Jack Monroe #532 Borbenheimer. Sloppenborber. Borbenslopper.

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I can’t be rational about how even the amount of tea and biscuits claimed is somehow p*ssing me off.

I am going to drink EIGHT cups of tea and SIXTEEN ginger biscuits at AA today, take that Jack!
I would be wary of wearing a jumpsuit if I were you
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Imagine being a professional photographer booked to do a shoot and the subject comes in with this tit, expecting you to use it.

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This was me aged 9, preparing for my triumphant guitar/singing solo of Yellow Submarine. I subconsciously knew I would need a good backdrop painting to distract from my guitar playing and singing.

(My guitar teacher stepped in to help me out. His name henceforth will be Mr Nigella Lawson.)

Good one Jack! Sisters!!!!!
 
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oh I have missed Jacksy’s poetry 🥰
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She’s dissipating?

Much like DEAD grandad’s laughter into an appreciative growl once he got her “sloppy/bright/reverse pound shop Jesus” Moussaka past his guffaws.

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She doesn’t half chat a load of old shite.

Also, Bridget Jones’ mother did egg wanking years before you Jack. As I’m sure you well know, you tedious old fart.
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Who does she think she is? Jackson Pollock!?
There’s no reason for the top (photographable) part of her overalls to be that messy and the paint on her cheek is just 🫣
Looks performative to me. This (art) is my job, it’s the job of a good chunk of my social circle, and I’ve never been that messy with paint or known anyone else to be. Artists who have had their overalls for years haven’t messed them up that much. The spare overalls that were supplied at university for *everyone* to use weren’t that messed up.

What a twit.
 
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Christ, imagine being so dull that you make up tit about makeup brushes on the internet in hopes people will engage with you.
This is the sad moron wanting to take a photo of her make up brushes all lined up & needing an excuse to do so. Jack, just join ‘rate my poo’. Sure you can filter one of your turds & get someone to say what a great shade/shape it is.
 
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Hey pls see below for the August 2023 Patreon update, soz for delay, behind a cut as always:

Jack Monroe opened August 2023 with 379 paying Patreon subscribers, as she hides her revenue we estimate an average per subscriber fee of £14.12 and deduct a worst case platform fee of 12% to assume an estimated take home of £4,709 this month.

August was her 11th consecutive month of losses, losing a further 3.8% (15 subscribers) on prior month. She's back to low acquisition of <5 subscribers a month which we assume to be re-subscribers as they're often in the days following payday, but losses are a bit lighter than they have been at just -18, versus ~-30 in previous months. Which imo suggests the 12 joining last month were in support of her and her CCJs rather than rubber neckers as has been discussed here.

Despite 11 months of losses she's still up 60% on pre-Nigella's promotion, but we are getting closer and closer to her 'when records began' subscriber count of 346. Which mainly just serves to highlight how bleeping long this whole thing is gonna drag out for - if you look at the first 12 rows of the table below, that as per her estimated revenue she'll still be taking home >£3k every single month for another year after this payday. Playing it forward with super basic fag packet calculations that assumes they mirror 2021's trends (so ignoring the possibility of another mass exodus of annuals in February that'd obvs accelerate this): then it'll take another 9 months on top of that for her passive income to fall under £2k pcm, and another 8 months on top of that to get under £1k pcm, so depending on how you classify 'the end' of this we're talking actual years (3-4) of her receiving a life changingly significant passive income.

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I love how the 'poems' are songs. Disappointed there's no "yeah", "la-la-la", or "shooby-doo-wah" in this one.
 
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Christ, imagine being so dull that you make up tit about makeup brushes on the internet in hopes people will engage with you.
This is the sad moron wanting to take a photo of her make up brushes all lined up & needing an excuse to do so. Jack, just join ‘rate my poo’. Sure you can filter one of your turds & get someone to say what a great shade/shape it is.
I think she already has...

 
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"I'm lying about doing a nice thing, please talk to me and give me attention".
And send me your stuff. The beg worked beautifully (I know I’ve posted these before but always good to remind newer fraus of how shameless she is)
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Jack, just join ‘rate my poo’. Sure you can filter one of your turds & get someone to say what a great shade/shape it is.
After Pringles, Growler and Mr Tumble there is no way on earth I'm going to let curiosity get the better of me this time. I do not need to know if this is real or not.
 
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Hey pls see below for the August 2023 Patreon update, soz for delay, behind a cut as always:

Jack Monroe opened August 2023 with 379 paying Patreon subscribers, as she hides her revenue we estimate an average per subscriber fee of £14.12 and deduct a worst case platform fee of 12% to assume an estimated take home of £4,709 this month.

August was her 11th consecutive month of losses, losing a further 3.8% (15 subscribers) on prior month. She's back to low acquisition of <5 subscribers a month which we assume to be re-subscribers as they're often in the days following payday, but losses are a bit lighter than they have been at just -18, versus ~-30 in previous months. Which imo suggests the 12 joining last month were in support of her and her CCJs rather than rubber neckers as has been discussed here.

Despite 11 months of losses she's still up 60% on pre-Nigella's promotion, but we are getting closer and closer to her 'when records began' subscriber count of 346. Which mainly just serves to highlight how bleeping long this whole thing is gonna drag out for - if you look at the first 12 rows of the table below, that as per her estimated revenue she'll still be taking home >£3k every single month for another year after this payday. Playing it forward with super basic fag packet calculations that assumes they mirror 2021's trends (so ignoring the possibility of another mass exodus of annuals in February that'd obvs accelerate this): then it'll take another 9 months on top of that for her passive income to fall under £2k pcm, and another 8 months on top of that to get under £1k pcm, so depending on how you classify 'the end' of this we're talking actual years (3-4) of her receiving a life changingly significant passive income.

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Thank you for your service @heretoreaditall2019
 
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