Jack Monroe #445 A criminal, liar, fraud, grifter and all round heartless asshole

[Sideboard Bob]

Welcome to thread 445!

Congratulations to @Terrible for the nomination, and @Valiofthedolls for pointing out the ridiculousness of the words from @Jack_M herself

In the last thread, chaos! *insert Elmo flames gif here*

Would anyone care to recap please?


For newcomers, hi! Please check out the wiki, the pink button up there

ETA. Sorry I just realised I started a new thread a bit early. Like many others it stresses me out when we get beyond page 51, but I jumped ahead too soon.

Anyway, one week to go until Thrifty Kitchen hits the shelves, toot toot mothafuckas.

 

[ForgettyBetty]

Jack plain lost the plot. We did a thread in 14 hours. Just go and read it, lots of ss, it'll be quicker. You may need to keep yesterday's jaw tape to hand if you have hard floors.

 

[usefullyuseless]

My attempt at a smol recap for the parts I witnessed

The canal got a sneak peek of Jack's upcoming book, Grifty Thrifty Kitchen. If you're tired of having fully functional hands you may be interested in her top tips such as:

- use a small sharp knife and a hammer to open tin cans
- put loose fitting baking trays over boiling pots to keep the hit in
- use a large sharp knife to strain said boiling pots

Who needs ten fingers anyway?

She reckons this will be the book that pays for her forever home but I reckon it will be pulped by mid February.

Jack handled the canal's mocking of her tips like the calm professional she is a didn't rage tweet in futile retaliation. Haha just kidding.

 

[ForgettyBetty]

And I think @Terrible should win some tuna tins and a nice first aid kit

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Brief Recap:

Jack is perpendicularly both beset by terrible trolls but also foxily dressing up in outfits so wholly comprised of synthetic fibers that she should not be allowed near naked flames. This while channeling Shakira and being lucky that her breasts are small and humble. Oops! her boobs are (consensual and surprising).

She’s basically acted like a twit all day long, but has a two pronged strategy 1. Send all her acolytes to Amazon etc to buy her book and make some “small change” off that and every other thing they might buy for weeks after that using (undeclared) affiliate links, 2. Ensure anyone who might want to write something vaguely dissenting about her new book is unable to do so having severed one or both thumbs and lost an eye from following one of her thrifty tips.

Oh, and 3. She’s high on what the Guardian is cooking on her behalf

Finally: Jack, Elon is not going to marry/shag/cruise/anything with you. Stop messaging him with cute GIFs. It’s embarrassing.

ETA correction: Jack, please just stop. It’s embarrassing.

 

[noweverythingsucks]

Yeah as another ND, that colour scheme was really confusing as it looked liked each colour was meant to be a category

By 'mess', does she mean poverty? I think she means poverty.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

And I think @Terrible should win some tuna tins and a nice first aid kit

Oh crap, I forgot about prizes! 100% this, yes! And a first aid kit free with all copies of Thrifty Kitchen please.

 

[jenny2603]

View attachment 1837056

Yeah as another ND, that colour scheme was really confusing as it looked liked each colour was meant to be a category

View attachment 1837057
By 'mess', does she mean poverty? I think she means poverty.

There was a suspected sock a week or two back telling everyone that if they just backed off Jack would process their refunds. Really makes you think.

 

[Mendacious Trumpet]

I'm only on page 10 of the last thread but I'm beginning to believe Jack wants me dead. Caught something respiratory over Christmas and I'm now wheezing from laughing so hard I might actually heave.
Thank(space)you Fraus. I'm bookmarking the whole damn thing. duck off the lotta yas

 

[noweverythingsucks]

It's awfully creepy that Jack wearing a bra made her massive gang of hunky male friends point out her incredibly normal looking boobs, especially odd considering her previous nipple shots. But at least this guy didn't notice them.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Thank you all for the recaps

In the last thread @shugabug23 found a preview of Grifty Thrifty Kitchen, the fun starts here -

Jack Monroe #444 Jack's constant inner conflict over wanting to be simultaneously envied and pitied

Talking to herself, truly fascinating behaviour Fascinating and disturbing That sounds parasitic. Imagine demanding and accepting that level of care from someone who probably has a job and family of her own. And when she publicly talks about someone like this she's got form for it meaning...

tattle.life

These book previews are usually around 10% of the book. But I’m sure Jack will prove us all wrong and, the other 90% will be life-changing.

 

[Itchy of Itchington]

My attempt at a smol recap for the parts I witnessed

The canal got a sneak peek of Jack's upcoming book, Grifty Thrifty Kitchen. If you're tired of having fully functional hands you may be interested in her top tips such as:

- use a small sharp knife and a hammer to open tin cans
- put loose fitting baking trays over boiling pots to keep the hit in
- use a large sharp knife to strain said boiling pots

Who needs ten fingers anyway?

Remember Caroline with the hands who LEFT. I'm starting to think that as she was her tester/guinea pig that she is now Caroline without hands

 

[Sideboard Bob]

That link appears to be (consensual, surprising) boobs dear heart

lol!!! Omg thank you TFM! I honestly have no idea how that happened, but the real link should be there now!


ETA. seriously that’s weird, I’ve never seen that thread before. If I was going to link another thread for lols I‘d just say. Maybe it’s my tipsy copy and paste of the link and it went wrong?

 

[hoopdedoo]

Just noticed on the Google Books preview of Grifty Kitchen, in the index, that "Thank yous" is two words with a space in between. So an editor must have been involved at some point.....

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I typed out a whole thing, after thinking about how @HotesTilaire mentioned the HSE but tl :dr Jack, ffs, read this.

HSE: Information about health and safety at work

www.hse.gov.uk

ETA. Sorry for posting so much, but this has really riled me. As other fraus have pointed out, Jack’s ”tips” really are dangerous. I can’t believe it all got past so many people. Fair enough Jack might have missed it, bit doesn’t anyone along the line of this book have that HSE poster in their workplace and even think about it?

Again, I’m worried I’m being nit-picky, because Jack’s book is nothing to do with health and safety and work But omg it’s all common sense to any of us who have worked in any place ever!

 

[HotesTilaire]

I typed out a whole thing, after thinking about how @HotesTilaire mentioned the HSE but tl :dr Jack, ffs, read this.

HSE: Information about health and safety at work

www.hse.gov.uk

ETA. Sorry for posting so much, but this has really riled me. As other fraus have pointed out, Jack’s ”tips” really are dangerous. I can’t believe it all got past so many people. Fair enough Jack might have missed it, bit doesn’t anyone along the line of this book have that HSE poster in their workplace and even think about it?

Again, I’m worried I’m being nit-picky, because Jack’s book is nothing to do with health and safety and work But omg it’s all common sense to any of us who have worked in any place ever!

Dear heart, another Frau mentioned RoSPA who might be more appropriate for accident prevention

RoSPA – The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents - RoSPA

We work tirelessly on the prevention of accidents focussing on home safety, health and safety courses, road safety and workplace health and safety. Through our training courses, membership and consultancy activities RoSPA strives to achieve its vision of life free from serious accidental injury.

www.rospa.com

 

[Bugger13]

Bloody Jack and her chaos-it’s 4am now. I hope someone sues Jack and all the organisations behind this wank if/when someone suffers an injury sanding tuna tins or opening tins with knives and mallets. The old ‘she’s chaotic but well meaning’ excuses get really old when she keeps getting away with giving out both stupid & impractical advice like this.
Also, was staggered to see that she’s ignored the perfectly reasonable suggestion that she make her patreon earnings public as most using that platform do, stopping speculation & allowing people to make an informed choice about whether they want to support her. The well meaning side clearly comes & goes eh

 

[HotesTilaire]

I really hope someone “nice” but also big calls her out. IDK the guy Matt on Watchdog. Not a Tory AFAIK. Some BBC3 presenter like Cherry or Ellie. Claudia Winkleman.

 

[Jelly Bean]

I typed out a whole thing, after thinking about how @HotesTilaire mentioned the HSE but tl :dr Jack, ffs, read this.

HSE: Information about health and safety at work

www.hse.gov.uk

ETA. Sorry for posting so much, but this has really riled me. As other fraus have pointed out, Jack’s ”tips” really are dangerous. I can’t believe it all got past so many people. Fair enough Jack might have missed it, bit doesn’t anyone along the line of this book have that HSE poster in their workplace and even think about it?

Again, I’m worried I’m being nit-picky, because Jack’s book is nothing to do with health and safety and work But omg it’s all common sense to any of us who have worked in any place ever!

I agree. I've been lying in bed pondering her mallet and knife suggestion of opening tins. It is so irresponsible I can't really believe it. I consider myself a fit and relatively strong individual and wouldn't consider tackling it. Imagine elderly people or those with poor grip (or those with say, arthritic hands ) thinking that as it is endorsed by Jack, with nice Nigella's blessing, it must be a good way of opening something. Broken or lacerated fingers is not an unlikely outcome.
And puncturing the tin once wouldn't be enough, you'd have to do it several times. It is complete lunacy. How she thought of it, and it got into a book beggars belief.

 

[HotesTilaire]

We knew it would be a load of old shite, and it hasn’t disappointed thus far! Sub Take-A-Break level tips that have been around for donkeys years anyway, with a lethal twist. Fill a bottle with water and put the cork back in? Eh? How do you get a cork back in a wine bottle? C’est impossible!

Who owns a wine bottle but not a rolling pin? Who needs to be told you can’t used a ridged squash bottle (here’s a hint Jack - Lidl’s own don’t have ridges, but even so a squash bottle of frozen water is a dumb idea).

If I ever need to use a foodbank in the future, will it be like the Rapture? Overnight, all my kitchen utensils will pass into heaven for eternity, I’ll just be left with an oven and a plate? All the cool wooden spoooons and tin openers and potato peeler just duck off out the door when you become a pov?