Jack Monroe #76 £300 mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the poorest of us all?

[Formal Chicken]

She claims to have been a trainee pharmacist back in the day, so I think it's already on the list!

No such as a trainee pharmacist! You need to go to university for a degree then sit professional exams before you can call yourself one. You can work in a pharmacy but you would be a dispenser/technician.

me and my sad facts will fuck off now, thanks Matt very Matt much

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

Anyone else thinking she's made one of her many LISTS full of things discussed on here so she can address or 'debunk' (ie make up an excuse for) casually on Twatter? In the past few days alone we've had the prince Harry thing, the vets, the furniture buying...

If that is the case, and hi Jack then could you answer me this hun? Why do you feed your son the shit I wouldn’t feed any animal yet regularly get Ocado orders delivered to you? Why do you over share about your son? You do realise you’re depriving your son of nutrients that are essential for development at his age due to the fact you’re a narcissist and using your son as a prop? ANSWER ME THAT TWAT MCTWATFACE. Now fuck off babes xoxo

 

[instacharlie]

Where was all her outrage, hysterics and shaky fist antics 6 months ago when this was all happening first time round??

Oh, yeah, she was lining up book launches, tv gigs, the Helmann's thing, etc. Most of us have had this concern for other people on our minds for months now. She is a little too late for the party for anyone to give a shit what she thinks.

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

As long as she doesn't photograph herself cupping a bowl of any of that shite.
I find her hands incredibly upsetting.
They look like they've had a 'previous owner' who wasn't particularly careful with them.

 

[PoorPatrol]

Cooper has met the only mice on earth that don’t shit themselves and run away at the first sign of danger... maybe they’re from Mars?

What Jack considered well groomed

 

[crystaleyesd]

I wonder if the family of field mice feel the same way about Cooper as Jackie feels about estate agents? Just fuckin move, lads.

 

[I steal names]

Remember that story about the woman in America who lobbed her husband's knob off?

 

[Ellabella]

Wasn't it only a couple of weeks ago she was inhaling jars of Biscoff and creating new varieties of custard creams?

Yes but she's deleted that tweet now. Still got this evidence though

 

[I’MBUSY!]

Hehehehehehe. She says that SB may be “developing an enthusiasm for cookery”.

Slow your roll, Jackie; isn’t that Buddy Oliver’s “niche”.

 

[Harrybosch]

The absolute gall of her pretending that she grew up poor. Laughable. Get her dad on here to clarify. David, were you hitch-hiking to your well-paid job because there was a leak at one of the properties your dad left you, or just for shits and giggles?

The ex who constantly corrected her was definitely Allegra. That's what you get as a trade off for choosing a millionaire mummy figure, init. I'd have run with it, were I Jack: she'll never do better and she really does know fuck all.

My dad had to go to a neighbours house to shower and shave before work, because we had no running water.

Or, as the real story goes, we once had some water issue as a one off, and my dad had an important meeting to go to, so he went round with his towel and shaver to the neighbours who kindly let him have a shower and get ready for work.

I bet there is a tiny kernel of truth to her story, but of course her dad didn't regularly hitch to work. What a load of nonsense.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Hi all, I’ve been lurking for a while after grunkaing most of the DKL threads early in August, and the famous thread #31. In fact I lurk every day now, you’re all so fucking entertaining and have given me distraction when I’ve needed it most recently. Finally made an account I want to post under as it feels anonymous enough - I can’t remember who it was in a recent thread who suggested this username and I really hope you don’t mind me using it, but thank you for it very Matt much. I love it.

Anyway, just wanted to introduce myself, as you were fraus xo

It was me and you’re giving me liiiiife

 

[Toffee finger]

View attachment 250846View attachment 250849
funny the things you make up.

She would have been 9 when Princess Di died. What 9 year old is squirrelling away tips on how to find out who has sold gossip about you?!

 

[PoorPatrol]

Brenda no, no, nooooo!!! Those are ACTUAL dicks!! You’ve made penis casserole you ninny, you should’ve gone to specsavers

 

[xoxo]

I cannot stop thinking about Brenda’s foreskin sausages.

 

[Switchstreetz]

Wtf is this View attachment 250974

I believe fortnums call that colour...

L'essence de cheval

I have a feeling that Brenda’s dick sausages will be in my nightmares tonight

Guess im in for an interesting grunka

 

[Montrachet]

Jackie all over twitter mocking the made up word 'mum-ual' days after making up the word 'frugalong'

Unbelievable isn't it, coming from 'Lingreenie' herself. Anyway, more importantly, a warm welcome to @Traazers from all the bullying ninnies. You a bird?

 

[Silver Linings]

Stellar recap! Even more stellerier than the last.

Meanwhile Jack is still twatting on about colours and is glad her ‘branding’ a few years ago was close to Tiffany blue.

Ken Loach needs to make this film immediately. A poor urchin and her quest to make sure luxury brands are coloured correctly.

Oh and an ex used to correct her on everything. Okely dokely.

Sod it.

Off I scamper.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Correct me if I’m wrong fraus, however wouldn’t it have been more beneficial for her to do like a homemade pizza?

So when Covid first hit, you may all remember I did some volunteering in a food bank. And as part of that we put together a pack for adults and children with a ‘create your own pizza’. A fun activity where parents can spend time with their children creating their own pizza and putting toppings on and having a chat over what’s the best flavours. They went down a treat, the feedback was great and it cost on average about £1.50 per pack and that was with juice cartons for children - all using donations from the local supermarkets. We’d put the cheese and tomato and pepperoni and ham in little containers for them to do it themselves and some pizza dough.

Now considering the fact JM apparently spends her evenings with her son, wouldn’t it be great for him to have an input on the foods he eats, coupled with some time with Mama and discussion. Oh and something that isn’t a bake or slop?! This sort of thing would be great to go to her jackolytes with, but I think it requires far too much brainpower for her.

She can’t because she can’t use that #gifted pizza oven because she’s lost the use of her hands since she carried it all the way to her friend’s house that time

 

[Tabitha D]

Funny that someone on here made a reference to Beatrix Potter and suddenly we have a well-groomed fox in the house, to go with the little mouse family living in the brambles. Coincidence?

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

Correct me if I’m wrong fraus, however wouldn’t it have been more beneficial for her to do like a homemade pizza?

So when Covid first hit, you may all remember I did some volunteering in a food bank. And as part of that we put together a pack for adults and children with a ‘create your own pizza’. A fun activity where parents can spend time with their children creating their own pizza and putting toppings on and having a chat over what’s the best flavours. They went down a treat, the feedback was great and it cost on average about £1.50 per pack and that was with juice cartons for children - all using donations from the local supermarkets. We’d put the cheese and tomato and pepperoni and ham in little containers for them to do it themselves and some pizza dough.

Now considering the fact JM apparently spends her evenings with her son, wouldn’t it be great for him to have an input on the foods he eats, coupled with some time with Mama and discussion. Oh and something that isn’t a bake or slop?! This sort of thing would be great to go to her jackolytes with, but I think it requires far too much brainpower for her.