Jack Monroe #440 Gently navigating the hinterland of plagiarism

[shugabug23]

She doesn't know she's fucking born.

Sorry I feel like I go on about the fact I RENT in a houseshare a lot, but I can't believe how ungrateful and completely lacking in self awareness this grifting windbag is ESPECIALLY when we're currently experiencing a cost of living crisis and many of us are actually struggling.

The reality for so many people her age (especially the 34 year olds who are actually single mums) is that they can't afford to cover the costs of a 1 bed flat, especially with the electricity price hikes.

Meanwhile Slops is out wailing on the heaths:

"Oh woe is me, my huge 3 bed detached house in a posh seaside area is cold"

There's nurses and full time workers using food banks, and kids going to school hungry, read the room you shameless twat.

ETA not that anyone should have to use a food bank, but you know what I mean

My Dad lives in mainland Spain and has come back to our hometown for Christmas ( seaside village) The man is freezing to his kidneys so my heating is on all the bloody time… I’ll pay for it (literally) in Jan but I wouldn’t have a thermo Spanish heated pensioner freezing in Ireland because he’s chose to visit his family during a COL crisis/ energy hostage situation.

She’s nowt but an arrogant, ignorant, narcissistic, deranged, child neglecting, animal cruelty engaging, calorie deficit slop enabler, hidden Tory, pretend POV, cancer baiting, wig wearing, snark toothed, enabled, lying, bolloxing female dog.

 

[definitelynotvlad]

Just to say that every time I see any mention of Big Dave laughing at a gold trifle, I lol. I mean I actually lol.

Between that, his humiliating trousers and his alleged likeness to George Michael, Jack has made him one of the funniest side characters on these threads. I bet he’d hate that.

 

[definitelynotvlad]

The fact she’s in that huge house for less than £1.65k is wild. 10 years ago me + a friend were paying £1.6k for a tiny two bed flat in a converted Victorian terrace. Yet again she has absolutely no idea she’s born?! And what does she expect when she’s got a mortgage on the £550k - 800k property she was going for before??

Also, looking at similar sized properties in Southend available to rent atm, £1650 is still at the cheaper end of the scale. I’m not saying it’s cheap, but I only paid £250 less than that for a small 3 bed terrace in SE London not that long ago. I have no idea if the landlord had a mortgage or if it was inherited though, because that’s a weird level of detail to know about your landlord if you don’t have a personal relationship with them.

 

[Mr Krabs]

I think you’re right. I moved in the Summer and if the SE housing market for both renting and buying remains as brutal as it was then, she’s potentially blown it. Especially if she is renting with not one but two pets and a dodgy credit history. Dollars to donuts it’s not happening and if I was her landlady reading today’s snark, I’d pull the renewal offer on her sorry arse immediately. Frauen, I sense a homeless chaos in the making.

I have a feeling she knew this when she bought Content. Even before the current shitshow that is south east rentals, getting a place with a dog was nearly impossible. Buying Content means she can whinge about how she’d love to downsize, but nobody will rent to her and it’s all somebody else’s fault. Technically, landlords can’t discriminate against people with pets. But when 20 people apply for one place, the person with CCJs, a single income which is shaky and a giant dog is not going to be on the top of their list.

 

[DragonBoy]

Brilliant. She's getting angry

Is it wrong of me to love watching that scamming cunt's chickens coming home to roost and she's now losing the plot?

If it is, I don't really care. Fuck that bitch - she's caused so much harm, stolen so much money and dished out so much bullshit with a side order of lies that she deserves every bit of hardship and pain coming down the pipe.

Why does she always talk about SB like he’s just a burden to her?

 

[jenny2603]

I do wonder if now Jack has allegedly posted the Patreon rewards whether she now thinks she is untouchable by the sad Haus fraus of the internet and the trolls. To be fair I think the Lee Anderson tip jar money is more worrying in terms of where the money went.

There's just so much grift to choose from and I still think the Teemill store only raising a few hundred for the second charity over six months is totally implausible given the £11,000 claimed for the first day or so. Both these things cannot be true.

 

[Elsie Ben Felyn]

When is a rolling rent not a rolling rent?

When it’s another effing pointless lie.

 

[Goldman]

I see they have not invited the smol pixie back. Oh dear, how sad.

 

[Malkiavelli]

She’s on a rolling contract Oct 2020 thanks @jenny2603 for the SS. But now her tenancy is up in Feb 2023 after a “nightmare amount of time” being “tied into” this contract. But had a property inspection yesterday (end of tenancy, why else?) yet the LL doesn’t know she’s ending her rolling/ nightmare time/ 2 year contract in feb EVEN THOUGH she’s been moaning all over Twatter for months about the hecking great downsize. Am I in a fugue state? I need smelling salts!

“Yea but can’t you see that with the passing of time, circumstances can change and thus all previous comments change with them. I was 32 when I wrote that rolling contract tweet… Isn’t obvious then that situations can change…. Now, I’m not gonna explain why it changed from a rolling contract to a fixed to term contract, to do so would contradict the timeline I’ve created for my current grift - but that’s not the lie that I’m denying right now. I’m denying lying about the rolling contract which now seems to be fixed term.. that can’t be a lie because I’m 34 now and literally autistic. You see, pal?”

 

[Mrs Peel]

IF (and it's a big if) she has sent out any Patreon stuff it will probably be to the people who are openly questioning her. What would that be? Maybe 20 people tops. So that's taken care of for the time being.

Now, can we address the packing, making little 2D models of her new place, talking about paint colours, sleeping on a couch to get ready for downsizing, pretty much saying she had somewhere to move to etc etc etc. I would be surprised if any of this actually happened, and right between Xmas and New Year she'll put out a desperate plea for help (rattle rattle) because she and her boy will be homeless in a few months.

How was that fancy dress party, Jack? Face it, that's your entire life. Fucking fancy dress.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

As fictional party Jack is being BORING with her orange squash and DOZENS of raucously laughing friends with squished tangled limbs all sat together in Southend’s biggest bowl of (nonalcoholic) brandy butter, here’s a trip down memory lane of two years ago this very day when despite being SO SEVERELY ILL with COVID, she managed to selflessly pull a Christmas dinner together for us plebs.

It included a plate of milky lumpy sick, a Blackadder-esque vegetable shaped a bit like a thingy, a gravy boat of effluent, bollock sausage dismembered dongs, and a very unruly looking “mincemeat pudding” amongst other delicious highlights.

Spoiler: COVID Jack’s 18 Dec 2020 Christmas Feast

“Everything I do, I do it for YOUR MONEY you. Also, I’m VERY ILL”

Earlier that day, to set the delicious festive food scene, the talk had been of bog brushes and the cleaning of off them. EVANGELICAL about them. So very very ill with covid

In her fuge state feverish SEVERELY ILL COVID “mad wild head” she also invented a toothbrush. That it turns out already exists.

(Credit to patience-of-a-saint @Silver Linings for immortalizing all the above)

ETA I don’t know why there’s a cockroach/stag beetle baked into side of the mincemeat pudding either. Extra protein for the non-vegetarians?

 

[Falkor]

You haven’t lived unless you’ve visited Vienetta!

Am deceased. Send coffin-os!

 

[jenny2603]

Dear hearts, I am somewhat confused. I was led to believe that a glamorous fancy dress ball was taking place this evening with Jack as Tommy Shelby as the star attraction. Now I don't want to mess with anyone's toot toot or crumble their pumble but where are the pictures? I suppose it's possible that Jack has lost herself in the heady world of diluting juice and J1g so isn't sending updates but based on past form that strikes me as somewhat unlikely. Jack if you're out there can you send us a sign. I know you cannot lie so the party must be real, if you could just flash your pocket watch or show us your hat to let us know you're safe that would set my mind at rest.

 

[Smol Pixel]

If her tenancy (FIXED) isn’t up until February and she hasn’t yet given notice to her landlord, then why — regardless of how far along the process of securing a new place is — has she packed up a shit ton of boxes already? I get decluttering and getting rid of stuff in order to downsize, but if she can pack stuff up in *checks notes* mid-November in order to move house in mid-February, it suggests that perhaps all of that stuff in boxes is also things she doesn’t really need.

Makes you think.

 

[definitelynotvlad]

Stuck inside with an unwell toddler for days and I am officially in a Peppa Pig / Jack Monroe fugue state (the crossover nobody asked for). I dreamed Morwenna Banks (who voices PP amongst her many talents), revealed she was a Frau and we all tried to guess who she was. I know who my moneys on but ah went tell. Send alternative children’s programmingos

 

[Mrs Peel]

It's pretty damning if she's been totally wiped from The Guardian's list of contributors. I had a quick look and they still have people listed who wrote one article back in 2017 etc. It's as if they want to completely distance themselves from her.

Really makes you think...

 

[Falkor]

I think we could potentially be in for an absolutely classic Christmas of Chaos here.

I had a visit from the library van today and there was a copy of Tin Can Cook on the shelves. Didn't know whether to take it out and renew it for the maximum number of times I'm allowed, thus saving any other poor sod from trying anything in it for the next 9 weeks, or leave it there so whoever makes the purchasing decisions at the council doesn't think she's popular. Left it in the end, I didn't really want it in the house!

 

[zetta buttons]

I apologise for keep mentioning this runner I follow but I feel she is relevant here.

When her car broke down, she storied the whole thing- where it happened, the fact that the AA had failed to turn up so the car had to remain in that location overnight, the eventual fixing and which AA person did it. At no point did she stop and think that this was a bad idea, that she was opening herself (and her family) up to a myriad of problems.

Jack complains all the time (mainly pointing the blame at us) about people invading her privacy, commenting on her family, living arrangements and financial dealings. Yet here she is, sharing private texts, her CT, energy DD, rental agreement and feelings about her son. Admittedly, it may all be bollocks but that isn’t the point. Regardless of whether it is true or not, she is making it out to be true and therefore when people comment she only has herself to blame.

When will these people learn that SM is not like a private fucking text or phone call? You are showing this information to 1000s and it is unsafe.

WHY DON’T THEY FALL OVER MORE?

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

I really can’t believe how much lip filler she has. The partial side profile really shows how much it’s migrating too

I’d say she’s reached the “shelf” stage.

Normal = glam marketing manager
Ledge = Insta baddie with footballers in her DMs
Shelf = pained looking girl on the district line, you pray her mum will be taking her to get them dissolved this weekend
Plateau = Geordie shore cast member

 

[shugabug23]

Lads, I’ve had my crystal ball out and I’d bet good money on that tweet about posting Patreon rewards out will not age well & we’ll have a NY chaos when there’s no sign after Royal Mail get through the backlog in Jan. TOOT TOOT MUTHAF*CKERS!