate, especially if you want us to believe you don’t even edit (your pictures anymore.)
Baby Bilingual Rainbow Bespoke, the only child to be born in the world , the cleverest little Olympic (swimmer and trampoliner) that ever did exist , the baby who was considered ‘too pure for this cruel and (troll) filled world’ just less than 9 months ago has now become total fair game to be exposed online to (tens of thousands) of people. Need to flog (some) placebo hair tablets only suitable for adults? Bounce your baby round in front of the camera. Trying to advertise make-up? Straighten your kid’s hair and get her to wave at the camera. (Showing) off how to coat your lips in enough oil to cause a major incident along the Gulf Coast? Let your (baby crawl) into something and laugh at her (without checking she’s ok) but make sure you catch it all on camera - got to get the free (weaning bowls) somehow, eh Kate?
I’m going to (assume) the assumption post didn’t go as (she planned and assume that) that is the reason that she didn’t mention it again. Assumptions such as ‘I assume you regret the mess you’ve made of your house, ‘I assume you haven’t paid for any of your kid’s clothes’, ‘I assume you used to eat and (run) from restaurants before you started begging for free food,’ and ‘I assume you will be pleading with Chez who is 40 for (your job back) by the end of the year,’ were probably not the assumptions she was looking for..
We were treated to a creepy shot of a newly Botoxed Delo - I say Botox because she doesn’t filter her pictures anymore- looking like a future (subject of a) Netflix Exclusive three-part documentary - current working titles, ‘Burberry Baron’, ‘Marquis Makeup’, or ‘Panel Prince’.
Feral Olive is back again with a day full of ‘tantrums’ that made Juggermankles write some bullshit (about how) she never ‘tantrums’ when they’re outside because obviously Olive is going to be the next (David) Attenborough and not because she’s properly stimulated outside as opposed to the colourless land of despair she lives in. We’ve (also had) a series of vomit inducing posts about the child who saved her - not sure what (she) saved her from yet, however, it certainly wasn’t from terrible taste in sandals.
Another expert make-up tutorial where she showed us how to achieve a ‘no make-up’ look by not (actually putting any make-up) on. ‘Is there no end to this woman’s make-up talents?’ I hear you all cry. And (how) right you are, there is no (end to her talents, mainly) because there’s no fucking beginning to them..
(Spare) a thought for poor old Miss Make Up though as she is (stressed and) breaking out in spots because of her extensive to-do list:
Finally, don’t forget Trolls, in just 3 days time, Mensa’s youngest member and Team GB’s only multi-sport Olympian will become a one-year-old. Latest from the Buckingham (Palace) spokesman was Liz was personally polishing the best gold carriage for Olive’s birthday drive through of the Wirral, while (Downing Street are considering) calling a bank holiday for the event. Kate in the meantime still hasn’t bought any wrapping paper because it’s just too stressful..
- Buy wrapping paper.
- Add the word Spanish to everything.
- Don’t add potatoes to anything.
As always, (Read the Wiki..)
Love this title well done @Noseyscouser82Thanks to @Noseyscouser82 for the winning title thread!
And as always, thanks to @Eleanor Abernathy for doing the lords work on the recaps
Did you see that video the other day when she was brushing , borderline skull tagging poor Trolive . No gentleness , just a big slab backed Bison ragging away like Trolive’s hair like a pair of stessies. She’s absolutely fucking VILE in my eyes.She must be defo putting filters on aswell as that star one coz how is Oliver scandi platinum in the morning and strawberry blonde/ginger later on with the star filter?? Baffled coz she doesn’t edit the baby does she Bob??? And mini mez feet are strangled in that onesie, also the poor kids eye bags are worse than mine after a night shift & whilst I’m at it brush the kids hair and put a little clip in it, she always looks scruffy to me poor little Oliver Twist she looks like her hair has been hacked off like the kids in flowers in the attic. Arlarse
Fuck me, Burberry BaronInfuriated by an omelette...
‘Make it Rain’ declared Space Mountain as she returned to the gym for the 674th time in the last five years, (and) make it rain she did as she wiped the sweat from her brow and shoved her hand down her size Medium sports bra - dignified as always. 4.5k on the (treadmill) in 18 minutes, surely that is some sort of Wirral record? Local running clubs must be literally (begging) her to join their ranks (especially) as she’s gone from a 20 minute 2k to close to world record time in a matter of days. (What is her) secret they all cry - well, manipulating the display on the treadmill to make herself look like Mo Farah’s pacer is her usual (starting point) so I’d continue looking for a new super sprinter if I was you, Speedy GonZootSuit may still (need a few) more sessions..
(Another) day, another gym class but before that another ‘no filter’ picture in front of the mirror. Delamere Forest’s Size 6 Kate with the jawline an (architect) could use to draw blueprints was back for this picture and she would have almost gotten away with it if it (wasn’t) for those pesky (glitches in her waistline) in the mirror. Must try harder, Kate, especially if you want us to believe you don’t even edit (your pictures anymore.)
Baby Bilingual Rainbow Bespoke, the only child to be born in the world , the cleverest little Olympic (swimmer and trampoliner) that ever did exist , the baby who was considered ‘too pure for this cruel and (troll) filled world’ just less than 9 months ago has now become total fair game to be exposed online to (tens of thousands) of people. Need to flog (some) placebo hair tablets only suitable for adults? Bounce your baby round in front of the camera. Trying to advertise make-up? Straighten your kid’s hair and get her to wave at the camera. (Showing) off how to coat your lips in enough oil to cause a major incident along the Gulf Coast? Let your (baby crawl) into something and laugh at her (without checking she’s ok) but make sure you catch it all on camera - got to get the free (weaning bowls) somehow, eh Kate?
I’m going to (assume) the assumption post didn’t go as (she planned and assume that) that is the reason that she didn’t mention it again. Assumptions such as ‘I assume you regret the mess you’ve made of your house, ‘I assume you haven’t paid for any of your kid’s clothes’, ‘I assume you used to eat and (run) from restaurants before you started begging for free food,’ and ‘I assume you will be pleading with Chez who is 40 for (your job back) by the end of the year,’ were probably not the assumptions she was looking for..
We were treated to a creepy shot of a newly Botoxed Delo - I say Botox because she doesn’t filter her pictures anymore- looking like a future (subject of a) Netflix Exclusive three-part documentary - current working titles, ‘Burberry Baron’, ‘Marquis Makeup’, or ‘Panel Prince’.
Feral Olive is back again with a day full of ‘tantrums’ that made Juggermankles write some bullshit (about how) she never ‘tantrums’ when they’re outside because obviously Olive is going to be the next (David) Attenborough and not because she’s properly stimulated outside as opposed to the colourless land of despair she lives in. We’ve (also had) a series of vomit inducing posts about the child who saved her - not sure what (she) saved her from yet, however, it certainly wasn’t from terrible taste in sandals.
Another expert make-up tutorial where she showed us how to achieve a ‘no make-up’ look by not (actually putting any make-up) on. ‘Is there no end to this woman’s make-up talents?’ I hear you all cry. And (how) right you are, there is no (end to her talents, mainly) because there’s no fucking beginning to them..
(Spare) a thought for poor old Miss Make Up though as she is (stressed and) breaking out in spots because of her extensive to-do list:
Finally, don’t forget Trolls, in just 3 days time, Mensa’s youngest member and Team GB’s only multi-sport Olympian will become a one-year-old. Latest from the Buckingham (Palace) spokesman was Liz was personally polishing the best gold carriage for Olive’s birthday drive through of the Wirral, while (Downing Street are considering) calling a bank holiday for the event. Kate in the meantime still hasn’t bought any wrapping paper because it’s just too stressful..
- Buy wrapping paper.
- Add the word Spanish to everything.
- Don’t add potatoes to anything.
As always, (Read the Wiki..)
HahahahaIt looks like a gorilla walking a chimp in that Clark’s video. Oliver looks either bow legged or two left feet
Totally agree.I have to disagree. Clarks is a marketing ploy. They aren’t needed.
Babies really don’t need to be wearing any shoes until they are properly walking and when I say walking I mean you only use the pram to let them sleep in because they want to walk everywhere.
Wearing shoes too early stops the bones in their feet from developing.
Oh an been bare foot is amazing for grounding. But of course truff you will know that because your mother fucking earth.
Nope. She’s a cunt. It’s not a big deal.Nah I’m with her on that one, sorry trolls. But baby’s first proper, measured, walking shoes is a big deal. Pleased to see she got olive measured properly & fitted at Clark’s where they’ll have decent shoes for pre - walkers / first walkers.
Fuck offfff. She’s the worst of them all. Remember her birthday tribute to josh from zest I LOVeShe really is full ofMaybe she should practice what she preaches
Has she perhaps not cleaned her glasses like the rest of her recently?She really is full ofMaybe she should practice what she preaches. She’s definitely full of unfilled desires 👰♀️
As someone who is many many months off having her first child I thought Clark’s was a right of passage you had to do for their first shoes? Like hurting your partner in the middle of giving birth right of passage?Nah I’m with her on that one, sorry trolls. But baby’s first proper, measured, walking shoes is a big deal. Pleased to see she got olive measured properly & fitted at Clark’s where they’ll have decent shoes for pre - walkers / first walkers.
Pot and kettle spring to mindShe really is full ofMaybe she should practice what she preaches. She’s definitely full of unfilled desires 👰♀️
Absolute madness to put shoes on over a fucking baby grow. But then again baby bottles and steriliser (cleaner), crease release and hard floors, not forgetting washing machine cleaner in the dishwasher.Dunno bout anyone else’s Clark’s, but ours woulda refused to fit on top of a babygrow
I will never NEVER EVER get over when she did her big "I know a lot of you have rated the tomee tippee steriliser the best, but for us it just isn't what we expected and so we will be changing it" rant while she held up a fucking UNWASHED BOTTLE she thought the steriliser would clean. Hahahahaha. What the fuckAbsolute madness to put shoes on over a fucking baby grow. But then again baby bottles and steriliser (cleaner), crease release and hard floors, not forgetting washing machine cleaner in the dishwasher.
Wouldn’t surprise me if she wipes Olives arse with a fucking ‘makeup removing rag’
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