Jack Monroe #361 The only person thats suffered has been, uh, me

[I steal names]

Well, my friends, I did it!

I genuinely followed Jack's recipe as closely as possible. I didnt arse about to try and make it work, or not work, i followed her to the letter.

The only differences in ingredients were:
I used smoked back bacon rather than cooking bacon.
Omitted mustard.
Had to use a mix of penne and fusilli (using up scraps.

Positives:
The pasta was cooked thoroughly.

Cons:
Way too much liquid, as we all thought. See photos.
Over riding taste of salt. As I used smoked bacon, I didn't add any extra, even though Jack's recipe said to do so. There is a stock cube, bacon, black pudding, you don't need extra salt.

The textures of soggy black pudding and kale in one mouthful is not one I enjoyed. Add to it the stringy melted cheese and I had to put the bowl down.

Would not recommend this recipe.

PS. The leftover liquid turned grey because of the black pudding.

 

[MooBelle]

Just to jump in about Patreon Squig...
She's an ex poster from here. It was she who summoned Jack to Tattle on thread 31 by saying Jack bought followers on IG.
Her feud with Jack goes back years. Patreon Squig and her daughter were targeted by a nasty individual who stalked/abused them for years. He eventually went to prison. He also sent some nasty tweets to Jack, however nothing came of it because it's Twitter and that's what happens.
Jack then started saying that the bloke was in prison for stalking/abusing her, which just isn't true.
Patreon Squig reached out to Jack because she was targeted by same bloke and Jack was her usual unpleasant self. Patreon Squig started correcting Jack's lies and she sent the flying monkeys after her. It was a particularly unpleasant onslaught.
Patreon Squig is a tough cookie and well respected for her work. She won't back down and she knows her stuff.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Is this a joke???

 

[Justacatindisguise]

Squig posted the collage

 

[Justacatindisguise]

 

[Hollaaa]

Last thread recap:

 

[Belgian Bun]

What Happened In Dordrecht (Does Not Stay in Dordrecht)

Harold had a business trip planned. "It's only Dordrecht," he said, twiddling my wayward hair around his manly forefinger. "It's not worth your while coming. There'll be nothing for you to do."

I curled into a foetal ball and cried for three hours. "YOU WANT ME DEAD!" I said, quite reasonably. My despair was such that only his yielding to me would bring its cease. "All right," he said softly, gently, "you can come. But don't say I didn't warn you! I'll be in meetings with Jan and Pieter and all that boring lot. Of course, Myrthe will be there too." At this I resumed my foetal ball. Myrthe, six feet tall, blonde and golden. "YOU WANT MYRTHE, YOU HATE ME!" I replied rationally.

When we got there I couldn't believe it. Harold was literally in meetings all day IGNORING me. That night, after pumble, I put my legs in the air up the wall. "What on earth are you doing, Jacksi?"

"It's time, Harold. I want your baby. I want our baby. I want to be tied to you for life, you and your ordinary money."

Harold insisted I wash out my lady regions on the bidet immediately. Said he wasn't ready to be a father. Said he wasn't sure if he would ever be ready and anyway, weren't we just casual. CASUAL? CASU-FUCKING-AL?

I insisted on not washing, put my pants back on and packed my duffel bag. I'll show him CASUAL.

 

[BlendedSlop]

Yes squig!

 

[Justacatindisguise]

Patreon squig has brought receipts

 

[Jelly Bean]

Thanks to dear heart @Veronicaaa for thread title suggestion. (Ping me your address tender one and I'll pop a special secret box in the post).
It is all about Jack having to stay at the shitty bungalow for decades against her will
On which note there is news! Jack has singlehandedly emptied one of her the landlady's outhouses. This is in preparation for The Move. You may not have heard about it as she doesn't like to talk about it.
She appeared on BBC news giving out her usual dodgy and frankly harmful energy advice. Cunningly disguised as 'someone else on the Internet said it'.
Good news! She is going to be posting a one pot recipe every day. It is her mission in life now. After the excitement of a greasy cheesy thing with black burnt bits on top we are agog to see what is coming next. And waiting.
The summer of making memories with SB has cranked up a gear. They sat in a cafe while she ignored him to fanny around on her phone. So special.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Yes.

She came as a trans man and started taking testosterone, then non-binary, then seemed to drop that and only whips it out when criticised now.

Gave up being veggie after releasing her vegan/veggie book because arthritis, doctor told her to eat bollock sausages or something. Has also claimed to be a pescatarian bodybuilder.

Jack's vegan era is now known as the Fairytale of No Pork.
I'm sorry, I'll see myself out...

 

[BlendedSlop]

 

[Veronicaaa]

View attachment 1491033

Wow, is she trying to imply that person is an alcoholic? Very zen, 12 step behaviour Jack. You twat.

 

[SmillieKylie]

A tale of Flying Monkey activity on the Twitter tonight, the #bekind brigrade forgetting the kindness when going into bat for Jack

 

[moaningmyrtle24]

Firstly, I have misread previous posts and thought Tommy Lee Jones had posted his wang and confused (relieved? disappointed?) when I realised it what the other one.

Anyway, I am so glad I found this page. I knew Jack back when she was Melissa. We went to same school, although I was a couple of years below, but knew her from extra curricular activities ha. I was surprised when she became 'famous' but kinda proud of the work she was doing and issues she was highlighting, especially as I saw her when quite poorly with her mental health (about 15yrs ago) and always wondered how things worked out for her.

In my work I have seen how easy it is for people to slip into poverty, and how difficult the system is to navigate and it was refreshing to see someone address this. But the more I read about her 'story', given what I knew of her, the more my eyebrow raised (I've not had Botox). Seeing the twitter masses fawn over her made me have to unfollow but I can't ever criticise publicly because it seems petty.

I think there's always a grain of truth in what she says but she definitely lives in fantasy land. I sadly suspect she's not very well again at the moment, so don't like when I see people actively be mean to her but my god do I wish she would take a twitter break!!!

 

[Emmapism]

If abstaining from drink means I'm getting those lips then pass me the fucking Chianti lads

 

[ScouseGobsheet]

Is this a joke???

View attachment 1491000

Tommy Lee: Imma show y’all the biggest dick on social media today!

Ralf Little: hold my beer

 

[moaningmyrtle24]

Your perspective is really interesting. Do you recognise much of the person you knew growing up in her current persona on Twitter?

She was always a bit chaotic, quite up and down in her moods, but I remember her being a lot more fun! Had a great laugh. Sadly seems to be very angry and bitter now...

I don't live in Southend anymore but my family do. My sibling actually worked for a charity who helped set her and boy up in a flat and provide furniture etc they never received any thanks since she's become famous, no acknowledgement or suggestion to others to access this service...

 

[Django]

But. But. Poor people can't afford to buy in bulk?
#vimesbootsindex

But Jack could in 2017

 

[Veronicaaa]

She's seeking out anyone who didn't react to her BBC breakfast appearance with sufficient awe.

View attachment 1491043

View attachment 1491044

Please note that she's replying to them on a BBC tweet which hasn't even tagged her. Like, she's gone onto that tweet to seek out criticism. And is replying to them via the BBC Breakfast account. Very professional.