Jack Monroe #76 £300 mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the poorest of us all?

[Icing _on_ the_cake]

Was it not only last week* that you were telling us that your son is your infallible alarm clock? When he comes into your bedroom every morning for a cuddle to start the day?

I’m not against bacon rolls, or in fact cuddles. But I’m against your nonsense.

*I know, I know - this is NOW

How does she manage to make a bacon bagel look so crap?

 

[busylass]

Except for all those private letters of apology she is apparently always writing. Samantha Cameron got one, so did Jamie Oliver. Countless others I’m sure.

If I was having to keep writing letters of apology then I'd take a long look at my behaviour. But then I'm not JM.

 

[JoyceDivision]

Ooh I wonder what JM would see if she looked into the Mirror of Erised, revealing her true heart's desire?

TRAAZERS! ON A BIRD!

 

[Alansbigplate]

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Give it a rest, Jack. Bloody hell. She’s revelling in this cheap meat shtick.

Ethical food book

 

[Lanie]

If a hedgehog pops out of her washing machine. I think I will pop due to cringing so hard.

 

[Icing _on_ the_cake]

On the restrictions, they aren't as non-sensical if you think about it.

A children's birthday party of 30 people - even outside - is likely to involve far more close, personal interaction than a grouse shoot on a moor (not advocating grouse shooting, just pointing out it's not a close contact sport.)

Similarly, at a wedding people are more likely to mingle with everyone there. The occasion usually involves hugs and dancing, even well intentioned people may let their guard down in the moment. However, if you go to a pub for a meal, you aren't going around and greeting everyone there.

The pubs are probably at their worst when people have drunk too much as reasoning breaks down, so a curfew that stops friday and saturday night drinking is not a bad idea (especially as getting wasted also puts pressure on health services.)

So the rules may seem a bit silly (the pub isn't guaranteed covid free at 9:59pm and a covid hell hole at 10pm), it's just a case of identifying which occasions, activities and places provide the best environments for covid to spread and limiting them.

Whether this will be enough, I don't know, but if you think about it you can understand what the reasoning is.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

In the words of Matt 'very much' Matt: Terrible.

 

[OhhBacon]

Just when you think Jack’s recipes can’t look any worse. Brenda rocks up and shows that they can!
Why oh why would you photograph that and share it...seriously Jack look what you are responsible for.

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

Guys, not to alarm you or anything but on the programme I‘m watching they just said....

HAUSFRAU!!

I am beside myself, hooting, I’ve never heard it used in real life before!

 

[blurstoftimes]

I was just thinking about the recipes on her website, and the way in which she actually ~complicates~ really basic meals, adds tons more ingredients than is necessary, and makes them even ~less~ accessible for her target market (people who don't have much experience in cooking and/or are cooking on a budget). I make a sausage and lentil one-pot dish occasionally that's just onions/garlic/stock/lentils/sometimes tinned tomatoes/and whatever veg I've got (be they fresh or jarred or frozen). It's completely uncomplicated, barely any stages to it, and it doesn't require bisto gravy or instant mash or whatever synthetic non-food she seems to think people in poverty exist on. There's a variation on the recipe which uses tinned or dried beans instead of lentils (but obviously not baked beans). If you've got sausages, mash and baked beans OR gravy (not both at once) that's clearly a meal in itself.

I cannot stand the way she writes her recipes - especially when she describes say, a pea risotto as a 'pea, onion, garlic and chicken stock risotto'. It doesn't make it sound fancier Jack, it sounds fucking stupid! I let her crap cooking trigger me waaaayy too much but being a popular recipe writer is my dream job and she just totally wastes it.

Found another very telling and eye-roll worthy comment on her blog. A BRUTAL portrayal of her life

 

[blurstoftimes]

Oh Jack, once again I'm stunned by your intellect, like that time you floored us all with your knowledge of mince. Why does it have different fat percentages? Well it just does doesn't it?

Ah, I quite like this Jack logic.

Q. Why does Jack's whiny adenoidal Janet Street Porter voice make me want to rip my own ears off?
A. Well it just does, doesn't it?

Q. How is Jack simultaneously the most incompetent and untalented yet still the most arrogant person in the universe?
A. Well she just is, isn't she?

 

[Alansbigplate]

FUCK OFF!

It makes me smile to think of tattlers popping their head into such an active thread only to find pictures of regurgitated vegetables and people telling each other to fuck off

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Cant quote cross thread on phone so pls see attachment for our brave heart @traumatised sideboard ’s solid work in listening to the podcast.

Not only does it seem wealthy parents failing to intervene in their children’s catastrophic poverty is a family trait where gramps the landlord really let dad hitch hike to work when he had 3 young kids? I would love papa Monroe to teach the fraus his wealth accumulation tactics. Deep dive below.

Let’s say she’s 14 tops when she refers to her secondary school era. You’re telling me in under a decade her dad has managed to acquire the following absolute masses of assets?
* a five bed house (can’t give ETA price cos property is wild init could be £120k could be £300k who fucking knows)
* a Ford Transit for circa £30k
* a Land Rover for circa £30k
* afford holidays back to the motherland for 3 kids and 2 adults, a couple of grand a pop I imagine?
* an extension. Our quotes for a smaller house have been £40-50k, admittedly in 2020 not 2002.

Fuck Martin Lewis tbh seems we’ve got a new Queen of sorting ur cash out in daddy Monroe

 

[PoorPatrol]

Maybe this is why she loves the Bible Belt American Trump moms so much? She was cured of having “lost the use of both hands at 29” can I get a A-MEN! Can I get a hallelujah! In Viv’s name, Lord heal Jackie!

Let her have the use of both hands back to chop vegetables to dust, use a punch bag, and also let her throw away her walking sticks so that she may be able to train for a marathon AMENNNNNN

 

[Alansbigplate]

Bless Brenda and her insipid sausages

To be fair to Jack, Brenda clearly hadn’t followed the instructions. No way have those sausages been in the oven for 40 minutes unless the thing was switched off.

 

[Montrachet]

When first starting to eat or drink ferments, it's a good idea to introduce little amounts at first into your diet. If she's wolfing down tons of her new AF whiskey, she's likely to suffer from bloating and the shits.

I have always maintained that her farts would clear a room. Taking a bowl of Ramen noodles, eggs and mackerel to bed at 2am may have been the final straw for Mrs J, and can't rule out the distinct possibility that her rancid guff could easily have overwhelmed Sophie Ellis Pretzel in a sealed bathroom.

 

[colouredlines]

Has she cleaned her hob yet? I admit to having slatternly tendencies but my kitchen surfaces are pristine and there's only my husband and me to see them (just don't examine the inside of the cupboards too closely). How does she get away with putting her friggin' boggin' fingernails and slop-encrusted cooker on display for her 280k best friends to see?

In the DKL days, people questioned the hygiene of a free-roaming half-maine coon in the kitchen. Polite as ever in her replies, R Jackie announced that she was cleaning her kitchen 12 times a day and her nails once a year.

 

[crystaleyesd]

She's mocking her child's farts now

Jack - YOU FUCKING MADE THIS DISGUSTING FOOD YOU ASSHOLE.

 

[Pocahontas]

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And then this:

 

[LavaFlake]

Remember- she hates trolls.

I hate the way everything is a 'gotcha' moment when she's arguing with someone... helping highlight how clever she is. Whether it's Lara not being on the mailing list or someone's post history. And the way of phrasing the above is so childish. She could have just said it was a bit rich coming from you or whatever.

When she's engaging in Twitter beef she honestly acts like a teenager on there. Except most teenagers today know how to market themselves like it's 2020 on social media. Jack probably still refers to Twitter likes as favourites.