Jack Monroe #42

[J4n0Z]

She hasn't even given an excuse as to why she's stopped the book reviews?!

What a flake. I thought she wasn't ever giving up, going away or whatever.

No, no, no you've got it WRONG.

That was YESTERDAY. She OBVIOUSLY meant she wasn't giving up YESTERDAY. Today is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

You know, like cats.

 

[Fraggle]

I’ve had a tipple or two, so forgive my potential offering for next thread title;

Jackie are you ok? Are you ok, Jackie?

 

[colouredlines]

Oh, I've got one of those memories too Flumps! Reported back to me somewhere in my mid teens. My friends were trying to bring me to mind to one of my teachers at school. When she realised who they meant, she said 'Oh yes, I know who you mean. She's pretty, in a funny sort of way...'
To this day that is how I think of my looks - funny how things stay with you.

I remember being in first year at university and hearing people I barely knew talking shit about me outside my bedroom window (that was a fun night!). There were two of us in my halls with the same name - let's say Diana - and this very sweet Japanese girl was trying to join in the conversation:

"Which Diana is that? The...less beautiful one?"

It stuck with me for years...although now I live in a place where my looks are exotic and desirable, so just like the frizz drama, it worked out well. But fuck me, not a great description, especially from someone you know was trying to be nice...

 

[MrsMappFlint]

From that peanut butter article:

Jack Monroe uses salted peanuts because they tend to be cheaper, then roasts them again “to deepen the flavour”. As she rinses them afterwards, they are not overpoweringly salty

Of course she does

The Monroe method, take something simple and make it really fucking complicated

 

[Harrybosch]

Oh, just realised, the fabled Puttanesca Funebra (or penne with passata) was the one she cooked and then abandoned and then had a meltdown.

She's such a (insert favourite Scottish swearword)



Also what the fuck does it mean? Whore's (Italian) funeral (spanish) pasta? It makes no sense.

 

[GrunkaLunka]

She hasn't even given an excuse as to why she's stopped the book reviews?!

What a flake. I thought she wasn't ever giving up, going away or whatever.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Hello everyone, first time posting here! Tell me if I'm not doing it right...and apologies for length. I have lots of observations about this chick!
I'm so glad to see these threads about JM as I thought I was the only one who saw through her BS. I used to think she was ok although her culinary ability was always clearly completely exaggerated - an early recipe of hers in the Guard was, IIRC, 'cheesy peas pasta' which was pasta, mushy peas and cheese all heated up together. That was it. That was the recipe. The only way that could be seen as a serious recipe would be if it was on a blog for hardcore stoners who can barely find their kitchen let alone cook in it. But still - I just thought it was the usual Guardian fetishization of the 'deserving poor' especially since she was pretty and LGBT - usual stuff from the Graun.
But as the years went on I could see more and more how fake she is. The first red flags were the constant new health / identity dramas - trans / anorexia / alcoholism / autism etc etc. It was always something. And when I began following her on Twitter I realised that her 'working class single mum' shtick was as fake as they come. Her tone, phraseology and vocabulary are all very middle class and very privately educated posh girl middle class at that. Other working class people on this thread will know exactly what I mean. I grew up WC but got into the MC through going to uni and getting into a MC profession so I've been well placed to see the fundamental differences in the way people communicate. That humorously self-deprecating tone, the arch irony, the quirks like ironically using capitals for A Very Important Thing, subtle word choices (e.g. "your support means the ABSOLUTE WORLD") - WC people just do not talk like this. They are more direct and very, very rarely use self deprecating exaggeration at all. She's faking her background. Of course, Jack's fans wouldn't recognise this as they are all MC themselves.
As for the period of poverty. I believe it's totally exaggerated: not necessarily the depth of it but certainly the time period. Reading between the lines of various interviews I reckon what happened was that she lost her job at the fire station and then had to wait the customary 6 weeks for her benefits to come through. And yeah, if you don't have savings, that 6 weeks is hell. If you have maybe £150 of savings or can get a loan or overdraft then you can eke it out on food but without housing benefit you are truly stuffed when it comes to rent. And yeah it is depressing and terrifying, I fully get that. The thing is it's not uncommon. The things she's talked about (unscrewing lightbulbs, going to bed with clothes on cos cold, not having second helpings) are things that I and many on this thread and MILLIONS of others in this country have experienced, many for much longer than 6 weeks. It's horrible, but usually you manage to get out of it. And it's far from uncommon. But she's made it her entire personality and uses it to fish for constant attention and to bully and dogpile others. I mean, how did she get her big break in the Guardian anyway? I know loads of single mums and none of them have got fawning Guardian articles because they cooked a basic meal. Believe me the girl has media connections. No way did the Guardian just 'find' her. And the thing is her followers believe her tale of woe because they're all MC and the idea of having to ration your heating to them sounds like the equivalent of living in Raqqa under ISIS because they have no idea that this is normal and sometimes what less well-off people just have to do.

As for the dirty hands. I'm ethnically similar to Jack - but a bit further east and both parents. I'm much darker skinned than she is. So I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that that's not melanin, it's DIRT.

FFS, this girl is fake and she's poison. I have some observations about her shitty, damaging use of AA and alcoholism claims too and also the possible psychological effects of her upbringing which could explain her current behaviour but will stop now as don't want to thread hog on my first outing lol

welcome!! And omg I love this post, sorry I’m six years behind the thread but nodded in complete agreement throughout. You’re so right on language, it’s so interesting and nuanced isn’t it...but that gross tweeness is 100% a giveaway, even the baby talk and the gross way she describes food like someone’s posh nana? You’ll have to join the criminal behavioural analysis team on the thread x

Only 20 pages to go til I’m in the future, sorry for bringing this up from ancient history!

 

[Flumps]

I only mention it now to tell my two favourite men wanking stories!

<taps foot impatiently>

 

[Ellabella]

One thing I noticed from old clips of her TV appearances posted in the last thread - she certainly seems more confident? Not so timid and unsure and ‘woo, I’m about to a chaos’.
Granted, she was giving her two pennies about social issues / rudeness, and NOT attempting to cook at the same time, but she had a bit more bite to her then.

I wonder if she feels imposter syndrome with her ‘cooking’ appearances - she’s been rolling on and on this career path that all centres around her being strapped for cash and cooking to a budget ... but it’s no longer relevant, is it? And she knows it

Yes, absolutely!

I agree with this, she seemed calmer and definitely more in control of her shoulders and hands. But she was also way more serious and stony faced, that is not the look they want for a TV chef. I reckon the TV execs said to her that she needed to lighten up and be more smiley and friendly. That's when it all went to shit, as that is not her natural persona and she is therefore putting on a front, out of sorts, a bag of nerves and it puts the viewer on edge.

 

[chocolate choux]

A new thread? It seems like only yesterday when the last one was star- oh

Seriously, I’m close to using these threads to categorise time, much like a child thinks in ‘sleeps’

 

[chocolate choux]

I read about her moving in to a new flat, two things caught my sttentiotn. First, she said it's still a two bed flat. I took this to mean that she was pleased that her child still had their own room. No, she meant it only has two bedrooms.
Second, she was pleased that she did need to apply for council housing.

The part about it only being a two bed flat is so entitled, even she admits it’s all they need. LHA for two bedrooms in my area is not nearly enough for the market rent, the shortfall is considerable so many have to share a bedroom with their kid(s). She was so ungrateful

Also she mentioned painting the rooms, again it’s rare to find a flat you can do what you want with. Even if she wasn’t risking losing her deposit, why would you spend money unnecessarily while living on the breadline? In the next blog post just three days later, she complained that she was back on a £7/week budget. The absolute cheapest tins of paint would cost the equivalent of a couple of weeks food

She was either incredibly bad with managing money or lying

 

[chocolate choux]

Also what the fuck does it mean? Whore's (Italian) funeral (spanish) pasta? It makes no sense.

I’m trying to work this out

Funebra doesn’t seem to be either language, but Esperanto. Funebre, however, is Italian for ‘funereal’ so ‘funereal whore’?

However, Italian (and Romance languages in general) usually has the rule of the noun preceding the adjective so it would be ‘puttanesca funebre’

Also many Italian pasta dishes seem to generally be named: pasta type + alla (‘in the style of’?) + whatever, so something like penne alla puttanesca funebre might have sounded okay and made sense?

Bear in mind that I’m attempting this translation using basic Spanish, residual Italian GCSE memories and Google So possibly still wrong. We can’t all be mavericks

If you’re reading, Jack, I’m up for a bit of freelancing

 

[MarmiteExtract]

The fragrance chat has me wondering what Ian Hislop smells like. Bet he’s lovely and crisp smelling, with just a hint of something mossy. Like a fresh autumn evening personified.

 

[Lanie]

She is so arrogant it is unbelievable. Does she think all celebrity chefs started out being celebrities? Most of them started at the bottom - washing pots and getting paid an utter pittance for long hours. They worked their way up and learnt valuable skills. Most chefs have a fair old clue about poverty because they would have spent so long earning dire wages until they got to about sous chef level. And most professional chefs are from a working class background.

Of course they fucking know how to live off a budget as they did it for years. Not for a couple of months like Jack did and has spent the subsequent 10 yrs cos playing at being poor and refusing to learn how to cook.

I went to school with a lad who was really smart but a real no hoper. I don't know of his background but I am guessing it wasn't great. When we were doing his GCSE he was washing pots in a hotel at the weekend. He then got all excited because just before out GCSE they offered to take him on to train up as a chef. This kid was going nowhere else fast he was constantly in trouble in school and just didn't care, but with cooking he did care and it helped him drive towards staying out of trouble.

I think it's very ignorant of her to attack her fellow chefs, just because they have done better than her. She made a name for herself and gotten a few gigs. If she would get her trap shut and continued to plug her stuff then she could get noticed.

 

[MrsOgre]

I've also had stalker experience. Completely random (and much older) man got seemingly obsessed when I worked at a supermarket years ago. Went on for years. He went off the rails when I started growing a baby bump with no wedding ring in sight. I often wonder what the heck he did when I just disappeared (left the job and moved away) Anyway it got me wondering if having a stalker is a pie JM has a spare finger for?? I bet she bloody does.

ETA of course she bloody does! It's us!

She said she has cctv all over the bungalow to protect her against her stalker, yet slept in a tent in the garden.
Massive hugs and love to all of you who are victims of stalking. I'm still battling on here (getting a case together to make it stop) and it's getting me down so much.

 

[ShowMeYourFeline]

In case anyone forgets what a fucking liar she is: https://threader.app/thread/1244753809773035527

'If it weren't for that boy, i'd probably still be in the fire service. Halfway to my 25 year service medal, paying into my pension, ironing my epaulettes.'

Lmao, she thinks because her mum was a foster carer, she was a “co-parent to foster children for 15 years”. What when you yourself was a child?

 

[AmTellinYa]

@MancBee I know exactly what you mean about Jack being so triggering and not being sure why. I've found myself absolutely shaking with rage/upset/frustration with her on several occasions and it bothers me that she gets under my skin so easily when usually I am pretty laid back. I think you're so incredibly brave and inspirational, take all the time you need, we'll be here for you whenever you're ready to join in again xx

 

[Flumps]

Ok now admittedly I have had a glass of wine but I think I've cracked her unwholesome obsession with David Walliams!

He has small features in a big face. I mean, he has at least twice as much face as your average person.

Jack has big features in a really small face. And as - judging by recent photos - her eyes her getting bigger, her lips are getting bigger and her nose is definitely getting bigger, she must be looking to secure more facial territory.

And who better to claim it from than a privileged male millionaire who already has more than his fair share of everything? Look out Walliams, Citizen Monroe is coming for your boat race!

(Btw this probably won't seem so funny to me in the morning)

Oh Penns, this is not your fault at all, and this was very funny, but you've reminded me of one of the worst insults I ever received. When I was a teenager someone once described me as 'that girl with the big round face'. I still carry that moon-face little barb with me, (though my face isn't particularly round anymore) along with the slightly more palatable but still oddly upsetting 'The thing about you is that you are pretty, but not at all sexy' that I got, a few years later, from someone I very much wanted to find me all the sexy.

Some more random data for your triangulation @Gentlemensrelish!

 

[Jay-cloth Cow]

God I LOVED the Flowers in the Attic series when I was 10-11ish. Also Philippa Gregory's Wideacre trilogy, equally disturbing with the incest, murder etc. I think I've turned out ok (I hope).

Also did similar to the girl @Lanie mentioned - I chose a career path which wasn't for me, so you know what I did? I took a pay cut (I do realise I was very privileged to be in the position to do this, I know it's not something everyone can do), entered the field I wanted to work in in an entry-level position, persuaded my new employers after about a year that they really wanted to fund my qualifications, and 4 years later I am in a job (still at the same company who funded me) doing what I actually want to be doing (though you may not know it from the amount of time I spend on here rather than doing my actual work).

If you're not happy with your lot, Jack, be proactive and do something about it!

Spoiler: Kitten chat

Also I agree with those who said that it is very convenient that someone tweeted about leg splints for cats with similar leg issues, then suddenly that's what the kitten needs. GO TO THE VET,

 

[Harrybosch]

The stuff I was reading by 10 I had an advanced reading age and plundered my mum’s books. Virginia Andrews, Jackie Collins, Stephen King, the Idi Amin biography
I turned out ok. On the outside.
Hahahahahahaha.

Ha, I thought I'd read inappropriate books aged 10, but you beat me with your Idi Amin biography.

I let my kids read anything and everything. We talk about stuff. It's important to learn about what other people think, even if you disagree with them. This DW thing reminds me of the 90s, when people thought playing video games or watching a violent film would lead to school shootings.

I remember reading Billionaire Boy with my son a few years ago. I admit, I was somewhat taken aback by the whole page 3 thing, but to be fair, it led to discussion about how women and men are treated differently and about nudity and what's appropriate. I assume no one was scarred for life, but I guess only time will tell.