Jack Monroe #57 1 potato, 2 potato, 3 potato, 4, got the designer gear, need cash for more

[Silver Linings]

Ffs Liz Jones went bankrupt because she’s a snob who buys something branded for £200 when a version exists for £1. Two peas in a miserable pod. Sorry for the off topic.

Sorry, in case it wasn’t obvious but I hate Liz Jones. Her column in the MoS, where she frequently writes about spending money she doesn’t have and all the horrible things people have/done said to her that never quite ring true. Also she’s horrible to shop assistants which is my arsehole test.

What a surprise that Jack likes her and is rooting for her. She just needs Kirstie Allsopp and Julia H-B and she’ll be in the posh club.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

An. Ornament. To. The. Nation.

Well, fuck me sideways. What does this mean and who is this clown?? The work of a top-tier Patreon if ever I saw one.

This ornamentation
To the nation
With Patreon

Music happens to be the food of love
Sounds to really make you rub and scrub
I say

Pass the Patreon the left hand side (I say)
Pass the Patreon the left hand side
It's a good'un, give me cash, make me jump and prance
It's a good'un, give me the dollars, 'cause I'm scamming every chance (Jack knows!)

It was a cool and lonely breezy afternoon
(How does it feel when you've got no food?)
You could feel it 'cause me Nan's gonna be played by June
(How does it feel when you've got no food?)
So I left my gate and went out for a walk
(How does it feel when you've got no food?)
As I pass the tower blocks I heard them say
(How does it feel when you've got no food?)

Pass the Dyson on the left hand side (I say)
Pass the Dyson on the left hand side
It's a good'un, give me the cash, make me jump and prance
It's a good'un, give me the cash, 'cause I'm scamming every chance (Jack knows!)

So I stopped to find out what was going on
(How does it feel when I have no food?)
'Cause the spirit of Jack, you know she leads you on
(How does it feel when I have no food?)
There was a howling dread and a session was there in swing
(How does it feel when I have no food?)
You could smell the chilli as I saw and heard them say
(How does it feel when Jack has no food?)

Pass the sideboard on the left hand side (I say)
Pass the sideboard on the left hand side
It's a good'un, give me the dough, make me jump and prance
It's a good'un, give me the dosh, 'cause I'm scamming every chance (Jack knows!)

'Cause I say listen to my story, I say blend it into paste
Give me lots of money watch me photoshop my waist
I say listen to the blueticks, donate to me with haste
Give me lots of money and I'll buy myself a place

Pass the Emin on the left hand side (I say)
Pass the Emin on the left hand side
It's a good'un, give me cash, make me jump and prance
It's a good'un, give me the dosh, see me scamper every chance (Jack knows!)

You hear me on the radio
And so I say, you're gonna hear me on the stereo
And so I know you're gonna play me in the kitchen, oh
And so I say you're gonna hear me wherever you go (bowl!)

Pass the Lumie on the left hand side (I say)
Pass the Cotswolds on the left hand side
I'm a good'un, give me money, make me squeak and prance
I'm a sad'un, give me the love, 'cause I'm scamming every chance (Jack knows!)

On the left hand side (I say)
On the left hand side (I say)
On the left hand side
(We meet) On the left hand side (say man)
On the left hand side

I say east, say west, say north and south (on the left hand side)
Lack of attention's gonna make me really scream and shout (on the left hand side)
I say east, say west, say north and south (on the left hand side)
Lack of attention's gonna make me really howl and shout

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

She made a big point of how she took her medication during DKL as it was in the morning and explained why she was so hyper on the show

Yeah, that's not how amphetamines work for somebody who has ADHD.

It is, however, how they work for people who don't have ADHD.

 

[Montrachet]

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Err, this isn't an airport, sweetheart - you don't have to announce your departure.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

The thing is before she depicts us as a hateful cabal or jealous haus fraus (which was clearly her eluding to us being jealous of her success/wealth, both of which she conveniently claims not to have now she wants free money):

I'm sure many of us would have nothing to say if she was offering a legitimate Patreon proposition. If she were to offer her subs a (ghastly, ngl) print for £10 a month, signed for £15, cute merch, a hand written recipe for £20 a month, whatever their hearts desire... We'd have nothing to say. And what could we actually say, she's providing goods/services for cash and that's ~business.

What she's actually doing is disgusting. She's whipped them up into a frenzy that she's emotionally & physically on the edge, on the brink of poverty (or has she never left, can't keep up) and that they need to save her ASAP. It's disgusting when you think about how a lot of the country are scraping by, or on the brink of redundancy, and we as a whole are on the brink of a recession!

And on principles, I would literally sell my own knickers on the dark net before I asked anyone else for cash sorry. The fact she's making out like she's some noble steward of fineries lmaooo like fuck me just sell the Emin sketch which single handedly could cover your rent til the end of your contract and move somewhere affordable?! How is life this difficult for her to crack, it's like this ridiculous baby list of things to do in a day, she may as well add 'go to the toilet when you need it'?!!

 

[MarmiteExtract]

Klaxon!
@MarmiteExtract is back and on the grunka of her life!! Missed you, Marmite! Vlad was all primed to send out a search party and you didn’t want THAT

Hello from the past (13 threads behind, to be exact!). I'm in this mystery world of not knowing if gifs are still outlawed, if any members have been banned, if "yes, absolutely x" is still a thing, if Jack has returned for round two... SO much excitement to be had in the next 24 hours of solid Grunka-ing, I'm sure! I've missed the cabal

PS sorry if these sorts of posts are banned now, mods — I'm just excited to be back!

 

[DinosaurSenior]

"it's not an airport, Alison. You don't need to announce your departure"....says Jack, who, less than 2 weeks ago, announced her (predictably short lived) departure from Twitter. Yawn.

 

[HarderFaster]

I think the flippant lies she tells about seeking help for her mental health problems may be one of my most virulent bugbears about Jack.

Need therapy? A trained professional (OR THREE) will be available at the touch of a button. Immediacy guaranteed.

Think you may have ADHD or ASD? No problem, a GP will diagnose you from some very vague complaints and you'll be medicated straight away.

Having a wobble after a break up (during a pandemic)? This is BURNOUT but don't worry, you'll have a GP appointment next day and they will fix it.

Thinking of an impulsive city break? The crisis team who everyone who is feeling depressed or anxious DEFINITELY HAS will absolutely condone that.

Taking meds? You don't need to be consistent, it'll be FINE. And they're a great excuse to be chaotic and/or shite at your job.

The reality of mental healthcare is just... so dire and her representation of the help and care available (to those who cannot pay) is incredibly damaging. Diagnoses for neurological disorders routinely take 1-4 years; access to face-to-face therapy can take a year and is limited to six or eight sessions; doctors throw SSRIs at depression symptoms but there is no proper monitoring in many cases; if you're lucky you'll be put under the care of a crisis team but frequently if you are considered a danger you will be taken into police custody which is incredibly traumatic.

Jack has VERY briefly mentioned that she went private for her ADHD diagnosis and medication (which, incidentally, I believe is doctor shopping for because she should not be so manic on suitable meds) but other than that she's so blasé and deceptive about seeking and receiving help for her MH. It's as damaging all round as empty pleas to "just talk" about MH (when it'll probably end up getting you constructively dismissed or passed over for promotion).

Sorry, that was a bit of a rant but she's just an enormous cock and I can't stand her.

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

She’ll be back by Thursday.

Not to nit pick fellow Frau but you’ve spelt Tuesday wrong.

Do we reckon Jack's friends are just Jack in a different wig, ringing herself from one of her many other phones?
Maybe purple wig is the friend who monitors her Twitter whilst she is off HEALING and DOING A CHAOS?

Curly brown (her natural hair don't cha know) wig is one of her therapists on speed dial?

Nah I’m pretty sure friends is code for Louisa give me attention.

 

[Not Now Bernard]

I work in the hospitality industry and 10 of my friends (all different companies) were made redundant on Friday. This is because the furlough rules changed and employers now have contribute to NI and pensions.

They are all skilled, hardworking individuals and all are devastated. They all strongly suspected it was coming so for the past 4 months have clamped down on spending just in case.

The absolute cheek of Jack getting her begging bowl out whilst she has been on a 4 month spending spree.

I cannot tell you how angry Jack’s behaviour has made me. She is a fraud with no conscience.

And now the poor are saddled with this self appointed twat to speak on their behalf. She can go fuck herself.

 

[lilamay]

She's now on 254 patrons. Even if all of those are on the lowest membership level, that's still going to bring in £9,311.64 a year. So we can safely round that up to 10k. For doing sweet F ALL.

This is not what Patreon was originally set up to be used for. She's completely exploiting the system. 'A general feeling of wellbeing' should not even be permitted as a membership level. What she's doing may not be illegal but it's utterly immoral.

 

[MancBee]

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Why is this on twitter?! (It’s her Mum) But now we all know she’s going to the docs. Intrusive yet?

She has done her homework finding out what the symptoms of burnout are. She needed all that info to ensure she doesn't trip herself up. I hope her acting skills are better than her presenting skills.

As an aside, aren't most doctors carrying out their consultations via phone/zoom/teams? I know that mine are, as I have had many over the past few weeks. My hospital consultants have contacted me via phone to eliminate the need to attend as well. Even my follow up post operative cancer appointments have been via zoom........But then again, I can not possibly be as in need as Jackie for an in person consultation. The fucking nerve of THAT WOMAN insisting on a face to face appointment with an overworked doctor, putting others at risk during a pandemic!

I know I don't have to announce my departure.................but I want to. I am off to bed, so I will NOW FUCK OFF.

 

[Anonymous One]

View attachment 199703

*Nigella makes something*: this sumptuous dish is reminiscent of my childhood holidays in the Sicilian countryside. It evokes such pleasure. You should never feel guilty for pleasure.

Narrator: now it’s over to Jack Monroe to suck all the joy out of the dish.

Jack: oh nigella you should always feel guilty for pleasure. Am I doing a good job? I know I’m terrible on tv aren’t I?

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Jack Monroe #58 Jack be frugal. Jack! Delete, quick! Jack, whatever happened to your walking stick?

 

[MancBee]

View attachment 200423View attachment 200424View attachment 200425View attachment 200426

She hasn't written anything in months before "potatoes "
I thought she had the manuscript for her new autobiography and politcal comment on poverty ready to hand in! Another load of inconsistent lies. Which is it, not written anything, or a book completed ready for print.

 

[DizzyTilly]

I can't keep up with you all but I'm still reading when I can and wanted to give you all a hug. I so want to be your friends in real life - yes I know how pathetic that sounds but you're all strong, kind, clever, witty and funny and really bloody likeable people

Without hi-Jacking (snork) or triangulating () I work with SEND kids and the amount of bias there is against my kids because of fucking idiots like JM that blame them being a cunt on having ADHD or ASC is ridiculous and completely unfair. When I tell people where I work they immediately say "oh the naughty school" - my kids are some of the most caring young people you can meet (once you get past the initial introductions and prove yourself to them) and people write them off because they're "damaged" or "special" - they're not damaged, they need love but you're damn right they're special, I love them all and would defend them with the burning of a thousand suns (snork) but dickheads blaming their dickheadness on "medical issues" is setting the understanding we work so hard to achieve, back years and reiterating the idea that people who have these conditions are horrible, awful people. Being autistic or having ADHD/PDA/ODD/etc does not make you cruel, unkind, selfish or unfeeling. She's so utterly damaging to everyone and everything. I'm so hoping this is the beginning of people waking up to her, but at the same time I so hope she has got people around her who will look after her when the inevitable happens because no matter what she's done, she's still a human being and I believe in warmth, empathy and compassion towards everyone - even those who might not deserve it at that time. Kill them with kindness is my motto (as well as put your big girl knickers on and get on with it but that's not quite as fitting in this scenario)

Sorry for the rant, as you all were xx

 

[Sylviasmother]

Newbie. Hi. Angry newbie actually. I believed all her nonsense for quite a while. Even bought postcards. Feel like I've fallen for a timeshare con. Helping people? Does she realise how charity works? You help people for NOTHING. People feed the homeless and in need around here week in and week out from donations and their own time. They don't strop about it on Twitter. They have an, I dunno, JOB that pays for their own food. And they wouldn't be stubborn and narcissistic enough to let their own children have neither jam nor bread because it suited their agenda not to ask their families for the available help. Using children as a poverty porn accessory ...
Where's the money from the kitten fund gone? Where's the Mayo-money? Write the book you've been paid for, dude. Like the rest of us need to. When you need cash (IF), you do your job, you don't decide to beg instead. Spoilt princess act.
Giving me the rage, obvs.

 

[MancBee]

She's now on 254 patrons. Even if all of those are on the lowest membership level, that's still going to bring in £9,311.64 a year. So we can safely round that up to 10k. For doing sweet F ALL.

This is not what Patreon was originally set up to be used for. She's completely exploiting the system. 'A general feeling of wellbeing' should not even be permitted as a membership level. What she's doing may not be illegal but it's utterly immoral.

But what she is doing is illegal. It is obtaining money by deception. She has told lies (which can be proven) for the sole purpose of gaining money. It is no different from those people that falsely claim they are homeless and beg on the street. She also lies by omission. She says that she pays herself the living wage, but omits what she does with the rest. It is no different to doorstep con tricks, and targets similar vulnerable people.

The government is finally waking up to the deceptive practices of influencers and bloggers. New targets are being set by the government for the police to deal with this problem. British bloggers are easy targets for the police to investigate, it is the overseas ones that will be harder to stop. It will just need one person to report it to the police for the whole shitshow to be investigated.

 

[Pocahontas]

Done! I can never say no to Vlad. Paging @Alansbigplate to photoshop the forearms on the cover.

I managed to get Vlad to agree to one little detail:

ETA: Tebutt’s gone to the gym.

 

[HarderFaster]

It's not a switchboard, Jack, you don't need to announce when you're calling the doctor.

Except I don't even think you are: this is the vets all over again.