Jack Monroe #549 Two different one's in three's

[MavisBeacon]

Was just looking for some nice anniversary slops and noticed this. LJC why does she lie about everything?

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Spoiler: SPOILER ALERT!

You can, and you know you can because you already have, you daft twit.View attachment 2557055FFS! 2013
View attachment 25570572018
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Also 2013: Chuck them in the toaster!

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2018: I’ve never tried chucking them in the toaster, so definitely don’t do that!
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bleeping charlatan

Also, why was it acceptable to say POP TARTS in 2013,
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But by 2018 it had become a swear?
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STUPID bleep (2013 style). Stupid C*nt (2018 style)

Tell me you ruined your toaster without telling me etc etc...

 

[griftalo]

Does this make guest Dildo Beggins?

Also known as spongebeg slop-pants, for the leggings

 

[Hollaaa]

Tell me you ruined your toaster without telling me etc etc...

She doesn't have a toaster!

 

[SleevelessSlopSlinger]

Dearest @StewPots I’m so sorry you are not having a great birthday. You always make me laugh so much on bad pain days I’ve had myself so I wish I could return the favour but the only thing I will say is that it could be worse. At least you are not Jack or SarahVaJayJay

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I love forensic fraus

I love that in 2013 she was all

But by 2018 when the very word Pop T*rt itself was obscene, she was all

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She doesn't have a toaster!
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bleeping hell! It’s Aunty Pat on the news that time in 1978 the M5 flooded the week before Christmas and they had to spend 3 nights sleeping on the floor in Strensham services waiting for the water to go down.

 

[Seaford Haggington]

Her godawful repertoire is so limited that she has to self-plagiarize. Pop tarts are so foul that almost any other pastry or cake is preferable, up to but not including her homemade version.

 

[StewPots]

Thank you @griftalo & @SleevelessSlopSlinger

I’m hoping this evening is better. Mum is here - made me bacon & eggs for breakfast, and is making a roast tonight

And yes, thank duck I’m neither Jack or VagJay! What a pair of absolute melts!

 

[SweetTransvestite]

Tell me you ruined your toaster without telling me etc etc...

Fireman Scam strikes again.
Hang on, I thought she didn't have a toaster apart from the one that said 'toaster' on it?

ETA. Or the one that @Hollaaa just posted. Apart from those, she definitely doesn't have a toaster, okay?

THE END.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

She gives me the feeling I’m about to start shouting cuntcuntcuntcunt and I’m in the street right now so must calm down!! I’ll have stroke or get arrested otherwise

#WhatWouldSBDo? I’m picturing you very much like this, but with a different word

 

[houseofhoop]

Tell me you ruined your toaster without telling me etc etc...

How could you be so heartless, she has no toaster you ebil troll
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She doesn't have a toaster!
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You beat me to it!

 

[Five hundred dogs]

Aww that's lovely! My youngest is a carer too and has a lot of tattoos. We got matching ones a few months ago, and she told me how chuffed she was when one of her favourite clients complimented her on it and said what a lovely idea it was. The thing is, older people nowadays aren't actually that old, in terms of attitude or outlook are they - people who are in their late 70's now lived through the 60s and 70s ffs! Jack's "tattoo shamers" sound like they come from a very specific and vanishingly small demographic of middle class curtain-twitcher types - I'm convinced she lives in a second rate sitcom made by Thames Television circa 1976.

That’s such a lovely story about the matching tattoos. It’s so true about “old” people. There was a Just Stop Oil protest in my town recently and Mr Dogs (who’s no spring chicken himself) commented how he was surprised at how many of the protesters were “old”. I pointed out to him that those “old” people were of the generation who created the modern protest movement.

I think I’ve seen that sitcom, it was about a retired colonel and his wife who were shocked when an unmarried couple with a baby moved in next door. Many tedious hilarious hijinks ensued. It was called “Good Fences” and featured a particularly annoying character named “Bootstrap Jack” who was constantly trying to get people to give them money to finance their latest ridiculous business venture.*

*okay, so none that’s actually true.

 

[MurielSnark]

Anyone else feeling a certain schadenfreude today at the news that Captain Tom's dreadful relatives have to tear down their bungaspa?

Back to the public swimming baths for you Hannah.

Also wondering if Jack is throwing her Stetson into the ring (or is it the Sorting Hat?) for this job:

Wizard job? Drivers wanted for Harry Potter rail route

Trainee train drivers are needed for the West Highland Line, which crosses the Glenfinnan Viaduct.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[cokeyoakey]

Jack Monroe must be the only person who can trip herself up lying about pop tarts.

Is there anything at all she can be honest and truthful about?

"Can trip herself up lying about pop tarts" for Thread Title
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Tell me you ruined your toaster without telling me etc etc...

Toaster? What toaster? I've never had a toaster. I don't even know what one is.

 

[Captainmouse]

Did guest ever copy the cheapest meal of all time? Toast sandwich. You even get to put plenty of black pepper in it. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-15752918

Sandi served this to vegetarian romesh on Qi he was not impressed, mrs B apparently

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Why Jack taken aback?
Cos haity slopkins is back.

Spoiler: Bonus

Why Jack no smile crack?
Spent all night on the gak.

 

[griftalo]

#WhatWouldSBDo? I’m picturing you very much like this, but with a different word

Omg I am lady seen been!
Mash him up with this and that’s probably about right

 

[BeardyBap]

God yes, the rebellious tattoo thing... guest got her first tattoo a decade or so after the UK became the most tattooed nation on Earth. Those of us with them ARE the mainstream! Ozzy was telling his kids 15 years ago, "Wanna be an individual? DON'T get a tattoo!". We've been getting served by retail workers with tattoos on their necks and hands for about 20 years now.
The original punks are around State Pension age these days FFS. She moves in very, very straight circles

While I'm here, what a pisstake that 57% off lightning deal is. GK hasn't been sold for full RRP on Amazon once, not even on the day of publication. You're a dodgy b, Jeff.

 

[griftalo]

Has she ever eaten a pop tart.
THEY DONT have bleeping thick icing you bleeping thick wick. The icing is less than a millimetre thick.

 

[Savethesauce]

I emailed my Tory MP in lockdown so I get sent all-sorts I'd rather not see. Anyway today I've received an invite to his evening with Lee Anderson with a Q&A session at the end. I'm almost tempted to stump up the £10 price of a ticket

 

[TrolleyParton]

#WhatWouldSBDo? I’m picturing you very much like this, but with a different word

Meanwhile the rest of us are just looking at Jack like that YouTube compilation of Don Draper repeatedly saying "What???"