Jack Monroe # 47 And Still I Rinse

[Aquamarina]

Your wish is my command.

When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the one who posts tit all resembling the truth
When I go out, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the one who begs for cash from you

If I get drunk, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the one who gets drunk 'cos of you
And if I haver, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the one who's havering a chaos 'cos of you

But I would rinse 500 beans
And I would rinse 500 more
Just to be the one who rinses a thousand beans
And steps on glass that's on my floor

(what a wanker, what a wanker)

When I'm working, yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the one who's working more than you
And when the money comes in for the crap food that I'll do
I'll claim I'm skint and ask on Patreon for more

When I come home, oh I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the one whose bungalow just won't do
And if I grow old, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the one with knickers out for you

But I would zap 5000 tweets
And I'd delete 10,000 more
Just to be the one who suffers most
Even though I'm really not that poor

(what a wanker, what a wanker)

When I'm lonely, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna buy a kitten just because I do
And when I'm dreaming, well I know I'm gonna dream
I'm gonna dream about the cash I get from you

When I get down , yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the one laying on a sideboard just for you
And when I come down, yes I know I'm gonna be,
I'm gonna be the one who bruises their eyes
Shaves off their hair
Buys three wigs
Photoshops their arms
Gets more filler
Chews their lip
Photoshops their hip
Saves the poor
Asks Patreon for even more
Fights all wrongs
Sings a song
Screams and shouts
Filters their pouts
Kicks men in the shins
LOOK, EVERYBODY - Aren't I thin?
Shows off their pills
Has no kitchen skills - GASP -
I'm gonna be the one who's triangulating you

But I would claim 500 schools
And I would claim 500 more
Have asked me for advice on books
And how to feed the defenceless poor

But I would wear the Westwood dress
With my Emin on the toilet door
Because I'm the bleeping Bootstrap Cook
And don't ever forget that I. WAS. POOR.

I am hooting up a lung here! Absolutely, bloody hilarious. Well done that woman.

 

[Oofadoofa]

So, the kitten died on the 13th.

She has arranged a trip to Edinburgh at some point since then.

Presumably without SB.

She has taken a suitcase full of equipment but doesn't know why.

Have mentioned this before, but imagine being the son or ex boyfriend/girlfriend. You know that what she is posting is lies, that it’s all fake, but you have to just keep quiet and play along. Must be fuckin weird.

 

[Peachy9]

Oh dear God...is she...DOING A SCOTTISH LETDOWN LARDER?!!!!!

Haggis and horse spunk lasagne, deep fried rinsed beans.... Vinegar on the rocks for the teetotal amongst us.

 

[Bellybutton lint]

Oh dear God...is she...DOING A SCOTTISH LETDOWN LARDER?!!!!!

Maybe there will be a big announcement coming up?

 

[BackRolls?]

I cannot understand how anyone could believe she's skint! I just can't!

How do you go from "a £700 vet bill has floored me" to "tee hee, off to Edinburgh on a whim" in less than 2 weeks if you're scraping by?

(Also, @HarderFaster, Dark is AMAZING, I have such a crush on Jonas)

 

[crystaleyesd]

Maybe there will be a big announcement coming up?

There's *always* a big announcement coming up. Can't remember a single one that actually, y'know, got announced...

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

Come on guys, we know why she’s there.

The photo of the apartment out of the window, could have very easily taken one of her surroundings but nope - she’s leaving a breadcrumb trail for Louisa.

Out of all the places she could have gone to, she goes to the one that holds so much significance for a relationship she once has. This is all about Louisa, no doubt about it.

When I broke up with my ex I couldn’t dream of going anyway that we went to! This is all the plan of a deranged, narcissistic twit who thinks this is foreplay for romance and a relationship.

 

[triangulateme]

Also a 'newbie' although I stumbled upon these threads a week or so ago.

I am glad not to be alone!

When I first heard about Jack, I thought she had some good ideas, genuinely wanted to help people who were struggling, and was someone who had a level of awareness.

Then I saw if it wasn't about her, she didn't care.

But to look at the twitter, you'd think that she was some sort of saint.

I first heard about her again during the JO saga. And couldn't get over how someone who bangs on about 'being kind' apparently endorses her 'fans' to bully, harass and intimidate people who don't agree with 100% of what Jack says. I've never found JO to be someone I would watch, or particularly like, but I wouldn't launch a barrage of abuse against him and then encourage people who 'follow' me to be abusive to other twitter users because they dare to call her out.

The tipping jar, the patreon, the monetised videos, all of the commissions and the nicest 'crappy bungalow' I've ever seen are the real problems I have with her though. She knows that most of her 'fans' are likely to be struggling financially, but yet she manipulates and lies in order to elicit money from them. It makes me so angry.

Anyway, I had to comment, as apparently she's now Scotland's problem. Please, think about us during these difficult times.

 

[Beryl_Black]

I was on a Zoom call for work and had to mute myself momentarily as I started cackling at the sheer absurdity of taking a blender to Scotland.

For some reason, the mental image of her putting the blender in a suitcase has tickled me beyond belief.

I can somehow see a full on meltdown coming up. She will refuse to vacate the rental, and take herself hostage by barricading the door with the nearest 93kg sideboard she can find. As darkness falls, dressed top to toe in a Baked Bean onesie, she will publish an ISIS-type video saying she is going to OD on a cocktail of blended Corned Beef laced with fermented pistachio milk unless Louisa shows up and admits that she was completely in the wrong, and will never find anyone else as special as Jack for the rest of her life. Gazza will instead turn up with the best of intentions, and try to slip through the police cordon with a roast chicken and some anchovy butter. At this point, the Sky helicopter swings into Holyrood Park and Kay Burley is whisked across town to broadcast live from the scene. Jack surveys the scene from her window, and glows with the fire of a thousand suns as she knows that life simply does not get any better than this.

 

[FrumpyCat]

Just thought I'd add this again from yesterday. Jack is the one on the right View attachment 183326

Village of The Damned.

Did Jack have an early checkin, most places won't let you in before about 2pm?

 

[MooBelle]

Maybe there will be a big announcement coming up?

do you think could be something to do with those grim sideboard humping photos?

I cannot understand how anyone could believe she's skint! I just can't!

How do you go from "a £700 vet bill has floored me" to "tee hee, off to Edinburgh on a whim" in less than 2 weeks if you're scraping by?

(Also, @HarderFaster, Dark is AMAZING, I have such a crush on Jonas)

Is that the German one? I watched the first series, was really good!

 

[Candytuft]

I cannot understand how anyone could believe she's skint! I just can't!

How do you go from "a £700 vet bill has floored me" to "tee hee, off to Edinburgh on a whim" in less than 2 weeks if you're scraping by?

(Also, @HarderFaster, Dark is AMAZING, I have such a crush on Jonas)

I know. Funny that ....

 

[MooBelle]

Also a 'newbie' although I stumbled upon these threads a week or so ago.

I am glad not to be alone!

When I first heard about Jack, I thought she had some good ideas, genuinely wanted to help people who were struggling, and was someone who had a level of awareness.

Then I saw if it wasn't about her, she didn't care.

But to look at the twitter, you'd think that she was some sort of saint.

I first heard about her again during the JO saga. And couldn't get over how someone who bangs on about 'being kind' apparently endorses her 'fans' to bully, harass and intimidate people who don't agree with 100% of what Jack says. I've never found JO to be someone I would watch, or particularly like, but I wouldn't launch a barrage of abuse against him and then encourage people who 'follow' me to be abusive to other twitter users because they dare to call her out.

The tipping jar, the patreon, the monetised videos, all of the commissions and the nicest 'crappy bungalow' I've ever seen are the real problems I have with her though. She knows that most of her 'fans' are likely to be struggling financially, but yet she manipulates and lies in order to elicit money from them. It makes me so angry.

Anyway, I had to comment, as apparently she's now Scotland's problem. Please, think about us during these difficult times.

Welcome to the Cabal!

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Also a 'newbie' although I stumbled upon these threads a week or so ago.

I am glad not to be alone!

When I first heard about Jack, I thought she had some good ideas, genuinely wanted to help people who were struggling, and was someone who had a level of awareness.

Then I saw if it wasn't about her, she didn't care.

But to look at the twitter, you'd think that she was some sort of saint.

I first heard about her again during the JO saga. And couldn't get over how someone who bangs on about 'being kind' apparently endorses her 'fans' to bully, harass and intimidate people who don't agree with 100% of what Jack says. I've never found JO to be someone I would watch, or particularly like, but I wouldn't launch a barrage of abuse against him and then encourage people who 'follow' me to be abusive to other twitter users because they dare to call her out.

The tipping jar, the patreon, the monetised videos, all of the commissions and the nicest 'crappy bungalow' I've ever seen are the real problems I have with her though. She knows that most of her 'fans' are likely to be struggling financially, but yet she manipulates and lies in order to elicit money from them. It makes me so angry.

Anyway, I had to comment, as apparently she's now Scotland's problem. Please, think about us during these difficult times.

Great username!

 

[Lanie]

Tbf whe. I first saw the message on here i thought she was flitting. I thought she was moving away permeantly, new start and all that. Perhaps she looking around for somewhere to live or maybe she has a new Scottish lover and has planned a long romantic weekend with them complete with blended food.

 

[Kofi Annan]

When is one of her many exes going to bubble her?

What exact power does she hold over them?

Can't help but question the emotional state they have been left in that leaves them unable to respond

 

[BackRolls?]

do you think could be something to do with those grim sideboard humping photos?


Is that the German one? I watched the first series, was really good!

Yes, absolutely x

(It is the German one, yeah! It gets so intricate and mind-bending in S2 and S3, would defo recommend watching on )

 

[NomDeGuerre]

I cannot understand how anyone could believe she's skint! I just can't!

How do you go from "a £700 vet bill has floored me" to "tee hee, off to Edinburgh on a whim" in less than 2 weeks if you're scraping by?

(Also, @HarderFaster, Dark is AMAZING, I have such a crush on Jonas)

This thread is not good for my working from home productivity (I'm BUSY) but I just went to book a cabin on the Euston to Edinburgh tonight (assuming she did book it yesterday evening). Prices start from £205 for a standard, basic cabin, up to £235 if you want an en-suite...

 

[Peachy9]

I can somehow see a full on meltdown coming up. She will refuse to vacate the rental, and take herself hostage by barricading the door with the nearest 93kg sideboard she can find. As darkness falls, dressed top to toe in a Baked Bean onesie, she will publish an ISIS-type video saying she is going to OD on a cocktail of blended Corned Beef laced with fermented pistachio milk unless Louisa shows up and admits that she was completely in the wrong, and will never find anyone else as special as Jack for the rest of her life. Gazza will instead turn up with the best of intentions, and try to slip through the police cordon with a roast chicken and some anchovy butter. At this point, the Sky helicopter swings into Holyrood Park and Kay Burley is whisked across town to broadcast live from the scene. Jack surveys the scene from her window, and glows with the fire of a thousand suns as she knows that life simply does not get any better than this.

a roll of her backdrop wallpaper stuck to the wall behind her.
Baked-bin laden

 

[AmTellinYa]

I never go anywhere without at least 14 chargers either. Or backgrounds. Or a blender
View attachment 183369

Two sets of air pods?!

Poor my arse!!

CANCEL THE PATREON JACK.