Jack Monroe #523 Everything she does is pointless busywork that solves nothing

[Jelly Bean]

Big soft, gentle welcome to all new ninnies
You've joined us at a bit of a lull.
I just hope guest comes out of retirement soon so you can witness a chaos in real time. It is quite the ride

 

[Sensible Susan]

I chose my username while logged out , and once I was in and had realised my mistake, I had to create a whole back story of trying to bring about worldwide duck domination just to cover up my foolishness ! Really I wanted my username to describe those unwise hook ups some people had between bubble buddies!

Please tell me that's true?

 

[Onestorytoomany]

Nice to meet ya newbies. When the chaos starts be prepared to grunk for your lives. Im fact you may as well make preprations to lose hours of your life. We also like counting games to be ready with the total number of furniture, teeth, books and how they are ordered. and my final word of advice. Keep on keeping up! Those who fall behind, stay behind. The more i see of that bloody thrifty kitchen the more i realise just how much of a hatchett job it is. Churned out nonsense is all it is.

 

[Never would have guest]

I'm finally in!!!
After months of looking in from the outside! Thank you all. Not just for your forensics but for the laughs. You've been amazing and got me through a really rough year.
(Off to read back the last 9 pages)

 

[MancBee]

Welcome all newcomers.

Fraus and Herrs know I don't swear, so some use a spoiler to spare me reading. (Little do they know, I read all of them). In addition, when I do write something sweary you know she's gone far too far.

It's great to hear that not everyone thinks we are a nasty corner of the Internet, I was beginning to wonder.

Finally, and this is to Jack as we know you are reading here. Don't you think you owe these lovely new members a full on chaos as a sort of initiation to the ninnies club. Go on, you know you want to.

 

[Hollaaa]

For newcomers, so-called “Jenny, Peter and Barbara“ really did make it into the final edit.!


View attachment 2280988

Glittering career going amazing just now. That'll show 'em.

 

[MoistenedGussets]

Noobs

Hello.

That is all.


(To non noobs..
Remember.. they are all Jack.. as are we all)

 

[TheBarchesterChronicles]

Yes! Apologies in advance to Mancbee…*

If you read Tattle without being logged in, duck becomes duck, tit becomes tit, bleep becomes bleep, and I think head becomes head

*for newcomers, we don’t actually have to do this, he loathes swearing himself, but doesn’t really mind it from other people.

Aw, that’s a shame. I always loved the bleeps and bits when reading as a lurker - the absurdity of it makes it funnier. Regular swearing is boring

 

[corneliahosendove]

She might not be a millionaire, but we have identified a minimum of 165,000 spent over the last 9-ish years, which averages 1800 a month. Every month. For 9 years.
Added to the 3300 she claims for her household costs puts her firmly in the top 5% of earners

The magic of Jack is that 2 things can be equally true at the same time! I said I don't think she currently 'earns' that much but as you have rightly pointed out she manages to spend an absolute duck load of money. This is why hundreds of folk have been posting here for years on end picking it all apart & getting nowhere. My wild speculation pulled out of my ear is that she rinsed her last 3 partners, she is definitely a 'oops forgot my wallet / can you cover this while I move some money to my account' she spunked any advances & one off payments (hellmans etc) the second they hit her account which accounts for the ridiculous consumer goods inventory but that her regular income is quite low (relatively speaking!) & is rapidly diminishing. x

 

[SleevelessSlopSlinger]

Not to myself but fingers Kerridge will be at an event I’m attending this week.

Any burning questions from the canal about his guest adjacentness if I manage to see him?

 

[TheBarchesterChronicles]

For newcomers, so-called “Jenny, Peter and Barbara“ really did make it into the final edit.!


View attachment 2280988

Needless to say, she had the last laugh.

I get the most second hand embarrassment from this version of Jack. It’s always when she thinks she’s at her most triumphant that she reveals the worst aspects of herself.

I’m sure various people in my life have doubted me over the years and even expressly told me so but I don’t remember because holding onto that stuff isn’t healthy, and definitely not a sign that you’re “winning”. Nevermind putting it in a book and then crowing over purposely misspelling a name as though it’a something to be proud of. Bizarre.

 

[UnPickled]

I trying to remember who Jenny, Peter and Barbara are - I think Jenny was the head of PE who married the janitor and Peter was the head of science/deputy head who wished everyone a productive day in assembly, but Barbara is leaving me stumped. Maybe the sewing/cooking teacher. Definitely not the head, she was P.M. Surname. It's been so long and I so rarely think of past teachers that I could be totally off - they were all Mr/Mrs X to me at the time anyway. I'm just assuming they're all teachers from secondary school, I have no idea who else would be telling her she'd only ever flip burgers.

It's frankly bizarre that she still holds grudges against these people I'm struggling to even picture. I didn't have a great time at that school either, but sitting here reminiscing has just made me pull the name of my 'childhood nemesis' up and I've literally this second realised she shares a surname with my Harold who I've been with for six bloody years. It's so irrelevant and removed from who I am now it's just not on my mind.

 

[Mrs Peel]

I trying to remember who Jenny, Peter and Barbara are - I think Jenny was the head of PE who married the janitor and Peter was the head of science/deputy head who wished everyone a productive day in assembly, but Barbara is leaving me stumped. Maybe the sewing/cooking teacher. Definitely not the head, she was P.M. Surname. It's been so long and I so rarely think of past teachers that I could be totally off - they were all Mr/Mrs X to me at the time anyway. I'm just assuming they're all teachers from secondary school, I have no idea who else would be telling her she'd only ever flip burgers.

It's frankly bizarre that she still holds grudges against these people I'm struggling to even picture. I didn't have a great time at that school either, but sitting here reminiscing has just made me pull the name of my 'childhood nemesis' up and I've literally this second realised she shares a surname with my Harold who I've been with for six bloody years. It's so irrelevant and removed from who I am now it's just not on my mind.

I think Borb was the Home Ec teacher.

Good morning new frauen!

 

[CrushedIcePlease]

I trying to remember who Jenny, Peter and Barbara are - I think Jenny was the head of PE who married the janitor and Peter was the head of science/deputy head who wished everyone a productive day in assembly, but Barbara is leaving me stumped. Maybe the sewing/cooking teacher. Definitely not the head, she was P.M. Surname. It's been so long and I so rarely think of past teachers that I could be totally off - they were all Mr/Mrs X to me at the time anyway. I'm just assuming they're all teachers from secondary school, I have no idea who else would be telling her she'd only ever flip burgers.

It's frankly bizarre that she still holds grudges against these people I'm struggling to even picture. I didn't have a great time at that school either, but sitting here reminiscing has just made me pull the name of my 'childhood nemesis' up and I've literally this second realised she shares a surname with my Harold who I've been with for six bloody years. It's so irrelevant and removed from who I am now it's just not on my mind.

I agree, it’s so strange. Honestly I would be hard pushed to name most of my teachers, let alone what any of them said to me.

Also, surely if teachers have an opinion on the career prospects of students they never share that view with the ACTUAL CHILD?! Surely that type of conversation is just staffroom banter. I’m sure they don’t actually care that much.

Maybe, neither Jenny, Peter, nor Barbara said anything about burgers or her future potential and she’s….. lying.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Thank you so much, I love yours, and have for ages! Sideboob Borb is genius, next-level Jackiverse stuff.

On-topic I’ve been grunking from the very beginning but haven’t got as far as learning why Borb is called Borb. I know who she is, but not that bit of detail as yet. Still so much to learn!

I love your name and avatar. My husband calls me Hootie McBoob so I made him stop what he was doing so I could show him.
Warm welcome to all the noobs, unlike most of you I'd never heard of Jack, I just started reading the thread and popped in an incredulous comment and was peripatetically, ephemerally wrapped in the loving arms of the Ninny Massive.
Thread 31, page 17 is a great introduction to becoming a canal member. Jack herself pops up and it's a white-knuckle ride.
Stay pressed, go well.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Good grief that burger boy nonsense, she really is a very, very embarrassing person.

Spoiler: Bon Vivant, Gourmand, Soul Singer

(immortalized by @kachoochoo )

 

[RandomFishOils]

View attachment 2281080View attachment 2281081
black eye courtesy of urban decay

*Sigh* when you have a black eye, guest, it only closes that eye. It doesn’t mysteriously affect your other eye. Not that I am suggesting that you are narrowing your eyes to make it look worse or anything.

 

[Wood Spite]

*Sigh* when you have a black eye, guest, it only closes that eye. It doesn’t mysteriously affect your other eye. Not that I am suggesting that you are narrowing your eyes to make it look worse or anything.

*taps sign*

 

[Hollaaa]

The word combination of "less than a kilometer away" has such a threatening aura there.

 

[StewPots]

Morning Ninnies, old and new!

That “black eye” has ended me this morning

I’ve never seen it! Such a shame she didn’t get a make up deal out of it ( not really obvs ) because the excessive use of highlighter is a sight to behold!!

Also - why I cry?
STILL no chaos
That’s why.