Jack Monroe #570 Delusions of Relevance

[MediumLoad]

'Astonishing' and 'unfathomable' are interchangeable when reacting to Guest's various predicaments.

This is why she is so funny.

At no point has it dawned on the thick duck that telling whoppers on top of fibs is just creating yet more work for her feeble brain to try and collate all these confabulations into some sort of a coherent order so she can continue to grift her way through life.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

I thought I'd repost my own artwork. It's much better than the wonky nipple effort we saw yesterday.

(January 2023)

Me right now:

 

[griftalo]

Lads, if you want homemade pop tarts that look nice and don’t come with sniffing honk. Here ya go!

 

[Foxvint]

I thought I'd repost my own artwork. It's much better than the wonky nipple effort we saw yesterday.

(January 2023)
View attachment 2898535

Me right now:
View attachment 2898536

Surely this is Bill Gates dear heart.

 

[BlendedSlop]

Oh agreed - even before we had visibility of the data breach’s data we had known a huge proportion of the “Nigella cohort” were annuals just as we saw a big incremental step in losses on their anniversary dates. And iirc before the subscriber count was hidden she was pretty close to being back at pre Nigella subscriber numbers so had p much lost all of that gain/good will lol.

But I am genuinely fascinated in how she plans to make things work for her financially going forward. It’s a tough economy and she’s never truly entered the workforce before, she’s in for such a shock.

I honestly think she has no intention of ever working an actual job and is still banking on being kept by a rich partner. Trouble is, she's ageing like milk and the smol vulnerable manic pixie act won't work on prospective sugar mummies/daddies for much longer. Combine this with the fact her unbearable personality sends her lovers running for the hills after an average of 6 months, and it's not looking good for her

 

[StatusWoe]

I can't claim that my two Guest drawings were exact likenesses, but I think her unique personality came through.

 

[MancBee]

And Honey Badger. Her friends call her Honey Badger

I bet her "friends" have plenty of names for her behind her back, not one of them complementary.

 

[BeardyBap]

I bet her "friends" have plenty of names for her behind her back, not one of them complementary.

I’m a “Friends” = Big Dave truther, and I agree.

 

[SleevelessSlopSlinger]

Lads, if you want homemade pop tarts that look nice and don’t come with sniffing honk. Here ya go!

Is that…….a food picture….posted by someone with….clean fingernails?

 

[Candytuft]

I live for how she’s too stupid to realise this ain’t a good thing

Indeed, like Jack of all trades...master of none.
Dimwit.

 

[MavisBeacon]

I suspect that a lot of the Nigella money was annual donations with the discount. We've all seen guest's spending patterns, she would be completely incapable of taking that money and setting aside 11/12ths of it to cover future months. She's got money now, she spends it now. I think it would have been the same with book advances or anything else where she got a big on-off chunk of cash, she wouldn't have considered that money has to last and when you have a precarious and irregular income you need to set money aside for times of scarcity.

That's so obvious from her endless list of "I treat myself to one spenny thing with every book advance" where that one thing is actually multiple things including designer handbags, leather jackets, Burberry overcoats, leather leggings etc etc etc etc etc etc.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I bet her "friends" have plenty of names for her behind her back, not one of them complementary.

They don’t have particularly complimentary names to her face either. The thick Unt’s just too stupid to realize it.

 

[Girty Drifter]

Reckon she needs a hearing check there, ‘unt’ indeed

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

My husband has a few friends who are non-binary and while we don't have kids, I don't think any of them would react well to the suggestion of being called Unt! But then they're not complete idiots like guest, so

 

[SleevelessSlopSlinger]

You can tell nickname Jack is complete horsehit because of the sheer amounts she invents. Groups of mates don’t continuously reinvent nicknames. If, like me, you have the same group of mates you have had since school your nickname will unfortunately be the same one you had when you were 12, no matter how “adult” you all become.

 

[Clovis]

They don’t have particularly complimentary names to her face either. The thick Unt’s just too stupid to realize it.
View attachment 2898657

A cacophony of things do indeed seem to go over guest's head.

 

[griftalo]

I bet her "friends" have plenty of names for her behind her back, not one of them complementary.

If she were a boat, she’d be CuntyMcCuntface
---

Is that…….a food picture….posted by someone with….clean fingernails?

Yes! They have a pleasant to listen to voice also!!
---

Surely this is Bill Gates dear heart.

Thanks for clearing up what my brain was trying to tell me! I couldn’t quite put my finger on who it was.

 

[BeardyBap]

You can tell nickname Jack is complete horsehit because of the sheer amounts she invents. Groups of mates don’t continuously reinvent nicknames. If, like me, you have the same group of mates you have had since school your nickname will unfortunately be the same one you had when you were 12, no matter how “adult” you all become.

Smacks of somebody trying to invent their own and make it stick, doesn’t it?

Spoiler: Nicknames

I know of a kid who told his mates to call him Badger. It’s fifty years later and the whole town is still calling him Squirrel.
And another who insisted on adopting a homophobic slur unfamiliar to him, after bigger boys called him it. It wasn’t until four or five years later after US TV brought it into our common parlance that he realised his error. Try walking that one back (he did manage it).
Just be careful kids, is all I’m saying.

 

[Five hundred dogs]

I honestly think she has no intention of ever working an actual job and is still banking on being kept by a rich partner. Trouble is, she's ageing like milk and the smol vulnerable manic pixie act won't work on prospective sugar mummies/daddies for much longer. Combine this with the fact her unbearable personality sends her lovers running for the hills after an average of 6 months, and it's not looking good for her

100% this. She really blew it with Leggy didn’t she? Leggy was the full package for Jack, money, status and access to a trendy London lifestyle. If she hadn’t been so…herself she could have happily spent her life twatting around as a kept woman doing the kind of pretend “work” the idle partners of rich people do and getting lots of pats on the head for it.

 

[MavisBeacon]

I was most confused by the Perky Blinders thing, which was simultaneously what her 'friends' called her and used as an excuse for her to post a pic of her sticking out her non-consensual boobs (so trans, so dysphoric ) and also a private joke between her and her dad (which she shared on social media with half a million followers and then got snippy when people didn't 'get it')