Jack Monroe #99 Great Eggspectations

[GoLando]

Would love to know who’s in the “US election buddies” What’s App group - given the time difference and the gravity of the situation, I’m not sure how many people would have fallen asleep by 3am our time.

They’ve set up a side chat without her.

 

[Mycuppatea]

Started to write out a big bit on how retailers assume ur gender but like everything with her it’s just such a huge lie there’s absolutely no point. Largely it’s based upon purchase history, eg you buy men’s pants so you’re a bloke. It’s flawed as women tend to buy for the home. Most big retailers use Experian data so know a creepy amount about you, but yes ofc the ultimate boomer Jack thinks it’s just one gender obsessed ninny manually inputting each customer’s ID, assuming that DR JACK MONROE must be a traaaazer wearing BLOKE!

I believe the rule is that ladies can't go to university, so it explains the confusion. (I know I always assume people with names like Jack, Gerald, David etc are ladies and only if they have a title like Professor or Doctor do I start to wonder if they are really a man.) That "whiff of academia" in universities makes ladies faint. The one exception is sometimes a lady can become a lady doctor but only if she swears never to wear traaaazers and only to prescribe lipstick, not nasty manly things like medications.

 

[colouredlines]

I hate it's okay not to be okay. Yes, we all have difficult feelings (not feels, Jack you cunt - further proof that she only exists on the internet), but we really shouldn't indulge them and spend all day unwashed and in bed.

Anyone who's suffered depression knows it can be a vicious circle: you don't want to do anything, so you don't do the things that normally make you feel better, and you feel worse.

Looking after your mental health doesn't mean going "I feel like shit, and that's okay! No more showers for me!" It means going "I feel like shit, I don't like feeling like shit, how can I stop feeling like shit? Maybe eat a depressipe?"

Fuck off Jack.

 

[Silver Linings]

I’ve gone back and forth over whether to post this as it seems i’m more concerned than she is about their privacy.

 

[kachoochoo]

the tldr is something along the lines of

- she had a surprisingly drama free Halloween/full moon

- she's resurrected #letdownlarder. the top answer is still "bung it in a curry"

- the portrait in the attic is aging terribly what with all the filters

- she stood on her dining room table to photograph her asda shop

- continues to send out contradictory messages re lockdown

- had The Fam for dinner. misty-eyed that she may not see daddy wearing his medals for the queens speech on xmas day

- is starting to tick stuff off my List

Spoiler: Jack's Coming Soons

£15 a week lunches
£20 shops as a whole
35 recipes from a £20 shop, pick your fave
advent calendar
aged chicken thigh bone stock
BLM video monetization donation
Camp Kitchen from the shed
chicken livers
Christmas recipes for some reason
comic filter security
David Walliams book reviews
dauphinoise pie apparently
depressipes
detailed blog on nutrition
devilled eggs recipe - completed it, mate
gailymail
handing over her platform to poc
healthy on a bootstrap
history of York road market
kombucha whisky
lever arch files of fan mail
links to small businesses
lockdown larder
militant boiled eggs
onion chopping song
ouchy mouth recipes
patreon update
pistachio milk
postcards, postcards, postcards
poverty memoir
puttanesca soup
recipes for small people
red ephemera soup recipe
running around in heels with a Tall Man
sausage and kale slop
Secret Ingredient
setting her teenage musings to music
shopping trolley
sideboard photos
sleep hygiene routine
some kind of timetable for SB in lockdown
super secret shopping trip hack
supper nanny
thrifty shades of beige
tomato soup water content
translation of a Greek Cypriot cookbook
vegan crackling


/SPOILER]

 

[Alansbigplate]

Is this... part of a bizarre courtship ritual via Twitter to try and get Louisa’s attention


Anyway, I should make an introduction. Not just keep posting ASSUMING you all know about my BODY OF WORK.

I’ve been a longtime lurker, based in a time zone that’s pretty much opposite England

I had forgotten I’d even followed JM on Twitter until the JO chaos pile on, and then looked into some tweets further, did some googling and found my way here. I couldn’t believe she was still talking about poverty as if she was *still personally* deep in the throes of it.

I unfollowed on Twitter and became engrossed in this delightful forum of fellow frauen. I’ve spent many late nights with terrible sleep patterns scrolling these pages having to stifle laughter so I don’t wake up my fiancé.

I’ve had many personal brushes with “not being OK” and her rhetoric and, well, branding of it is infuriating.

To think that she’s capitalising off her poverty cosplay and taking $ from those who ARE IN GENUINE MATERIAL DEPRIVATION really boils my piss.

And even though I’m located on the other side of the world, I know that poverty in England today is magnitudes more difficult and widespread than her brief experience in quite different circumstances.

Re the question of when she might be found out, I think she’s small and irrelevant enough to mostly fly under the radar, and if anyone was slightly inclined, she’s got that slight risk factor for suing.

Anyway, hope this wasn’t TOO SHORT.

Can I have a SANDWICH AND A PISS now?

Welcome take a seat

Don’t feel lost

 

[colouredlines]

"weighty wistful whirls of whimsy"

You're not good at this, Jack. Please stop.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Jack is it OK to put croutons in my soup? Pwease answer I am a giant baby.

 

[JoyceDivision]

The proof is in the......grapes

 

[Harrybosch]

This is a huge amount of mixing!!! Fucks sake!!!! No wonder we’re in the shit we’re in. I normally hate pointing the finger at other people because I think we’ve been let down appallingly by the failure to act in the very early days and it’s what the government wants us all in-fighting...but how on earth can she interpret this four week lockdown to mean they can go to all those different places?!

I'm glad someone said it. The rules aren't actually complicated at all. They just make allowances to help people operate. If at all possible, stay at home, just leave the house for essentials and exercise, dont meet up with anyone outside your household. If you live alone/are a single parent, bubble up with one other household.

Yes, strictly speaking you CAN meet a different person every single day outdoors 2m apart for exercise, but it doesn't mean you should. You can have people provide childcare, but if you are working from home and your child is 10, I don't think there is any need. The only people I know in my circle of friends who have childcare sorted during lockdown are medical doctors, a night porter and supermarket staff, I.e key workers who have no choice but to work long hours away from home.

Fuck, her post fucking triggers me. The virus is rampant. I've been so, so careful and I caught it (off my kids). I had close contact (all within rules) the day before I developed symptoms with two people. I was so worried I had passed it onto them. (Thankfully I didn't, possibly wasn't contagious yet or because I didn't see them for very long). Just stay at home for four weeks, get fresh air and exercise safely. The guidelines aren't designed for people to work out how much they can get away with.

 

[ScamSandwich]

JACK, Hello! This is not bullying. You are a sack of lies and we don't want you to rip of poor people. Change your game, become a decent person and we will disappear. We ALL came here because we felt that something about you was very very off. And we got proof.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Harvested all of that big dick energy and you used it, didn’t you?

 

[HarderFaster]

“People are gross” (classist fucking cow) yet she was happy to get the train the other day when it served her.

The virus didn’t set a date for its resurgence, Jack, it never went away. You’re just performing concern so you get to show off your (frankly mediocre) handwriting again. And that is too many people to bubble with. Sorry to be like some jobsworth prefect but however you spin it, it is.

Honestly, if I sent a tweet while even a minute late for a deadline my boss would be straight up my arse asking where it was. Jack is doing pointless colouring in while she owes not only her publisher the poverty tome but a few hundred postcards to her Patreons... she’s brazen. Her lack of shame borders on sociopathic.

 

[Satisfying Click]

She knew and was totally complicit. Jack does all this nonsense in public and there’s no way she doesn’t know. She’s absolutely as bad as her.

Yeah, I started out feeling sorry for her, then realised they are made for one another
- Cackling like schoolgirls on hiding JO's books behind Jack's in a bookstore
- Allegedly feeding Jack confidential info from work (a la Marcus Rashford's MBE before the embargo lifted)
- She will know about Jack's Patreon & tip jar, whilst being at the head of programmes lifting the lid on poverty in the UK

 

[PunkyMonkey]

Have we seen this?

 

[FeelingGroovy]

She worked 300 hours the next week to make up for it. Now fuck off!

she is the living example of the four Yorkshire Men sketch

“I get up before I go to bed, scrape the road clean wi’us fingernails, work 25 hours down t’twitter and when we get to us rented home, father puts ‘is medals on t’watch the queen whilst I claw t’floor and wail”

 

[HarderFaster]

Good God, she’s SO embarrassing. Is this half-arsed commentary on the most talked-about political event of the year supposed to shore up her claim that she’s deeply invested in global politics?

I don’t recall hearing a peep from her in January, when the female Taiwanese president was up against a populist candidate in the pocket of China? Or maybe the Polish presidential election later on in the year? She hasn’t mentioned the ongoing, amazing protests that Polish women are currently undertaking for autonomy over their reproductive choices, either (I actually suspect she’s a quiet pro-lifer but that’s one for another time).

Interest in global politics extends far beyond fucking Trump and Biden. This is like when my mum claims to love tennis because she watches a fortnight of Wimbledon.

She is the most shallow and self-absorbed person to ever call themselves an activist.

Also just to add the obligatory “lol” at her utterly shite lockdown larder suggestions and the Patreon bully post.

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

She’s now copying the internet out.
SEND OUT YOUR FUCKING POSTCARDS!!

 

[Alansbigplate]

Lol how she thinks her sixth form homework style notes make her this zinger of a political commentator

 

[_blank_]

Short time lurker, remember her blog from my uni days of being flat broke when she first became big. I was curious following her name popping up in news (I’m not from the UK) and decided to dig deeper because the tweets were bizarre.

Originally I was going to lurk, but the comment about public transport triggered me. There is nothing wrong with not driving, not having a car, only being able to afford or even preference public transport. Surely someone with background in ‘poverty’ (sorry forgot she is crying poor) would write this. Absolutely disgusting.