Well done to @platesofmeat for the thread title and extra credit to @Blair-Waldorf (I think!!) for the original Oliver Twist shout.
The chronicles continue..
Engagement for the Wirral’s 36th most important mascara purchaser has been low since people finally realised that she’s only got one makeup look, and that watching someone cook oats for the 78th time in a week isn’t actually all that interesting, so we were treated to a video similar to the ones they put on Sports Personality of the Year to commemorate the cricket players we’ve lost over the years. ‘Remembering my Reason’ showed us what Mummy’s Little Bill Payer looked like without the Bly Manor filter, but its main focal point was showing us exactly how much timber Little Legs has managed to stack on in the last 18 months. Free breakfast, lunch and tea five days a week is leaving its mark, ey Delo?
The Make Ups went on a random midweek ‘family getaway’ to Tunbridge Wells this week, probably on a cheap deal so they thought they were getting a bargain. However, being the Mensa rejects they are, the £12465 they would need for petrol to get there obviously slipped their minds. The ‘getaway’ lasted for around 17 hours, probably because that’s the longest Truff allows Wirral Arg to stay in her presence continuously before he realises that he ended up with the pumpkin, and not Cinderella.
In some medical news, it appears that Truff might have a serious condition if the number of times she’s mentioned her ‘heart hurting’ is anything to go by. Fear not though, the strange condition seems to be linked with a dip in likes and comments for her make up posts which leads to a picture of March’s Employee of the Month in pigtails and size 14 boots being thrown on to boost that engagement again.
The weekend began with an announcement that she was taking a social media break and then the weekend continued with more stories than she’s put on all week. She took her only source of income with her to test a buggy, and in true Truffleback fashion, she shoved her in the palest coloured one whilst caked in cake and juice. She then walked around the shop, looking like a giant wisdom tooth pushing a pram whilst giving an extra-special guided tour to tell us that it was like being, ‘in a shop that’s like being in a fair but it’s not it’s a shop, if you know what I mean?’ If I was that shop, I’d be asking for the free cupcakes and balloon back.
‘Remember my reason’ obviously didn’t get the engagement the 104th most important Range Rover renter wanted, so as predictably as an orange bride at one of her makeup sessions, we had our 56th troll rant of the year. As always, she can’t say much because of ‘police involvement’ which as we all know is really secret code for, ‘I can’t actually say much because the evidence is there that I’m a racist homophobe with the dress sense of a vandalised bus seat and I don’t want to direct everyone to it but I still want to play the victim’.
After 12 matching pyjama shoots with her Golden Goose, and a super allowed social media break she returned with a face like a Toby Jug shitting out a pine cone sitting next to her ever-suffering mother in another promo video for which she was paid in balloons. Lovely little message about how much she loves her mum. Shame your actions don’t match your words though, Kate. It wasn’t that long ago you humiliated her live on the gram by pointing out all her facial flaws (imagine, the girl with a lip tattoo that could be used as a before picture in a cold sore treatment advert having the nerve to point out someone else’s flaws), and laid her off without pay during a lockdown so the poor woman couldn’t afford food. Mez spent the afternoon wondering whether the jail time would have been worth attempting a switch with another baby at the hospital 30 years ago, while Kate spent the afternoon shoving as many cupcakes down her grid as she could before stealing the balloons and going for her seventeenth begged meal of the week whilst staying in her calorie deficit.
We leave her this time like the massive Queen Beg and Scav she is having planning meetings for her 30th birthday party. Fingers crossed she’ll at least clean the dog tit and carrier bags full of old nylon hair choice extensions out of her garden this time if she chooses to have it at home again. Gin bar and angel wings on her drive incoming..
As always, Read the Wiki..
The chronicles continue..
Engagement for the Wirral’s 36th most important mascara purchaser has been low since people finally realised that she’s only got one makeup look, and that watching someone cook oats for the 78th time in a week isn’t actually all that interesting, so we were treated to a video similar to the ones they put on Sports Personality of the Year to commemorate the cricket players we’ve lost over the years. ‘Remembering my Reason’ showed us what Mummy’s Little Bill Payer looked like without the Bly Manor filter, but its main focal point was showing us exactly how much timber Little Legs has managed to stack on in the last 18 months. Free breakfast, lunch and tea five days a week is leaving its mark, ey Delo?
The Make Ups went on a random midweek ‘family getaway’ to Tunbridge Wells this week, probably on a cheap deal so they thought they were getting a bargain. However, being the Mensa rejects they are, the £12465 they would need for petrol to get there obviously slipped their minds. The ‘getaway’ lasted for around 17 hours, probably because that’s the longest Truff allows Wirral Arg to stay in her presence continuously before he realises that he ended up with the pumpkin, and not Cinderella.
In some medical news, it appears that Truff might have a serious condition if the number of times she’s mentioned her ‘heart hurting’ is anything to go by. Fear not though, the strange condition seems to be linked with a dip in likes and comments for her make up posts which leads to a picture of March’s Employee of the Month in pigtails and size 14 boots being thrown on to boost that engagement again.
The weekend began with an announcement that she was taking a social media break and then the weekend continued with more stories than she’s put on all week. She took her only source of income with her to test a buggy, and in true Truffleback fashion, she shoved her in the palest coloured one whilst caked in cake and juice. She then walked around the shop, looking like a giant wisdom tooth pushing a pram whilst giving an extra-special guided tour to tell us that it was like being, ‘in a shop that’s like being in a fair but it’s not it’s a shop, if you know what I mean?’ If I was that shop, I’d be asking for the free cupcakes and balloon back.
‘Remember my reason’ obviously didn’t get the engagement the 104th most important Range Rover renter wanted, so as predictably as an orange bride at one of her makeup sessions, we had our 56th troll rant of the year. As always, she can’t say much because of ‘police involvement’ which as we all know is really secret code for, ‘I can’t actually say much because the evidence is there that I’m a racist homophobe with the dress sense of a vandalised bus seat and I don’t want to direct everyone to it but I still want to play the victim’.
After 12 matching pyjama shoots with her Golden Goose, and a super allowed social media break she returned with a face like a Toby Jug shitting out a pine cone sitting next to her ever-suffering mother in another promo video for which she was paid in balloons. Lovely little message about how much she loves her mum. Shame your actions don’t match your words though, Kate. It wasn’t that long ago you humiliated her live on the gram by pointing out all her facial flaws (imagine, the girl with a lip tattoo that could be used as a before picture in a cold sore treatment advert having the nerve to point out someone else’s flaws), and laid her off without pay during a lockdown so the poor woman couldn’t afford food. Mez spent the afternoon wondering whether the jail time would have been worth attempting a switch with another baby at the hospital 30 years ago, while Kate spent the afternoon shoving as many cupcakes down her grid as she could before stealing the balloons and going for her seventeenth begged meal of the week whilst staying in her calorie deficit.
We leave her this time like the massive Queen Beg and Scav she is having planning meetings for her 30th birthday party. Fingers crossed she’ll at least clean the dog tit and carrier bags full of old nylon hair choice extensions out of her garden this time if she chooses to have it at home again. Gin bar and angel wings on her drive incoming..
As always, Read the Wiki..
xoxo
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