Jack Monroe #523 Everything she does is pointless busywork that solves nothing

[Cat Face]

Oh! Erm... meow, I guess?



Hello fraus, ninnies and mavens. It's a pleasure and honour to be here. Thank you for all you do, I have been grunking along for quite a while. I think I found you in about November last year, and I can't remember why or what I was looking for. Was it on the back of something I had read about the Trussell Trust? I think it might have been.

Anyway, I had known about guest (that is so delicious to type after reading it forEVER) since about 2018-ish. I can't even remember why, but she must have come up on my radar when looking for cookbook gifts or something. I did buy two copies of "Cooking on a Bootstrap" (one as a gift) a few years back. That is as far as my money to her went, but still I am pissed off in hindsight that she got some of my money. (BTW: IMO the pic of her on the cover looks NOTHING like ANY of ANY other pics of her. Not phone filtered, tweaked, natural, professional, papped... it's like a completely different person altogether.) I had been following her on Twitter, but when I started reading here I unfollowed her, didn't want to be adding to any of her numbers.

I can't remember exactly when I started following her, but I was there during the poor unwell kitten period, and looking back, she knew what she was doing. People like *me* NEEDED to see updates about this poor creature, desperately wishing it to survive, thinking she was doing a wonderful thing trying to be a disabled cat's mummy. Got a feeling I muted her for a while as this was too distressing for me, and then when I started paying attention to her again, there was no mention of that kitty at all.

When Grifty Kitchen sailed onto yonder horizon, it sealed the deal for me. Thank you to all the Tattlers who screenshot etc to here.

My story of enlightenment sadly isn't that interesting, but I am enlightened all the same.

I couldn't join Tattle until now because the doors were always closed when I looked, until today/yesterday. My main frustration was that MANY times I wanted to *react* to a post after crying with laughter, you ninnies are so fucking HILAR that I have inhaled food, choked on wine, and farted dangerously hard because of LAUGHING.

FINALLY... I just want to comment re her appearance on QT. Many of you said that she was angry with the guy next to her when he was talking about AI regulations, but that's not at all how I saw it (or see it, having just viewed it again). Watch again - he is talking and then suddenly gestures towards guest while he makes his point (approx 58:18), she looks like she had zoned out and didn't really want to be there now, she knows it's almost the end of the programme and thought she'd done her bit, but her focus has been drawn back and she can't look interested... she actually takes a deep breath/sigh, and her head is moving from side to side in a weird slow wobble that doesn't look like nerves. The eyes aren't switched on.


I don't know how to finish this ramble through the tulips, so I guess I should just say THE END

 

[Zelda]

There was a mention on the last thread about one of Jack's recent likes being a tweet from Roadside Mum mithering about all her bylines qualifying her for NUJ membership. Sounded a bit like complaining she can't do that.

This makes no sense to me as an ex-NUJ member.

If you're writing for a living, you can join the blooming NUJ. There's no interrogation, no-one asks you to share your portfolio. You just pay your subs. You pay them out of the money you get from your journalism.

If you're a regular somewhere, you can ask to join their chapel. Actually, most chapels are keen to boost membership, so I reckon it's worth having a chat even if you're an infrequent contributor.

There's no line of posh boys and girls stopping you from getting in the doors of the NUJ. (They're too busy getting all the actual jobs from their mums and dads and their friends - that's a different story.)

Oh yes, I get that some people don't like paying for anything and only want things gifted to them. And yes, I do get that some people are the poorest of the poor, woe is them.

Well grifters, you're not that special, plenty journos, especially those on regional titles, are on pretty shitty wages. So quit your whining.

 

[ChocolateMuffin]

God Save Trifle Defender

 

[MooBelle]

Back to the Oxfam mithering. Yes I know it's been hashed out but I was at WORK, at least 100 hours done this week.
For any newbies, many years ago Jack was asked to go to Tanzania to do an article for Oxfam.(no, we don't know why either)
Jack spent about 5 days there being just about as rude and basic as she can be.
Firstly she posed in a photo holding a young child with the kid's mother and family next to her. It was awkward and staged and a little bit creepy. Then Jack wrote the most ghastly and offensive article about the trip. I forget the finer details but she compared her life of immense privilege to that family in the photo with her. She basically said her life was the same as a woman who had to work in squalid conditions for a pittance and had to walk miles to get water.
Then she posted the pictures on her socials, but this time the family, including the mother, were photoshopped or cut out so it was just poor mamma Jack holding a very confused African child.
It was beyond bad taste and beyond insulting. But hey! At least she can get a booking at Edinburgh a decade later off of it all.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

 

[FlirtyThirty]

Someone in that last thread mithered about Grifty Kitchen having 120 new recipes and I would like to stand by my suspicion that she deliberately nixed her website in order to reuse the last few years of shit she’d posted on there in the book…

 

[MoistenedGussets]

So dull it's barely even worth shotting, but stop the Twitter silence clock

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I do that. I don't think I have ADHD.
I know lots of people that do that. They're not all ADHD.

What a load of auld saggy ball sacks

 

[Florid Language]

I think she is a cash buyer for the forever home.
Wherever she ends up it will never be enough for her once the novelty wears off and the actual realities of downsizing kick in.
We had to downsize after a redundancy and after the initial financial relief we started to miss a garden and the overall lack of space with a growing family.
I only think she will be a buyer because I've watched in real time some minor Twitter grifters make a couple of grand in a few hours.
If I can send her £20 (and yes it was from my Carer's Allowance) based on third hand tweets just think what her followers must be sending.
I haven't mentioned it anywhere but here so I'm not the Twitter complainant and will just put it down to stupidity and move on.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

We don’t see this this post very often, so...

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Jack Monroe opened July 2023 with 394 paying patreon subscribers, still up ~60% on pre-Nigella promo. Using our Olia Hercules £14.12 per sub benchmark less worst case platform fees of 12% that'd be £4.9k take home for her - as Jack has opted to hide her revenue we are only able to estimate this.

She had a fairly light month in terms of losses from a subscription service that offers 0 to its subscribers, losing just 20 subscribers but gaining 12 so netting out at being down 8 versus prior month. Strongly suspect a fair few out of the 12 gained are the result of the ongoing chat on Twitter.

As we get nearer to the Feb 2021 subscriber count of 346 it makes it easier to appreciate just what a long SLOW end this is gonna be. It took 12 months to go from 346 to 244 (-102 subscribers) so we're looking at another year before we hit the 200s and another 2 before we hit the 100s. The single best thing that could happen would be for Patreon to finally knock the profile/grift on the head tbh.

 

[Florid Language]

I thought my daughter had an account here and tried to steer the conversation to Tattle codes without giving away that I wanted to join.
She didn't bite and when I realised it was open I was shaking so much trying to type in my details that I kept making mistakes.
If you're here. Get to bed young lady. You've got work in the morning.

 

[House of Carbonara]

@Walkdengirl Secret scrambled eggs is eggs with added eggs

Morning, ninnies!

I was foolish enough to try the 'recipe' this morning - what possessed me, given her track record, I do not know.
I should add that we love scrambled eggs as a breakfast item, and I make decent ones. I will also add that my curiosity in all things cooking will be the end of me one day.
Anyway - scrambled 4 eggs for the two of us, and gave Mr HoC half as they were (I love him, why should he suffer) and added one tbsp of mayo to mine.
It. Was. Vile.
All you can taste is the mayo, and that's not what you want instead of lovely scrambled eggs on toast. It does NOT add richness and creaminess, turns your beautiful eggs into a kind of slurry with no real structure. Extremely disappointing.
Conclusion: another stolen and adapted recipe from somewhere (I would put money on it), doesn't work, tastes vile, and I am positive she's never tried making or eating. Don't do it, lads.

 

[Lucky Escape]

Greenbelt have finally issued a statement about Jack. TL;dr we like Jack, we’ve all made mistakes, we’re getting some actual povs along too and we think this cancels out her cosplay.

Greenbelt Festival Statements

Stay informed with Greenbelt Festival Statements. Straight from Greenbelt HQ about the festival and programme.

www.greenbelt.org.uk

They've been working on that statement since the 22nd of March!

Isn't it lovely that they're going to make things right by... letting some actual povs speak in a separate tent, but not bothering to include them on their Lineup A-Z Grid View online, let alone their lineup poster or any marketing materials? Fuck off, greenbelt.

 

[MistyWindows]

I was thinking along similar lines - that swapping "salt" for "pepper", or "penne" for "spaghetti" etc probably counts as an entirely "new" recipe in her (literal) book.

And really - if all herbs are interchangeable, and all oils are interchangeable etc, surely all recipes are interchangeable, so who needs more than one?

I personally have about 40 cookery books but only ever cook sausages and find I don't need them at all,
---

Can someone enlighten me about Iqbal?

I checked the wiki and still couldn't find anything (but I am Very Old and my eyes don't work as well as they did 50 years ago when I had the figure of a sylph and all around here was green fields.

I love it when fraus hear about him for the first time
Basically, a few years ago several comments started appearing on a Sarfend local rag’s website by the same bloke.

They were all articles about guest or written by her, this guy wrote very passionately about how Jack has ruined his mate Iqbal’s life after she’d been a tenant of his.
He said that she’d had wild drug parties, orgies (which hilariously was kind of the least believable accusation), been antisocial and trashed the place.

The funniest bit is that he kept repeating that she had smashed the toilet basin and started shitting in bags instead and left them all for him to clean up when she did a runner.
Then Iqbal apparently had to sell the trashed house and get a job at Sainsburys.

It’s clearly a case of mistaken identity, or this fella is trying to be funny/playing silly buggers/cause drama/is a bit out of it. But it shall remain in our lore 🤍

Also he always called her a sh1tter with a 1. Hence JennyNumNum’s campaign for JUSTICE FOR IQBAL

(Miss you sh1tter hater, hope you’re okay 🤍)

Pretty sure this is all correct? I was only a twinkle in Tattle’s eye at the time.

 

[HootieMcBoob]

Hi Frauen, another newbie and longtime lurker/grunker here. My origin story is quite boring so I’ll keep it brief. I’ve always vaguely been aware of guest, followed her on twitter but not engaged much. Was a classic mark and believe all she said but thankfully never donated/subscribed. My suspicions were first raised by the early Covid beg, then HH2 (boiling soap, wtf?! How do solar lights even charge INSIDE?!), followed by a slow drip-feed of questioning squigs appearing in my Twitter feed leading me to Awfully Molly and then here, so glad to be able to join in now. Working my way through the wiki, following the threads…I mean, wow. I’ve been hooked for almost a year and I still have so much to read. Thank(space)you for all you do. And, for me, it’s my-ther, but I’m pretty sure all pronunciations are interchangeable.

 

[MancBee]

So dull it's barely even worth shotting, but stop the Twitter silence clock

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I do not have ADHD but I do this all the time. Why do some people (including Jack) attribute normal behaviour to being ADHD?

I can be on the phone and the person I'm talking to mentions an actor; I will be looking them up whilst chatting away. It's more to do with the amount of information at your fingertips on the Internet.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Speaking of things that have been going on for a decade in plain sight, I definitely think Jack has had some sort of portrait mode installed in her own mind for at least ten years.

Spoiler: Mither

How Jack views herself in 2013

And

How Southend’s Finest Young Spiky Haired Lezziest Lezzer Lout actually looked in 2013.

Deluded (Lying) Twat.

 

[Captainmouse]

I think 'divides public opinion' will absolutely enrage her. It's the sort of thing usually only said about people like Farage. Well meaning people reading that will probably Google Jack Monroe Controversy and find these well searched pages. Hiiiiiiii

let’s annoy her some more

 

[LizzieE.]

The most engaging aspect of the canal is the kindness and civility extended to member s old and new. In real life, I have to stop myself saying tenderstem or grunking. I am often chuckling to myself in the dark and give no apologies for it.
In the past I grew weary of the carry on in certain other establishments and found the difference in tone here to be like finding a really nice pub full of people who arw genial, worldly and probably more than a bit tipsy.

Despite all that I have only been able to watch less than 3 seconds of Boulevard vid.
I have endured the Honk on audio for about the same length before shutting it down.

I did watch the one of her curling g her hair in front of the mirror getting ready for a show and when she did that facial flip flop from Anne of Green Gables into Psycho and back again, my blood froze.
Descriptions of DKL lingreenie and other highlights thus far are simply beyond my rectums gripping capacity. Won't happen. I'd implode. So my thanks to those who can deal with the very real threat these clips pose to any persons physical well being. I wish I had that sort of endurance.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I love the idea of the “typical Mumsnetters” (not the cool ones who are here of course), reading Tattle, and thinking, “oh they are GHASTLY on that vile forum but at least they never swear!”