And the shitshow continues..
Woah, and we’re already back from Ibiza after 6 days for Kate, and 3 for the car seat. Most favourite place in the world, Kate? Can’t wait to show your daughter the most amazing island on the planet and all the secret views only you know about? Bet she loved the view of the tablecloths and the bottom of the wine glasses from over the edge of her car seat, didn’t she?
As foreseen millennia ago by Nostradamus, Paul the Octopus, and the weird Russian lady with one eye, after almost a week away of filtering and editing her own pictures to look like Pamela Anderson in 1992 whilst simultaneously looking like the secret love child of Uncle Fester and the entrance to Narnia in videos that she had no control over, we had our 174th troll rant of the year after she had ‘loads of abuse’ or as it’s really known, she read here and realised she’d made a prick of herself and the whole of Instagram had seen what she really looked like with a 1960s lampshade protruding from her minge and arse. The rant was as predictable as England losing on penalties with lots of pictures of her belly and her thumbs, a mention of how she’s ‘not in the same place as she was a year ago’, the ‘I don’t even edit my pictures’ chorus, and a quick rendition of the ‘they’re just jealous’ anthem to finish it off.
In sports news, she’s gone ‘straight back’ to running. Not sure how you go ‘straight back’ to something you haven’t done for three full moons but there we go. Despite being able to run ‘10k in 50 minutes’ a few months ago, she was blowing out of her arse after a jog to the top of her road and back. Her chins have also come ‘straight back’ too. Strange how they were absent in her pictures in Ibiza. Maybe they didn’t think 6 days and a visit to Ocean Beach and the Palma Pervert was worth the quarantine period?
Due to their superstar status and Delo’s unfortunate case of contagious rickets, the car seat, Indiana Gnomes, and the child in the massive socks were given an ‘isle’ to themselves on their exclusive Jet2 economy flight. This definitely had nothing to do with the fact the flight was only half full, and we’re in the middle of a global pandemic and most safety-conscious people are still waiting to fly, it was solely because Jet2 staff instantly recognised Triple Threat and the car seat at the airport. Must have been the underwear model body and the rattle of the Cheetham Cartier bangle that made him stand out..
She opened a Q&A about her jetsetting lifestyle in order to answer the ‘millions of DMs’’ that her 16 year old childless followers had sent about taking a car seat abroad. After answering just one question about feeding a kid in a foreign country (who knew they sold baby food abroad? It’s almost as though they’re civilised nations who have their own children to feed too), she quickly descended into a retell of her favourite fairy tale, Katie Hayes and the Dreamy C-Section, a story full of wonder and amazement and popping waters in shops and/or on landings and no pain relief.
Sunday night and she realised she’d almost missed out on a bandwagon to jump on. Despite not showing any interest in the football ever, she suddenly started sharing pictures of Gareth Southgate and England flags. Couple more bandwagons, Kate, and you’ll have a fleet to rival Eddie Stobart.
In a shock twist, we had our 175th troll rant of the year just a few days later. Proppet not getting the engagement she once did, eh Kate? The true horror of being called out on lying about her dreamy bespoke life and editing her photos was finally revealed when we learned that she has it just as hard as a 19 year old footballer who has been subject to horrific racial abuse. Nevermind people wanting you dead and threatening your family because you missed a penalty, choosing to come on and read a website where you are exposed as a T-Rex footed, beggy, grabby, baby filtering, photoshopping, covid-denying, full stop hating, doesn’t even know her own initials halfwit is definitely, definitely in the same league. God bless you, and all who sail in you, Miss Makeup..
I will leave the final word to Gina Linetti..
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As always, Read the Wiki..
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Two years deep and one assault attempt. But I suppose it could be worse, I could be getting tRoLlEd on Tattle.
