Jack Monroe #42

[choccydigestive]

If it’s happening out of school time I’m not sure that the school would concern themselves with it unless it crosses over into the school.

I think you need to consider telling him to delete his Instagram account for the time being. Or putting it to private. Surely he could block these people on Instagram? It’s the easiest solution. Don’t engage. That’s the bottom line. I know it’s easy to say and when you are a kid you want to keep in touch with pals particularly during lockdown. But they aren’t pals. They are showing that. At some point one of them is going to have to be the bigger person and walk away from it.

I’m a lot older than your son obviously but I ended up in a situation on twitter where I was being badly harassed by a group of adults who don’t know me.

I didn’t want to leave twitter but I had to. It was making me ill and if I hadn’t left it would still be going on now.

It’s the sensible solution to try and remove him from the source of the problem even if that’s on a temporary basis until this blows over and if that means deleting insta off his phone for a bit maybe that’s what needs to happen at least in the short term.

Thank you, you're so right too. I do keep trying with the "being the bigger person" thing but he takes his dad's route which is just to try to shrug and bury his head in the sand. They spent most of yesterday re-adding him to a message group but he left every time they did, but I'm not sure he's actually gone as far as blocking. I will check.

Sure I can see how it can lead to confrontation with the other parents if done with emotions blazing, and I can see how school is the best option for advocacy if it were an in-school problem. I don’t know how old your son is, but if like mine, he’s not currently there and they are winding down for the term, and it’s actually not happening AT school - what can they do right now? Offer support, yes ...

In my own personal experience, I was friends with the bully’s parent - I politely and calmly and also with as much good humour as I could - had a chat with them and discussed it. It is awful to have that conversation, and it can lead to escalation, I do realise this. But I knew that I would like to have known if it were my son who was doing the bullying.

it’s such a sensitive matter, and difficult if it’s all on Instagram. It’s a good start for him to stay off it for a while, if that’s reasonable. Wish you lots of sympathy X

Thank you. I am prone to getting emotional and shaky so I don't know I'd do too well in the discussion situation. Maybe I'm more like Jack than I thought, happy to say my piece online but not in person!

 

[Flumps]

@choccydigestive - I agree with those who say to block for now, I think the cooling down is key here. I discovered recently that apparently my daughter and her friends don't see blocking as a particularly heinous crime, it's just part of the social tools and they do it to each other fairly regularly if things are getting heated for one reason or another, so it may not be quite the nuclear option it seems.

Also, with my daughter, she goes all supersonic when I suggest any kind of intervention in friendship things (which I think I have only done once or twice and was only for the sort of thing you're talking about). Once I'd done it, and things were sorted, she was hugely relieved that I had. I think the trouble is, they think they are all grown up, but they are still wee babies in some ways and they might rail against it, but they do need the grown ups still.

As to handling it, I think it would depend on how I saw the parents. I see the argument against contacting them directly, but if I thought they were reasonable I think I would be inclined to do it in a non-confrontational 'How do we sort this out for everyone' way, while stamping on my internal urge to be all lion-mother like. I do think schools (from my experience) consider things like this relevant to them, and they might think that even more now as most things are virtual, including interactions with schoolmates.

Friendly shoulder squeeze to you too. These things are horrible to deal with. x

 

[byropaw]

Okay! I was just reading Guardian Australia online, and an article about peanut butter led me down the "hmmm, could I make peanut butter?" (quickly replaced by, no, I can't be bothered actually.)

I clicked next on Felicity Cloake's how to make the perfect peanut butter and found Ms Monroe's recipe.

So far, so ordinary. It is the Guardian circa 2015.

But then I saw the photos, and I really want you to see them, too

Hot on the heels of my peanut butter expose, I make my first ever thread title suggestion:

Peanut butter, peanut butter, Jack Monroe is an absolute...

ETA: this has it all; there's even rinsing!

 

[veryfondoftea]

@juju1895 I was one of the ones recommending the Shark anti hair cordless. I got this one: https://sharkvacuum.co.uk/#IZ201UKT and would highly recommend

 

[Aquamarina]

Looking at all of these lovely messages of support really makes me realise what a lovely cabal of fraus we are here, rather than the hideous trolls people like JM and SH make us out to be. I do hope you get the situation resolved soon @choccydigestive.

 

[chocolate choux]

Okay! I was just reading Guardian Australia online, and an article about peanut butter led me down the "hmmm, could I make peanut butter?" (quickly replaced by, no, I can't be bothered actually.)

I clicked next on Felicity Cloake's how to make the perfect peanut butter and found Ms Monroe's recipe.

So far, so ordinary. It is the Guardian circa 2015.

But then I saw the photos, and I really want you to see them, too

Hot on the heels of my peanut butter expose, I make my first ever thread title suggestion:

Peanut butter, peanut butter, Jack Monroe is an absolute...

ETA: this has it all; there's even rinsing!

That’s baby poo. You cannot tell me otherwise

 

[Nottonightbabe]

@choccydigestive If it doesn't calm down soon, do have a chat with the school before the term ends, see what they advise. Yes schools are closed to many but schooling itself is still continuing even though children can't physically attend the building. It's still under the remit of their pastoral team IMO, albeit there are certain responses unavailable to them at the moment. X

 

[Silver Linings]

My now grown up children also call me and my ex-husband by our first names. It’s fairly common in our middle-class, liberal circle. It’s strange for us that other people find it so weird. My name isn’t, nor has never been ‘mum.’

My child went through a phase of calling me ‘Mother’ for a joke and it stuck. Now thanks to our southern accent it sounds posh when we’re anything but. I always try and properly dumb down my answer if they do it in public so we don’t get mugged by our own peers.

 

[byropaw]

So hard, would you consider a talk to him first, "do you know what bullying is? Do you know why some appearances (or people) are picked out to be picked on?" I really feel for him, and you, and an Aunt nod (as I'm not a mother) to the realist in you acknowledging his behaviour is not always angelic. Good luck, and take care

Slightly OT and apologies - I can sort of connect it on the sweary teens subplot -

I've recently found evidence that my son is being bullied. He has a "close" friend who's been bullying him about being so-called fat for some time now on and off but who thinks it's "jokes" and no big deal. Anyway, now a couple of other friends have been pulled in and they over the last few days have been messaging my son telling him over and over he's fat, nobody really likes him, he's a cry baby, can't spell, stupid, etc. My son is no angel and has said some stuff in return to all this that is way less than ideal, but I also figure that when you continually poke a dragon with a stick and then get others to do it too then at some point it's going to lash out. Idon't know what to do. It's out of school so I don't know whether to contact them (they have excellent pastoral support). I am raging but I'm also tit at confrontation.

 

[Silver Linings]

I started reading my mum’s extensive Mills and Boon collection when I was about 11yrs. They were pure filth.

I used to read them at the library inside bigger books like a film.

Fraus Jack will not be happy about us being non coven like and supportive to each other. Or going off topic. We will be punished.

I thank my lucky stars social media wasn’t a thing when I was at school. It would have been 24/7 hell.

to all who need it.

 

[JoyceDivision]

Okay! I was just reading Guardian Australia online, and an article about peanut butter led me down the "hmmm, could I make peanut butter?" (quickly replaced by, no, I can't be bothered actually.)

I clicked next on Felicity Cloake's how to make the perfect peanut butter and found Ms Monroe's recipe.

So far, so ordinary. It is the Guardian circa 2015.

But then I saw the photos, and I really want you to see them, too

Hot on the heels of my peanut butter expose, I make my first ever thread title suggestion:

Peanut butter, peanut butter, Jack Monroe is an absolute...

ETA: this has it all; there's even rinsing!

Which is odd because she asked Shivi on DKL if she’d ever made Peanut Butter and then said she’s never made it herself...

 

[Motherwellgirl]

My mum was a teacher for 40 years. A good one. She dealt with bullying in her classes. She refused to tolerate it.

Other teachers didn’t. There are kids who get very badly bullied at schools and the schools don’t deal with it effectively and the person being bullied often has to move schools

All schools should have a policy on bullying. It’s the same as the workplace. I’ve been bullied in several jobs. Every employer I worked for had lovely shiny polices on bullying and harassment. They often weren’t worth the paper they were printed on.

It’s down to the school, particularly the senior staff how effectively they will deal with bullying. My mum worked with some fabulous head teachers and ones that basically lost control of the school.

It was down to her experience as a teacher that she was effectively able to stop kids being bullied in her class. She also raised issues with senior staff

I personally was bullied most of the way through school by one girl. Primary. She targeted a lot of us. I told one teacher directly. My concerns were laughed off. It ended up with her threatening to drown me and my mum found out and told her in no uncertain terms to back off. She never went near me again.

There’s no one size fits all approach or right and wrong answers. But not every school would get involved in an issue that is happening outside the classroom. If it spilled over into the classroom I’d expect them to step in then.

 

[Silver Linings]

Okay! I was just reading Guardian Australia online, and an article about peanut butter led me down the "hmmm, could I make peanut butter?" (quickly replaced by, no, I can't be bothered actually.)

I clicked next on Felicity Cloake's how to make the perfect peanut butter and found Ms Monroe's recipe.

So far, so ordinary. It is the Guardian circa 2015.

But then I saw the photos, and I really want you to see them, too

Hot on the heels of my peanut butter expose, I make my first ever thread title suggestion:

Peanut butter, peanut butter, Jack Monroe is an absolute...

ETA: this has it all; there's even rinsing!

You’ve just reminded me, are the pistachios still sweating in the smeg? Now that’s a sentence I never thought i’d write.

 

[J4n0Z]

@choccydigestive I was bullied at school too, I really feel for you and your son. I remember her intervening on my behalf when I was younger and it did help but it's more complex when they're older. And social media definitely doesn't help.

It's so hard knowing the right thing to do, isn't it?

 

[Starsanddaggers]

Eldest is fine. Operation was only an hour and actually turned out to be the more positive problem of the two (wont bore you with the details kinda gross too)
So a good day.
Thank you kind caring coven of haus fraus.

Alas....
Jack Monroe has made another comment trivialising and generalising autism and it's not made me as a ragey as it normally does.
Because I'm used to her ignorant ways x

 

[chocolate choux]

You’ve just reminded me, are the pistachios still sweating in the smeg? Now that’s a sentence I never thought i’d write.

The apples are ripe,
The plums are red,
The pistachios are sweating in the fancy Smeg

(Was it just my school that sang that song? )

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Which is odd because she asked Shivi on DKL if she’d ever made Peanut Butter and then said she’s never made it herself...

I think we need a search team to find that clip....

 

[Motherwellgirl]

Unlike Miss Wholesome Apple Pie who farts unicorns

Give it a rest Jack. No one is buying the crud you talk.

 

[Silver Linings]

More followers are doing the walk of shame with their shoes in their hands and their knickers in their clutchbags.

 

[Pocahontas]

I used to read them at the library inside bigger books like a film.

Fraus Jack will not be happy about us being non coven like and supportive to each other. Or going off topic. We will be punished.

I thank my lucky stars social media wasn’t a thing when I was at school. It would have been 24/7 hell.

to all who need it.

Fraus Jack
She’ll love that.