Jack Monroe #552 She's the cookery equivalent of termites

Atruck · Nov 30, 2023

BeardyBap said:
A bag of soda bread flour and a pint of buttermilk, Laz. Quantities are on the back of the bag but you'll adjust it yourself. I have my granny's griddle (not a health condition) but a large heavy pan should work just as well. Go for it!

You revealed a whole farl world with your post just then, I happily bookmarked thanks.

RandomFishOils · Nov 30, 2023

Do you think she ever gazes wistfully at the dusty trophies and yellowing magazine covers on her me-me-me mantelpiece and whispers sadly to herself, “This was once a celebrity chef”?

Of course she doesn’t.

BeardyBap · Nov 30, 2023

I'm not actually here said:
I feel we could code up one of those recipe things where you enter what ingredients you have spare and it says... Drumroll, page 23 of Veganish, and here is the recipe....
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Treacle farls sound good. Can only get molasses here but tis similar, no?

At risk of channeling guest, it's all black syrup innit?

. I don't know the difference and I've never tried to make treacle farls, I can't get them in a supermarket either, they've always been a Home Bakery thing.

VeniVidiVicki · Nov 30, 2023

RandomFishOils said:
Do you think she ever gazes wistfully at the dusty trophies and yellowing magazine covers on her me-me-me mantelpiece and whispers sadly to herself, “This was once a celebrity chef”?

Of course she doesn’t.

I bet she clenches her fists and howls ‘This! This is who I am! Dr Dr Monroe, darling of the media, holder of multiple awards, TV star, creator of the VBI, suer of Hopkins, twitter audience the size of Glastonbury, nominated as dream cabinet member by 2,457 people, author of 8 books’. And then cries and claws at the radiators.

@griftalo - I’m using safari on an iPad. I’m sorry the spoiler thing isn’t working for you properly tenderstem.

Livia Fantasy · Nov 30, 2023

Keep reading it as treacle farts, which is what I imagine the bungamansion smells like.

griftalo · Nov 30, 2023

VeniVidiVicki said:
I bet she clenches her fists and howls ‘This! This is who I am! Dr Dr Monroe, darling of the media, holder of multiple awards, TV star, creator of the VBI, suer of Hopkins, twitter audience the size of Glastonbury, nominated as dream cabinet member by 2,457 people, author of 8 books’. And then cries and claws at the radiators.

@griftalo - I’m using safari on an iPad. I’m sorry the spoiler thing isn’t working for you properly tenderstem.

Throw in some intermittent honking and I think that is exactly how it goes!

I know at least now that there may be hidden horror not displayed within the spoiler I can see, so I will click with caution from now on!
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Livia Fantasy said:
Keep reading it as treacle farts, which is what I imagine the bungamansion smells like.

Even that sounds far too pleasant! What did someone say recently? Eggy Sprout?

houseofhoop · Nov 30, 2023

Livia Fantasy said:
Keep reading it as treacle farts, which is what I imagine the bungamansion smells like.

I also read the same. My mind is in the gutter and I make no apology

griftalo · Nov 30, 2023

HotesTilaire said:
Well we found the issue, it wasn’t displaying the whole spoiler on Griffy’s screen so she couldn’t see it.

I’ve checked the iPad and it appears correctly there so it’s just a phone issue, so it’s iPad from now on

How long will we keep mithering if she never does anything ever again? Should we take bets on when something might happen? How long can this silence last?!

Boogs · Nov 30, 2023

VeniVidiVicki said:
I bet she clenches her fists and howls ‘This! This is who I am! Dr Dr Monroe, darling of the media, holder of multiple awards, TV star, creator of the VBI, suer of Hopkins, twitter audience the size of Glastonbury, nominated as dream cabinet member by 2,457 people, author of 8 books’. And then cries and claws at the radiators.

@griftalo - I’m using safari on an iPad. I’m sorry the spoiler thing isn’t working for you properly tenderstem.

Sadly I don’t think this is too far from the truth! She has zero awareness and a massive sense of entitlement. Wherever she is and whatever she is doing (she must have found a seriously good source of narcissistic supply to stay away from social media for so long) she will be the victim and not able to understand why people troll and harass her like they do when all she trying to do is help the povs.

Grifty Mc · Nov 30, 2023

witchofwestbyfleet said:
I think we've got a few contenders for the Sloppies

Best slop: anything in Grifty Kitchen + the infamous quiche
Honourary frauen und herren: Andy Lynes, Ariel Anderssen, Susie Dent

Chaoi:

The Shattenstone interview

Guest doesn't Sue Lee

Guest called out for denying she uses filters

Guest and the CCJs

Grifty Kitchen dangerous advice furore

Guest goes to Dame Kelly's birthday party and earns the name guest

Fire Service tea

Currys fiasco

tit advice: where do we start? Open cans with a mallet and hammer, use sanded-down tins as egg rings, buy your clothes from a "thrift store" that's actually a vintage shop with a hefty markup ...

Like that book The Truth Detective which spoke about the VBI as if it were real. How the hell do you write a book that's supposed to be about media literacy and fact-checking and then it says guest is a heroine battling poverty and she has actually produced the VBI?!

Hang on I’ve just realised that Susie dent and grace dent aren’t the same person!

Livia Fantasy · Nov 30, 2023

Grifty Mc said:
Hang on I’ve just realised that Susie dent and grace dent aren’t the same person!

Sisters!

(made that up)

People-huv-tae-know · Nov 30, 2023

Valiofthedolls said:
Her design aesthetic over the years is a terrifying tacky mash-up of Saw, the Blair Witch and Final Destination. View attachment 2600805 View attachment 2600800 View attachment 2600801 View attachment 2600817 View attachment 2600787 View attachment 2600790
View attachment 2600786PS. They all LEFT
View attachment 2600807

Those images give me the urge to call a priest to perform an exorcism.

Witchfinder Sargeant · Nov 30, 2023

YerDa said:
As the parent of someone who has many trophies for achievements in a particular field I can confirm that it is just Not Normal to create a shrine to yourself.

All mine are decently hidden away in a cupboard, as is proper.

Nottonightbabe · Nov 30, 2023

MurielSnark said:
I'm a pretty adventurous eater and have had smoked eel sushi which I didn't hate. But jellied eels? Nope. Sorry, all you proud people of the East End.

I pay 50p to my seafood stall to get a pot of jelly minus eels, which I cover with vinegar and white pepper. Not sorry.

YerDa · Nov 30, 2023

Witchfinder Sargeant said:
All mine are decently hidden away in a cupboard, as is proper.

Tucked away on a high shelf in a corner of the hallway in this case! Is it a particularly British thing to be self-deprecating about your achievements (these are real achievements, unlike guest’s)?

Witchfinder Sargeant · Nov 30, 2023

YerDa said:
Tucked away on a high shelf in a corner of the hallway in this case! Is it a particularly British thing to be self-deprecating about your achievements (these are real achievements, unlike guest’s)?

My aunt got some significant award in the USA and her PA arranged for a framed photograph of the presentation and the citation to be sent to my grandma (who was thrilled, obviously). My aunt was absolutely mortified but couldn't do anything because her PA thought it was a perfectly normal thing to do.

TrolleyParton · Nov 30, 2023

Witchfinder Sargeant said:
All mine are decently hidden away in a cupboard, as is proper.

My mum put a framed photo of me in my childhood bedroom, which I still sleep in when I visit. I have to put the photo in the drawer while I'm there as I find that so cringe. Having a bleeping shrine to yourself in your own home is really, really not normal.

Valiofthedolls · Nov 30, 2023

Jelly Bean said:
Didn't SB break one of her awards? And they both wept or some such nonsense?
I'm probably muddling up several ghastly anecdotes but yes the poor kid was probably dusting them for his usual 2p or 30 seconds screentime reward.

I feel sure there was a 'yes SB broke my award for Best Person of The Year' followed by a magnanimous 'but I told him I still loved him because thats what exceptional single parents do' type thing.

Got the award in 2014. Told this shite in 2021. Grim.

And she’s never even won a “Woman” of the year award!

It was WOMEN of the year, multiple. In 2014. Sad twit.

In fact, last summer when she was chasing SPITE cock online after Harold LEFT, she was still boasting about this “Woman” of the year award she’d won 8 years earlier.
@Lucky Escape asked her this

The humble smol pixie answered @Lucky Escape with this

Jack Monroe #500 Tattle Was Right About Everything All Along!

Double dildo doctorate Monroe? (Just incase you missed my edit on the last post)

tattle.life

MurielSnark · Nov 30, 2023

Nottonightbabe said:
I pay 50p to my seafood stall to get a pot of jelly minus eels, which I cover with vinegar and white pepper. Not sorry.

Fishy jelly with plenty of pepper sounds like a Bootstrap Cook recipe.

griftalo · Nov 30, 2023

Grifty Mc said:
Hang on I’ve just realised that Susie dent and grace dent aren’t the same person!

I couldn’t with any authority say who either of them are!

MurielSnark said:
Fishy jelly with plenty of pepper sounds like a Bootstrap Cook recipe.

Plenty being one smashed peppercorn (that her grandad took as a years “rent”)