Jack Monroe #76 £300 mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the poorest of us all?

[colouredlines]

3 points on that recipe:

1) 5 a day portions are indeed 80g, not 70. It's also very odd for a writer to specify 210g onion or carrots without clarifying that for people who don't own kitchen scales (the poor?). 1 large onion (approx 200g) for example.

2) She tells us to give the carrots a good gentle scrub. Is this Jack's fastest contradiction ever? It's a contradiction in just 11 characters!

3) She waxes lyrical about how she's a greedy goblin who loves salt. Jack you lying toad, you literally did not use salt ever until Allegra introduced you to it. You have made BREAD without salt in the past. You have no palate in that ouchy mouth of yours.

 

[lilamay]

Aha so after following Spencer Matthews (CEO of the Clean Liquor Company and Eden Rocks Diamonds, as well as brother to Pippa Middleton's husband), she's now following several of the Made in Chelsea cast. She really does want to mingle among the rich and famous doesn't she?

 

[HarderFaster]

I just thought the same, after reading that little snippet. Equally as humourless and miserable as her dad. The way he talks about fostering, you don’t get a sense of love and care, it’s that same thing that Jack does - INSISTS on being so kind and helpful, but with a constant touch of bitterness about the personal cost. I totally agree that foster carers should be paid really well but those children need way more than a roof over their heads, they need to feel secure, wanted, and loved. Sounds like he begrudges being a foster carer and it’s all just such hard work - nobody’s forcing you mate!! I’m sensing that theme of wanging on about begrudging their self-imposed public duty. Army, fire service, fostering. Not in a quiet, unassuming, just gets on with it type of way - it all has to be publicly droned on about. It is actually quite astonishing how many interviews there are with her dad, and they all circle around in the same fashion. Ostensibly talking about improving foster caring, but somehow talking about him and his achievements at great length. The Apple really didn’t fall far from the tree, did it?

God now you mention it, yes, all the things he's interviewed in really do have that vibe. Woe is me, I only have 5 bedrooms and 7 seats in my car, I should have been given more money for taking in these loathsome urchins.

I think Jack has inherited the worst traits from both parents and none of the good. Like her mum seems really sweet (Jack could never) but quite fragile and ill (cue Jack appropriating every illness known to man), whereas her dad obviously has a strong work ethic but is a bit of a moaner and a shameless self-promoter (gunning for a restaurant and kombucha business after one batch, are we?).

Feel a bit bad saying that about her parents really but it's all public info

 

[Imainlylurk]

She’s put her politics hat on, Fraus. View attachment 252041
The top one is like a shit poem. I’m sharing because how can she talk about ethics when SB’s body is rebelling against the shit she’s feeding him just for twitter content. Twat.

ETA - Welcome @Traazers
View attachment 252058

View attachment 252051
<Christopher Walken in a turban saying ‘yawn’ gif>

Half of this is wrong. Fucks sake, it's scaremongering. You've been able to have your partner in established labour since the beginning of lockdown, although not on the postnatal ward which is tough. Pubs are sit down service only. Funerals can have 28 people, weddings 15. She's so ill informed it's embarrassing.

Also why does she keep having a go at restaurants being supported? It's so strange for someone who's worked in that industry. She must know how many ordinary people are employed in even the Michelin star places.

 

[LavaFlake]

Guys let's be reasonable. He was probably hitchhiking every day to work so he could squirrel money away for all of the ballet lessons, the £4k Omega seamaster watch and the Land Rover road tax. A true working class hero x

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

This article was written in 2006 and says Jack's parents started fostering 14 years previously (so around 1992) - and when they made the decision to foster (early '90s) they spent £30k on an extension to turn their house into a five bedroom. This means Jack's lived literally her whole childhood in a 5 bedroom house, directly contradicting her account of it as reported by @traumatised sideboard. https://www.communitycare.co.uk/2006/03/09/the-great-foster-care-divide/

LOVE THE RECEIPTS! £30k in the nineties is a looooot of money now. Oh Jackie what a shame your dad did the media bits before you could

 

[blurstoftimes]

NEVER. I will never return to the corn-milk pan. You won't even be able to drag my cold, dead body to return me to that wretched corn-milk pan.

 

[crystaleyesd]

Oh my fucking god Brenda, there aren't supposed to be in that recipe!!

 

[Fitnessqueen]

Did we ever find out the allegedly sinister family protection reasons for the cartoon filter? According to her 14th September FB post she was going to talk properly about them “later”?

 

[I’MBUSY!]

How does she have the nerve to tag that “healthy” when she’s using those god awful “sausages”??
Also, she’s still got the 5-a-day portions wrong. I’m sure it’s 80g not 70g.

80g, you’re right. Maybe when she says 70g she means 80g. In the same way that when she mentions living wage, she really means living wage+dividends+freebies+tax deductibles.

 

[MooBelle]

Has anyone checked in on Brenda? I've a suspicion she rang in sick this morning.....

 

[Veronicaaa]

View attachment 250846

Oh so that's her reason for telling outrageous lies! Hey Jack it doesn't work if you share them with your 280k twitter followers, or broadcast them to the world on podcasts!

 

[PoorPatrol]

Her dad is in the media a lot, isn't he?! Like both in his capacity as a firefighter and a foster carer. He's definitely got an appetite for it, plenty of people have significant professional and community roles and you never hear a peep about them.

Apple hasn't fallen far from the tree on the attention seeking, I suppose.

I just thought the same, after reading that little snippet. Equally as humourless and miserable as her dad. The way he talks about fostering, you don’t get a sense of love and care, it’s that same thing that Jack does - INSISTS on being so kind and helpful, but with a constant touch of bitterness about the personal cost. I totally agree that foster carers should be paid really well but those children need way more than a roof over their heads, they need to feel secure, wanted, and loved. Sounds like he begrudges being a foster carer and it’s all just such hard work - nobody’s forcing you mate!! I’m sensing that theme of wanging on about begrudging their self-imposed public duty. Army, fire service, fostering. Not in a quiet, unassuming, just gets on with it type of way - it all has to be publicly droned on about. It is actually quite astonishing how many interviews there are with her dad, and they all circle around in the same fashion. Ostensibly talking about improving foster caring, but somehow talking about him and his achievements at great length. The Apple really didn’t fall far from the tree, did it?

 

[MrsOgre]

How long until she does a chaos like her good pal Captain America and 'accidentally' tweets a nude?

View attachment 250971

Wtf is this

 

[I steal names]

Wonderful recap, thanks @Pocahontas! I have yo solemnly swear I won't spend as much time scrolling Tattle today. But the return of ouchy mouth doesn't bode well for this. Have a break, Jack.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Compare the JM she presents in this recipe, to this one ie current beggy pov (I don't 'av any oil apart from lard, guv) vs experienced food writer ("use the best oil you have") (content warning for picture that looks like innards):

Jack Monroe's Lockdown Larder: How to make deliciously comforting polenta mash

Here's what to do with that bag of polenta in the back of your cupboard.

metro.co.uk

Also, is polenta not actually pretty cheap? So a hell of a lot easier and probably healthier than all this faff blending sweetcorn with instant mash? Like just buy a bag of polenta and be done with it?

I have never tried instant mash. Potatoes are nutritious, versatile, tasty, and easy to cook.

I was just thinking about the recipes on her website, and the way in which she actually ~complicates~ really basic meals, adds tons more ingredients than is necessary, and makes them even ~less~ accessible for her target market (people who don't have much experience in cooking and/or are cooking on a budget). I make a sausage and lentil one-pot dish occasionally that's just onions/garlic/stock/lentils/sometimes tinned tomatoes/and whatever veg I've got (be they fresh or jarred or frozen). It's completely uncomplicated, barely any stages to it, and it doesn't require bisto gravy or instant mash or whatever synthetic non-food she seems to think people in poverty exist on. There's a variation on the recipe which uses tinned or dried beans instead of lentils (but obviously not baked beans). If you've got sausages, mash and baked beans OR gravy (not both at once) that's clearly a meal in itself.

 

[Pocahontas]

Brenda didn’t bake her sausages, did she.

 

[Falkor]

Just had a mini-Grunka - I cannot read the name Brenda without immediately thinking of this:





Jack Monroe #77 Brenda's Beaver Needs A Sausage

 

[Veronicaaa]

The fox ate it.

The postman sniffed it.

 

[catsandhat]

I'm another lurking newbie enjoying the hilarious summaries and the cabal's wit!

Happy to have reached the end, now I'm off to have a piss and a sandwich and get back to writing my novel (The Biscuit Tin in the Bedroom), we all know the Book Deadline is pretty soon.