Jake Quickenden #18 Jake’s an ick, always sick, million bots but still a pri@k

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Jac In The Box

Thanks to our @Philimena cunk for the winning thread title Belter Sums our fake up perfectly

Recap

Since the last thread not a lot has happened because the Ickenden family’s content is

Insta - Jake had his lifetime ambition fulfilled with a sell out gig, Soph had her sell out ITS hen edit and Nanny qvc got her beautiful new smile

Reality - Jake went on a murdering rampage armed with a guitar, innocent gym goers trying to go about their business were witness to the murder of a ‘mysterious girl’ Not one of them mentioned it on their stories, which is understandable because we know they don’t like to overshare


Whilst home he got lots of content of golden child with Purdey A beautiful video he loved so much he shared it over & over for 3 days for more likes of his faithful followers to see it He’s staying with nanny qvc this week which is just as well because in the early hours of Thursday morning he was on his deathbed He couldn’t get out of bed or stop shivering because he’d been struck down with life threatening…..tonsillitis He couldn’t go to work for 2 days so spent that time resting fannying about playing pranks on his mum, promoting her page and ‘closing her curtains’ This resulted in su having a scripted meltdown that her darling Jacob captured on camera and this replaced the Leo4likes video on a loop on his & Su’s page, riveting stuff



Sophie was wetting her pants over ‘the best thing that’s ever happened to her’ she became the face of cheap tat for ITS that was a total flop Two days after launch there was 40% off and now there is up to 60% off A week on and it’s not even mentioned Better get back to those #ads & #affs because I don’t think Gucci will be calling anytime soon



Nanny qvc returned from getting her dodgy dentures done in Turkey only to end up ‘stoned’ on some cannabis chocolate she had been #gifted and then suffered a breakdown because her ‘show curtains’ got closed. To top it off she’s had to pander to her needy son’s every whim Poor woman has had the week from hell



Big brave soldier Jake decided the show must go on & returned to work on Saturday as his darling mum & Matt would be in the audience to keep him going

The turkey teef trio (thanks to @Twinkal86 for that)


On Sunday he was back in the bosom of his family and poor Leo was unwell (cold, sore nose & cutting teeth) so daddy of the year wrapped him up snug in bed to help him get better Wait a minute Sorry Daddy & Mummy took them to a park to play with just t-shirts on whilst everyone else was wrapped up in jackets then stripped him off to sit in the garden naked playing with a bubblemachine
C.U.N.T.S



Fake & Lord Farquaad then got dolled up & went to Essex zelebrity haunt Sheesh where fake ate lots of soft, bland foods that wouldn’t irritate his sore throat

Bank holiday Monday was a lovely family day at the farm where the focus as always was on Leo4likes and Forgotten Fred was ridiculed by Prickenden Roll on the day either Fred or his Dad knock this dick out

Can’t wait for more manic fake, Lord Farquaad of kingdom aff and soapy su content this week Yayyy

Carry on tattlers, if you haven’t lost the will to live with this boring shit
 
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Reactions: 47

kirsth8s

Great recap as always Jac!
 
Reactions: 8

al255

Brilliant recap Jac, thank you once again x

I’m still howling at the Turkey Teef Trio
 
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C

ChloBo_81

al255 said:
Brilliant recap Jac, thank you once again x

I’m still howling at the Turkey Teef Trio
Click to expand...
Jake would look so much better if he had his Turkey teef replaced with smaller veneers- they're far too big for his gob
 
Reactions: 11

PrincessJeanie

Another brilliant recap Jac Considering how shit their content has been, you’ve almost made them sound interesting
 
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J

JustMetotoday

ChloBo_81 said:
Jake would look so much better if he had his Turkey teef replaced with smaller veneers- they're far too big for his gob
Click to expand...
Given his teeth are his trademark (I mean who would want to kiss him with those unless you were fans hungry yourself!?) I doubt he’d get them done. Shows you get what you pay for as good veneers in the uk are out of his and his mums budget.
 
Reactions: 12

Katewinsletsknee

Take a Bow
 
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Philimena cunk

Wow...My first thread title, and on my favourite cunts page!! (Double exclamation marks like you know who).....
Mwah, Mwah...
 
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M

mollyann

So he’s feeling overwhelmed um roll on his dad brother and all the other crap he comes up with.Bet his roomies telling him not to film His inability to secure work and the ten holidays booked for the wedding of the year are coming into reality.Sophie bombed big time and was embarrassing to see her crap clothing discounted to half price after four days .Also great recap
 
Reactions: 11

Rob2401

Lol this great !! You always do the best recaps.
we were all laughing the other week about “what hasn’t Jake posted “‘he’s even posted while on the loo… we’ll flash forward a week and we have a pic of the whole inside of his mouth. Look closely enough and you can see the shit trying to escape ….

ASAnigel said:
View attachment 1241523View attachment 1241525View attachment 1241526View attachment 1241527

This gave me a bit of a laugh this morning - naughty Jake.
Click to expand...
Hes such a cunt. Always knows better and thinks he’s above it all. He reallyreally doesn’t wanna continue down this Path because once his instas yanked where is he gonna get free money from ? I mean what do ya expect him to do WORK? Oh no no no..
Imagine the meltdown if they nuked his insta lol
 
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PrincessJeanie

Yet again back at ‘work’ and already looking for his narrative for this week Lucky for him he has time to go to yoga, meditate, gym, etc….most people holding down jobs are working full time so don’t get the opportunity Also I agree that he’s panicking as it doesn’t look like he’s got anything worthwhile lined up career wise. They were probably relying on her getting a contract with ITS which looks highly unlikely after the ‘success’ of her edit Will be interesting to watch him self implode in the coming months if no work materialises for him after the tour.
 
Reactions: 14

bargainhunt99

Nailed it once more
 
Reactions: 6

PrincessJeanie

Sophie apologising to us ‘guys’ for not being on instagram more You would have thought after the failure of her hen edit, she’d be a bit more humble but oh no still thinks everybody wants everything she has. ‘I found a curler for you guys’. No thanks Sophie I’ll use Google if I want to find something, not take the advice of a wannabe influencer So she is filming ‘content’ today. Get ready for the barrage of aff links on her stories as she’s got no other income and a lot to pay for this year
 
Reactions: 14
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